Worst 100 Superheroes of All Time

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31 Religions

Superheroes have always been known for their superhuman abilities and sheer determination. However, not every superhero has the fortune to meet this criteria. And it just so happen that there are enough of them to be listed in a Top 100-styled format. Lo and behold, the Worst 100 Superheroes of All Time.

100-91[edit | edit source]

100. Normal man

A very normal man without superpowers. fights with his bare fists. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem bad enough compared to the "superheroes" after him.

99. Anthos the crimson impulse

A failure of a superhero who claims to fight trolls for the sake of the internet. Unfortunately, he gets trolled by every single troll on the internet himself and he is so pathetic that he fails to tickle even the weakest of trolls. This does NOT stop him from fantasizing it, however.

98. EA man

A billionaire who tries to defend America's "greatest" company by swallowing the souls of other companies that are better than his. He then converts the games they produce into his powers and he uses them to obliterate more companies.

97. DeviantART man

A superhero who defends DeviantART from furries, bronies, and weeaboos and attempts to make DeviantART a true art site. He was banned from his original account last Friday, but he constantly returned and posted legions of shock images using bots and proxies. But one question remains: WHY the hell is he saving DeviantART using shock images???

96. The spammer

A hacker who constantly spams villains with all sorts of commercials about LV handbags, fake antivirus software and free XXX Porn. usually if the villain opens it they will be spammed by :

What a wonderful way to get shot.

95. Faglord

A superhero that has a disturbing crush when he sees a man. Despite all men run away 10000 miles away from him 1 second straight, he proved to be ineffective against female supervillains, such as the pegasister.

94. Reverse logic

A superhero that analyzes stuff with reverse human logic. Therefore he will congratulate and award villains and punish good people because he thinks crime is good and virtue is bad.

93 Paper man

A man made of paper. cuts people who touch him, but disappears when getting flushed with water.

92. Crusher

A bisexual 16 year old girl who falls in a crush with every single villain. Eventually all the villains are so annoyed that they gathered up to beat her ass and raped her in a 100 man bukakke.

91. The internet tough guy

A 10-year old kid who acts tough on the internet and punishes trolls with trash talk. Eventually gets doxed by the trolls, and was hax0red to death. He never appeared onto the internet again.

90. Fish man

A man that is capable into transforming into any form of fish. But he still can't breathe or walk on land. Weakness; sushi eaters, fish hooks, sushi chefs, larger fish, seals or any form of fish eating animal, and most importantly, the land.

91-80[edit | edit source]

89. Uwe boll

He landed onto a pile of radioactive waste and had superpowers. His superpowers is: any villain who watch his movies forcibly explode.

No.88 is just like this, but he's way worse and he's not even the president.
88. Mr. narcistic

A man who thinks he is god despite not having any form of major contribution whatsoever, and thinks he deserves superior recognition. Actually he is a normal man and is quite ordinary, save for his anger which shatters nothing.

87. Mr. nobody cares

“Who gives a shit about who wins?”

~ So he said.

And so, he is invincible.

86. AIDS Man

A African-American person who spreads aids to all he touches. Takes time to kill villains, but should put them down for a long time.

85. Mr. late

Never shows up anything on time. Like this time, he showed up 35 minutes later after an evil scientist turned all the citizens in the city into his slaves. Apparently he saw "lots of traffic" in the "same street" despite all he has to do is to fly instead of using a car.

84. Toilet lord

A man that uses the power of the toilet to defeat evil. Known powers include controlling sewage water, wrapping people using toilet paper and plunging evil's heads using plunges. Also tells a lot of 6 year old toilet jokes.

83. Chair man

A man that has the ability to transform into a chair and is capable of summoning chairs to help him. That failed to stop the supervillain Doormaster, as he blocks all of his chairs with his doors.

82. Fatal Blindspot

Very powerful and destroys every single villain with his laser beam and godlike powers, but all it takes is the slightest touch to the exposed heart and he will explode.

81. Burnt torch

A tree-man that is capable of using fire based powers. Ended up burning himself out with his own fire.

80. Screamer

Distracts villains with what seems to be a where's waldo picture, then when the villain is looking closely for waldo, the picture suddenly turns into pazuzu or Regan McNeil and screams.

79-70[edit | edit source]

tiny man shown here 3000000X in size
79. Tiny man

A human that is 0.0001 nanometers tall and attacks the individual molecules of villains, forcing them to face disturbing mutations such as turning into a walnut or a hamster. Arch nemesis: Virus lord, a 0.01 nanometer being that can infect any human with any virus.

78. Juggalo man

A gang member who follows the preaches of the Legendary band insane clown posse. Attacks villains with hatchet (read: Meat cleaver), and can shoot laser beam eyes after drinking Faygo. But why would a juggalo be a superhero anyway? I have no idea.

77. Hammerman

Shameless self-promotion.

76. Captain Taliban

Impacts villains by hijacking innocent planes, places H bombs on top of major villain headquarters and Kidnaps and tortures minor villains all in the name of Islam!

75. The Superfriends

Originally two ordinary boys known as Matt and Jill, who were let into the superheroes club in order to get the audience some recognition. However, they were caught by the kid-fiddler at the start of the first episode and were anally abused and were subject to inhuman tortures, such as exposure to loli porn and shock gore. After 3 months of torture and anal assaults, what was left from them was two hollow, insane and barely recognizable bodies that were in horrible pain. Since then, the superheroes never invited a kid to them again, possibly in fear of pedo-villains. Did not test well with target age demographic and was rated XXX.

74. Gold man

A man with the body of gold. sells for great money, so robbers will no longer need to rob the bank.

73. The basement dweller

An internet superhero who fights against trolls for the rights of those who are dying alone. In fact, he is dying alone himself, so he needs to protect them from trolls. Actual appearance speculated to be a very morbidly obese neckbeard.

The basement dweller's true form. Speculation.
72. Shaquille O'Neal

The hero of the worst video game known to mankind.

71. Qing man

A Chinese man from ancient times who uses Kung fu to defeat evil western invaders of the Qing Dynasty. But since the Qing Dynasty sucked, he was owned by Suen-Yat-Sen.

70. Son of Dragon

A man who can transform into any kind of dragon. Was unable to defeat the scalies, who are reptile fetishists who want to rape him because they just lust for dragons.

69-60[edit | edit source]

69. 1 second man

A superhero that has god-like powers, but only activates for 1 second, then he has to wait 6 hours to activate it again.

68. Ku Klux Klaus

A mall Santa who is secretly a member of the KKK. Defends America from niggers, chinks and other "unclean races", For the sake of white trash supremacy.

67. The Deletionist

A Wikipedian who deletes random people, because they are "villains". A known Wikipedia sysop.

66. Miss twilight

A fundamentalist team Cullen fangirl who defends the twilight fandom from twilight haters (i.e. Any sane person) and team Jacob. Has the power to turn into a vampire that sparkles under the sun and turn into a werewolf so she can get rid of team jacob from "ruining" the fandom. (although the entire fandom was ruin itself.)

65. Captain Randomness

A superhero with the head of a dog, the body of you, the legs of a beetle, and the hands of a mushroom. Known for shooting laser beam eyes from his dog and having super-human strength which is comparable to Saturn. He also has the ability to control oxygen and transform it into a hippo and a fly.

64. The Man anus

A Man who can extend his anus to massive proportions. Aside of disgusting villains, he is also capable of shooting laser beams from it. Also known as "Goatse Man" or "Kirk Johnson"

63. Captain Satanus

Satan as a superhero? Possibly he's going to defeat god because god is a way greater Satan than him.

62. cotton candy man

A man made of cotton candy. Supposed to stick villains into cotton candy, but ends up getting eaten because it's way too delicious.

Seizure man unleashing his powers.
61. Seizure man

An hyper dimensional being that triggers epileptic shocks by flashing wildly in 700 colors. Used to have a cartoon about him, but was removed seconds within airing, possibly due to the same reasons as electric soldier Porygon.

60. balloon man

Worse than paperman, this pathetic excuse of a superhero is a giant balloon and explodes upon getting pierced. Since even the most simple of robbers carry knives, he is totally worthless.

59-50[edit | edit source]

boob girl's boobs (spectaculation)
59 Boob girl

A 16 year old girl with tits as big as her body. She shows male villains those tits and they get mysteriously hooked by it. Completely ineffective against the supervillain organization known as Encyclopedia Dramatica who furiously faps to her and tracks her so they can engage in 100 man bukakke with her.

58. Kahuna

The worst superhero in the worst movie that has ever graced the American movie industry. A complete insult to superheroes.

57. Hitler

When you see it in a completely Nazi way, Hitler is indeed a superhero.

56. Retard man

A retard with super powers. Ended up falling into a trap made by the joker and died laughing.

Oh god.
55. Hypocrite man

Went out saving the world from supervillains one day, robbing a bank in the other day, and creating a crime scene only to save it himself in the next day.

54. Dr. Jew

Saves the world from supervillains, but not before a price.

53. Microtransaction man

Despite having god-like powers, You have to pay him a small fee to him in order to get him use his powers. If not, he will only fight with his bare fists.

52. Dox man

Reveals personal information of villains, including their headquarter's addresses, telephone numbers, email addresses, IP addresses, and among other personal information.

51. The Vandal

Uncovers The evil conspiracies of Wikipedia and Wikia and Vandalizes them with bots of mass destruction, and has been done so for 8 years. Also a shrewd hacker and proxy abuser.

50. Candy blocker

Challenges villains into playing candy crush saga and causes them to fall into uncontrollable rage as they get killed by bombs, gets trolled by chocolate and tornadoes, as well as hopelessly try to clear all the jelly which is covered in over 110 pieces of meringue and cakes. Then he proceeds annoy the villains by asking them to buy boosters or lives when they lose, if they don't, he will turn all the blockers into reality and the blockers start to troll the villain to no end.

49-40[edit | edit source]

49. Mollusk man

A man with no bones. As a result, he cannot walk or stand, but he can jump or swim pretty well. Does not help much though.

48. Super size me man

Super size me man was a village idiot from krypton who has super man as an idol and wishes to be him. Until one day, he decided to visit earth to witness superman. However one day, Lex Luthor saw this and tricked him into eating 100 tons of kryptonite fast food and this sabotaged his digestive tract by making him 5000 pounds heavy. Now, unlike superman he has to eat 10 tons of fast food per day in order to maintain his superpowers and he will become so fat that he explodes. A lardfag's best dream.

47. The straitjacket

A regular man who was kidnapped by the FBI in order to conduct experiments on creating one-minded supersoldiers. However, the FBI's experiments failed and what results is a superhero that is completely insane. He has the insanity of The Joker, Penguin, Uwe boll, Tom cruise, Larry Probst, Moot and Mr. hands, and thus he has the characteristics of every one these people. As a result, any sane person in this universe fears him, as he is capable of destroying every single person in the planet in it's wake, all using his insanity.

46. Self-destructing man

A human whose only power is to create a nuclear-powered explosion the size of Manhattan. However, he is a trick pony because he self-destructs in the process and cannot resurrect himself, and thus his power can only be used once. Powerful, though.

45.5. Aimo Koivunen

The Finnish version of Asterix. Like Asterix, he was a soldier who beat up Roman Russian dudes and an important part of his nation's history. However, his secret weapon is not a magic potion brewed by the local druid, but meth brewed by the Nazis.

45. In-joker

The reverse dimension version of the joker, he is an unfunny superhero that attacks villains by telling Oscar Wilde, Chuck Norris and AAAAAA! jokes that were only funny in 2005. The villains eventually become so terrified that they forcibly explode or freeze in ice as his jokes were so shitty that the villains treat it as taboo. Also contributes to Uncyclowikia just to annoy the admins there with his blatant faggotry.

44. Fail Man

Fail in every thing he does. Even when it's a single robber stealing money in a bank with a knife, or a bunch of noobs playing call of duty. He fails it, even in a great situation. He just fails it.

43. Liquid man

A man that is capable of transforming into liquid. Unfortunately, he dissolves upon touching other liquid without any way to turn back into human form. As a result, He entered into a sewer and was drained just like the rest of the sewage water, only to be drank by mice.

42. Drainer

A superhero who drains the power of other superheroes and make it his own. Now, is this a villain or a hero? You decide.

41. Kim-jong-ren (金正人)

A pure North Korean who has god like powers and sets himself to defeat the putrid Americans, South Koreans, and Japanese. Can look at an American, Korean, or Japanese in the eye and they will die instantly without an exception. Speculated to be a secret north Korean experiment.

Just one of the things Kin-Jong-Ren can do.
40. Chanting Monk

A monk who chants Buddhist scripture in Sanskrit. That's about it. But he tends to annoy villains so much that they forcibly explode.

39-30[edit | edit source]

39. The LOLcat

A genetically mutated cat who wields a machine gun, walks on two legs, is not afraid of shit, and can jump the height of the empire state building. His favourite quote is "All your base are belong to us. You are on your way to destruction." He also watches you masturbate at the celling of your home.

38. Captain Pollution

A superhero who fights villains using the power of pollution. For example, he stuffs his enemies with carbon dioxide (making tham suffocate), pollutes the very water that villains drink with factory waste, and injects villains with radioactive waste so they will get cancer and die. Recently destroyed a rainforest in order to punish illegal logging companies.

37. Cocaine man

A man that transforms into a superhero only when he smokes cocaine. Aside of laser beam eyes, super strength, and the ability to fly, he also has the ability to make others addicted to cocaine just by touching them.

36. Once a hero

A hero from 1988 who has lost his superpowers. Now he's trying to get it back, but to no avail.

35. Tourneyfag Man

A superhero who Has the power of all superheroes, but only uses the same 6 powers Because he thinks they're the most "balanced". also avoids using superpowers that he thinks are "overpowered" such as supernova and sets up insane clauses for villains who fight him such as "invisibility clause", "Mind control clause", and "One man only". An enemy of practically any superhero save for superman.

34. Pokéman

A man that has the ability to transform into any Pokémon. His greatest rival is Digiman (see No. 33) who collides with him about who has the most power. All of them are enemies against the 34th rule, which converts all existing matter into porn of it.

33. Digiman

A man that has the ability to transform into any digimon. Since he will evaporate when he attempts to transform into an evil digimon, He tends not to do so and transforms into good digimon only. A self-proclaimed rival of Pokéman who he thinks is weak, and goes to the point of drawing anti-Pokémon guro artwork. He's also an enemy of the 34th rule, and that's the only time when the two forces combine.

32. Captain Plagiarism

Captain Plagiarism is a fictional character, a superhero that appears in comic books published by DC Comics, and is widely considered an American cultural icon. Captain Plagiarism was created by writer Jerry Siegel and artist Joe Shuster, high school students living in Cleveland, Ohio, in 1933; the character was sold to Detective Comics, Inc. (later DC Comics) in 1938. Captain Plagiarism first appeared in Action Comics #1 (June 1938) and subsequently appeared in various radio serials, television programs, films, newspaper strips, and video games. With the success of his adventures, Captain Plagiarism helped to create the superhero genre and establish its primacy within the American comic book.

31. Bukakke man

100 One minded, faceless naked male bodies who engage in bukakke against villains. Commonly represented in hentai as faceless, ugly bodies fucking hentai girls.

30. The Crazy bus
Because the theme song of this insane faggotry is way worse than bukakke itself.

29-20[edit | edit source]

29. The Harlequin fetus

A harlequin fetus that has mysteriously came to life using voodoo magic and became a superhero that destroys the sight of any person who sees it, because it is so unfathomable to the human eye that only the most insane of humanity will stand the shock.

Captain Nonexistent, shown here.
28. Captain Nonexistent

An superhero which does not exist in this universe, not even as a phantom or antimatter. He just never exists and never will.

27. Oxygen lord

A superhero who can control oxygen. If oxygen can harm villains, that is.

26. Cruft-man

So here was cruft-man, he was born when Chuck Norris battled Oprah Winfrey in a epic battle in AAAAAA! using In Soviet Russia jokes, And this enraged Oscar Wilde and caused him to rape Steve Ballmer by sacrificing Chuck Norris' anus to George Dubya Bush and he enraged Cthulhu, God and Kanye west because they did not pity Mr. T's fool!!!!! He has the power of:

  • Summoning robot technical Pokémons
  • Destroying hollywood
  • Huffing Kittens
  • In Soviet Russia, God rapes YOU!!
04:55, 16 October 2013 MadMax (talk | contribs) huffed Superhero Cruft-Man (Insane [[2005cruft]] raping the reputation of Uncyclopedia)  
25. Half-man

A man that has only half a body. Is this even possible?

24. Mary-sue

Also known as Mary Ravyn Khaos the Darkness, Mary-sue is a godlike character. She has color-changing hair, dark skin, turquoise eyes that change to green in color when looked at 90 degrees, and F cup breasts. She has the ability to shapeshift, teleport, shoot laser-beam eyes, create chaos pulses, and has a dragon and tiger familiar. Also, she has fell in crush with cloud, sephiroth, kefka, Tifa......JUST KILL IT WITH FIIIIIIIIIRE ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!

23. Captain autofellatio

A superhero whose only ability is to give himself a blowjob. Suspected to be created by fusing Kirk Johnson, Aaron seltzer, and Jason Friedberg's genes into a Baby.

22. Teh troll

A troll that trolls villains by Saying "what are you saying?" when getting taunted by villains, using Mirror coat on every single projectile and gas attack they use, Using counter on every single physical attack they use, And since he is made of self-regenerating material, he cannot be truly defeated as he trolls the villains to no end by subjecting the joker to his own insanity, Subjecting the pegasister to extreme butthurt, and subjecting the 34th rule to Rule 34 itself.

A villains reaction to teh troll
21. Censored

He Thinks that He is for your own good.

20. Backfire

A master of firearms, but only when firing himself. Has shit aiming when targeting others.

19-11[edit | edit source]

Hentai man raping a villain using his lower body
19. Hentai Man

A Man-Octopus who is capable of manifesting the insane faggotry of the land of the rising sun for justice. Aside of tentacle raping villains with his lower body, he is also capable of using bondage ropes, hooking the intestines of villains and fapping to them, covering villains with diarrhea and raping them, ovipositioning villains then watch them lay octopus eggs, And proceed to call everybody on the street to see his intense Sick-Fuckery. He also once had a comic, but it was recycled by nearly every country save for japan.

18. Your Mom

Your mom is an expert on raising You despite your intense faggotry, Giving you buttsecks using a strapon, Getting buttsexed by you despite your microdick, and she treats us as a villain despite there is no proof that we did anything wrong to you, despite your insane claims that we are furfags, bronies and weeaboos trying to take over your life while you are the actual one who is doing so to us. In fact, Your Mom is not even a hero, she is just one of the evil that is assisting you; and is the only being in the universe that does so.

17. Morale

A concerned mother and moral slave that fashioned herself a super hero, and has set on an internet conquest removing all porn, anti-government propaganda, Violence, racism, swearing and other "inappropriate content" by reporting it to site staff, sending butthurt concerned messages to websites just to take "offensive content" down, and bravely attempting to take down sites such as 4Chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica while getting offended by nearly anything, even the sight of an innocent anime girl that is not pornographic whatsoever. Was known as the "greatest retard of internet history", but still thought that she was right despite being hax0red, doxed and flamed at least 600 times straight.

16. KNGOFCOD1337

A call of duty player who thinks he is a superhero and joined the army in order to exhibit his massacre poweress, but was caught by a landmine in Iraq and exploded into a pile of barely recognizable pile of rotten flesh. Shouldn't even be called a superhero whatsoever.

15. Lardfag man

A Fat Admirer version of superman who likes to incapitate villains then do either one of the two things;

  1. Force feed them with all sorts of food until they become immobile pieces of marmalade-like lard, then fapping to it all night as the villains can no longer move because of his subhuman faggotry;
  2. Inflate them with helium until they explode or get sent out to the nothingness of space.

He is a active member of the lardfag community and is friends with super size me man.

14. The EDiot

A hero who fights faggotry for the lulz. Since he is doing this all for lulz, Typical attacks include Causing the villain (most likely a brony/furfag/weeaboo) to become butthurt and pull out their best against him, then after absorbing all of their attacks, Becomes extremely powerful and obliterates the villain with full force when they are exhausted. Then he proceeds to write the villain's feeble attempts of challenging him into the Encyclopedia Dramatica, which is actually a nether dimension where hyper-dimensional trolls reside.

13. Visible woman

A woman who drank a super power potion and became visible. Since she was visible before the incident, that did not made much difference.

12. Oxygen man

A man made of oxygen. Breathed by a villain and died.

11. The student

The student is a ordinary secondary school student. His superpowers include Being bullied at school, preparing for the final test, watching porn in the school library and not getting caught, and trying to date the girls out there only to get rejected at the first date all the time. Tends to call his bullies as "villains" while villains are way less pathetic than his bullies.

10-1[edit | edit source]

The sentences found here is just one of the insane quotes that the memelord shits out from his anus.
10. Memelord

An internet superhero that came to IRL in order to fight Encyclopedia Dramatica and other disgusting websites using memes that were only funny in 2005. Not because those memes can hurt somebody, but because those memes were so unfunny that even 12 year olds will explode upon hearing it. His signature phrases include: "SO I HEARD YOU LIEK MUDKIPS?????" "I usually don't save the world, but when I do, I defeat the villain in 1 second" as well as "ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE!!!! ALL FAGGOTS STOP RAPING THE CITY!!!". From this phrase, we know he's a brony as well, which means he is mistaking ponyfaggotry for a new meme.

9. Weeaboo man

A weeaboo who had entered a pact with the Vocaloids in order to gain power to punish the anti-faggotry forces. His powers include being able to turn anything into anime no matter what the thing is, regardless of fictional or reality, a gut that only processes Pocky and ramen, being able to speak fluent Japanese and automatic recognition upon entering a weeaboo site (by westerners). He is an active contributor of many weeaboo communities and is ridiculed by true Japanese, although he is praised by god by many lesser weeaboos. He is aligned with furfag man and brony man as "the 3 superheroes against the anti-faggotry trolls" according to the subhuman community.

8. Cock-hands

A man who was born having cocks as fingers. Is a sexual maniac and will not hesitate to shoot cum from his "fingers". Also enjoys fingering the orifices of villains when they got subdued by his cum.

7. Furfag man

A furfag who had sold his soul to a wolf-demon, and now has the ability to cause orgasm on furry animals or convert humans into furfaggotry just by looking at them, the ability to turn any matter, regardless of fictional or reality into a sparkledog, the ability to fap to all furry porn regardless of it's form or fetish, the ability to summon furry animals to attack anti-furfags, as well as an 80-meter radius field which drives any humans away upon contact with the radius. Is a major contributor of the furfag community and will not hesitate to rape a furry animal if he sees it. He, the weeaboo man, and the brony man is known as "the 3 superheroes against the anti-faggotry trolls" according to the subhuman community.

6. Hu-man

A man with the powers of a human. is a fluent user of many languages. Also a man with many friends unlike you.

5. Brony man

A brony who has made a pact with Lauren Faust/Mr. hands and Now has the head of a pony. He now has the ability to cause orgasm on horses just by looking at them seductively, the ability to convert any person into bronyism just by saying "love and tolerate", the ability to turn any matter, fictional or reality into ponies (A.K.A. ponification), the ability to use magic used by ponies, the ability to Control lesser bronies to his own will, the ability to destroy an EDiot just by insulting them, and finally an 100-meter radius which repels all sane humans just by contact. He is an avid supporter of the brony community and is an extreme sick fuck; he has a pony tentacle rape fetish, a fat pony fetish, and a diaper foal fetish, which makes him the worst of his kind. He, the weeaboo man and the furfag man is known as "the 3 superheroes against the anti-faggotry trolls" according to the subhuman community.

4. U, the king of faggotry

Not to be confused with You, who is in No. 2, U is a angalamation of all forms of faggotry, including ponyfaggotry, furfaggotry, weeaboo-faggotry, tourneyfaggotry, cooperatefaggotry, and more that were not on this list. Typically it takes an insane mind of a subhuman to even imagine him being a superhero, but since he is on this list we can just meagerly accept this fact.

None of your villains are same from the 34th rule, no exceptions.
3. The 34th rule

The 34th rule is one of the most insane superheroes that has even been called a superhero; He has the ability to analyze the villain's image and project it into porn regardless of how hideous the villain looks, and there are no exceptions. Since even the least shameful of villains would not accept the fate of getting turned into sluts or whores, This remains a pretty effective way of getting rid of crime, especially when the villain is so hideous looking that he usually won't take place in the porn industry. Unfortunately, all of his comics are rated XXX without an exception.

2. You

You as a superhero? Really? I guess if you were a superhero, you will try to confront The joker or the bully next to you only to realize you haven't removed your My Little Pony tattoo yet and that becomes an invitation for those two to rape your ass. They then rip your intestines apart and turn it into man meat soup, because you were too pathetic to torture by the joker and the bully next to you would rather rape your ass than kidnap you for further torture because he was more interested in your pony tattoo.

This is the thing that caused your demise, and it was printed on your ass. Please consider this before your attempt to become a superhero.
1. Subtracting man

A superhero whose only power is to subtract himself by one. This means that when he uses this power, one of him will dissapear from existence. Since there can only be one of himself, he will erase himself from existence when he uses this power. As a result, he will constantly be stuck in a loop where he subtracts himself and subtracts himself until it creates a paradox. Now this is ONE useless superpower.

Bonus. Doctor What?

He has adventures in a magic port-a-potty he called his R.E.T.A.R.D.I.S (Really Erotic Titty Ass Ranch Dressing In Space) it it smaller on the inside, and the main controls are in the potty, with his robo companion Fee— (Feeline), The R.E.T.A.R.D.I.S spinning through time and space, with blue stuff spilling out into space and in the face. He uses a sonic buttplug to open locked doors and communicate with aliens.

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