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Typical Gnostic wearing traditional neo-platonist style garb.

“Truth is beauty, beauty is truth, sir!”

~ Young foot soldier on Gnosis

“But the truth can be PAINFUL and DISTURBING! Can it then possibly be BEAUTIFUL!”

~ Centurian on Gnosis

“Wow man, like gnosis is the way!”

~ Hippie on Gnosis

“Gnosis is the means of achieving YOUR full potential! Please visit our seminar, the Cosmic convergence is closing, DON'T be left out!”

~ New Age on Gnosicism

“So yeah, some female angel thought that she could emanate without a male. Then she did, but she had a retard baby that looked like a snake with a glowing lion head. Then the retard baby had butt sex with his mom or something, and then he ate her, then he created the material world, then he put the pieces of his mother's mind into the material world, and these pieces had butt sex with some monkeys, and the result of this? You. Congratulations! You're the creation of a retard snake-lion having butt-sex with his mom.”

Gnosticism is the name given to the fanbase of an old Death Metal Band in Ancient Rome formed by Valentinus, Marcion, and Crazy Carpocrates (who was best known for his outragious stunts), which was popular around 300BC. The band was originally a reaction to rise of Neo-Platnonism and it had gained a significant cult following before being enveloped by the success of Christos.

A Gnostic is identifiable by wearing a cross between a Klansman hood and a burlap S/M. Fittingly, they have a practice of whipping themselves and chanting their devotion to Gnosis.

Beginings[edit | edit source]

The band was the creation of Valentinus, a young grad student who had read the poetic ramblings of lunatic genius, Plato, thus pursued a career in singing ballads. However, after a few years of poor reception he became quite dejected with this skill being put to little effect. Thus, in a rage, he symbolically met the devil at the cross roads, if you will, and road the counter culture wave, thus forming a Death Metal band which would come to be named Gnosis with his college friends, Marcion (who was their born again lead singer) and party animal Carpocrates (who would eventually make the band infamous with his onstage antics).

A Cult Following[edit | edit source]

Gnosis slowly developed a modest but very devoted following, particularly amongst Greeks. Gnosis fans could be seen congregating in many cities, particularly in the Balkans dancing, speaking in tongues, barking, and singing devotionals.

Many die-hard followers could also be seen in Klan uniforms, whipping themselves, trancing and practicing ascetism (though, a few did eat, in fact they ate like no one else ever could!).

Gnosis fans are categorized by their favorite members:

Valentinians[edit | edit source]

Considered the most die-hard of group members, the Valentinians consider themselves the more intellectual of the group and most of the other groups as mere posers. The Valentinians are typified by their endorsement of homelessness, self-mutilation, and anorexia and bulimia. These are the guys who dress up like Klansmen (or simply dunce-caps, which would probably be some form of masochism), often wearing grey potato sacks (this is probably the only feature that distinguishes them from typical goths).

Marcinians[edit | edit source]

Similar to Emo kids, fans of born again Marcion are the most normal of the groups, many appreciating Marcion's guitar (which quite simply kicks ass way cool!). After his untimely death from a plane crash, many mourned, butting themselves and burning roses at his burial.

Carpocratians[edit | edit source]

The most hedonistic of the group. Carpocratians are known for drinking, smoking (often hash), and "partying". Often, these fans are considered a real nuisance at concerts and are resented unanimously by both Marcinians and Valentinians. More often then not, the Carpocratians are responsible for concert riots.

Breakup and Controvercy[edit | edit source]

Gnosis began to lose popularity as the population became born again and began to embrace Christian pop. Gnosis was finally retired after much controversy centering on the message Gnosis gives impressionable fans, particularly in relation to Carpocrates. Many accuse Gnosis of encouraging suicide, sexual deviancy, civic irresponsibility, and general subversive social decay.

Eventually, all of the Carpocratians where arrested, and Valentinian and Marcinian fans where beaten up by Christos fans, who thought of them as "pussies".

Influence[edit | edit source]

Though the group is barely heard of these days, they do have something of a cult following. Some of the most die-hard fans are even amongst groups one would least suspect!

Valentinian[edit | edit source]

Marcinian[edit | edit source]

Carpocratian[edit | edit source]