Totally Torah: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers.

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“The Holy Bible: more than just a mediocre Manic Street Preachers album, it seems ”

~ Billy Graham on Rock music.

“The best three for one offer since My Father, Myself and My Holy Ghost”

~ Jesus on The publishing of 'Totally Torah : Exodus,Leviticus and Numbers'.
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Exodus[edit | edit source]

• Israelites take leisurely Egyptian break despite incomplete pyramid resort.

Pharaoh adopts strict one-child-policy.

Dingo-abducted baby mysteriously found in River Nile.

Moses was lucky to escape the attack of the Egyptian octopus corps.
God's ire was placated when the Israelites created a display-case in which to show his carvings.

Moses shoots passer-by in mall-rampage.

• Hides out at desert safe-house.

Crack-binge causes hallucinations of burning bushes and land flowing with milk and honey.

• Pharaoh rejects unionised labour on new pyramid project.

Moses becomes shop-steward, begins campaign of direct action.

Union-violence condemned following death of Egyptian first-born.

• Israelites flee.

• Egyptian army fail to learn lessons from life-guard training.

• Israelites enjoy protracted team-building exercise in Sinai Desert.

God gives Israelites deeds to Canaan along with 10-point instruction manual.

• Israelites take unhealthy interest in Livestock.

• Angry God placated with ornate gift box in which to keep His handicrafts.

Vulture chick meat is tender but still forbidden.

Leviticus.[edit | edit source]

• Protracted negotiations on lease of Canaan.

• Aaron and sons anointed priests. Sons die after playing with matches.

• Don’t eat pigs; oysters dodgy; best avoid vultures.

• No incest, not even between steprelatives, and, at all costs, NO being gay!!!!

Numbers[edit | edit source]

Insert Ass joke here.

• Israelites back out of attack on Canaanites, opting for a forty year camping trip in Sinai.

• Bored, angry God sends plague, seems surprised when people lose faith.

• Moses’ conjuring tricks distract the unfaithful.

• Conquest of Canaan proves to be little more than talking out of Balaam's ass.

• Local hookers induce Israelite men into playing Baal.

Coup d'etat places Joshua at head of military junta.

Bonus Track.[edit | edit source]

Deuteronomy Doo-wop.

See Also[edit | edit source]

Totally Torah: Genesis