Neon Genesis Evangelion

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Neon Genesis Evangelion's production was a long and troublesome process, leading to some desperate and rushed measures once the animation studio ran out of its budget. Critics were quick to point out the subtle similarities between the promotional posters of Evangelion and Hayao Miyazaki's classic 1988 film My Neighbor Totoro is a Convicted Serial Killer in Rehabilitation, accusing the studio of merely gluing the Evangelion-logo over existing Totoro-posters. Critics were quickly convinced to re-evaluate their claims by the animation studio's sub-division of Yakuza members.

Neon Genesis Evangelion (Greek: Νέον Γένεσι Ευαγγελίου, lit. “The New Gospel As Inspired by Genesis”) is a Japanese anime adaptation of the New Testament, particularly focusing on the lesser-known chapters of the Bible in which Jesus Christ reincarnates in 21st century Japan. The series was produced in the '90s as an attempt to brainwash a generation raised on Sailor Moon and MTV into Christianity, mixing into the mythos poorly aged pop culture references, beginner-friendly philosophy, sexy robot fights and a highly confusing sci-fi narrative that has kept theologians around the world scratching their heads over its supposed canonical relation to the Christian belief system.

Generally viewed as pretentious nonsense, Evangelion enjoys a sort of niche cult following among insufferable pseudo-intellectuals, new age lunatics and Alex Jones fans[1]. The series' mainstream publicity can be largely attributed to the absolute 'bop' that the theme song of the series is[2], it practically being the only reason why the series has been able to spawn its several movie sequels and the copious amounts of cheap licensed merchandise that range everywhere from shaving razors to a brand of automobile killer robots. The relative success of Evangelion has contributed majorly to the anime industry's growth and to the long list of reasons on why fans of any Japanese media deserve to get bullied - no exceptions.

Background[edit | edit source]

Neon Genesis Evangelion's development began on one fateful late-summer evening in downtown Tokyo, where the aspiring writer-director Hideaki Anno had ventured in to spend a night out with his colleagues. The night went very averagely until, without warning, one of Anno's friends suddenly morphed into an octahedral prism of blue glass and killed everyone present at the bar with ear-piercing ultrasonic waves. The deeply traumatized Anno interpreted this as a some sort of divine epiphany and turned to his local Christian monastery and the Bible for guidance, not knowing that his drink had merely been spiked with psychoactive drugs as a practical joke. Regardless, Anno could never make it past page 5 of the Bible simply due to how boring it was, but he intended on portraying his own vision on the Abrahamic religion as an animated television series anyway.

Evangelion was not only the first Christian anime series, but also the first ever anime series in Japan's history to present an actual story line. This was highly controversial, as the industry had so-far solely focused their efforts on producing anime for preschoolers, preferring flashy fight scenes and highly detailed portrayals of tentacle intercourse over even remotely thoughtful narratives. Majority of Evangelion's writing process consisted of stealing ideas directly from western dramas, with the script occasionally name-dropping some random philosophers and Latin words in an attempt to make the writers appear smart and cultured. Additionally, the writing staff incorporated some uniquely eastern elements into their adaptation of the western classic, such as the weird sexual paraphilias, the flashy fight scenes and the heavy usage of Japanese language.

The religious subtext of the show was portrayed rather discreetly through ambiguous symbolism, subliminal messages and overly long introspective monologues, often leaving the casual viewer merely confused rather than impressed or even religiously converted. This method of blurring the religious 'core' of the show while instead focusing on the generic anime tropes and bad sci-fi writing kept on increasing as the series went on, which got series director Hideaki Anno into several heated arguments with his Christian sponsors and investors who didn't quite share his genius artistic vision. But neither did the audience, as the ratings dropped in alarming rates with each new episode - an approximate of seven viewers tuned in only to listen to theme song of the series before switching the channel by episode 24.

Plot[edit | edit source]

Episodes 1 to 24[edit | edit source]

Evangelion is set in 2015 in the distant future, and is located in the fictional country of "Japan"; a secluded eastern island group rooted in - against all expectations and common misconceptions about eastern island groups - fundamental Catholic faith. The country has lived in relative peace and quiet for centuries, free from the sins of English-dubbed anime and polytheistic folk traditions - until one day all hell breaks loose. A group of 15 European protestants - referred to as "angels" throughout the series[3] - sneak through the Japan Coast Guard's intricate web of deadly laser traps and vampire pirate ninja cyborg assassins, successfully entering the mainland. A state of national emergency is issued immediately and the Japanese population - referred to as "the Japanese"[4] - are evacuated underground in order to prevent the prophetic cataclysm known as the "Third Impact"; the possible third occurrence in a series of culturally destructive events in Japan's history where-in the Japanese have come in direct contact with western heathens.

The 7th "angel", Raesiphel. A distinctive story element in Evangelion was its way of presenting Europeans as some sort of evil shape-shifting gargantuan entities, which, well, they actually are.

As Japan turns into a war zone, an entirely new line of weaponry is set in development to hunt down and exterminate the foreigners with - the EVA units; huge 300-feet tall exoskeletons that are supplied with the destructive capacity of a million Hiroshima bombings and exteriors reminiscent of cheap bootleg Gundams. The EVA engineers utilize the overworked and exploited lower class population the latest advancements in ecologically sustainable technology, enabling the machines to run on the actual life force of the pilots themselves. Test pilots of the first EVA prototypes report feelings of numbness and dissociation, amnesia, temporary physical paralyses, suicidal thoughts, insatiable cravings for orange juice and ever-increasing urges to participate in long-winded philosophical monologues about nothing in particular. After some careful analysis and accidental disposal of the test results the prototypes are deemed as a great success, and so the EVAs are set into mass-production.

Joining the EVA pilot team are the titular main protagonist of the series, Evan Gelion (also known as Shinji Ikari in some incorrectly dubbed versions); the German exchange student and BDSM-enthusiast Asuka Soryu Langley (also known as the "best girl" of the series); and the token "quiet and reserved character" of the series, Rei Ayanami (also known as the "trash girl" of the series). Together they fight the baddies and uncover the terrifying secrets behind the orange juice extract industry, all-the-while they explore their sexuality and discover their various incipient mental illnesses.

As the story progresses, it is revealed that a certain antagonist known as Gendo[5] is not only the biological father of Evan, but also the commander of the EVA unit forces, and that all of this was apparently explained in the first episode already. Regardless, Gendo is also a member of the secret society known as "SEEL", a sort of doomsday cult that deviously plans to turn all of humankind into seals. The exact details of their plans and motivations are quite unclear as it is all told through hazy dream sequences in completely backmasked dialogue - as if the Japanese language wasn't already impossible to comprehend. Regardless, tensions begin rising between the main characters as they attempt to deal with the ever-accelerating fate of the world and the constant long-winded philosophical monologues, right until..

Episodes 25 & 26[edit | edit source]

Both the concept art and the official "finished" footage from the original airing of the 25th episode, depicting God knows what.

“Oh yeah, I'm sure they'll like it.”

~ Hideaki Anno while writing episodes 25 & 26

...nothing happens. Disagreements over the artistic vision of the series led to the budget of the show being cut off halfway through the production, resulting in the rushed release of the infamous conclusive episodes which ditched all conventional storytelling structures and previously explored plot points in order to focus on the theistic angle of the show, something which the writers had completely forgotten about around three episodes into the series. Episodes 25 & 26 consist of unfinished animation and static images of series director Hideaki Anno jacking off to his own drawings, all the while voice actors and actresses from the show recite direct passages from the Bible in whispered hushes over the footage as a sort of artistic last resort. Suffice to say, nobody really got it.

Most broadcasting companies outright refused to air the episodes, believing that not even the 3 hardcore fans that were still reportedly following the show would deal with this crap. During Evangelion's American broadcasting the two episodes were completely ignored and instead substituted with reruns of King of the Hill episodes, which are still seen in certain circles as the canonical ending to Evangelion - some widely circulated bootleg copies of the show even included the King of the Hill episodes, which was for some Asian audiences their first exposure to American anime.

But the descent of Evangelion didn't just stop there.

End of Evangelion - The Evangelic Boogaloo[edit | edit source]

The cat from that one scene of The End of Evangelion, officially known as that one cat from that one scene of 'The End of Evangelion', is an enigmatic figure in the movie. While some official staff interviews state that the brief scene with it was just a part of random stock footage used to lengthen the movie's run-time, the Evangelion fandom has theorized that the scene is actually a deep symbolic representation of director Hideaki Anno's depression and self-hatred, who, in this scene, is possibly symbolically comparing himself to a "street sign which even cats would sit on". The cat, nicknamed Kantoku Annyan, is often depicted in various fan arts of the lewd kind.

Frustrated over the unfair treatment and the negative reception that Evangelion's finale received, director Hideaki Anno wasn't content with just leaving things as they were. Returning to his drawing desk, Anno swore to show the world the very definition of "artistic vision" and began working on a new alternate ending to the series, titled The End of Evangelion - an ending that would truly be the end of all endings (and evangelions).

The End of Evangelion finally hit the theaters in 1997 and provoked several major street riots by confused moviegoers. The film not only depicted the brutal deaths of every character from the show for absolutely no reason, but also majorly utilized real-life footage of the urban Tokyo scenery, showcasing various random street cats and close-ups of phone wires, which is presumably Anno's greatest fetish. The film concluded in an experimental 30-minute long one-shot take that Anno himself filmed from the window of the Nagoya-to-Tokyo-line bullet train, and while the scene did give some valuable insight to the Nagoya-to-Tokyo route and its scenery, it did once again very little to bring actual sensible closure to the series.

The film was extremely negatively received and was a huge commercial flop, making only an estimate of 150 million yen(¥), roughly the price of a cup of Starbucks coffee. Monetary issues were of little importance to Anno at that point however, as he had just birthed pure unfiltered art into the world and was happily satisfied with just that. Deeming his life now complete, Anno committed ritual suicide as his one last artistic statement. However, as Anno hadn't yet fulfilled the complete terms of his work contract, he was revived by Japan's leading medical professionals and dark magicians, and has ever since been imprisoned in a facility wherein he's forced to produce remakes, spin-offs and sequels to the series every couple of years. Notable entries in the so-called Rebuild of Evangelion franchise include a homoerotic softcore pink film titled Evangelion 6.9 - You Can (Not) Disagree That Shinji is Hawt AF, and an entry in the classic Godzilla-film series which pits the legendary big screen monster against not only the entire cast of Evangelion, but also against the various deities of Norse mythology.

Characters[edit | edit source]

In contrast to the latex bodysuits worn by the rest of cast, main protagonist Shinji Ikari's uniform (middle) is a typical maid-outfit, complete with knee-high socks, a short skirt and a chastity belt. This was intended to portray Shinji's withdrawn and submissive personality, an antithesis of the stereotypical male protagonist, and was not at all an idea fueled by the character designer's perversions.
This section covers only the characters with the most pornographic value. For the full list of characters, try Wikipedia or other sites dedicated to lame nerds.
  • Evan "Shinji Ikari" Gelion - The main protagonist of the series. Not much can be said of him, but neither does he say anything of much value in the series either. Evan whines, screams and whimpers his way throughout the series, while story elements and events just happen to revolve around him.
  • Asuka Soryu Langley - The chick with the red hair. Her main defining feature is the fact that her hair color is the polar opposite of Rei's, the blue-haired chick of the series.
  • Rei Ayanami - The chick with the blue hair. Her main defining feature is the fact that the color of her hair is blue as opposed to Asuka, the red-haired chick of the series.
  • Misato Katsuragi - The other chick with the blue hair. She's the captain of the EVA unit program and represents the sort of old-school faction of military personnel whose actions are mainly influenced by the amount of beer cans consumed. Her role in the story is questionable, but her drunken escapades in revealing clothes do serve the role of awakening the Oedipus complex in young viewers of the show.
  • Pen Pen - The actual mastermind behind all the evil plottings of the show. Throughout the series Pen Pen is depicted as an Antarctic pet penguin that resides inside Misato's fridge, until the very last episodes where he is revealed to be the secret spy of the United Nations and the 16th "angel" that has been hiding inside a penguin suit the whole time. His schemes of world domination come to an abrupt end when he trips on his own feet while trying to move in the suit, falling head first into a pool of orange juice and drowning.

The Impact[edit | edit source]

The Evangelion franchise has had its fair share of controversy and criticism, usually from those that lack the intellectual capacity required to truly understand Evangelion. Its status as the "first Christian anime series, like, ever" has been repeatedly challenged by critics and other know-it-alls who claim that series doesn't actually even depict anything remotely Christian, but actually mainly explores Jewish and Shintoist concepts. Regardless, the show is still shown in Asian schools as the primary studying material on world religions and is the basis of modern day Christianity in Japan.

Evangelion's thought-provoking content has been the topic of many intricate philosophical debates, although most of the online discussions seem to consist of drooling over the two underage heroines of the cast, Asuka Soryu Langley and Rei Ayanami. An average critical discussion of Evangelion usually revolves around questioning the sexuality of anyone who disagrees with one's opinion on who the hottest female character of the show is, which then goes back-and-forth for entire days. It is because of these debates that the series is seen mainly responsible for the general consensus on the gentlemen that the anime-community consists of.

The unexpected success of Evangelion's unconventional story structure and genre blending has led to an influx of similar genre-bending shows, shows that seem to promise one thing but end up offering something else entirely - similar to how politicians operate. This sub-genre of anime has come to be referred to as "deconstruction", which, surprisingly, has actually nothing to do with any construction or demolition-work themed anime series, such as Fullmetal Alchemist.

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. Alex Jones on Evangelion
  2. Just listen to that horn-section, man.
  3. But not quite in the biblical sense, but rather as an homage to the 2000 action-comedy classic Charlie's Angels.
  4. Possibly as a tribute to the 2003 romance drama Japanese story.
  5. 'Gendo' being an anagram of God...en.

See Also[edit | edit source]