New York City, USA – Thousands of animal rights activists marched and rode their bikes through the streets of Manhattan today demanding the right to bear poop. "The unthinkable shooting tragedy in (fill in the blank) this week, and the outcry for gun control following hot on its heels like a predictable lovesick puppy, reminded the ultra-educated and intellectually stimulated among us here at PETA that when nature tells a primate's brain to fight, he grabs for his poop," said PETA spokesprimate Ben Affleck.
An antropologist who was wrestled to the ground and arrested earlier this year at Chicago's Brookfield Zoo for throwing his poop at a group of monkeys agreed with PETA's demand. "When I suddenly found myself enraged at the monkeys who were bombarding me with poop, my bowels instantly flushed out and delivered a wet hunk right into my hand. I instinctively knew how much pressure to grab it with and just what sound to make, and, as if I were doing it all my life, I immediately lifted my poop way over my shoulder and flung it at the monkeys. (Full article...)