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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

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Holonet Live

Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi
World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four

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From Ewokpedia's wisest Jedi:

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... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
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... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Bros. movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
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... that Gypsies are stealing your carrots right now? (Pictured)

... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
... that the entire world rightfully belongs to Albania?
... the muffin man?