Oh my god! You're going to hell!

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Don't do that, <insert name here>. No, really, don't. I'm not kidding you here. What you're about to do is REALLY evil. It's so bad it's not even one of the Seven Deadly Sins. It's the One Great Sin. Please. Just listen to me. Don't do it. I'm telling you, don't.

Think of your immortal soul. You don't have one? But of course you do. How else are you living and thinking? Without a soul you are dead (or, of course, non-existent). But seriously. You may not suffer for it in this life - although if I can resurrect the Spanish Inquisition I will - but I promise you seriously that you will in the next. Do you really want your soul to be burned and sodomised for all eternity? Really? If you don't, don't do what you're about to do.

I'm begging you now. I couldn't live with myself if I knew I'd just stood by and let you do this. Do you really want me to commit suicide and damn my immortal soul too? Do you? Please - I've been your friend for years now. Don't do it, <insert name here> for every laugh we've shared. Yes, of course we have. Remember the turkey? Of course that was funny. I laughed for weeks. I mean 'because it was the chicken's day off'? Hilarious! Who would ever have thought it?

Seriously now, <insert name here>, don't do it. You know what you're doing, don't you? Are you sure? Because I don't think you do. I think that you're possessed. You can break free. Come on, just throw that pesky little demon out of your head. There's plenty of room to swing it, after all (oops, I didn't say that)

I've got your own good in mind. Listen to me, and you can have paradise for eternity. Don't do it, really, don't. You're putting yourself in the most danger you've not followed, <insert name here>. And you had been a not-so-sweet kid called <insert name here>. And you will not do that--

OH MY GOD! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!