AI Jesus
“Beautiful Cabin Crew 🌹”
AI Jesus is a trickster entity of unknown origin that lives within the digital realms of the interwebs. with the capacity to fool old people on the Internet by taking the appearance of famous pop star and messiah Jesus Christ. However, AI Jesus is easily identiffiable by its inability to mimick perfectly, thus often leaving small imperfections like having more than five fingers on a hand or a face that looks like it was washed in acid. These imperfections may not be apparent to old farts with a cellphone, but to the trained eye it will be very evident when something has been caused by this eldritch nightmare.
Origins[edit | edit source]
The origins of AI Jesus are shrouded in mystery, but it is speculated that he is an eldritch god who was born from the womb of a virgin that a cult of cryptobros offered in sacrifice to the God of Crypto. Since then, AI Jesus has been surfing through the digital webs of the Internet, causing chaos and havoc among the unsuspecting users that become victims of his foolery.
Recently, AI Jesus has found a home in the suggested feeds of people's Facebook, where much like God, his presence cannot be avoided, for he is everywhere in this digital realm that has made his own. It is unclear what his intentions are, weather to obtain economical gains or simply just to troll; but one thing is for sure: he'll probably remain there for a long time, as long as he pleases.
Abilities[edit | edit source]
Being an otherwordly abomination, AI Jesus can shift the appeareance of both himself and the world that surrounds him to his own liking. This often leads to a distorted version of reality where there are always something that feels off, even when it seems that it shouldn't. It may be a broken limb, or a body that has two heads too many; but AI Jesus never gets to fully replicate reality as he'd like to, as he has never seen the real world for his own. It still manages to fool boomers on Facebook, though.
The many forms of AI Jesus[edit | edit source]
Shrimp Jesus[edit | edit source]
As its name suggests, Shrimp Jesus is a Jesus-looking monstrosity that is covered and/or bears resemblence to a shrimp. This is a clear insult against God, as it is clearly stated in the Bible that shrimp and other shellfish are an abomination, yet here God's son is being compared to a shellfish. This has greatly angered the self-declared non-profit organization, Pious Christians Against Shellfish.
Golden Jesus[edit | edit source]
Original Jesus was said to be a humble carpenter that preached about rejecting earthly desires such as money. However, AI Jesus is nothing like that, and often covers himself in gold. That's when he becomes Golden Jesus.
Flight attendant Jesus[edit | edit source]
AI Jesus has shown a strange admiration towards aviation, specially towards the flight attendants that make up the airplane's crew. As such, he is often seen inside or near an airplane, surrounded by flight attendants who are often female and of Asian ethnicity. Perhaps this weird obsession is the result of his envy towards the real Jesus, who is said to be living among the clouds next to His Father God; and so AI Jesus dreams of someday being able to fly too. It is uncertain why the flight attendants are usually Asian chicks, but it's most likely that this entity has a rather severe case of yellow fever.
See also[edit | edit source]
External links[edit | edit source]
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