Worst 100 Porn Stars of All Time

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Worstlist.png
100 Animals
99 April Fools Jokes
98 Cartman Wannabes
97 Colors
96 Creatures to have sex with
95 Firefox extensions
94 Foods
93 Gifts to give a friend
92 Harry Potter Spin-offs
91 Inventions
90 Locations
89 LOL Cats
88 Make Out Songs
87 Moments to get a Boner
86 Moments to Laugh
85 Money Making Schemes
84 Movies
83 Nonexistent Words
82 Not In The Least Bit Sexual Things To Do With No Pants On
81 Nutty Conspiracy Theories
80 Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
79 Pokemon Cash-Ins
78 Porn Stars
77 Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
76 Weapons
75 Reflections on 2005
74 Reflections on 2006
73 Reflections on 2007
72 Reflections on 2008
71 Reflections on 2009
70 Reflections on 2010
69 Reflections on 2011
68 Reflections on 2012
67 Reflections on 2013
66 Reflections on 2018
65 Rejected Harry Potter Novels
64 Remakes
63 Restaurants
62 Self Help Books
61 Sexual Perversions
60 Short Poems
59 Sitcom Catchphrases
58 Songs
57 Songs about Seagulling
56 Songs To Have Sex To
55 Songs To Play At A Funeral
54 Spinoffs
53 Superheroes
52 Things About the '00s
51 Things to do during Christmas
50 Things to Put In An IV
49 Things To Say In Court
48 Things to Say in the Workplace
47 Things to say on a First Date
46 Toys
45 TV Programs
44 Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
43 Video Games of all time‎
42 Video Game Movies
41 Video Game Systems
40 Ways of Being a Dick
39 Ways To Be Castrated
38 Ways to be Circumcized
37 Ways to Deliver Bad News
36 Ways to Die
35 Ways to Kill Sarah Connor
34 Ways to Start a Novel
33 Ways to Win an Argument

According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100* Porn Stars of All-Time.** Just add your name if you think you're one of the worst porn stars today.

* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticize divine numeration policy.

100. James Masterson
Prefers to strip in front of guys. Lives in Tonbridge Wells on Claremont road. Has a dog called Cassy. Has had anal sex with many things ranging from hippo-dolls to real life chimps. Other things include men, small male children, himself, his dad, etc. etc.
99. Marky Ramone
After being kicked out of punk band Ramones, Markyramone turned into adult entertainment has appeared in more than 5,500 adult films to date, started out as a skinny 17 year old, most notable in playing the rapist type and the man on a dark alleyway character. Has starred with today's hottest female adult stars. Also appeared in the mainstream movie 'Boogie Nights"
98. Jacob Israel Villaster
Best known for the hardcore débutantes series, which shows young female college students doing it for the first time.
97. Don Rudieboy Ortanez
Master of the Gang Bang series. Known as Rudieboy project.
96. Chicoi
Demure, innocent looking with a dark side. A fan favorite, started her career in 2002. Entered the scene as Maya Sparkle. Constantly reinventing her look and style she changed her screen name to SweetSummerMoon, until finally settling with the androgynous Chicoi name. That is, until she reinvents herself once again...
95. Mikay
Best known for the "Tarzan and Jane" series and the great tampon adventures.
94. Veegeeboy
A newcomer in the world of porn, made his debut at the "African Amazons 1".
93. Emeraldphoenix Moonshine Butterflypeace
The "everyman" lucky enough to be discovered while taking a piss behind the studio parking lot. Made his debut in Buttmasters 2.
92. Burpman Junior
Appeared first in "Innocent Puppies 1" with Criselda, a two-month old puppy. Now a famous name is the industry with the success of "Elephant Gang Rape" and "Zoo Adventures". Critics in the industry call Burpman Junior "pure animal!".
Former Scottish Sumo Champion, Fat Bastard during his brief stint as an pr0n star.
91. Skopun
Known as the "pimping daddy" famous for the line "Give me some pussy, I want more pussy". Has a bestselling series called "To Professor with Love, from College Sluts".
90. Bambit
A model turned porn star, made her debut in "al Jazeera Gangbang" and the critically acclaimed series "Mujahidin Sex Orgies". She now resides somewhere in the Middle East.
...you don't want to know. Trust me.
89. Giggles M'gombo
Nigeria's leading female porn star, known as "the longest flaps in the business".
88. Bob Dole
"The Pocket Rocket" has starred in over 186 movies to date.
87. Miguel Mucho Wanga
Known as the "Mex Sex Pistol", Miguel began a career as a Mariachi, until an unfortunate accident involving all the fingers on his right hand. Famed for the "Chihuahua Splash".
86. Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan Ibn Al Abbas Ibn Rashid Ibn Hamad
Male lead of "al Jazeera Gangbang", co-starring with Bambit (see entry 90 above).
Former football player and Lithuanian politician Doron Moravchick, in his film debut.
85. Clit Westwood
Star of "Fistful of Dildos" and "A Few Dildos More", Clit died of internal hemorrhaging due to a freak buttplug accident, during the filming of "Dirty Harold".
Oldbobbyfischer.jpg
84. Bobby Fischer
Building off of his claims that chess was "mental masturbation" and that "the Jews are liars", Fischer believed his fame would translate into porn star status. Unfortunately, most of his movies consist of him playing chess and warding off the Jews. He was the star of "Check Mate", "Queen takes King", "Screw the Jews", "Screw America XIV", and "Mother-Fucking Jews".
83. Daffyd ap Williams ap Williams ap Gryffudd
Premier Welsh Pornstar, famed for "I Came in Her Valleys", "Coal Mining Man" and "Pobol y Cum".
82. John "THE Wang" Homos
Famed for his 24 inch penis, John could only maintain an erection for 32 seconds, before the lack of blood flow to his brain caused unconciousness. Star of "Champion - the Wonder Horsedick".
81. Doron Moravchick
'Star' of "In Russia, Girls Fuck You" and "Five Go Mad in Prague".
80. Slappy the Dog Faced Whore
Famous for early 1950s Bestial Classic "Muffin the Mule".
79. Mr. T
After his successes during the 1970's and 1980's, Mr. T fell upon hard times during the mid 1990's. Performing in numerous gay porn flicks, under the name of B.J. Baracas, Mr. T joined his own list of pitied fools.
78. Your Gran
In an effort to augment her pension Your Gran has appeared in a number of low budget German porn films, including "Vera Lynn - Up Sally's Ally" and "Flaps in the Breeze 7".
77. Elmo
Need I say any more?
76. Bill Gates
Unfortunately his nickname was Micro Soft.
Bill Gates from his porn days
75. David Loon
Gay porn star that never made it due to playing Halo 2 when he should have been shooting a film.
Popular Dutch pr0n star and model, Goldfinger
74. Tish aka Tishmoi
Former member of the RnB band 9th avenue cubao, left her band to enter the world of porn, first appeared in markyramone's "outdoor horny hunters" and Skopun's "dick charmer" she has since appeared in over 300 adult films, although her dream is still to become a Miss World contestant.
73. Darth Vader
Too cold hearted to be a lover and... some important stuff was burninated in the lava...*OUCH*
72. Adam Motisa
Quite literally the one second man/woman/alien.
71. Ariel Sharon
When he's in bed, the whole world's watching.
70. Leisure Suit Larry
Despite a devoted following of Sierra adventure game fans, his sexual ineptitude and general geekiness did not serve him well in this line of work.
69. 56-inch Penis man
Penis is to huge to move.
68. Geraldo "Kinky" Nudo
Sexy Latino gay, building up his own imperium at various gaypornsites. Debuted in the 2002 Brazilian blockbuster "Guacamole Geraldo". Besides acting, also runs the "Aegis", a huge online database of AIDS victims.
67. AAAAAA! AAAA!
Aaaaa. Aaaaa aaa "AAA" Aaa! Aaa aa aaaaaa aa aaa aaaaa aaa. Aaaa Aaa aaaa aa aaaaa aa:Aaaa, aaaa. A! See Also:AAAAAAAAA!
A Good Catch, Ladies.jpg
66 Toni "The Pube Tube" Rigoletto
Had reverse-alopecia of the genitals. Starred in such classics as "Dirty Hairy" and "Oh My God! Your Pubes Seem to Have Enveloped Me in their Curly Wake", "Oh My God! Your Pubes Seem to Have Enveloped Me in their Curly Wake II:The Hairway to Heaven".
65. Michael Jackson
no-nose + porn + kiddies/anything else (who knows, this guy might hump plush toys!) does not Equal any form of porn or porn star. He's in the list because he said his sleeping with kids perfectly natural, and thats what they said about pornography and adults.
64. Anthony Saguaro
Test tube baby; his DNA was spliced with genes from the saguaro cactus. While it took him a hundred years to get a boner, it made a nice birdhouse afterwards. He is the star of such films as "Tasty desert... no, the other kind of desert" and "Ow! My cock has thorns."
63. Terri "the tube" Schiavo
Had a booming career filming bukkake films such as "Bukkake for Beginners" and "I star in Bukkake Films and Don't vote because I live in Florida" until her eating disorder led to a heart problem. After her unfortunate accident, she made an amazing rebound in films such as "Moaning and Groaning is All I do" and "Fuck me Braindead"
62. The Chuckle Brothers
Paul and Barry's latest adventures.
61. Morrissey
Star of videos 'Rubber Ring' 'Bigmouth Strikes Again' 'Hand In Glove' 'Driving Your Girlfriend Home' 'Asian Rut' 'Hold On To Your Friends' 'Such A Little Thing Makes Such A Big Difference' and the disturbing 'Vicar In A Tutu'
60. Earl "Mini-Me" Euradere
Star of "2 Inches is Big Enough" and "Extreme Masturbation for n00bs"
59. Zilah Patricia Muegel
Co-star with Earl Euradere in 69 of his highest-grossing films (They didn't bring in much money, if you know what I mean)
58. Your Mom
Do I even have to explain this?
57. George W. Bush
Because "riding bareback" in a pr0n movie is different than horse riding (unless you're a fan of beastiality)
56. Oscar Wilde
Great poet, but has a little "shortcoming" problems
55. Diane Naquadia
Can do it all, but do you want to see it? See:fugly
54. Albert Einstein
While , , where D = penile size
53. You
Self-explanatory...
52. Michael Moore
All he does is complain about Vast Right-wing Conspiracies and that he can't get a real job.
51. Malikat
Clearly a failure. He can't even get into his girlfriends pants.
50. <insert name here>
The dipshit that made theirs number one instead of 49th because they think theirs is so damn special.
49. John Cena
Critics claim his lack of 'fuckrate', and the fact that he doesn't suck as much as he does in the ring, on the mic, or on the silver screen.
48. Centimeter Peter
Okay, this isn't a real porn star. But if he was, then damn...
47. Bill Clinton
A $47 million production in which the kinkiest scene involved a cigar.
46. Willy Wanka'
Had a wonderful career until he sold poisoned, gold candy bars that made a bitch, a fat kid, a gum chewing girl, a TV fag, and a poor kid come into his house and have some fun...
45. Homer Simpson
Those curves aren't at all natural
44. Mario
After being bored of rescuing the Princess, he uses his fire flower power to shoot flames of sperm at his porn partner:Luigi.
43. Luigi
Tired of not being selected than his popular brother Mario in all the famed Nintendo games, he joins Mario as his gay porn partner on the receiving end of fire hot money shots.
42. Martin Yan
After an unfortunate accident with his ginsu knife when he accidentally chopped off his Chinese sausage, he is now known as "the cook with no cock."
41. Homestar Runner
First of all, he doesn't have hands! masturbation and fingering are therefore impossible. He has no penis, instead he squirts semen out of his leg, and nobody wants to see that. Thirdly, StrongBad is sexier.
40. Fred Durst
Bizkit isn't the only thing of his thats "limp".
39. Jabba the Hutt
...
38. Hugely Hairy Harry
Went to Hollywood looking for a roll in a Star Wars movie as a Wookiee. Makes Ron Jeromy look like a hairless cat.
37. Tinky Winky
There are laws about that sort of thing (Gayness not the child porn thing).
3. Hillary Clinton

“Okay, but do I have to take my clothes off? Or have sex with him? This seems demeaning to women.”

~ Hillary Clinton on porn

Bill jumped at the opportunity to be a porn star. And he's actually pretty good at it, so he's not on this countdown.

2. Elliot Spitzer
1. Your mom.

Honorable Mention