Holy
Holy is basically when something is all glowy and religious and stuff, or has the same amount of holes as Swiss cheese.
Holiness can be described as a state of extreme boredom, usually because you've spent too much time praying to a non-existent being. It is also suggested that you become holy after you've been shot as much as 50 Cent.
Holy as a swearword[edit | edit source]
Holy is an official swearword and can be used in legal documents without being blacked out, since it's funnier that way. Although it is usually used as an intensifier for something that is already so shitty that merely saying "Shit!" is not enough, it can be used on its own. For example:
“It's not SUPPOSED to be holily useful! I made it up on the spot!”
It can also be used to say that something is so epic and awesome that you would bow down and worship it. This distinction (or lack thereof) has been the cause of at least 9 known wars worldwide.[1][2]
Holy Shit![edit | edit source]
Yes, your shit is holy. Praise its holiness by putting more holes in its brown, mushy creamy awesomeness with a toothpick or your penis. If your shit makes a hole by itself, then you are truly an amazing person and you must make people worship you because your shit is naturally holy.
Holy Cow![edit | edit source]
Cows are considered Holy beings and must be shot in the torso regularly to maintain holiness. The black spots on a cow DO NOT COUNT for holes. Be a man and shoot that sucker where it hurts! Brown Cows are not as holy as the original Dalmatian cows but still are good to shoot in the intestines.
Holy Cheese![edit | edit source]
“Holy Cheese? Isn't that the stuff you put on your Subway sub?[3]”
Holy Cheese is what you insert your penis into if a prostitute if Your Mom isn't around. Sure there are no orgasms BUT there are multiple holes! So feel free to use either hole for your size. My suggestion for you, the smallest one.
I Want To Be Holy![edit | edit source]
Well You Cant be holy because you are an idiot and your shit is the color of lemons and seashells. I REALLY suggest you go to a doctor and take a look at it. If you really truly want to become holy, perhaps you should try going to Tatooine.
Who Is Holy?[edit | edit source]
There have been many notable examples of holy things in history. For the sake of simplicity, here's a few of them:
- Jesus H. Christ
- The .Holy Broken Chair of Fluffiness
- Caffeine
- Flying Spaghetti Monster
- The Holiest of Holies
- Shit
- Adolf the Red Nose Nazi
A visible aura behind one's head is often a sign of holiness, though less commonly a dangerous Glowing (and possibly holy) Head-Leech[4] If a Glowing Head-Leech is discovered, try praying. If you're lucky, your new holy aura will bounce that sucker right off. Unless the Glowing Head-Leech is holy, of course, in which case it will persist and demand worship.
'Your Holiness' is also a good way to refer to the Pope (unless he's off-duty, in which case you should just call him Bill).
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ World War I, World War II, World War IV, World Wars VI through X, and the great Flame War
- ↑ Little numbers in the corner of the words look very professional.
- ↑ Someone hand over the mozzarella because that joke was CHEESEY.
- ↑ Further reading: Christ, J: Head Leeches are real, published by God, 30 A.D.