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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature Archaeology, or archæology (from Αρχαίος, nobody cares, and Λογος, the study of not caring) is the study of really really old stuff. Many people confuse archaeology with archeology due to the almost identical spelling and the fact that they mean the same thing. While seemingly pointless, archaeologists assert that we can learn lots of new things by looking at old things, despite the immediate logical impossibilities. Most archaeologists are full of theories with their "carbon dating" witchcraft. As Archaeology for Kids! host Bryan Williamson once said, "I mean, carbon atoms don't have sex, do they? Why should they date then if they can't do anything freaky with electrons in the privacy of a high speed collision chamber? Ok now I have got that off my chest, I will return to imagining how dead people once lived." The first reported archaeologist was a king of Babylonia called Nabonidus in the 6th century B.C. He was so keen at preserving old buildings that he neglected to look after his country and was overthrown by Cyrus the Great of Persia. Modern historians, who are to archaeologists as strippers are to losers, know this to be true as Nabonidus's discarded monogrammed shorts and trowel were found embedded in ancient ruins that belonged to civilisations much older than his. (Full article...) Recently featured: HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic Biffy Clyro Foreign accent syndrome CaseOh Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote because of article of your taste which should become the feature. More being best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Desktop of Google edit Designated commemoration day March 18: World Happiness Day 51,000 BC - World Happiness Day is declared with a series of rhythmic grunts when two homo erecti discover fire. 1906 - Pope declares suicide a mortal sin, worse than butt sex, watching anime and murder. 1953 - Senator Joseph McCarthy briefly bans Kitten Huffing, but later retracts said decree, claiming he "was high off [his] ass." 1954 - Scientists fist discover the Moon, they later find out it wasn't really the Moon they discovered, but the Sun. 1985 - Australia's version of EastEnders premieres to the public, however, it made Aussies more happier than expected. 1993 - The Sun tells scientists it and earth should "Just be friends," the sun promises to call every few weeks. 2008 - After numerous requests by the American public, God finally damns It, It is never found. 2016 - A rerun of the smash hit TV show Full House is shown around the world, millions kill themselves, unable to stand the torture. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of day Centered text goes here. edit News Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured) Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins, twice • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city? Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons Advice of necessity? Ask Cthulhu! Current events of UnNews news edit Did you knew... Ali sadaka ... that Elvis is NOT dead? (Pictured) ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network? ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known? ... that I am inside your walls? ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help? ... that your car is rolling down the driveway right now? ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand? ... that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies? Do you worry... ... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (Pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting? ... that someone reading Uncyclopedia has an erection right now, even though we barely have pornographic content? ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval? ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms? ... that applause was invented to mock the deaf? ... that 100% of people who make good life choices die? ... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize? ... that the French Revolution was just a rip-off of the American Revolution? Read Many
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