Worst 100 Inventions of All Time
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| Contents: 100-91 • 90-81 • 80-71 • 70-61 • 60-51 • 50-41 • 40-31 • 30-21 • 20-11 • 10-1 |
“You bastards... You ungrateful bastards!”
According to the supreme decree of Allah, the following are the Worst 100* Inventions of All Time. Readers are required to have their sporks to hand.
Bob Dole claimed to have invented every invention on this page.
- See also: Greatest Inventions
* Allah cares not about counting this list too closely, and all ye who believe are wise not to criticize His divine numeration policy.
100-91
- 100. At Home Incontinence Test
- Just place it down the back of your pants and wait 4 hours. If it turns brown…
- 99. Nasal Hair Curling Iron
- When you want to look your best. Ouch! Feh!!!
- 98. Spandex
- It looks great... on the right people… so why do only fat people wear it?
- 97. "Worst 100 List" Lists
- For the love of Jebus, why?
- 96. The Spanish Inquisition
- Nobody expected them, they may as well have stayed home.
- 95. Inventions
- Even fire was a dodgy proposal.
- 94. Solar Powered Flashlights
- Unfortunately, it was only useful for peeking into dark holes while the sun was shining on the flashlight.
- 93. Derek Acorah
- 92. V-neck Cardigans
- 91. Democracy
- It just doesn't work, people. George W. Bush is an example.
90-81
- 90. Dandruff-fortified shampoo
- Also available in strawberry flavour
- 89. Sound-activated Alarms
- Once they go, they just keep on going.
- 88. Helicopter Ejection Seats
- Chalk one up for the Belgians
- 86. Language
- Responsible for more bloody wars than anything else. He just kept talking in one incredibly long unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so nobody could interrupt him it was really quite hypnotic.
- 85. Submarine Screen Door
- At least it keeps the fish out.
- 84. Killer Whales
- Bring back Jonah!
- 83. Portable Rucksacks
- Rriighhhhttt, how more obvious can you get?
- 82. Brain Wash
- When normal shampoo just doesn't cut it.
- 81. You
- I hate to break this to you, but, you were unplanned. I mean, your father and I love you, but…
80-71
- 80. PETA
- We have teeth designed to rip meat, which clearly means that animals are here for us to eat. End of Story.
- 79. Books on How To Read
- You learn from books by reading them. However, if you can't read, you can't learn from books, so you can't learn to read by reading a book that tells how to read. Does this make any sense to you?
- 78. The Internet
- Did I say the internet? I meant Bill Gates. What a waste of machinery... I mean life.
- 77. Wikipedia
- What an awful collection of utterly useless information. Someone needs to be held responsible for that monstrosity.
- 76. The Upside-down Upside-down Cake
- It's a freakin' cake you idiots.
- 75. Software that emulates an unencyclopedia contributor that has no idea of the title of the article he is editing.
- Yeah! This software is the BEST man!
- 74. Repeating numbers
- Like someone took a big sloppy one and thought of doing this!
- 73. Correction fluid
- If you white-out everything that's correct, you'll be left with nothing to read.
- 72. Myspace
- A bunch of 15 year olds stealing pictures from Google and pretending it's themselves. Newsflash:Nobody believes you have a 9 inch penis.
- 71. Handicapped Accessible Web Sites
- Why not add a wheelchair ramp, or a WAV file that says "Too bad you can't see this" ?
70-61
- 70. Spring Loaded Automatic Hamburger Flippers
- Number one cause of house fires and burnt infants in America
- 69. The 69 Position
- Who really wants a nose full of ass?
- 68. Boomerang Grenade
- It seemed like a good idea at the time...
- 67. Fashion
- "Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."~ Oscar Wilde on Fashion
- 66. Hair
- Dead skin cells glamorized in an otherwise zombie-hateful world
- 65. The Irish
- Too much drinkin', not enough thinkin'!
- 64. The Hitler Moustache
- The most sexually unappealing thing ever, yet it's immensely popular.
- 63. Motorcycle air conditioners.
- Only effective while parked in garages.
- On second thought, that doesn't even work…
- 62. Impact-activated parachute
- Not so good in retrospect
- 61. Seatless chairlifts
- Preservers of snowfields
60-51
- 60. Spoon
- For those of you who haven't seen one, its just a fork with no holes between the fingers. Nothing new or Nobel Prize worthy. There is no spoon.
- 59. The Wheel
- The Egyptians got rid of it, but then someone re-invented the damn thing.
- 58. Emo Grass
- Emo grass was invented in Occupied Romania in 1942, by nazi-controlled scientists. It was an attempt to produce genetically depressed grass that would cut itself, thereby leaving more man-hours for combat and general fascism. However, it was so ugly and black, that few people would want to plant it. It also had a nasty habit of curling up in sunlight.
- 56. Humor
- Thirteen years later and humor has yet to be funny.
- 55. Man
- They just keep dyin'
- 54. Soap Operas
- Not once have they had anything to do with soap or the opera.
- 53. The Number 57
- Ten bucks said you clicked on "Edit" before reading this.
- 52. Keith Richard's Coffin
- It's never gonna be used.
- 53. The Vegetarian Steakhouse
- It's finger-lickin' good if you just give it a finger-lickin' chance!
- 52. America.
- What's the point?
- 51. Student Government
- Why act like students have power when they really don't?
50-41
- 50. Automobile
- Overwhelmingly responsible for the majority of accidental deaths in the United States.
- 49. Air
- It's polluted and bad for your health.
- 48. The inflatable dartboard
- Good for only one game, if that game only has one player……. and one dart.
- 47. Encyclopædia Dramatica
- Even worse than Wikipedia!
- 46. Books
- Need I say more?
- 45. Beginnner guides
- If I can't screw myself over for not seeing it, then your a terrorist.
- 44. Black highlighter
- Yes, it marks your text nicely, but you can't read what you marked!
- 43. The word 'dude'
- Dude, it's like overused, radical G yo!!!
- 42. Death
- Look at comics, when I hit the bucket I'm just gonna turn back time and sacrifice goats like Superman.
- 41. Dead people
- Talk about dull…
40-31
- 40. Heart surgery.... Dick Cheney.
- 39. Jack Thompson
- Because we really need more Americans who pull kids off buses and makes them protest violent games they probably enjoy thoroughly.
- 38. Fat People
- For God's sake man! How much bloody space do they need? They are just wasting valuable air and food! I say weightwatchers becomes compulsory throughout the country! Death to the clinically obese heathens!
- 37. Chuck Norris
- Say no more.... Worst Action Actor in History, he was never acting...
- 36. Daniel Rotollo
- Yep.... a freak of nature...
- 35. Number 36
- 34. People's sayings
- "It's always in the last place you look" - Of course it fucking is, if you've already found it why would you keep looking for it?
- 33. Glass bottom boats
- "Hey guys, how about we go out and sit in a boat that has a thin pane of glass built in the bottom so we can get a better look at bull and hammerhead sharks in their natural environment?- Note the names of the sharks.
- 32. Digital Versatile Disk
- It just goes round and round and round…Totally pointless.
- 31. People Who Don't Use Capital Letters When Editing Uncyclopedia Articles.
30-21
- 30. People Who Know They Should Change The last Few Lines In Uncyclopedia Articles To Actually Be Funny But Really Can't Be Bothered.
- 29. The Number 29:
- Number 28 and 30 just wasn't good enough for you, huh? You just had to squeeze yourself in there, didn't you? You make me sick!
- 28. Worst 100 lists that only go to 28 and no. 30.
- What can I say about 30? Really.
- 27. The Japanese
- Don't blame god, anyone can make such a mistake.
- 26. Dehydrated Water in a Bottle
- Preparation and usage:simply add water and drink.
Hey No. 53.... you owe me ten bucks. I'll sue... just you wait
- 25. Jesus
- "The Son of God" my ass. He got killed by being nailed to a plank of "Wood"!
- 24. The Number 23
- Jim Carrey had a point.
- 23. Firestone Tires... Nuff said.
- 22. Polar Star
- The spur is infinitesimally better.
- 21. Barney the Dinosaur
- This is exactly why you have mini-jihads sprouting up in your neighbourhood.
20-11
- 20 .Waiting in Line
- Hey No... 24! The end of the queue is back behind the dinosaur and the tires.
- 24. Cutting in Line
- *snickers*
- 19. High heels
- Lots of money for very little material whose sole (sorry) purpose is to inflict grevious wounds to the wearer, in turn inflicting grevious whining to the partner.}}
- 17. The Wheel
- Did you know that automobile fatalities have more than quintoopled since it's invention?
- 16. Automatic Pelican Waxer
- 15. Reuseable nuclear bomb.
- This will detonate the nuclear bomb saving the shell which flies away and must be picked up. After that the user has to do is to put another load of explosive material in it to detonate it again.
- 14. Water.
- Need we say more?
- 13. The Number 13
- What's the point of this number, really? Strictly speaking, it doesn't even exist. Ever seen a thirteenth floor? Q.E.D.
- 12. Suede raincoats
- Self-explanatory, I trust.
- 11. The universe.
- Most of it's just empty space. In 100 billion years or less it'll expire from heat death. So what's the point?
10-1
- 10. Cell phones.
- "HI! I'M IN A BUSY RESTAURANT! I'M YELLING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN HEAR ME JUST FINE! NOW I'M ON A BUS! NOW THE DRIVER JUST CRASHED AND IS BLAMING ME FOR DISTRACTING HIM! JEEZ, SOME PEOPLE ARE SO INCONSIDERATE!"
- 9. Oscar Wilde
-
- GASPS*
- 8. The Saying "O No You Didn't"
- You saw me do it! Are you blind! By the way O No you didn't to No. 9
- 7. Lucky Number 7
- What made it so special?
- 6. The "…"
- Finish the freakin thought!
- 5. People who think they can dance
- Discos dead and you will be to if you keep that up.
- 4. The Clock
- Without this invention you'd never be late to work!
- 3. The Number 3
It's just unnecessary, like a third wheel.
- 2. The Number 2
Why couldn't Adam just be a bachelor?
- 1. Vaqndalism to Uncyclopedia
- Just urghhhhhh *vomits*
Honorable Mentions
- Billboard Magazine
- Bit Bucket
- Baby conveyor belt
- Dog-in-a-Box
- Electronic nose
- Left-handed noseflute
- Penile suppressor
- Precision rain
- The Lost Room
- Man on the fire exit signs
- The Most Annoying Article
- RapeShield
- Robert Brightningburg's THE GAME
- Titanic Made of Wood
- Tribe Magazine
- UN Beekeepers
- Ultima-Device
- Ultra-Violet Paint
- Wii Never Coming to America
- Wild ass
- Windows X-Console
- Xbox humper
