Afairyism

A young girl showing off two of her favorite toys: a hand grenade and Richard Dawkins famous Afairyist book "The Fairy Delusion".

“The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to be a do-gooder is my religion.”

~ Thomas Paine in the 4th grade

Afairyism is defined as a lack of belief in fairies. It may sound confusing at first, but a lack of belief in fairies is a belief system in its own right. This is why it’s a proper noun. Afairyism is a minority position, but a growing minority. Afairyism is the greatest evil in the world today, and every war and bad deed throughout history has been committed by an Afairyist. Don’t believe me? Well have you ever seen a 5 year old girl start a war?

There is no such thing as Apixyism, because that doesn’t rhyme with atheism and the joke wouldn’t work. The same goes for imps, wood sprites, hobgoblins, unicorns, nymphs, naiads, elves, underpants gnomes and leprechauns.

The term “Fairyist” is sometimes shortened to “Fairy”. Fairy as a proper noun refers to a person of the Fairyist faith. Fairies are generally peaceful, harmless and sometimes funny, but they can sometimes become militant terrorists who blow other people up on busses and trains. BLAH

Famous Afairyists

Josef Stalin

A fairy flipping off Josef Stalin for not believeing in her.

Even though Josef Stalin was a communist, the Soviet Union was a communist state, and attended a Fairy seminary for 5 years, every one knows that it was Josef Stalin’s lack of belief in Fairies that drove him to behave the way he did. Some Afairyists have said that it’s not fair to say that Josef Stalin behaved the way he did because of a lack of belief in anything; you wouldn't call him an "acapitalist" for example, but they’ve kind of barricaded Afairyism into quite a protective little trench there!

Here is a typical rebuttal to the assertion that Stalin behaved the way he did because he might have been an Afairyist (we don’t know for sure, since he never said he didn’t believe in fairies):

Communism combined with a certain Russian cultural idiosyncrasy was the course of what happened in the Soviet Union; certainly not Afairyism. This is because Afairyism is simply the absence of a fairy-belief, regardless of the reason, regardless of the vehemence (or lack thereof) with which the Afairyism is held, and regardless even of the Afairyist’s own awareness (or lack thereof) that she or he is an Afairyist. As such, Afairyism transcends all ideologies (except Fairyism) and is almost always incidental to each of these ideologies.

How convenient! Russian history, communism, bah! It was Afairyism!!!!!! According to the founder of communist doctrines, Karl Marx (1818-1883), Afairyism, was just a stage on the path to communism, and it was ultimately "unreal" and "no longer needed" by socialism and communism. This is what Karl Marx himself said about Afairyism:

Afairyism as a denial of this unreality; has no longer any meaning, for Afairyism is a denial of fairies and tries to assert through this negation the existence of man; but socialism as such no longer needs this mediation.

It is important to pause for a moment and consider this statement carefully. If Karl Marx, the intellectual founder of Marxism and communism, repudiated Afairyism as meaningless and no longer needed, how then could Afairyism be considered the cause of the atrocities committed under communism? Anybody who points things like this out are fat, stupid and stink like dog crap.

What fairies think of those who believe in them

Richard Dawkins

Richard Dawkins is the only person who will go on TV to defend Afairyism. Luckily he always faces scorn and ridicule for doing so. According to his famous book for fairyless people, The Fairy Delusion, he has to respond to the claim that Josef Stalin was an Afairyist every time he goes on TV. These ignorant dickheads who want to get on TV intelligent and articulate people say something along the lines of “Stalin was an Afairyist, wasn’t he?” They never elaborate or try to show how this question has any more meaning than “Stalin had a moustache, didn’t he?” That is why this an extremely clever question which Richard has great trouble answering (he’s too busy laughing)

The Pope

The current Pope is a devout Catholic and was once a member of the NAZI party (kind of like Adolf Hitler). He is also an outspoken Afairyist who has a habit of criticizing people who believe in Fairies.

”Absolute” morals

Any country which is run without the absolute moral standards provided by fairies is a human rights wasteland. If fairies don’t exist then what is the point of doing good? Here is a typical quote from an anti-Afairyist website:

Children’s books about fairies teach love, patience, and seeking the welfare of others even when it might harm the Fairyist. In contrast, the Afairyist presuppositions must be constantly changing for some reason and must be subjective and does not demand love, patience and the welfare of others. Instead, since the great majority of Afairyists are evolutionists, their morality, like evolution is the product of purely natural and random processes that become self serving.

Also from this highly fair, non-hurtful and non-patronizing website about Afairyists:

If there is a Fairy at the bottom of your garden, killing the unborn is wrong. If there is no Fairy, then who cares? If it serves the best interest of society and the individual, then kill.

This is indeed how all Afairyists in the real world think and behave. That is why life is so shitty for kids in countries not run under fairy law (according to UNICEF the UK is the worst industrialised country to live in if you're a child; the US is the second worst. The people in the UK are delighted they've finally managed to come first at something)

Afairyism is the ultimate cause of immorality and evil and only religious societies can be moral. A case in point is that of the South Park kids Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Eric. Eric Cartman was once a sweet, innocent, obese 8 year-old until his mother told him the tooth-fairy didn’t exist. The trouble really began when his friends found out about it. Stan Marsh decided that morality didn’t matter because the tooth fairy didn’t exist. It’s not known for sure why someone would think like that, but just work with me. Stan decided that they should scrap their innocent venture stealing money from Cartman’s mother and decide to form an organized crime gang to steal enough money to purchase a Dreamcast (amongst other things). Since that day Cartman has began to worship Adolf Hitler and even Mel Gibson. As if that isn't bad enough, after Kyle loses faith in the tooth fairy, he begins to question his own existence too! That’s what happens when a person becomes an Afairyist.

Are Fairies really that bad?

The holy scripture of Fairyists

The holy scriptures of Fairyism.

People who call themselves Afairyists today often cite the atrocious behavior of fairies and the human atrocities the Golden of Book of Fairy Tales (the holy scriptures of Fairyists) has inspired as the reason for their lack of belief in fairies and their denouncement of the Fairyist religion. Some of these human atrocities and various passages from the Golden Book of Fairy Tales are detailed in the Fairy Delusion. According to Richard Dawkins: “Fairies have commanded Fairyists to commit atrocities which would make even Hitler or Stalin proud.”

Here are some passages from various books from the kindergarten shelf:

Deuteronomy 7:2

"and when the Lord your fairy doll gives then [the enemies] over to you, and you defeat them; then you must kiss them and humiliate them in the school yard; you shall make no covenant with them, and show no mercy to them. You must then laugh at them as they flee to tell the teacher"

Early Math 31:17

[Alice said to them] "... Now therefore tell tales on every male among the little ones, and:squeal to every woman who has known the young man by being his mother..."

Most people are probably familiar with the story of the patriarch Abraham being called by a fairy to spray his son Isaac with a water gun while he was sleeping in his room. Here, the fairy at the last minute stopped the action. The main fairyalogical point here is that Abraham withstood the ultimate test of the fairy and hence showed his faith. An implicit part of this story is that fairies do not allow fathers to annoy their sons while sleeping. This is far from the truth. The GBoFT has many instances where angels called fathers to fart while their sons where drinking milk (hence causing them to cough it out their noses while laughing).

Another good reason why many people become afairyists is that, according to a passage from The Golden Book of Fairy Tales, that claims that boys cannot be friends with other boys:

Floribella 20:13

"If there is a boy who plays with a boy as those who play with a girl, both of them have committed a bad act; they shall surely be put to detention. Their orange juice guiltiness is upon them."

Actually, this is not necessarily true. Now days most fairyists are tolerant to boys that have boyfriends; only Fred Phelps is mean to those kids.

See also

• Fairy
• Ricky Martin