Worst 100 Things To Say In The Workplace
So here are the Worst 100 Things To Say In The Workplace.
100 - 91[edit | edit source]
100. "911 was an inside job I'm telling you! What do you mean, I don't want you as a copilot anymore?"
99. "Dude we were out of toilet paper and turns out those blow dryers things kind of work like a bidet in a pinch!"
98. "What's the policy on vaping again? I need a hit"
97. "The tin foil is for my safety, the gun is to help me relax"
96. "Let's circle back to that later."
95. "We're here for the income, not the outcome."
94. "Every day can be a half day if I just leave."
93. "And when you put ball bearings in the chilupa and microwave it for 4 minutes it makes a DIY claymore!"
92. "Government mandated jerking off in 5 minutes."
91. "And then he goes, 'that's illegal, shes underage,' and I'm like bro chill!"
90 - 81[edit | edit source]
90. "Accidentally brought my booze flask to work again, oops!"
89. "What's your Tumblr username?"
88. "I have an affinity for black people."
87. "Alex Jones is my personal lord and savior."
86. "So you're asking me to cut my reel-scrolling time short to, uh, how do you put it, 'get work done?'"
85. "My boss fucking sucks ass, I mean straight booty hole, tongue in, lips puckered, the works."
84. "How was I supposed to know that's what it was going to do?"
83. "THIS IS MY WEAPON, THIS IS MY GUN. THIS ONE'S FOR FREEDOM, AND THIS ONE'S FOR FUN!"
82. "HR? Probably stands for Hitler's Retards."
81. "Hey boss, I saw your cock in the bathroom, looks good sir."
80 - 71[edit | edit source]
80. "Looking at porn? Oh no boss, I'm researching it."
79. "566 gigabytes of internet bandwidth going to en.uncyclopedia.co? Probably a hacker."
78. "Myyyyyy nigga!"
77. "Donald Trump, save us. Save us Donald Trump..."
76. "Dude, ChatGPT fucked up my code how do undo the repository commit?"
75. "HAHAHA I lied during the interview, I never learned how to wash behind my ears!"
74. "Listen, in this business we suck each others dicks so we're all happy."
73. "GOOD MORNING, glad to see all my happy little Monday warriors up and at it!"
72. "I have a bomb!"
71. "Allahu Akbar!"
70 - 61[edit | edit source]
69. "Gay? No, but $20 was $20."
68. "GTNBOTP!" (make sure to wear burger king crown while you say it)
67. "Interns? Oh, fresh meat!"
66. "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time."
65. "Fucking fuckity fuck shit bitch."
64. "Pulled us out of that deal like I pulled out of that girl at the bar, remember that?"
63. "1st Amendment rights apply in the workplace, right?"
62. "Oh fuck, I'm so fired aren't I?"
61. "This place is like England, everyone talks funny and walks like they have a stick up their ass."
60 - 51[edit | edit source]
60. "Fuck her right in the pussy!"
59. "When I say all lives matter, I'm not talking about the monkeys."
58. "Mmmmm, best place to jerk off during work hours? I'd have to say the boardroom closet. Just make sure the VP isn't in there with the boss's wife."
57. "OK well I THOUGHT it was an airsoft gun, I mean who would paint the orange tip on a real gun?"
56. "Hey girl, my banana is bigger than that one."
55. "I'M GOING TO SAY THE N-WORD!"
54. "Now shove the pencil as far as you can up my ass, yep just like mmmmggfffghh..."
53. "You've got to lick it to make it stick."
52. "Bitches love excel!"
51. "Come over to my place and I'll show you the other sheets I'm a freak in!"
50 - 41[edit | edit source]
50. "Your password was 'H4RRYB4115?'"
49. "And that's how you make a sandwich using only dick cheese and a pad of paper."
48. "HIV POSITIVE?"
47. "Share a bathroom with them colored folks? No thankee."
46. "Yes, I am a gamer."
45. "Oh, my favorite football team is the Chiefs."
44. "Last place fired me for keeping my sperm in the freezer."
43. "Take a look at my enormous penis."
42. "Check it out, I got the company log tattooed on my arm."
41. "I didn't think it would break your nose! We were just having fun, right guys?"
40 - 31[edit | edit source]
40. "I'm going to burn my penis off with a blowtorch."
39. "I'm going to burn YOUR penis off with a blowtorch."
38. "Oh and next you're going to tell me we HAVE to wash our hands?"
37. "Reminds me of that time we dug up a corpse and pretended it was the boss."
36. "Ground up Cheeze-its works similarly to cocaine."
35. "My dog taught me how to lick feet, just practicing!"
34. "What's the office version of a school-- well, um, shooter?"
33. "One time me and Jen from HR got FREAKY with a piece of celery."
32. "Might want to grab a different stalk of celery."
31. "Oh. And, um, how does that taste to you? Normal?"
30-21[edit | edit source]
30. "Slow down, let's think rationally. The hole in your sandwich is much too small to have been made by my enormous dick."
29. "And there they were, jerking each other off under the board room table! I tell you, I've never felt the same around them."
28. "Make sure you add the Bill Cosby Clause to that document, thank you."
27. "My boner indicates I'd like a bonus."
26. "And then ChatGPT is like 'sorry I don't know that one' and I'm over here trying to research is water wet, like help!"
25. "Let IT deal with that."
24. "I was out in the parking lot trying to get run over by the boss yesterday."
23. "Odd, I don't recall seeing that lump yesterday."
22. "It's not gay if you keep your socks on, now do you want the promotion or not?"
21. "Him doing me up the butt means I'm still a virgin right?"
20-11[edit | edit source]
20. "So the limit is 27 shots, I'll remember that for the next client meeting."
19. "Poggers."
18. "DO NOT REDEEM IT! DO NOT!"
17. "It's only illegal if they find out, now come on and don't be a pussy."
16. "So turns out the drinks are NOT free at the bar downstairs."
15. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR HA-- oh, sorry didn't recognize you with that new hairstyle."
14. "Yeah scratch my balls just like that."
13. "And then Ron goes 'I haven;t washed my hands in weeks' and there's Paul just slobbering on his fingers, what a weirdo."
12. "THE CALCULATOR IS NOT TO BE USED AS A BUTTPLUG."
11. "I'll just do 10000 times 10000...EIGHT? FUCKING STUPID CALCULATOR..."
10-1[edit | edit source]
10. "And he's like 'put your hands above your head and walk backwards to me' but I don't listen to pigs."
9. "No no, my socks stayed on so that means it wasn't gay."
8. "Did you hear that new Kanye song, HH?"
7. "And that's why I think condoms are useless."
6. "Turns out my burrito had been floating in the water dispenser for the past 4 months."
5. "And I've tricked him into thinking the CAT did it meanwhile it was me!"
4. "This place feels like the Krusty Krab."
3. "Start digging in yo butt, twin."
2. "I'm wearing a thong underneath this."
1. "I'm just saying, black people..."