Confession

Whoops, maybe you were looking for Confession (Catholicism)?

---

A typical opening gambit in a 'to the death' game of Confession.

Confession has been described as the most fiendishly complex board game ever devised.

It is thought to have originated in Central America circa 1000AD, and is believed to have directly led to the downfall of the Aztec civilisation, and also to be the inspiration for the theme tune to 'The Flintstones'.

Players are advised to have completed a Last Will & Testament before even looking at the instructions on the box.

How to Play

For between 3 and 67 players:

• Each player receives 17 Confession Tablets, a pair of dice, two sink plungers, and a small monkey for delivering sealed bids to the PlayMaster.
• The players then discard each third tablet, which are all piled in the centre of the PlayTable, and set on fire.
• Vole-Clenching tactics must then be discussed between diagonally opposite teams, using Navy semaphore lamps. Each team's semaphore language must be indistinguishable from the lyrics of a randomly chosen Maurice Chevalier song.

Note: At this point any remaining rope-scales MUST be entangled symbolically before an image of the Assistant PlayMaster, and broadcast on the local TV channel.

• Third Bogies are swapped, and first badgers are bid.
• If the first badger is less than 22, the leading player of each team must declare 'Pixie', and pass his / her fourth tablet to the least interesting player's blue section.

First Break is now instigated. All players must be sealed in wooden sheds for two days, and released when play recommences.

• As the positional bids have now been revoked, the game can properly commence with the first sealed bids.
• Opening gambits are only used if one of the team is left-handed, otherwise 'Queen Oprah' rules apply.
• The players now swap the 'scatter pieces', and roll the dice.
• If the dice value is less than trump, no-gambit bidding will once again be written on the score-pegs, in Braille.
• The PlayMaster gathers the score-pegs, calculates the total value (less spillage) and declares the winner.

• As the winner is being weighed to discourage cheating, all the remaining players are slaughtered.

• Game Two can then commence.

See Also

• Dice
• Hungry Hungry Oprahs
• Tic-Tac-Toe
• World War II