Worst 100 Creatures To Have Sex With

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The All-Time 100 (or so) Worst:
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  44. Sexual Perversions
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  74. Weapons

The top Worst 100 Creatures To Have Sex With in all kinds (i.e|Oral, anal, etc.). There are important reasons not to have sex with these creatures, and some are too horrible to explain. It all happened one day when a friend of mine experimented by having sex with different creatures. Since that tragic incident on, I listed the most important creatures not to have sex with (just have it with a horse if you can't make it with a lady).

You may want to use precautions when having sex with any of the following creatures:

100-91[edit | edit source]

100.
 Dragon: Though, considering how large they are, they can still rip off your genitals.
99.
 Dinosaur: Very similar to dragons, except older!
98.
 Wooly mammoth: If you're lucky enough to get through all that hair without getting squashed.
97.
 Balloon Animals: Ever seen a fully-expanded balloon boner?
96.
 Skunk: Filth be upon you for thee who hump thy noble skunk.
95.
 Pony: Ask princess molestia.
94.
 Wild ass: They shit all over you.
93.
 Raptors with chainsaws: It is written... Only Leatherface can hump these things.
92.
 Humpback whale: A creature with a name that makes it a way too obvious subject.
91.1.
 Osama Bin Laden: Luckily he's dead... Or IS HE?

90-81[edit | edit source]

90.
 Leatherface: And what do you think you're doing?
89.
 Flea: Try humping it without squashing it.
88.
 Jollibee: Molest.
87.
 Zombie Ladies: If you did, congratulations! You got AIDS, and you are going to give birth to a corpse.
84.
 American: all of them are overweight and/or stupid.
83.
 Elmo: How do you procreate with a puppet anyways?
82.
 Yourself: If you are flexible enough.
81.
 Pinkie Pie: She might "cupcake" you out.
Do not believe. She's a psychopath (Or a cannibal).

80-71[edit | edit source]

80.
 pikachu:you will be shocked.
79.
 Twilight Sparkle: She will horn drill you.
78.
 Camper: You know the reason why they roast weinies on a stick? Because your's came along.
77.
 George Bush: Burning Bush.
76.
 Black hole: If you did get your cock in there, you may never see it again!
75.
 Sunni Daze: That horrifying prick.
74.
 Black guy: Like Blu Mankuma.
73.
 Kangaroo: You will suffer excruciating pain from an epic crotch-kick.
72.
 Your girlfriend's brother's son after taking a shit without wiping his ass: Sounds more horrible than you think.
71.
 Any girl who watches Twilight: Anyone who makes out of them turned into a mother.

70-61[edit | edit source]

70.
 Your Dad: Way worse than 72.
69.
 Narwhal: Unless you want a dick kebab.
68.
 Anteater: Do you really feel safe being naked near a creature with a tongue like that!?
67.
 Bill Gates: You will become a very rich man.
66.6.
 Antichrist: Just think about it.
65.
 Squidward: He has a dick for a nose. Why else do you think he doesn't wear pants?
64.
 Electric eel: You may need a rubber condom, or a penis made of silicon.
63.
 Griffins: I'm not procreating with those lion-bird things!
62.
 Peter Griffin: I take it back!
61.
 Zeus: Reason why Kratos wants revenge.

60-51[edit | edit source]

60.
 Grue: How can a man have sex with that?
59.
 a three-year old: Pedo, much?
58.
 Sarah Palin: NO.
57.
 Death: Once touched, never live again, even if it's a virgin.
56.
 Chief Man Who Dreams Of Sky: He's busy. Probably praying to his magical sky daddy.
55.
 Bigfoot: Why make love with a big hairy monkey thing that doesn't exist?
54.
 Doctor Octagonapus: BLAAAAAAARRRGGHHH!
53.
 Mickey Mouse: Disney-style sex with a talking animal. Need I say more?
52.
 Cock: Although it's named after "Cock", it will surely give you bird flu.
51.
 Your son: What Zeus does often to Kratos.

50-41[edit | edit source]

50.
 Athena: "My beauty killed you!"
49.
 The Foot: Silly filly, there's no hole in there.
48.
 The Lava Monsters: Roasted Man-Stick Barbecue, best served hot.
47.
 The school bully: Unless you're a jock.
46.
 Prostitute: Unless if trained.
45.
 A hive of Killer Bees: Though normal bees are fine. I did it, and attracted many chicks with the biggest swoolen dick in the world. Maybe I'll do it again.
44.
 Human: Don't get me started there.
43.
 Chuck Norris: You touch it, you KICK it.
42.
 The Doctor: See the number?
41.
 Murtaugh: He'll make a Karma Portal out of your dick for that.

40-31[edit | edit source]

40.
 Demons: They cause hell.
39.
 Glenn Quagmire: Don't bother. He'll have already raped you by the time you even think about it.
GIGGITY GIGGITY GOO
38.
 Imelda Marcos: Her shoes have the answer.
37.
 El Chupacabras: Not only will you have made it with a Mexican, but you'll have goat's blood all over you!
36.
 Rayquaza: It will use hyperbeam on ya, giving you a charred penis.
35.
 Fidel Castro:He likes Cigars.
34.
 Judas Iscariot: Since he betrayed Jesus Christ, he might do the same to you.
33.
 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutated AIDS, STD, many other diseases.
32.
 Freddy Mercury: He died of AIDS, you had sex with him, you got AIDS, die, end.
31.
 Everyone: Pretty hard to pull off, don't you think?

30-21[edit | edit source]

30.
  King Leonidas: TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!
29.
 Bull: Unless you want to be tossed and trampled like a crushed Caesar salad.
28.
 Me: THIS TOWN AIN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE TWO OF US!
27.
 Cthulhu: Tentacle rape, much?
26.
 Wild bush car: You'll be run over. D'uh!
25.
 Snapping turtle: Sounds painful, but not as bad as #24.
24.
 Shark: It not only won't give it back, but will then have a nice meal at your expense.
23.
 Piranha: Worse than sharks and snapping turtles combined.
22.
 Baby clown: I get nightmares thinking about it.
21.
 Jason Voorhees: Serial killer, request coitus, die, ???, PROFIT!

20-11[edit | edit source]

20.
 Pedobear: May give sensation and not discomfort if 91 years old above.
19.
 Grandma: The older the ass, the filthier
18.
 Ash ketchum:he is gay which explains why he never makes out with those pokemon girls.
17.
 Rarity: ಠ3ಠ
16.
 Robotnik: snooPINGAS usual, I see?
15.
 Blackbeard: You wanna have sex with a pirate? I didn't think so.
14.
 Vikings: Way worse than pirates.
13.
 Walrus: You'll need an oxygen tube for this one.
12.
 Sumo Wrestler: You'll need an oxygen tube for this one too
11.
 Hindu people: Kamasutra is the only reason why.

10-1[edit | edit source]

10.
 Platypus: It's already two animals at once, and Nature doesn't need another freak.
9.
 Ferret: Or any other small furry bastard that climbs up your pants and bites off your balls.
8.
 Hillbillies: For anyone who got kidnapped by one and ended up getting raped inside a log cabin.
7.
 Things: No! Please Not Those Things!
6.
 Martians: Not only because they're very foreign, but do you really wanna know where their privates are located?
5.
 Cannibal: May get hungry and mistake your dick for a Vienna sausage.
4.
 Ganon: YOU DARE BRING YOUR PENIS INTO MY LAIR? YOU MUST DIE!
★3.
 A guy who looks like you: Like having sex with yourself but worse.
★2.
 Porcupine: Do I need to explain why?
★1.
 Justin Bieber: Holy Shit! Who on the planet would want to procreate with this creature?!
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