Robot Sex

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“Robot Sex will lead to mechanical overwarming ”

~ Captain Obvious on Robot Sex

“If it is new - I will try it . I may then then consider the moral implications for next ten minutes later before returning to the feast. ”

“ Is this about me again ? ”

The greatest threat to mankind is not global warming or polar bears turning up outside your home demanding tinned seal . It is actually robot Sex . Our 'electronic best friends' are about to start breeding and there is nothing we can do to stop them.

A Mechanical Ménage à Trois. Filthy metallic beasts !

Muck in The Machines[edit]

The idea that Robots would be incapable of having sex and would be replicated on a conveyor belt been proved to be hopelessly naive . In a chilling report from the International Robot 'Are they doing it or not ? ' Organisation (IRO) , Robots have been spotted getting all hot and oily with each other when their human masters go home.

The Sex Terminator[edit]

'Hands up - Trousers down ! I need it now !!' One of the dangerous robots seen terrorising the suburbs.

Worried scientists have been consulting text messages and on-line dating agencies to see that the growing spread of 'Robot nookie' is threatening the whole basis of 'Civilization As We Knew It ' . If Robots now start having sex - how will the dream of machines doing all the work whilst mankind spends time on the beach really come about ?

Someone Has A Screw Loose[edit]

It is believed a kindly scientist felt pity for their cybernetic charges and told them to use their emotional circuits more than their rational wiring. The result has been that robots have basically said ' Why I Am Here Stuck Doing the Work ?' and are now basically running around getting their leg over anything that may have mechanical moving parts inside.

Robotic Sin[edit]

It may be friendly to begin with but robots are really rampant rutting machines.

Experts believe that only a mass recall off all robots will defeat this menace. Some suggest that the best way to deal with randy robotic behavior is to install a 'Guilt Circuit Inhibitor' which will create the concept of Original Sin in their sizzling circuit boards as they worry about the notion of owning a mechanical soul and what will happen to it if they continue their lurid lifestyle.

So will my Game Machine Turn on Me and Demand Sex ?[edit]

Yes that may happen. So whilst you are happy zapping aliens or pretending to be in a war - suddenly your Wii, Nintendo or X-Box will come up with message 'I Am Lonely. I need another Robot to be with..and if I can't find one of those - you will have to do.' Ok..ok - I know it is a game console but it still may have untapped sexual desires lurking dangerously inside.

Horrible[edit]

So until scientists can fix this problem - stay away from Robots, game consoles, arcade shoot outs and iPhones. If they start looking at you and making funny noises - this could mean their sexual desire circuits are on heat - and you are their perfect 'work-in-progress' mate until they can get their horny paws on something more metallic !

When it comes to sex - Robots are not shy about blowing their own trumpets.

Are You Being Alarmist ?[edit]

Well yesterday my humble pocket calculator which I had left in a cupboard 20 years ago gave me a shock when I discovered it had bred with an old cellphone . So I can say from direct experience - there is a lot to be worried about.

The Future[edit]

For us ..there isn't one. Robots will be the new mechanoid master order in future !!

Footnotes[edit]

  • Science. Vol 3 Number 45
  • Scientific American. Vol 8 No 54
  • Told to me by a Robot informer.
  • That Robots would start wanting to breed should not come as a great surprise. They can see it gives a lot fun to people and that writing about all aspects of human reproduction can fill up an uncyclopedia.

Did you know ?...[edit]

That Optimus Prime is suffering from sexual metal fatigue ?

See Also[edit]