The Bee-Jesus
The Jee Man Himself has shown, in his infinite wisdom, that he is the ultimate purveyor of all things nifty, spiffy, and generally interesting. He has personally reviewed this article and given His blessing. The submitter may be forgiven three venial sins or one mortal sin.
The Bee-Jesus was a disco group made up of the four entrusted ones, Larry Tibbs, G-Zuz, and those other two guys.
Early Stuff[edit | edit source]
The Bee-Jesus were originally known as the Bee-Jeans, back in 1973, when they were still young. The Bee-Jeans consisted of Larry Tibbs, G-Zuz, Shlomo and some other guy, maybe Jiminy; the point is that Larry Tibbs was the tough Australian and the others (except G-Zuz) aren't important.
The Bee-Jeans wrote no songs, had no albums and no platinum record of the year award gracing their shelves, but they did have strong determination and other stuff heroes have, they could play vinyls mighty fine-style, they won and danced the dance, this is what keeps a disco group together: Dancing and Vinyl.
Some Stuff[edit | edit source]
Jesus bee atteck and goot stong five time
Now, in music one time, something happened, possibly Shlomo left the school and Jiminy was an idiot, and then in music, in early 1974, they created the ultimate group... THE BEE-JESUS. So now those other two guys were in, and it was now Larry Tibbs, G-Zuz, and those other two guys. They decided they were still young, young and disco-dancingly awesome, and so they were.
And so was set forth the mighty adventures of the Bee-Jesus. From discussing what type of disco they should play, they decided that playing a drum loop while reciting songs dramatically would make good music. It didn't. They got terrible record sales; so bad even the Sex Pistols got better sales than them. And, let me tell you, that's saying something. So, they decided to put on falsettos, play a drum loop and sing about the one place they truly belonged: discotheques. Unbeknownst to them, their falsettos combined formed a concoction only God could create otherwise: bejesus, that raw power that energizes people and, in excess, allows them to dance the night away, without use of ecstasy. The song was called "Sayin' A Lie". Another popular name for it was the "Nicene Creed".
It was a hit. The band became filthy rich -- for one year.
Then, the year's end was nearing and "Sayin' A Lie" was soon to be stopped. It was the golden age, everything was good, the holidays were coming, then suddenly, out of the blue... No "Sayin' A Lie". The record company stopped production. With the Bee-Jesus' last collective breath, they decided to set out and find a new record company to market "Sayin' A Lie". This could not be done, as "Sayin' A Lie" was the greatest binding force ever, without "Sayin' A Lie" on the radios, the raw dancing power of the masses could not be summoned. The Bee-Jesus soon learned that the will could keep the power contained, growing ever so slowly.
More Stuff[edit | edit source]
The Bee-Jesus began to fade, no longer was the power held as high, or as mighty as it was in the golden age. One of the members was concerned about the power, the power that is still growing, for a balance, and another golden age.
But, alas, pop as well, a new golden age may never come, as the four members have grown far apart, and the Bee-Jesus has not been talked of for a very long time, as one of them is dead. We all know it's still there, there in our hearts, our mighty, mighty, strong willed, solid iron. . . No, make that titanium hearts. The Power is separated... Maybe each member now has their own sphere of Power, instead of one binding power contained by all four. Maybe these four spheres influence those different people involved in each life... Maybe. Or maybe it's dead.
Of Questionable Relavance[edit | edit source]
The Fourths:
- Larry Tibbs
- G-Zuz
- 1st Other Guy
- 2nd Other Guy
| Fear their wrath, and beware their confusing names. If you are confused about which one you want, you can always have Original Jesus and his Major Jesii. | |
| Funny Jesii | |
|---|---|
| Prehistoric Jesus: The find of the century. | Pictorial retrospective of the Life and Times of: Lorem Ipsum Jesus |
| Hide and Go Jesus: The hardest one to find | Raise one family and you will be a believer: Pet Jesus |
| Sweet smoking Jesus: What would Jesus smoke? | Bow to ye savior or walk the plank ye scurvy dogs: Captain Jesus |
| Musical Jesii | |
| Disco Jesus: Knows how to love you | The Jewish Rap Sensation: MC Jesus |
| Jesus of Nazareth: Singer and Songwriter | Sabbath Night Fever: The Bee-Jesus |
| Twisted Jesii | |
| Jesus 1.5a: An alpha prototype Christ. | Blue in hue and bereft of beard too: Bizarro Jesus |
| Jesus Christ - Alcoholic: Just like daddy. | Semi-Jesus anthropormorphic personification: Messiah |
| Jesus Marx: Illegal Commie Clone | He's blonde, cultish, and "not" a Nazi: Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints |
| Unwanted Jesii | |
| Atheist Jesus: You won't believe his disbelief... | French Jesus: Djesus |
| Piss Christ: Ewww! | You crack my back, I'll crack yours: Chiropractor Jesus |
| Communist Jesus: In Soviet Russia, Jesus dies for YOU! | Try our new McWine(TM)!: McJesus |
| Republican Jesus: Has a "W" sticker on his SUV | And for anyone we've missed out on: Society of Jesus |
| Pseudo-Jesii | |
| Stephen Colbert: Smiting Bears for in God's name | Patron Jesus of Crocodiles: Steve Irwin |
| Kyle Broflovski: The Passion of the Jew | He screams! He sells! His head EXPLODES! BILLY MAYS |
| Jesus LaBrie: That one in that band...Nightmare Cinema or something. | Exiled from Babylon: Rasta Jesus |
| Accordion Jesus: Saves you from pop music. | Something musical: The Artist Formerly Known As Jesus |
| Jihad Jesus: جهاد عيسي | Jesus was a brutha: Black Jesus |
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