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New York City, USA – Thousands of animal rights activists marched and rode their bikes through the streets of Manhattan today demanding the right to bear poop. "The unthinkable shooting tragedy in (fill in the blank) this week, and the outcry for gun control following hot on its heels like a predictable lovesick puppy, reminded the ultra-educated and intellectually stimulated among us here at PETA that when nature tells a primate's brain to fight, he grabs for his poop," said PETA spokesprimate Ben Affleck.

An antropologist who was wrestled to the ground and arrested earlier this year at Chicago's Brookfield Zoo for throwing his poop at a group of monkeys agreed with PETA's demand. "When I suddenly found myself enraged at the monkeys who were bombarding me with poop, my bowels instantly flushed out and delivered a wet hunk right into my hand. I instinctively knew how much pressure to grab it with and just what sound to make, and, as if I were doing it all my life, I immediately lifted my poop way over my shoulder and flung it at the monkeys. (Full article...)

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Designated commemoration day


June 25: National Redneck Day (Southern U.S.)

  • 253Pope Cornholio is executed by being deprived of TP. His bunghole does not survive.
  • 524 – Battle of Vezeronce. The Franks defeat the Burgers, and liberate the Ketchup Kingdom from its tyranny and confining round shape.
  • 1741 – Maria Theresa of Austria is crowned King of Hungary in what is possibly the most confusing coronation in history.
  • 1838 – The first use of Escher-esque architecture is constructed when the Impossible Children's Playground is unveiled. It is not well-received.
  • 1888Oscar Wilde pens The Happy Prince and Other Stories, now considered among the first pieces of literature to use thinly veiled homosexual tendencies to illustrate life lessons such as hand-washing.
  • 1906 - Shortly after the introduction of the automobile, the first Barrel Clown is seen and documented in Jonestown, Illinois.
  • 2008 – U.S. President Barack Obama selects a cabinet, yet would require nearly two more weeks to settle on an acceptable bookshelf.
  • 2009Michael Jackson dies while experimenting with a new form of moonwalk at the age of 50. His nose was 22.

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