Templasexual(s) are people who are sexually aroused by the idea and use of templates. In its purest form, the fetish Templatia can cause normally sane people to behave in manners which would otherwise found in most fetishists.
The earliest Templasexuals were Egyptian Pyramid engineers who discovered that in templates, there was symmetry and control. Through the use of the earliest known templates, these engineers could design specific things for royal buildings in a cookie cutter style. It did take a while to work things out though, and they built many odd looking things, but after two-thousand years, they got the hang of it just in time to see their civilization crash and burn in a firey death.
It should be pointed out that while the Egyptians excelled at templates, it was impossible for them understand perspective or reason, an concepts rediscovered during the Renaissance.
Mass production era
Templates came into their own during the industrialized era, more specifically following the invention of steam and water powered machinery during the pre-Victorian era. In this era, Templasexual males, and to a lesser degree women, were free to chuff off on their own and explore their fancy, designing all sorts of gizmos.
This came to an end however when the Victorian era started and Queen Victoria herself condemned the practices of order and symmetry, driving the ordered world so loved by Templasexuals underground.
Modern fetish applications
Not only can templates allow computer users the ability to sort and catalog, but if they are able to type with one hand, also receive sexual gratification at the same time.
Take this test
Select the response that most aptly describes your most visceral reaction to the following:
- It annoys and excites me.
- I see a cow and a pig frolicking in a field in France.
- Frankly, it is in the wrong place, even though you meant it to go where it is.
- T...t...t...template? What - (swallow hard) - template do you mean?
- I'll tell you after I get done licking the screen and laving my love on that bodacious TEMPLATE!
If you answered any of these questions, then you suffer the delicious agony of Templatia and you are doomed to a life of yearning for that which can never really be yours.
Dr. Joyce Brothers on Uncyclopedia Templasexuals
- "However fulfilling these relationships may be, like all
deviant sexual practices, er make that all obsessive sexual practices, Tempaltia can lead to a Templasexual to desire, control and dominate the world around them to such a degree that if one other community member steps out from under the rigid confines of the authoritative rules established by the dominant personality, a hissy fit and temper tantrum is sure to follow."
- "And the drama! Lets not forget the drama! God forbid a simple user upsets the universe created by a Templasexual, but when one does there is angst of the highest order for everyone, especially if Cascading Style Sheets enter into the equation."
- "If you know of someone who suffers from this affliction, whatever you do for goodness sake do not try an reason with them. They are dangerous. Only a licensed professional therapist should get involved. Just go about your business and move along; nothing there to see, see?"
What you can do
Admitting your problem is the first step to getting help. Write today.
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