Oscar's Chosen Article
A woman is not a womyn or a wyf or a wyfman. She is someone who has not decided to affiliate with feminism or Middle English in any way. She is probably very normal, but in an attempt to prove male dominance, only one out of ten (male) doctors agree with this assessment.
For thousands of years, men have been searching for a final solution to the women problem. They have yet to execute any permanent measures and experts are beginning to admit grudgingly that women might be here to stay.
Notable characteristics include chocolate blood, talking too much, 15 GHz multi-tasking capabilities, and an innate hunger for shopping. (Full article...)
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Why was I born with such contemporaries?
August 19: Battle of Knockdoe day
- 1501 - The de Burghs and Fitzgeralds agree to have a glorious battle in Knockdoe next year.
- 1502 - Ulick Burke too hung over to remember what day it is; Gerald Fitzgerald "super pissed" that he didn't show up.
- 1503 - Gerald Fitzgerald too hung over to attend the battle; Ulick Burke calls him a damn hypocrite.
- 1504 - The Battle of Knockdoe. A bunch of Normans and Irish chop each other to pieces, probably forever altering English history or something.
- 1524 - Studies show that fewer than 1% of schoolchildren have ever heard of the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1692 - Salem witch trials: five witches are put to death, reducing the witch population of Salem by approximately 40%.
- 1919 - Afghanistan gains independence from the United Kingdom, bringing an end to the Second Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1944 - World War II: Paris liberated from German Occupation in what is considered a stunning re-enactment of the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1952 - Jonathan Frakes, actor who portrayed William Riker, born in order to commemorate the 448th anniversary of the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1991 - Collapse of the Soviet Union: Mikhail Gorbachev placed under house arrest while watching docudrama about the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 1994 - Linus Pauling dies of massive vitamin C overdose in an event completely unrelated to the Battle of Knockdoe.
- 2004 - Quinticentennial celebration of the Battle of Knockdoe; said to be "pretty fucking awesome" despite no one showing up.
- 2005 - Lonely tourist kisses the Blarney Stone, ends up in extended makeout session.
- 2010 - The parish of Lackagh, former site of the Battle of Knockdoe, found to be infested with stinking drunken Irishmen.
The history of the United Kingdom
The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it.
Today in London
It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know...
From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:
- ... that wearing a Top Hat is not only a sound fashion choice, it gives you somewhere to hide candy?
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