UnTunes:Santa Baby

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

We updated this Christmas yuletide classic, made famous by Eartha Kitt, to reflect modern times and dating via social networking. Enjoy!

Santa Baby…

File:Jingle Balls.jpg

I heard that you were single again
Well then—
We should hook up real soon
Santa baby—
Facebook me and give me some likes

Santa cutie—
Snapchat me and send me some pix
Not dicks—
But if you want, I don't mind
Santa cutie—
Favorite me on Instagram

Slide into my chat DMs—
Add me to your list and we'll be more than friends
I'll follow you on Twitter too
And this Christmas won't be quite so blue

Santa baby—
I saw you had a Tinder and I swiped right—
Found your Bumble account
Santa baby—
Match with me so we can Meetup


Santa honey—
If you call me up on the phone—
We'll bone
I won't play hard to get
Santa baby—
Do you have white hair down there?

Santa baby—
You don't have to wear a condom
Come on—
We can play 'Just the Tip'
Santa baby—
Even if it's just for one night

I haven't been with lots of men—
But last time I got laid he said I was a ten
I'm sure that we could have some fun—
If you work out and don't weigh a ton

Santa baby—
Don't forget the presents this year
Like beer—
Or perhaps some good wine
Santa baby—
Let's get drunk, Netflix and chill…
Here's a hundred dollar bill?..
I'm on the pill…

Christmas 2021.jpg
This is the closest thing we have to a family photo. We mostly hate each other.