Duckism
“Yeah they're a little strange if you know what I mean, dog.”
“I think Duckism is better sexism.”
“I pray to thee divine duck of life, thou saveth me from the wrath of the black swan of death. You Rock!!!”
Duckism, the original religion of the duck. Founded by Donald Duck in Ducksberg, Duckistan, 100 AD (Anno Duck). To show their faith, devout Duckists have duck feet attached to their necks, akin to the Christians and the cross of some dead dude (Jebus?). Eating duck meat is seen as a sin punishable by having your sexual organs reshaped into the shape of a duck (the duck's name is Phil), and later to be devoured by an enraged black swan. It is mostly unknown that this swan has a full-time job as a teacher in Norrington High School. The school's kids describe him as someone you don't make mad. The religion was attacked in 1672 by Robot Nazis, sparking of The Great Duck War (1762-1765). Duckism was winning in the war until the Battle of the Refugees in 1675, which weakened them so much that it allowed the Robot Nazis to almost completely destroy the faith. a current member of the duckism society is duck yim dont eat ducks they have aids Holy days include the Festival of the Duck (a simple party honouring the duck), and Duckmas (Or "give a Duck a hand-job day" as it is called in some cultures). Both these celebrations happen once a year at random intervals and times. The person who guesses which day it will be in the annual Duckism pool at the local Duckism church receives the highest honor - a free duck!!!(big suprise). The record of this is that of Frank Johnson, who won it 12 years in a row during the creation of the Church of Duck. Sadly, Frank was murdered while in a refugee camp for Duckists by fundamentalists from The Church of Duck in 1765. There is now a small celebration for him every year too.
Names[edit | edit source]
Duckists who have become truly devoted to the church must change their names. Those who have been in the Church of the Holy Duck for one year are called The Roasted. Example: Bill Roasted. After five years they change their last name to "Duck". Example: Bill Duck. And after ten years they change their names to "Beaverbrook". Example: Bill Beaverbrook. No one has asked why yet.
Problems[edit | edit source]
The Duckists see the Chinese as their arch-nemesis, mostly due to the compulsive eating of the sacred "Peking Duck". Extremist-Duckists, including the famous Seán Fearon, tend to throw explosive ducks at infidels and Chinese. This has led to a somewhat less than successful Duckists church in China.
Duckists also have a terrible fear of Justin Timberlake songs, and advocate shooting him. This has led to vastly increased membership.
Historicaly sub-factions of Duckisim have caused much friction within the religion. The 'Holy Order of the Mauve Duck' and the 'Holy Order of the Purple Mallard' are know to have spent as much time fighting each other during the Crusades as they did spreading the tennets of Duckisim.
Duckism Today[edit | edit source]
For a while Duckism only existed on the remote island of Kragen, and in a 2006 census only had 67 believers. While during the early 1700s it was the largest faith in the world, the crushing defeat at The Battle of the Refugees (1765), resulting in their losing of The Great Duck War (1762-1765), allowed the Robot Nazis to virtually destroy their faith. Today though, Duckism is slowly growing: while in the 2000 census their were only 45 believers, this is now at 65, showing that this is a religion that has been revived and is now growing.
In January 2007 though, a rebellion was lead by the Duckists against the Church of Duck, lead by Duckist extremist and fundamentalist Seán Fearon, in Ballyduck, South Armagh, Ireland, increasing the Duckist population to an amazing 5000!
To read a news report on the Ballyduck rebellion, please follow this link: