McJesus

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for McDonald's?

....and on the third day He reheated the burgers and no one didst know.

“Salvation, forgiveness of sins, and fries, to go.....”

~ Noel Coward on McJesus

“OVER NINE THOUSAND!!! (million served)”

~ Vegeta on McJesus

“The Father, The Son, And the Happy Meal”

~ Pope Whatshisname

“Making Child Molestation Easier”

~ Michael Jackson

McJesus is a character created circa 4 BC, an advertising mascot to promote God's chain of churches. Depicted as a smiling, friendly messiah in a village of Bible-related characters, He appears in many vignettes creating a safe, pleasant fantasy for Christians. The highly successful advertising campaign continues to draw in millions and millions of Christians to purchase God's famous Happy Eucharist.

Supply-side Jesus at a McJesus restaurant with His business partners

One of McJesus' many happy customers

Many of the churches are decorated with a life-size statue of McJesus holding out His hand to greet customers at the entrance, and Christians love to shake hands with Him. Sometimes the figure is sitting on a bench, allowing Christians to sit next to Him or on His lap.

Lamb o'God

In television commercials, the messiah inhabits a fantasy world called Godland, and has adventures with His friends Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. In recent years the somewhat "religious" Godland has been largely phased out, and McJesus is instead shown interacting with normal kids in their everyday lives.

Several people work full-time making appearances in the McJesus costume, visiting Christians in hospitals. There are also McJesus Houses, where Christians can stay overnight when visiting sick Christians in nearby chronic care facilities.

McJesus is also officially the "Chief Happiness Officer" of God's Corporation, Microsaved.

Origin and history

The original character and design of McJesus, including facial design and costume (featuring "Bible-bag pockets" and "Bible-tray hat"), were created by Joseph and Mary McChrist. A professional messiah, first portrayed the character for a hired performance at a Bethlehem McJesus Family Restaurant. The performer was subsequently legally enjoined from performing as, or exhibiting the likeness of, the character in any form.

Ronald McJesus

Ronald McJesus is the face of the McJesus corporation. With His flamboyant hair and His red Ferrari, He makes every boy and girl cry until their parents buy them a McHoly (Double Cheese Burger with Holy Transfatless Fries and Jesus Juice). Ronald is the idol of many kids around the world. He is the son of McChrist and the head of the McJesus Department of Nonsense.

According to God's website- (www.mcchristus.va) :

God does not mention the McChrist’s or claim that the original McJesus "created McJesus" in their statement:

"The smile known around the world," McJesus is second only to Al Gore in terms of recognition. In His first TV appearance (and anyone else’s), the happy messiah was portrayed by none other than…"

Trivia

A McJesus restaurant about to be created

• In spring 2006, following the success of America's Army, a now shelved McJesus video game was under development. Trying to alleviate the negative brand image of the movie “The Mc Vinci Code”, the game featured the famous messiah teaching kids “The Mc Vinci Code” was full of shit.
• McJesus is never seen promoting God's salads, as the salads are targeted at Hindus. One might also consider the immense investment value of a McJesus restaurant… being that it traditionally only takes a few Big Macs and Fries to feed thousands.
• McJesus has led to over 9000 lives to be ended for not following the "guidelines" of Christianity.
• McJesus is a major supporter of Jihad.

Footnote

Make a movie out of this Mel Gibbson!!!

See Also

  The Fast Food Conglomerate of McDonald's ©®

† The Holy Family of the Jesii †

The Sacred Host of Major Jesii Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, it's probably Original Jesus. Main Jesii Original Jesus: Hey, hey, hey, it's the Jee Man himself! Original Jesus's Crackhead Twin Half-Brother: Jebus Evil Jesus: Like the Antichrist, but worse. ¿Qué?: Jesús Jesus Christ Sponge: Purge sin and clean your dishes! Don't care if it rains or freezes? You need Plastic Jesus Placebo Jesus : Will never lift a finger for you, no matter what you believe! Your own: Personal Jesus Jesus Hasselhoff: He's everywhere! Jesus' very own Homeland: Jesusland Canadian Jesus: The Second Coming! Not To Be Confused With Super-Gay Jesus: Gay Jesus MicroJesus: A teeny, tiny Jesus that forgives all of your teeny, tiny sins. Jesus saves (leftovers): Jesusware Jesus was Christian, NOT Jewish: Enough said. But what If Jesus had lived in America? The So-So Company of Other Jesii Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Jesus. Monster Jesii Jesusaurus Rex: The tyrant Jesus...lizard Save yourself from Werejesus! Raptor Jesus: Nazareth Park is frightening in the dark And they said Jesus rode on a Mule...Nyah!:Llama Jesus Attack of the 500 foot Jesus: New York, watch out! This Jesus loves your brains...: Zombie Jesus Munchie Jesii Jam Jesus: With a name like 'Jam Jesus', it has to be good. Savour the Saviour: Cheese Jesus Jesus Juice: An Energy Drink...IT'S GOT ELECTROLYTES! A stick the whole family can enjoy!: Sweet Jesus on a Stick! The Abandoned Hallway of Unwanted Jesii Pity them, and feed them table scraps. If you are still confused about which one you want... then you're fucking retarded, bitch! Bad Jesii Atheist Jesus: You won't believe his disbelief... French Jesus: Djesus Piss Christ: Ewww! You crack my back, I'll crack yours: Chiropractor Jesus Communist Jesus: In Soviet Russia, Jesus dies for YOU! Pestering your grandpa's social media: AI Jesus Republican Jesus: Has a "W" sticker on his SUV And for anyone we've missed out on: Society of Jesus The Sacred Host of Minor Jesii Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want to know to know it is it is yes, babs, it's probably Original Jesus. Funny Jesii Prehistoric Jesus: The find of the century. Pictorial retrospective of the Life and Times of: Lorem Ipsum Jesus Hide and Go Jesus: The hardest one to find Raise one family and you will be a believer: Pet Jesus Sweet smoking Jesus: What would Jesus smoke? Try our new McWine(TM)!: McJesus Musical Jesii Disco Jesus: Knows how to love you The Jewish Rap Sensation: MC Jesus Rockstar Jesus: Singer and Songwriter Sabbath Night Fever: The Bee-Jesus Twisted Jesii Jesus 1.5a: An alpha prototype Christ. Blue in hue and bereft of beard too: Bizarro Jesus Jesus Christ - Alcoholic: He drank too much wine at the last supper. Semi-Jesus anthropormorphic personification: Messiah Jesus Marx: Illegal Commie Clone He's blonde, cultish, and "not" a Nazi: Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Pseudo-Jesii Stephen Colbert: Smiting Bears for in God's name Patron Jesus of Crocodiles: Steve Irwin Kyle Broflovski: The Passion of the Jew He screams! He sells! His head EXPLODES! BILLY MAYS Jesus LaBrie: That one in that band...Nightmare Cinema or something. Exiled from Babylon: Rasta Jesus Accordion Jesus: Saves you from pop music. Something musical: The Artist Formerly Known As Jesus Jihad Jesus: جهاد عيسي Jesus was a brutha: Black Jesus If you are still unsatisfied with these Jesii, you can always check out even... More Jesii