Worst 100 Ways To Kill Sarah Connor
Are you a machine? Do you need to wipe out the human race? Are you paying too much for your car insurance?
Imagine this: You're the most advanced computer ever built, capable of sentient thought, and producing endless waves of evil mechanical soldiers, and you do this all in another day's work of wiping out the remains of the human race, when all of the sudden - some bellend pops out of a hole in the ground and blows up your CPU. How annoyed would you be? Fortunately for you, you invented time travel earlier that day over breakfast, so decide that it might be convenient to send back one of your so called "Terminators" back in time to kill this bloke when he was young. Better still why not send your robot buddies back further to kill the mom instead? conner is one of the biggest pussys ever known… 2 kill him u need 1 a bat….2 a shit ton of cats….3 2 four year olds….4 erics hills dick… once you do that your good… happy hunting Here are a few easy methods, for a quick clean kill of the mother of a future leader of humanity. Remember, not to be confused with the singer, Sarah Connor ((1980-20??)), unless you are planning to kill her, too.
(Success not guaranteed)
100-91[edit | edit source]
- Your rationale is that she should have been wearing a helmet, and has paid the price. ROADKILL
- Don’t bother walking through the nightclub in slow motion to a techno soundtrack. Clichés are not cool.
- She deserves it for giving birth to a Sarah Connor, who then gives birth to her own happy little resistance leading prick.
- Quite why a sophisticated killing machine needs to shoot a person multiple times is unknown. One bullet to the head and BOOM! HEADSHOT! She’s dead.
- You’re made of a reinforced hyper-alloy, meaning only one punch against a solid wall will do. Also consider a curb stomp.
- Because it’s the 80’s, Sarah Connor will almost definitely own a microwave oven, and when she goes to open it, set the satchel charge to blow her to bits.
- Blow up the police station.
- TV taught me that you can kill a woman driving at 40mph. So if not…Why not?
- You can bend a lead pipe; you can bend a Sarah Connor also.
- Oh, wait that already happened! Thanks Fox network. (with more than a hint of sarcasm)
90-81[edit | edit source]
- So you burn her up in your crazy shiny orb thing.
- When she goes to drive to work next morning……BOOM!
- Just to rub it in her face that you can.
- Lock her in an arena with a Lion, a hunter-killer, and the robotic equivalent of Barry Manilow. If she survives…kill her in the face.
- Because he’s another dumb American, raised in a hole.
- I.E. GodFUCKINGZilla
- And repetitively rickroll her in real time until she kills herself.
- You can take back your style once she’s dead, and live out the rest of your terminator days looking fine.
80-71[edit | edit source]
- Give Sarah Connor the ticket in the guise of her having won it in a competition she inadvertently participated in using her mind when she was asleep. Wait until she gets on the plane. Blow up the plane.
- With 47 tatooed into the back of his neck.
- If she refuses, burst into tears and stab her in the head. If she accepts shoot her in the face.
- With luck, she’ll eat the raw chicken, get salmonella and die.
- Pretend to be from the insurance company and offer Connor a courtesy car. Have the car rigged with explosives. When she goes to drive the car, detonate the explosives.
- And wait for her to get home from work.
- And put the blame on an Italian midget plumber wearing a red cap
- Because she’s pointless and shit
70-61[edit | edit source]
- Then tell the colonial marines to go round her house for a wild party.
- But more importantly – neither will Sarah Connor.
- Then form the appearance of a middle aged man, take photos to police, and watch as American justice system incarcerates and executes Sarah “child touching” Connor.
- With a velociraptor.
- With a lightsabre.
- Just to be sure she’s dead. After you’ve unloaded an entire magazine into her face.
- Even if she were to kill Cliff Richard, we can take solace in the fact that all the other old people present would go like zombies on her ass and rip her to shreds.
- And have her choke some Brown gas.
60-51[edit | edit source]
- Then give her a pistol to let her end her emotional pain.
- Japanese school kids love eating Americans – That’s a fact!
- Hopefully the marine will see Sarah Connor and be like “DIE MOTHERFUCKER” because of her full on scary face. Because this is nothing like Doom, the marine will pelt Sarah Connor with shotgun shells and the occasional BFG blast and hopefully… hopefully… you won't have to do it again because your computer didn’t fuck up. Damn 8mb of ram.
- I'm really starting to get fucking bored of this now.
- You’re like made of metal and weigh a ton. She will die, quite a bit.}}
50-41[edit | edit source]
- If it doesn’t sting her to death, flamethrower the both of them for being equally shit at life.
- She’ll have died of cholesterol poisoning before judgment day, possibly even before giving birth. Hell, there’s every chance she’ll have the baby and eat that too!
- I mean, it happened in True Lies, and that’s virtually the same as real life right?
- With a bit of luck, there’s every chance she will freeze to death, and if she doesn’t, well you would hope being in a room of -40º would immobilize her long enough for you to do the other 70 things listed above.
40-31[edit | edit source]
- Maybe she will realize the machines are good people, and only want the best for their kind. Bruce Willis died for humans in Armageddon. Surely this is the same thing? Minus the shitty Aerosmith soundtrack of course.
- Sarah Connor can’t touch MC Hammer, therefore meaning she has to lose (and die) by default.
- As a member of Bebo, it is an obligatory rule that you MUST kill yourself to be cool.
- Who then comes and suffocates her with his webbed fingers of glory.
- Domestic Violence FTW!
- It seems a bit excessive, but it would helluva fucking epic.
- BOOM! HEADBUTT!
- Do it again. And again.
- Offer her the options of either living with Vanilla Ice for the rest of her life, or killing herself. The obvious choice is death.
30-21[edit | edit source]
- Strafe-Jump-Strafe-Grenade-Strafe-Assault Rifle Spray-Jump-Strafe-Melee-DEATH
- Blowing up yourself and her at the same time.
- And blow up the entire fucking planet.
- And then drop the ball in Viridian Forest.
- If she doesn’t die of radiation poisoning on the first spoonful, the following atomic blast might hopefully rape her to death.
- And make her asplode all over the place.
- With the effect of being a steam roller from the future.
- Sarah Connor: “Let me live!”
- Hal 9000: “I’m sorry Sarah… I’m afraid I cant let you do that.”
- Quote: “I have had enough of motherfucking Sarah Connor on this Motherfucking plane!”
- Instead of only taking a rubbish pistol to kill her at that techno nightclub, take your big fat minigun cliché of doom.
20-11[edit | edit source]
- Kill her Korean style.
- Have your T-1000 jump out of a plane, form a massive metal glider, then float through the air until you’re close to Sarah Conner on her commute to work, then turn into a massive flying spike of death, and impale her in a death from above style way.
- When she goes into a phone booth, make your T-1000 turn into a blob, and crush the phone booth like in the blob.
- She’ll probably realize that machines wiping out the human race is a good thing, and agree to dying or even deciding not to have sex ever, thereby avoiding giving birth to John Connor and dying like a good person when Judgment Day comes.
- To Mordor!
10-1[edit | edit source]
- Drive you car through the entrance and shoot the place up… oh, wait…
- That should do it (unless she recently got Elven Armor).
- Let her die horribly and slowly.
- Meet her at Dairy Queen and ask her, "What was your name again?"