Worst 100 Sexual Perversions
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“Not many people know this but I was actually imprisoned because I had all of these perversions”
According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100* Sexual Perversions. Readers are required to bring their own tissues and lotion.
masturbating to Oscar Wilde.Uncyclophilia:-An abnormal obsession with Uncyclopedia. Specifically,
Masturphilia:-An extremely extreme attraction to masturbation. That of your own, or of someone else.
Little Boy-Syndrome:-Having the compulsion to fuck little boys.
Animiphilia:-The desire to have sex with an anime character. (i.e. Naruto Uzumaki, Ichigo Uchiha, Orochimaru, Michael Jackson, etc.)
SheSellsSeaShellsByTheSeaShoreophilia:-They aren't called tongue twisters for nothing.
Galipiphilia:-An extreme attraction towards wartime memorabilia (why else are artillery shells shaped like that?).
Existenstiaphilia:-If you aren't having sex, then sex doesn't exist.
Grassaphilia:-The desire to have sex with the front lawn.
Canadiaphillia:- The desire to Have sex in a cold area with a (wo)man in a weird accent while havin' some good ol' Flapjacks with maple syrup. Also a French accent works too.
Assphilia:- The desire to put your Tongue on an ass Image.
Pyrophilia:- The burning desire to have sex with a partner who is on fire. Tip: lighter fluid works well and doesn't smell as bad as petrol.
Pyrocoprophilia:- The desire to take a shit on your partner and set the shit on fire.
Cropohilia:- Liking for rumpy pumpy in a field of corn.
Frodorism:- Lusting after a small person's ring.
Dwarfism:- Dressing up in silly pointed hats and wanking over a sleeping person of the female type gender.
Autoerotisism:- Cars, lots and lots of cars… yummmmmmmmmmmmmm
Boothmania:- Trying to have sex in or somehow with a telephone booth
Agmalgatophilia:- Sexual attraction to very still mixtures of metals.
Paraphilia:- The love of having sex with members of her Majesty's Parachute Regiment.
Crush fetish:- getting turned on by pouring Fizzy orange drinks over people in a confined space.
Harpaxophilia:- getting aroused whilst watching Marx Brothers films.
Thatcherism:- Getting turned on by the sight of ladies handbags
Wikipedism:- The sandbox's not just for testing, you know.
Uncyclophila:- This causes one to use Unyclopedia 24/7 and want to have sex with an admin
Kittenhuffillia:- The urge to have sex with kittens before you huff them
Liberphillia:- The Need to put your penis in books before you read them
Floppydiskism:- When the porn is just too good and you need more than your hand to satisfy yourself
Cddriveism:- As above but for the more up to date man
Clotrmogism:- The urge to turn your penis inside-out and use it as a vagina
Delicatestism:- The need to suck one's testicle juices through a silly straw
Phone Sex fetish:- The urge to have sex with a phone
Cyberphilia:- The need to have sexual intercourse with electronic devices
Negrophilia:- The need to exclusively have sex with black people
Eminemphilia:- The unexplainable urge to have sexual intercourse, while singing bad rap samples in synchronization.
Hentaiphilia:- The desire to have sex with any hot cartoon character you see
AIMphilia:- Also called OMG WTF SECKS!11, this is the need to have sex while shouting nonsensical Internet jargon, including yelling "LOL!" and "OMG I R SECKSING U." May cause hilarity.
Hemophilia:- The urge to have sex whilst slowly gutting your partner and letting the blood drip all over you
Jesuphilia:- The urge to have all sexual acts somehow involve a statue of the Virgin Mary. (Alternate: The unexplainable urge to have sex in a manger)
WoWphilia:- Urge to have sex with WoW, need they be more retarded?
Lewinskyphilia:- I did not have sexual relations with that woman, , ,only her mouth.
Powersuck-o-philia:- The desire to make love to a shop-vac.
Macrophilia:- The desire to make a simple key command for a task you can't be bothered to repeat over and over again.
PaulManiacophilia:- The unexplainable desire to . . .uhm . .
Slothophilia:- The desire to make slow movements (such as the robot) during intercourse.
Teddyophillia:- The desire to knock up your teddy bears or let one knock you up. (Bestiality!! You sick bastard!)
Philadelphilia:- The irresistible urge to have it on with a certain city (of otherwise undisputed reputation).
Tranvetiteaphilia:- The sexual urge to have sex with a transvestite under the freeway late at night whilst watching re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond.
Dig-Dugphilia:- The desire to don a jumpsuit and blow up your sexual partner with a bicycle pump.
Hulkphilia:- The desire to wear green make-up and get 'mad' with your partner.
Phillisteakphilia:- The desire to spread melted cheese on your hoagie rolls.
Hydrophilia:- The desire to make out with a glass of water.
Hygrophilia:- The desire to make out with a glass of drought.
Blockbusterphilia:- Wow! What a difference!
Paddyphilia:- The Overbearing desire to fornicate with potatoes.
Marxophilia:- The desire to have sex with everyone in world, each according to his/her needs.
Frottage (Rubbing up against others on public transport)
Plate - Job:- masturbating under a glass coffee table while someone shits on it.
RednecksFurryphilla:- The desire to mate with people in fox suits. See
AC/DC:- inserting an AC adapter's plug in your dick and plugging the adapter into a wall socket in hopes of a "surge splurge."
PISSGUMPHILLIA:- The desire to soak your dentures overnight in urine…
Yoyohotophismillia:- The desire to come back to somehow who has genital herpes and then make a commercial about it.
Punchurcockophilia:- The extreme urge to hold your own erect penis down and masturbate by punching your genitals.
Book-Horniness:- The urge to have a massive orgy with thirty or more award winning books or owls. (Also known as intelligent bestiality.)
Contortaphilia:- To sex while playing twister.
Christianity:- The desire to crucify one's DICK!
STD-Overload Desire:- The goal of obtaining all of the known STD's in existence. Gotta catch 'em all! Poke'Ma'John!
Inanimateobjectaphiliacitis:- A mental disorder in which the afflicted demands inanimate objects to take them right where they lie.
Weenie-Beaters Disease:- The condition in which one drops heavy objects on their genitalia until they pass out.
Astrophilia:- The need to have sexual activity in a zero G environment.
Nucleophilia:- The desire to have sex with an atomic bomb.
Emophilia:- The desire to have sex with emos.
Kaiserwillheimophilia:- the desire to have sex with a German with a tiny arm.
Winnetwagonphilia:- The need to penetrate a person that is carrying winnets.
Laundryophilia:- The desire to have sex with laundry, fresh out of the dryer. 35
TrinityPhilia:- The desire to show yo love for the father, son, and holy ghost. Or just to get freaky with Trinity Zamrzla, that dudes a beast yo!
Speedophilia:- The desire to have sex at or with ludicrously high speeds.
Tartophilia:- The desire to have sex with warm pastries.
Shaggyshaggyphilia:- The desire to have sex with Vietnamese prostitutes.
Necroinsestphilia:- the desire to have sex with a dead relative.
Wookieephilia:- The need to have sex one a daily basis with either a Wookie or a very large hairy women.
Xylophonophilia:- In which a person does the deed with an incredibly skinny woman whilst hammering her ribcage with sticks.
WetLaundryophilia:- The desire to have sex with wet laundry, fresh out of the washing machine.
Giedaophilia:- The desire to have sex with just who you think it is.
Hobophilia:- The desire to pleasure yourself with and in the company of a Hobo. 25
Cainophilia:-The desire to indulge in self mutilation of genitalia whilst an elderly black woman defecates on one's chest, and John Cleese defibs one's testicles.
Senioraphilia:- The urge to have sex with someone who is three grade ahead of you.
squeezeaphilia:- The urge to have sex with anything that has a tiny hole.
Hoopophilia:- The urge to rape the center on your high school's varsity guys basketball team even though you are a guy yourself.
Automotivephilia:- The need to have sex with your car, no matter when, where or how.
UnwashedLaundryophilia:- The desire to have sex with dirty unwashed laundry. Any guesses why the laundry needed to be washed in the first place?
Crossaphilia:- The desire to tackle the first person to win a high school cross country race and rape them 'til they cry for their mommy.
Hockaphilia:- The urge to rape any given person at any given time that is within the Hockomock area.
Trampaphillia:- The uncontrollable urge to have sex with, or on, a trampoline.
Asianfied.Asianophilia:- The desire to make all beings in sight; both human and animal,
Stuffaphilia:- The urge to want to have sex with everything in sight
Audiophilia:- The desire to seek pleasure from the vibration of sound waves.
OscarWildeishphilia:- Attempting to imitate the "sexcapades" of Oscar Wilde.
Pedophilia:- The desire to have sex with feet.
Loliphilia:- The desire to have sex with small cartoon children anytime you see them, and its HOT HOT HOT
Technophilia:- The desire to have sex with a computer…or a nerd
Panphilia:- The desire to have sex with members of the genus Pan (chimpanzees, bonobos, and Peter)
Spedophilia:- The desire to have sex with someone of negligible mental capabilities.
Sisteraphilia:- The urge to have sex with your sister. (note: This does not apply if you're a girl yourself.)
Sisterophilia:- The urge to have sex with your sister who just had a sex change.
Wikiphilia:- The desire to have sex with a Wikipedia contributor.
Homopuppetphilia:- A sexual attraction to gay puppets. WE wish the best to Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat.
Oldaphilia:- The need/ desire to bum a slow old person walking across the street.
Polpotophilia:- The desire to jerk off in front of 200,000+ dead people.
Mothophilia:- The desire to have sex with your mom. (You son of Freud!)
Tigerphilia:- Having multiple affairs because you love nothing more than to unmercifully cheat on your wife.
Philiaphilia:- The desire to have sex with sex itself.
French) and Lopunny.Poképhilia:- The desire to have sex with Pokémon, usually with the sex symbols Gardevoir (it's
Smithophilia:- The desire to have sex only to increase one's profit margin.
Pantophilia:- The desire to have sex with your pants on.