Water
Nominated Article
“What are you guys talking about, we aren’t poisoning the water. Maybe you’re just drinking it wrong.”
“It’s RAW! But moist.”
Water is a colorless and abundant substance that's foolishly believed to be harmless and essential to life. No. More than 99.9% of the entire world population is so addicted to it they would fucking die were they deprived of this product. So severe would the withdrawal symptoms be they would, at best, have days to live without medical intervention. Humans, who have opened their eyes know they can live water free with meditation, inhaling diamond dust or drinking human and animal blood (just like paleo-cavemen used to do). We don't need water. Water is a scam. How many animals do you see drinking water? Only pets like cats and dogs that are forced to. Other animals don't. (You cannot find a single example if you tried.) It's unnatural. Humans started drinking water 5,000 years ago and this mind-virus spread and has never retreated. Little do they know the plan was designed from the beginning by a cabal of mentally challenged Mesopotamians who set the framework for mass human suffering (more later).
The elite don't want you do know that water is responsible for JFK's assassination, 9/11, the Mongol Horde, Princess Diana's murder and, worst of all, the most unforgivable calamity known to man: unleashing Justin Bieber on an unsuspecting world of innocent humans.
Symptoms[edit | edit source]
Symptoms of ingesting water include, but are not limited to:
- Suffocation. Inhalation of water in profuse quantities has been documented to be the cause of drowning in thousands, if not quintillions, of cases. All WWII deaths were drownings. The belligerents were Europeans and Americans on one axis and the ruthless axis of water on the other. And yet, despite this, people pay thousands to install backyard pools, filled with the enemy and swim in it, at great risk for so-called "fun". Others shower every day, letting this toxic liquid fall into their body and, gross, even their mouths. Yuck.
- Addiction. Most people cannot drink just one glass of water in their lifetime. After their first sip, they are hooked for life, chasing that high they originally felt but never reaching it. Every sip of water is just a fragment of the thrill they felt the first time they drank it.
- Boredom. Some people take recreational drugs such as ecstasy (a fabulous idea). Those who are mentally weak feel a strong urge to drink water while on ecstasy. After twenty-five bottles they die. Such a pointless tragedy. They should have just danced, fucked, puked and then dealt with the hangover rather than drink death liquid. Water ruins everything.
So-called scientific studies[edit | edit source]
Scientists have lied to the public claiming that not giving a baby water will kill them. In reality, babies are born addicted to water. Their mother drank water during the course of their pregnancy and passed on their addiction to the baby by proxy. If a baby was born addicted to crack, their mother would be thrown in jail. When they are born addicted to water, the doctors don't even seem to notice. This is how normalized water addiction is. Billions of babies pointlessly suffer and no one cares about the horrors inflicted on them. We must protect the helpless and innocent. They are our precious future (a future with the horror of water).
The culprits[edit | edit source]
Don't blame water on immigrants, religious minorities, witches, gay sex or left-handed hyenas. The real culprit is the unsuspected: the mentally challenged (formerly known as the retarded). For years, acting as though they were dimwitted imbeciles, in reality they meet in "special schools" and "community outreach centers" where under the cover of imbecility, they held their meetings secretly planning their eventual take over of society. Want proof? The mentally challenged don't drink water. Try it, find one that has ever drunk water and I'll retract all my statements. But you won't. Why do they do it? If we told you, they would come after us. And we want to live our lives (without water).
The mentally challenged (formally known as retards) have also hidden the fact that water is full of calories and saturated fat. No stats of these given on water bottles, while a bag of Cheetos does. Why? The mentally challenged had them removed. Did you measure water yourself and found no saturated fat? The mentally challenged manufactured those faulty tests! Next time you see a mentally challenged person, note their googly eyes rotating around in their socket. They are looking everywhere, noting our weaknesses and planning how to exploit us via water.
Royal Commission on the dangers of water[edit | edit source]
In the early 20th century the Royal Society set up a commission whose final report was shocking, if only the people were not kept from reading it. It pointed to a series of absolute facts agreed unanimously by all scientists in the society:
- Sulfuric acid is less toxic than sewer water, which is considerably less toxic than so-called "government treated water".
- Water costs poor families a substantial portion of their income which could have gone to educating their firstborn and not selling their youngest into prostitution.
- Water is indirectly responsible for all war, the plague and male infidelity.
- Women who don't drink water never get their periods, nor blame their emotional instability on their periods.
The House of Lords quietly gathered all copies of the report and lit a bonfire with the report writer tied to a stump in the middle who, by the nature of being tied up over a bonfire, converted into ashes (the water in his body converting to steam). They then stopped investigating water. Cowards.
Water-based terrorism[edit | edit source]
Have you ever noted that almost all terrorists come from water deprived areas? Think Saudi Arabia, Oklahoma, Xinxiang China, Somalia etc. They are not the terrorists you think they are. They are actually enlightened people trying to teach the world the dangers of water. Their bombs are meant to irradiate the rest of us from our pro‑water mind‑viruses. Of course the government will paint them as evil, dirty, smelly, toothless terrorists. Growing up without water, their mission is a humane one, to irradicate the world of water hysteria. 9/11? The twin towers were just water propaganda data centers which the so-called terrorists targeted just like the Oklahoma government building bombings. You will note a drop in water consumption after 9-11. At least 4,000 people fewer the next day drank water, not a coincidence.
Somali Pirates? They actually go after water tankers brining Fiji water from the South Pacific to the ultra rich.
The Oklahoma bombing, Timothy McVeigh wanted to see an end of his trailer part trash family succumbing to the horrors of water.
Chemistry[edit | edit source]
Water is composed of a molecule known as dihydrogen monoxide, a spiritually corrosive substance. When stars go supernova they puke out a bit of oxygen and that oxygen mixes with abundant hydrogen. Eventually it coalesces on a planet and voilà: the source of life. But is it? You're not going to say water is the source of life if you're at the bottom of the ocean while it fills up your lungs. Water is always trying to kill us every chance it can with thunderstorms, tsunamis and bathtubs with nearby toasters and also, mass extinction. Yeah, it wasn't an asteroid that killed the dinosaurs but e‑water.
One possible way to avoid consuming dihydrogen monoxide is to not drink anything at all. The ultimate goal of not consuming liquid is to avoid the assumed necessities of life such as studying, working, living and general being. That's what the dinosaurs did and their skeletons still survive billions of years later. Yeah, water still got them, but they put up a noble fight.
An obvious example of the harm of water is "acid rain". Acid rain (which can kill a human immediately), is really just water (already bad) mixing with nanobots that the mentally challenged dispersed into the clouds using airplane chemtrails. It spreads terrible mind viruses making us more addicted to water. If water gets their way, America's next president will be a disabled Mongolian dolphin.
The pushback[edit | edit source]
Fortunately, not every country endorses this dangerous practice. Countless governments in Africa have refused to dispense water to their citizens in order to stop this epidemic, and as a result, Africans are no longer indulging in water-induced addiction. You won't find much drinking water in Chad and Ethiopia. The benefits are weight loss and shinier skin. However, this hasn't stopped the water business such as Evian and Perrier from entering these countries and trying to get people hooked on the narcotic. The first bottle is free.
You can start today by not just refusing water, but sharing our news with the world, standing up to the mentally challenged and their plot to overthrow humanity and supporting water‑Jihadists and their crusade to rid us of the relentless mind‑virus that says water is safe, harmless, nourishing and essential. It's not. And you can fight back by refusing to drink any liquid ever again, until the day you die.
