Worst 100 Self Help books of All Time
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- (Low Expectations Press, 2009) $10,000 in 10 Weeks.
- (Erratic Weather Press, 2006) How to make annoying interruptions in articles on Uncyclopedia.
- (SC4M Publishing, 1999) Turn your life around quickly with our 25 part series which is available with our weekly training sessions and our further improvement courses. Note. Will only work if you buy each publication, continuously attend weekly sessions and take each course offered. In literally hours your life will improve thanks to us and if it doesn't then it's your fault and your not trying hard enough.
- Play the game in the first chapter repeatedly until all your fingers are gone.
- (Jimbo Wales, 2007) Huff Wikipedia in 2 million or so easy steps. Huff percentage: 0001%. Hey, that's 200 articles in English alone.
- (Hitchcock Publishing, Inc., 2003) Decoration with Taxidermy is the new craze!
- (forDummies Books, Inc., 1997) Learn to read in 20 chapters.
- (Enron Books, 2001) There's a great section about naming subsidiaries after different dinosaurs!
- (forDummies Books, Inc., 1999) Featured chapters include Meth Labs: easier than they look, Stealing Oxycontin is Easy, and How to Avoid Detection.
- (Blandom House, 1992) Step-by-step guides on how to get to the bookstore, find the book, and purchase it.
- (not published, 1996) Features all 9 major types, and detailed instructions, even with pictures!
- (Vanguard Press, 2000) Get a free copy for every two people you get to take advantage of our free copy deal.
- (Acorn Books, 1986) Self-defense for squirrels.
- (Stewart Books, 2005) How to turn an ankle bracelet into a you ankle bracelet!
Hobo in One Week
- (Pimp My Books, 2007) Step by step instructions on sign-making, begging, and much much more! Cost: your savings, home, and other assets.
- (Laminated Press, 1978) Techniques on how to make a fire look electrical, how to get somebody to crash your car, how to effectively wear a neck brace, and much, much more! Our experts will offer personal assistance for a percentage of your settlement.
- (Loader Press, 2006) Ways in which to avoid bullying and beatings. Some suggestions include wielding a katana or buying a Colt45
- (forStubbies Books, 1990) How to use your testicles to achieve victory! Not for use by Stubs with their "third leg" removed.
- (Emmzee Press, 2002) This book teaches things such as how to smoke at a gas station, throw rocks at an angry tiger, and how to strap unstable rocket engines to your bike!
- (Prison-Made Books, 1996) Everything from poison to ice picks are covered in this handy-dandy guide.
- (Valladolid 2005) Un libro para aprender español para los que aún no hablan español.
- (Horse Screw Press, 2004) A step-by-step guide for sneaking on to a farm, choosing the right animal, sedating it, and screwing it.
- (Whiners Books, 2006) Learn how to listen to crappy music, cry and whine about how miserable your life is, and just be an annoying asshole!
- (Random Horse, 1968) The classic book that helps me feel okay with the fact you're a loony control freak with unresolved father issues.
- (Zork Books, 2002) Even contains a Grue for practice!
- (Dr. Frankenstein Publications, 1979) Encourages to practice your new skills "on friends".
- (Giza Press, 2150 BC.) No slaves required!
- (John Nash Publications, 1963)
- (Oscar Wilde, 1898)
How To Be A Dummy For Dummies
- (Blue Books, 1988) Includes separate sections for male (1034 pages) and female (2 pages) readers.
- (Sing Sing Books, 1933) The book includes several concealed tools.
- (Reichspress, 1940) The book includes a gadget which will give you a powerful electric shock for every mistake you make whilst learning German. Not recommended for people with heart problems.
- (Squishy Books, 1989) The title is meant to be taken literally according to the book.
- (forDummies Books, Inc., 1998) "Buy this book, you hunch-backed disgusting little snotty-faced pile of reindeer poop!" That was merely the blurb.
- (GrimReaper Press, 2002) A step-by-step guide to deceasing.
- (GrimReaper Press, 2003) The official sequel to How To Die.
- (1993) Burglary, fraud, robbery… Don't just make a fortune, take it!
- (Transylvania Books, 1965)
- (End Books, 1996) Price: $995.
- (Konfuse Press, 1999) The book does not include maps of New York, Chicago, Paris, Moscow, Tokyo, and many other big cities.
- (Ano Rex Books, 1998)The inspiring book written by Swizz Beatz Tha Monsta
- (Backback & Blister, 1992) Under which bridges to sleep in Paris, which restaurant has the most hygienic garbage cans in Prague, and the German railway companies with the fewest guards.
- (LooneyTunes Books, 1985) Instructions to countless pranks involving anvils and explosives.
- (Napoleonic Books, 1945)
- (1977) A definitive guide to taking your own life. You can write your last message on the extra pages provided.
- (A-moral Publications, 1995) How to make money while other people are preoccupied with killing.
- (forStubbies Books, 1982) How to get over your extra limbs, missing limbs, shortened/lengthened limbs, etc. and get in a porno!
- (bin Laden Press, 2002) How to find the most infidels, and make your own bomb with stuff you can find at your local Chuckie Cheese.
- (Mistake Publishing, 1999) How lose your place.
- (Correction Publishing, 1999) How to remember your place.
- (NASA, 1984) How to build your own spaceship and explore the fringes of the universe on less than 5 yen a day.
- (Books for Criminals, Inc., 1977) Counterfeit money and be rich!
- (OJ Publishing Co. 1959)
- (forDummies books, inc, 1998) A piece of cake, with this book at hand. Over the past several years, the author has quit smoking several thousands of times, so he's a real expert! A step-by-step guide.
- (ScamsRus, 2004) Promising at the start, 'til you realize that's it 200 pages of blank paper.
- (Black Bird Inks, 2006) Exhale on the left nostril… Inhale from the right…
- (CrowsAlleyLibrary, 1998) If it cures you, it's a Miracle!
- (New World Order Press, 2006) How to become an arrogant dictator and claim to be charged by God with the duty to destroy America on less than 6 infidels a day!
Afghanistan for Gay & Lesbian Travellers
- (Stoning Books, 1999) A guide to the hidden jewel of Central Asia under the Taliban.
- (Scholastic, 1982) Learn quickly and easily how to compl
- (Mexicanes Press Syndicate, 2006) Una guía en cómo cruzar la frontera el Estados Unidos de Americana sin conseguir cogido; Ahora en Español!
- (Squirt Intl., 2003) A guide for those looking into getting into the fun and profitable bukkake industry.
- (Not Just A Clever Title Books, 2006)
- (Not Just A Clever Title Books, 2006)
Would have done it… by O.J. Simpson
- Ways to kill your wife and her friend before writing a book about how it could have happened.
- Not something to read if you actually hunt.
- (Ox Ford Press, 1998)
- (Amundsen-Scott: Penguin, 1963). Herman explains how introspection got him into something good.
- (Dwell Books, 1959)
- (De Press, 2007). When your children act out, there's always Valium…or Chloroform
- (Bench Press, 2000). Ms. Henner describes frankly and sincerely her secret motivatation to lose weight: she figured she could make a mint selling weight-loss books.
Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh
- Two men with impeccable reputations for meticulously accurate research present effective, proven weight-reduction methods.
- (Figment Classics, 1989). Help for the peeping Tom in all of us.
- (Baghdad: Gallow Books, 2006). By an expert on both sides of the issue.
Osama bin Laden and Adam Sandler
- (New York: WTC Press, 2001). The book that has already changed so many lives.
- (only available door-to-door). Discusses God's expectation that we live it up and get laid as much as possible, rather than risk the low odds of being one of the 144,000 to be saved.
- (Re Press, 2009). A must read for anyone stressed out due to the expectation of impending trauma.
- (Stopthe Press, 2007). Have a child who is too attentive to your every action? "Mommy, what were you and daddy doing that was SO noisy?" Tips to teach your child a shorter attention span.
George W. Bush
- (New Orleans: Katrina Publications, 2005). A #1 Worstseller!
- (Dyspublications, 1999). Learn to take care of YOU for a change.
- (Alibi Press, 1997). Ways to improve your gambling addiction.
- (Stereo Type Press, 2007)
Chang, Eng, and Ti-Eye Jr. Bunker
- (Pub Lishers Anonymous, 2002). Have you ever developed a strong sense of independence? Are you prepared to live autonomously if something happens to your spouse? Well, the world-famous Bunker triplets provide insightful advise to change all that, so that you will never feel that you can live apart again.
- (Fat People Is Funny Press, 1921). It's thought to be the oldest self-help book ever. It failed at the time of publishing because of constant insults towards William Taft, who was and remains a national treasure.
- (Unim Pressed, right now). Dr. Phil shows you how to forget useless self-help books and pop psych T.V. shows, stop whining, and just get on with your life once and for all.
Jeffrey Dahmer, ed. The Joker
- (Anarchy Press, 1997, 2008). "Jeff and Joker discuss how to overcome those pesky primal urges! Reserve your copy today!"
- The Useless Idiot's Guide to Girlfriends
- The Useless Idiot's Guide to Newspeak
- Bertholm Hamshire's History of Civilization
- Young Peoples guide to the SATB Choir
- I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!: Daily Affirmations By Stuart Smalley