Worst 100 Restaurants of All Time
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hit and Di(n)e
According to God's True Word, the following are the worst 100 restaurants ever made. Readers are required to have their sporks to hand. It don't matter if it stays at 100, it can go to 200, or more!! Add more!
141-131[edit | edit source]
- Fun for the whole family, complimentary drinks!
- Would you like to see the fucking menu? It contains all our aphrodisiacs. Or perhaps you would like to piss off? The toilets are over there. Cock. It's cock you ordered wasn't it? Prick your food with a fork if you cannot use the chopsticks provided. Jackass, that is our special today. What about the bitch? would you like to try the female dog?
- You'll start excreting blood from the burritos. Tastes delicious, but you always have to buy new underwear, so it's only for rich people.
- Your kids will take your salad away and then give you miniature cheeseburgers. Douchebags!
- Be happy if you come on days when Kirby is head chef. You won't get your food, but would you want their food when Donkey Kong refuses to wear a hairnet or when Master Chief sneaks in to poison all the food. Also, if you come, you are GUARANTEED to have Navi as your waitress, with her shrieks of "HEY!" "LISTEN!" "HOW MANY KIDS MENUS!?" and once (if) you get your food you will be immediatly asked, "DOGGIE BAGS!?"
- This wouldn't be on the list if it wasn't for the live chickens that they served as well as Fish and Chips in Chinese underwear!
- We serve all the best scraps we can find in nearby restraunt's dumpsters.
- A cheap cash-in restaurant to coincide with the comic book character of the same name. Criticized mainly because of poor food quality, with critic Lionel Irving saying in part, "The biscuits weren't as good or as cheesy as I pictured them".
- A Mexican-themed pub.
- SIT DOWN NOW! This is a pickle restaurant for you to sit, bitch!
130-121[edit | edit source]
- Buy delicious Air Burgers (now in giant size)!
- 3 Cheese Pizza and complimentary Surprise Sex
- Jack Russell & Chips or an Alsatian Kebab. All You Can Eat Pedigree Chum for a meagre £2.50
- Whatever his name is, he makes terrible pancakes.
- Koks banged daily.
- A restaurant full of throaty phlegm.
- Restarooms open daily.
120-111[edit | edit source]
- These burgers will rock you so hard it's shocking.
- That's the real restaurant name? You got to be kidding me?!
- I'm sorry, this place is disturbing.
- White Castle's long lost sister.
- A fast vomiting restaurant full of…vomit.
- It just sounds so wrong!
- Just across the street from the nuclear power plant!
- "I'll have two hundred burgers." "So you're on a diet?"
- "Need we say more?"
- What's up with all the really young waiters? Not the guy with no nose! Noooooooooo!
110-101[edit | edit source]
- Carl's Jr.'s unsuccessful,long lost father.
- In Soviet Union, food eats YOU!!
- It's just breakfast all day! Who wants to eat there anyways?
- Chickenfuckers on a sandwich. That's nice to hear.
- What is that? Burros on a s-whatever.
- Lunch that will make you sneeze constantly.
- Lick a Chicken! It won't kill you. Wait,it will.
- See Shoney's.
- Same as Kancer King, except it's disturbing.
- The food keeps slipping out of your hand. We suggest bringing hot-dog buns and rubber cement to aid you.
- These people don't eat stuff with faces on it. Of course, they also recycle old gym mats for foodstuffs.
100-91[edit | edit source]
- Clogging your arteries since 1948!
- A family-oriented pizzeria/strip club.
- The International House of Bacteria.
- Try their new McChildren burger!
- A Führer burger, Lebensraum Fries, and a medium Kampf Shake. Hitler Burger, the Final Solution to your hunger since 1889! Heil or die!
- Home of the world famous Fried Nigger Strips since 1865
- Surprisingly enough, a trip to this restaurant is covered by your HMO.
- Expect to be asked this question every two minutes.
- Our special tonight is AIDS with a side of bacteria culture. Would you like old Band-Aids on that?
90-81[edit | edit source]
- Come hungry, leave hungrier.
- A new way to eat chicken- by sucking it!
- A surprise in/with every meal!
- Pizza filled with dominos as the topping choice. (Do not let children 3 years or younger eat this, they can die, or see dominos in the toilet.)
- In Soviet Russia food eats you!
- What they find on the beach is what you'll find on your plate.
- Specials include Fake Steak, Fauxtatoes, phony pheasant, and their Catch of the Day, the fraud cod.
- The older and considerably more violent brother to the little chef, this guy threatened to eat the customers unless they took their free lolly.
80-71[edit | edit source]
- You know those sad people who love their jobs so much that they can't wait to be back? This restaurant was designed with those twisted freaks in mind.
- Since the only people that go there are on hunger strikes, there is no food.
- Everything is made from fish and fresh "kelp" from Grandma Grouper's "kelp" garden.
- This food is guaranteed to make you bigger, but we don't guarantee in which direction(s).
- All the food is laid down on a table, but it's awkward to pick it up and eat it, because if you do, a hand will slap you and toss you out, or cook you alive instead.
- They give you the biggest pile of food, but after you take 9000 bites, they steal it back and throw it all away. And you have to pay for all the food you ate, and double for the food you didn't eat.
- This place smells like your 4th grade Math Teacher on a good day. And all the food is ugly. They lace it in LSD, so you like it.
- A bad restaurant. The name says it all.
- The sequel to the above restaurant, the name says it all.
- Monopoly at its most active. Resistance is futile.
70-61[edit | edit source]
- A heaping bowl of Staple Sauce!
- A play on the real bad children's game, you get put in an arena with bouncing food pellets, and you have to grab your food with your hippo before the others in order to eat.
- For the fat guys who do nothing but eat, we've got a restaurant for you to eat all you want in donuts and lard, while your family eats elsewhere so they don't have to see you like that.
- But no food to eat.
- Little tykes causing you trouble? This hell-themed restaurant is perfect for the Christian mothers to scare their children.
- The lamps in this restaurant all burned out, and the employees and customers work and eat while stumbling around in the dark.
- As the name says, these workers are so mad at their conditions and tiny pay they will mistreat you any way they can.
- The special is corn with a side of corn with corn on top. Hold the corn.
- The customer will be offered several authentic Kikuyu spears and is expected to hunt his food. There are several herds of antelopes, giraffes and zebras loose in the restaurant. Lions and vultures add to the authentic atmosphere, although some customers find their presence threatening.
60-51[edit | edit source]
- The head chef of this restaurant is Mr. Hannibal Lecter. Customers are kindly requested to avoid visiting the kitchen, as few have returned.
- A tedious Wildean experience, everything from the menu to the tablecloth is Wildean in this restaurant. You are likely to run away in disgust, as even the waiters behave like dandy geniuses, pouring their depressive wisecracks and so-called Wildean wit all over the place.
- A kid-friendly place where you play, eat pizza, and spew chunks of cheese all over the place. Even a giant mouse can do that.
- "We have no idea what you're having for dinner!" We'll holler when your order is ready.
- The owner of said restaurant in the outskirts of Denver, Colorado fishes food from whatever shady vendors he finds in nearby back alleys. The specialty is the Yuuzhan Vong tea.
- The best hamburgers to fuck with.
- 13 Flavors of ice cream that's all I'm sayin'.
- Ready for that "special" mustard sauce for your hamburger?
- You are seated in an alley, which is perpetually raining. The chairs are trash cans, and you eat whatever any grouch would.
- After a 3rd grader came up with a joke saying that the odiferous hot dogs tasted like old socks, they now make food out of old socks.
50-41[edit | edit source]
- C'mon guys, seriously!
- Best damn coffee this side of da Mississip
- Causing meat related injuries since 2005
- The leading cause of lymphoma and proud of it!
- It's da most wiggitiest wackiest place in da hood… izzle
- See what life was like back in the old days, when the Coyote was cooked alive to piss PeTA off.
- It only burns for the first 6 minutes!
- The number one choice of Necrophiliacs.
- We got 99 problems but Gelatin ain't one.
40-31[edit | edit source]
- This pizza place has a new crazy theme every Friday.
- Get your scuba gear and head down into the coral reef, where you'll be surrounded by coral and fish. Note: Air tanks only last two hours.
- Say no to quiz and eat your fucking sub sandwich.Or die.
- Ew.No way.
- Want some shit with that?
- You're a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter!
- Your food is tossed into the dumpster out back. You better retrieve it.
- Your shoes are strapped with velcro so you can sit on all the chairs and tables on the ceiling. However, it's hard to eat without things falling into the floor, which is an alligator pit.
- here have some AIDS
- Home to the "Old Fashioned Fingers"!
30-21[edit | edit source]
- It's living hell eating at this Mexican restaurant full of Mexicans from the border line (illegal immigrants) Want marijuana with that, pendejo?
- Want some good sea-food, please?
- Eat some of his favorite fried chicken sticks in a bun.
- Cinnamon will turn you on, and possibly off.
- Hamburgers and horny women on roller skates.
- Pizza with one more good ingredient. Like they said, "Better Ingredients, Better Piss, Papa John's!" We just told you the secret recipe!
- Do burgers come with free stand-ups?
- Watch them shake it fast!
- Carl's owns Hardee's big time.
- Ice Cream with all kinds of syrup. Including white syrup… Sperm that is.
20-11[edit | edit source]
- The food on your plate has been digested sure, but it hasn't moved through the bowel yet. Perfect for bulimic dieters.
- Dehydrated food in tubes. Teenagers with dreams of being astronauts go here frequently.
- All food is Soylent Green, a foodstuff recycled from dead corpses.
- "I got Jimmies!"-The Ugly One.
- To get your sushi, you must first duel with the samurai server. Ninjas not accepted.
- You should say a speech with the tastiest dish next time.
- The food's great, sure, but the cake will make you sick, and the music is terribly loud. Everyone forces you to run 37 miles to the desk, eat at your table and get out in 1 minute, or else you die by Guile's Sonic Boom! Plus it's always cold in there. A place constantly booked for weddings.
- A generic bad restaurant, with generic bad food.
- Unlike its slightly insane counterpart, Good Burger, the food really is nasty. Don't let their slogan fool you.
- Ruling the galaxy for 23 years. Soon to conquer Wallington and Wallington County Grammar School. Execute Order 66, dammit!
10-1[edit | edit source]
- Same as Chuck E. Cheese's except for the giant cheese-puking rat. More games, pizza with an added ingredient, and an incredible show starring a giant bear that pisses in your pizza.
- Any type of food including girly racks for you to stare at.
- Lots of old dolls from little girls are your shish kebob serving sticks!
- That's what the owners are, because they have no cheese, only cheez.
- This place is flooded with cheap pork and pop-up ads. It gets aggravating.
- Run like hell, the Grues are chasing you, with Glue! They're gonna eat you!
- Viro-bots are placed in your food and get into your blood. You won't feel too good afterwards, or anytime after.
- Imagine a gas station toilet. Now, imagine eating it. That's about the quality of the food at the Grease Hut. Only slightly better.
- A very very very crappy ripoff of TGI Friday's. The parking lot is usually emptier than the stadium at any Detroit Lions home game. Applebee's are also usually in the middle of nowhere.
- Slogan: If you don't get your food in 24 hours, IT'S FREE! With that said, only George Bush and his brother Reggie have not gotten a free meal at Applebee's.
- Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, I'm fat. Now available: a metal rod to the face with fries for only $50.00
- Proud sponsors of Major League Bloodbath.
- The staff slap you when they serve you your food & the seats have electrodes in them, which are controlled by a sadist. Also, if you ask for a meatball marinara, they will kick you in the nuts. But, still, it's less painful than paying for anything from Subway.