THESE SACRED WORDS are the Holy Scripture of Zim Buddhism, and as such, it expected that you, dear reader, will show the same reverence towards this article as you would anything Bat Fuck Insane. Like all sacred texts, it is a deep and difficult journey, to undertake the study of Hyena blazing. It is said that for many, it cannot be comprehended in a lifetime.
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“Be sure to baste often, or it will dry out.”
“I was wasted.”
Hyena blazing (not correctly Gehenna) is animal of Нуаеnidae family, class of sinnereaters.
First, also unique, Hyena blazing was born as a result of unplanned interbreeding between three-heads housedog of Cthulhu Cerberus and too three-heads wild Russian Zmey Gorynich. It is still a question who was father and who was mother, because nobody did watch coitus of these comparatively unsafe animals.
By the way, there is theory in accordance with that hyena was born from only one head of Zmey Gorynich (that is similar to flame thrower) and two other heads did not take a part in debauch. Because of the absence of enough knowledge about anatomy of Zmey, and especially, about his reproductive system, it is still a question.
For sure is known that once Cthulhu had found small creature in kennel and all three heads of Cerberus did breathe blandly by napalm at Hyena. Because of Cthulhu was famous owner of Cerberus’ breeding nursery, small animal was not necessary to him. Moreover, animal undermined good reputation of nursery and Cthulhu had thrown Hyena.
Hyena’s young age
It turned out bitch is strikingly tenacious of life (inheritance plays a role). She settled in valley near Jerusalem. The local inhabitants liked small animal. In that time Jerusalem had a demographical problems and tenderhearted inhabitants did fatten animal by needless infants, needless pilferers and robbers (in contrast to infants they were previously slaughtered) and refuse.
No wonder the animal had grown up quickly on this diet. Comparatively fast Hyena began to be hard to please, selecting only first-burns and even they Hyena was eating with accompaniment of choirs and dances.
When Hyena had grown up to incredible dimension, Cthulhu had worried. His plan to eat them all was growing more and more ghostly, and the chance to be eaten more and more became real. There wasn’t a stray dog’s service, therefore Cthulhu had to solve this problem on one’s own. Cthulhu had to place Hyena in Hell.
Natural habitat and habits
Hyena is infected by helminthes after youth. It is clear from first primary source: in the Hyena “worm does not die and fire is not dying down” (Mk 9,44). However, there is the version Hyena isn’t suffering from helminthes but quite the contrary: lives with worms in close symbiosis
Hyena can not hunt on one's own, because she has the pernicious habits after youth. Therefore Cthulhu gives keeper to the animal. It is Devil, which flies over Earth everyday and finds likely souls for Hyena. At this time it is enough easy work; earlier Devil had some problems. For example, earlier guys thoroughly dissembled that they are guys…Now they say plainly
What reasons has Cthulhu for to keep the Hyena is not known. Probably he keeps the Hyena for Armageddon. Far better (and from point of view of logistic, optimal) to send the Hyena for eat them all, then to eat the Hyena, thus to eat them all.