Worst 100 Sexual Perversions

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“Not many people know this but I was actually imprisoned because I had all of these perversions”

According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100* Sexual Perversions. Readers are required to bring their own tissues and lotion.

110-101[edit | edit source]

110.Uncyclophilia:-An abnormal obsession with Uncyclopedia. Specifically, masturbating to Oscar Wilde.
109.Masturphilia:-An extremely extreme attraction to masturbation. That of your own, or of someone else.
108.Little Boy-Syndrome:-Having the compulsion to fuck little boys.
107.Animiphilia:-The desire to have sex with an anime character. (i.e. Naruto Uzumaki, Ichigo Uchiha, Orochimaru, Michael Jackson, etc.)
106.SheSellsSeaShellsByTheSeaShoreophilia:-They aren't called tongue twisters for nothing.
105.Galipiphilia:-An extreme attraction towards wartime memorabilia (why else are artillery shells shaped like that?).
104.Existenstiaphilia:-If you aren't having sex, then sex doesn't exist.
103.Grassaphilia:-The desire to have sex with the front lawn.
102.Canadiaphillia:- The desire to Have sex in a cold area with a (wo)man in a weird accent while havin' some good ol' Flapjacks with maple syrup. Also a French accent works too.
101.Assphilia:- The desire to put your Tongue on an ass Image.

100-91[edit | edit source]

100.Pyrophilia:- The burning desire to have sex with a partner who is on fire. Tip: lighter fluid works well and doesn't smell as bad as petrol.
99.5.Pyrocoprophilia:- The desire to take a shit on your partner and set the shit on fire.
99.Cropohilia:- Liking for rumpy pumpy in a field of corn.
98.Frodorism:- Lusting after a small person's ring.
97.Dwarfism:- Dressing up in silly pointed hats and wanking over a sleeping person of the female type gender.
96.Autoerotisism:- Cars, lots and lots of cars… yummmmmmmmmmmmmm
95.Boothmania:- Trying to have sex in or somehow with a telephone booth
94.Agmalgatophilia:- Sexual attraction to very still mixtures of metals.
93.Paraphilia:- The love of having sex with members of her Majesty's Parachute Regiment.
92.Crush fetish:- getting turned on by pouring Fizzy orange drinks over people in a confined space.
91.Harpaxophilia:- getting aroused whilst watching Marx Brothers films.

90-81[edit | edit source]

90.Thatcherism:- Getting turned on by the sight of ladies handbags
89.Wikipedism:- The sandbox's not just for testing, you know.
88.Uncyclophila:- This causes one to use Unyclopedia 24/7 and want to have sex with an admin
87.Kittenhuffillia:- The urge to have sex with kittens before you huff them
86.Liberphillia:- The Need to put your penis in books before you read them
85.Floppydiskism:- When the porn is just too good and you need more than your hand to satisfy yourself
84.Cddriveism:- As above but for the more up to date man
83.Clotrmogism:- The urge to turn your penis inside-out and use it as a vagina
82.Delicatestism:- The need to suck one's testicle juices through a silly straw
81.Phone Sex fetish:- The urge to have sex with a phone

80-71[edit | edit source]

80.Cyberphilia:- The need to have sexual intercourse with electronic devices
79.Negrophilia:- The need to exclusively have sex with black people
78.Eminemphilia:- The unexplainable urge to have sexual intercourse, while singing bad rap samples in synchronization.
77.Hentaiphilia:- The desire to have sex with any hot cartoon character you see
76.AIMphilia:- Also called OMG WTF SECKS!11, this is the need to have sex while shouting nonsensical Internet jargon, including yelling "LOL!" and "OMG I R SECKSING U." May cause hilarity.
75.Hemophilia:- The urge to have sex whilst slowly gutting your partner and letting the blood drip all over you
74.Jesuphilia:- The urge to have all sexual acts somehow involve a statue of the Virgin Mary. (Alternate: The unexplainable urge to have sex in a manger)
73.WoWphilia:- Urge to have sex with WoW, need they be more retarded?
72.Lewinskyphilia:- I did not have sexual relations with that woman, , ,only her mouth.
71.Powersuck-o-philia:- The desire to make love to a shop-vac.

70-61[edit | edit source]

70.Macrophilia:- The desire to make a simple key command for a task you can't be bothered to repeat over and over again.
69.PaulManiacophilia:- The unexplainable desire to . . .uhm . .
68.Slothophilia:- The desire to make slow movements (such as the robot) during intercourse.
67.Teddyophillia:- The desire to knock up your teddy bears or let one knock you up. (Bestiality!! You sick bastard!)
66.Philadelphilia:- The irresistible urge to have it on with a certain city (of otherwise undisputed reputation).
65.Tranvetiteaphilia:- The sexual urge to have sex with a transvestite under the freeway late at night whilst watching re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond.
64.Dig-Dugphilia:- The desire to don a jumpsuit and blow up your sexual partner with a bicycle pump.
63.Hulkphilia:- The desire to wear green make-up and get 'mad' with your partner.
62.Phillisteakphilia:- The desire to spread melted cheese on your hoagie rolls.
61.Hydrophilia:- The desire to make out with a glass of water.

60-51[edit | edit source]

60.Hygrophilia:- The desire to make out with a glass of drought.
59.Blockbusterphilia:- Wow! What a difference!
58.Paddyphilia:- The Overbearing desire to fornicate with potatoes.
57.Marxophilia:- The desire to have sex with everyone in world, each according to his/her needs.
55.Frottage (Rubbing up against others on public transport)
54.Plate - Job:- masturbating under a glass coffee table while someone shits on it.
53.Furryphilla:- The desire to mate with people in fox suits. See Rednecks
52.AC/DC:- inserting an AC adapter's plug in your dick and plugging the adapter into a wall socket in hopes of a "surge splurge."
51.PISSGUMPHILLIA:- The desire to soak your dentures overnight in urine…

50-41[edit | edit source]

50.Yoyohotophismillia:- The desire to come back to somehow who has genital herpes and then make a commercial about it.
49.Punchurcockophilia:- The extreme urge to hold your own erect penis down and masturbate by punching your genitals.
48.Book-Horniness:- The urge to have a massive orgy with thirty or more award winning books or owls. (Also known as intelligent bestiality.)
47.Contortaphilia:- To sex while playing twister.
46.Christianity:- The desire to crucify one's DICK!
45.STD-Overload Desire:- The goal of obtaining all of the known STD's in existence. Gotta catch 'em all! Poke'Ma'John!
44.Inanimateobjectaphiliacitis:- A mental disorder in which the afflicted demands inanimate objects to take them right where they lie.
43.Weenie-Beaters Disease:- The condition in which one drops heavy objects on their genitalia until they pass out.
42.Universalphilia:- the desire to have sex with Anything, Something, and therefore, Everything.
41.Astrophilia:- The need to have sexual activity in a zero G environment.

40-31[edit | edit source]

40.Nucleophilia:- The desire to have sex with an atomic bomb.
39.Emophilia:- The desire to have sex with emos.
38.Kaiserwillheimophilia:- the desire to have sex with a German with a tiny arm.
37.Winnetwagonphilia:- The need to penetrate a person that is carrying winnets.
36.Laundryophilia:- The desire to have sex with laundry, fresh out of the dryer. 35
34.TrinityPhilia:- The desire to show yo love for the father, son, and holy ghost. Or just to get freaky with Trinity Zamrzla, that dudes a beast yo!
33.Speedophilia:- The desire to have sex at or with ludicrously high speeds.
32.Tartophilia:- The desire to have sex with warm pastries.
31.Shaggyshaggyphilia:- The desire to have sex with Vietnamese prostitutes.

30-21[edit | edit source]

30.Necroinsestphilia:- the desire to have sex with a dead relative.
29.Wookieephilia:- The need to have sex one a daily basis with either a Wookie or a very large hairy women.
28.Xylophonophilia:- In which a person does the deed with an incredibly skinny woman whilst hammering her ribcage with sticks.
27.WetLaundryophilia:- The desire to have sex with wet laundry, fresh out of the washing machine.
26.Giedaophilia:- The desire to have sex with just who you think it is.
25.Hobophilia:- The desire to pleasure yourself with and in the company of a Hobo. 25
24.Cainophilia:-The desire to indulge in self mutilation of genitalia whilst an elderly black woman defecates on one's chest, and John Cleese defibs one's testicles.
23.Senioraphilia:- The urge to have sex with someone who is three grade ahead of you.
22.squeezeaphilia:- The urge to have sex with anything that has a tiny hole.
21.Hoopophilia:- The urge to rape the center on your high school's varsity guys basketball team even though you are a guy yourself.

20-11[edit | edit source]

20.Automotivephilia:- The need to have sex with your car, no matter when, where or how.
19.UnwashedLaundryophilia:- The desire to have sex with dirty unwashed laundry. Any guesses why the laundry needed to be washed in the first place?
18.Crossaphilia:- The desire to tackle the first person to win a high school cross country race and rape them 'til they cry for their mommy.
17.Hockaphilia:- The urge to rape any given person at any given time that is within the Hockomock area.
16.Trampaphillia:- The uncontrollable urge to have sex with, or on, a trampoline.
15.Asianophilia:- The desire to make all beings in sight; both human and animal, Asianfied.
14.Stuffaphilia:- The urge to want to have sex with everything in sight
13.Audiophilia:- The desire to seek pleasure from the vibration of sound waves.
12.OscarWildeishphilia:- Attempting to imitate the "sexcapades" of Oscar Wilde.
11.Pedophilia:- The desire to have sex with feet.

10-1[edit | edit source]

10.Loliphilia:- The desire to have sex with small cartoon children anytime you see them, discord admins usually have this
9.Technophilia:- The desire to have sex with a computer…or a nerd
8.Panphilia:- The desire to have sex with members of the genus Pan (chimpanzees, bonobos, and Peter)
7.Spedophilia:- The desire to have sex with someone of negligible mental capabilities.
6.Sisteraphilia:- The urge to have sex with your sister. (note: This does not apply if you're a girl yourself.)
5.Sisterophilia:- The urge to have sex with your sister who just had a sex change.
4.Wikiphilia:- The desire to have sex with a Wikipedia contributor.
3.Homopuppetphilia:- A sexual attraction to gay puppets. WE wish the best to Mr. Garrison and Mr. Hat.
2.Oldaphilia:- The need/ desire to bum a slow old person walking across the street.
1.Polpotophilia:- The desire to jerk off in front of 200,000+ dead people.
0.99.Laconophilia:- The desire to have sex with Sparta.
Your mom's reaction to you <insert name here> having Mothophilia
0.Mothophilia:- The desire to have sex with your mom. (You son of Freud!)
0.5.Tigerphilia:- Having multiple affairs because you love nothing more than to unmercifully cheat on your wife.
0.00.Philiaphilia:- The desire to have sex with sex itself.
-0.Poképhilia:- The desire to have sex with Pokémon, usually with the sex symbols Gardevoir (it's French) and Lopunny.
-1.Smithophilia:- The desire to have sex only to increase one's profit margin.
-9001.Pantophilia:- The desire to have sex with your pants on.
-°.Menophilia:- The desire to have sex on or with someone on their period.
Sexual Fetishes, Paraphilias, and Assorted Perversions
100 Animals
99 April Fools Jokes
98 Cartman Wannabes
97 Colors
96 Creatures to have sex with
95 Firefox extensions
94 Foods
93 Gifts to give a friend
92 Harry Potter Spin-offs
91 Inventions
90 Locations
89 LOL Cats
88 Make Out Songs
87 Moments to get a Boner
86 Moments to Laugh
85 Money Making Schemes
84 Movies
83 Nonexistent Words
82 Not In The Least Bit Sexual Things To Do With No Pants On
81 Nutty Conspiracy Theories
80 Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
79 Pokemon Cash-Ins
78 Porn Stars
77 Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
76 Weapons
75 Reflections on 2005
74 Reflections on 2006
73 Reflections on 2007
72 Reflections on 2008
71 Reflections on 2009
70 Reflections on 2010
69 Reflections on 2011
68 Reflections on 2012
67 Reflections on 2013
66 Reflections on 2018
65 Reflections on 2022
64 Rejected Harry Potter Novels
63 Remakes
62 Restaurants
61 Self Help Books
60 Sexual Perversions
59 Short Poems
58 Sitcom Catchphrases
57 Songs
56 Songs about Seagulling
55 Songs To Have Sex To
54 Songs To Play At A Funeral
53 Spinoffs
52 Superheroes
51 Things About the '00s
50 Things to do during Christmas
49 Things to Put In An IV
48 Things To Say In Court
47 Things to Say in the Workplace
46 Things to say on a First Date
45 Toys
44 TV Programs
43 Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
42 Video Games of all time‎
41 Video Game Movies
40 Video Game Systems
39 Ways of Being a Dick
38 Ways To Be Castrated
37 Ways to be Circumcized
36 Ways to Deliver Bad News
35 Ways to Die
34 Ways to Kill Sarah Connor
33 Ways to Start a Novel
32 Ways to Win an Argument
31 Religions