Johnny Cash

This is the first time ever I'm posting an Uncyclopedia image. I thought "Who shot JR?" would be a great caption for this.

Hello, I'm Johnny Cash.

This is the first time ever I'm writing an Uncyclopedia article. In fact, this is the first time ever I'm writing any kind of article at all. Unless you're calling "Folsom Prison Blues" a news flash about the murdering of Michael Stipe... boy, I sure love that song, "All The Way to Reno". Anyway, I'm pretty excited by this, and I hope you are too. After all, this is the first time ever I'm writing something from the grave. It is also the first time ever I'm not dressed in black -- since I'm not going to any funeral anymore.

Since you seem interested, I'm in my blue underwears. This is the first time ever I had to publicly mention my underwears' color.

Biography

Childhood

They're just ain't yellow.

This is the first time ever I'm writing an Uncyclopedia paragraph. I should use this occasion to express my deep appreciation towards this website. It's the first time ever someone calls June Carter "whore" and I'm okay with it. I mean, I saw all the kinds of people in my lifetime -- both wonderful and horrible; but it is the first time ever I saw an un-yellow person like the one who categorized your June Carter article.

So, returning to the paragraph's subject, my childhood. Well, this is the first time ever I'm trying to match an Uncyclopedian text to the paragraph title, and I must say it's pretty hard. All I can say is we didn't have Uncyclopedia paragraphs when we were growing up. I'm moving on to the next one.

Manhood

This is the first time ever I'm publicly talking about my manhood. I know several performers these days use their manhood regularly during shows, most notably Mike Patton. But personally, I never thought it was necessary.

The end

I must say I had a great time writing this article. I don't like long articles so I'm keeping it short. This is the first time ever I'm finishing an article, so it may not be as funny as other endings you have read. So for the first time ever, here's a quote from one of my songs.

“The first time ever I saw your Face, I wished they had invented a virtual mace.”

~ Johnny Cash