Penis ID lock
The Penis ID Lock (PIL) is a lock that uses a penis as the “key” for the lock. The locking mechanism is a simple insertion method of your penis for it to unlock. To set up your lock, you must stick in your penis and let the lock go around it so that it gets your shape. To add another person you have to disable the saw blades by doing the instructions later mentioned. When it is done, you will hear a small bell sound and you MUST take your penis out slowly to ensure your penis is not ripped off by the 2(or 3) razor blades attached to the lock to keep other people away from trying to use your lock. The special denaturant in are systems is for goods to be safe by locking in the penis of any other person and sending you a message that there is a person trying to unlock you Penis ID Lock and will give you the option to unlock them or activate are state of the art dual razor blades to cut off the penis of the person.
State of the art dual razor blades[edit | edit source]
The state of the art dual razor blades are meant for you and your belongings protection and will never malfunction. The blades, however, must be kept sharp to insure a clean cut every time. Now, with new and improved models, they are self cleaning to make sure they stay nice and rust-free. To temporarily disable the blades for about 5-69 minutes (you’ll have to find out the hard way) you’ll unlock the PIL, then rapidly insert and take your boner out 3 times. But be careful, they may go off.
New Advanced and Premium models[edit | edit source]
The advantage of newer locks is unmatched. For starters, the Advanced model has a lotion dispenser for more efficiency, and the Premium model has the “ball scanner”. On top of the features we mentioned, this comes at a little $14.57 more than the original, but it’s equipped with an extra inch because some of the porn stars like your dad have a very large penis, as well as a third saw because some people are a little too excited. The premium model comes with everything the original has, as well as the Advanced, and the listed things before then. The Advanced model comes with the patented lotion dispenser, and a free condom bowl for anybody that are afraid to get the lock pregnant. Now! As a special bonus, it even comes with a special sour ball dispenser! You can also replace your blades with 2 (state of the art) harpoon spikes to really keep out the intruders for only 2 dollars extra.
How it was created[edit | edit source]
In the year of 2012, two brothers were comparing penises when they discovered that their penises were very different, and, after that, they took their keys and saw that they were very different which gave them the idea to make the Penis ID Lock. And after they got this amazing idea, they decided to find a way to make a scan of their penises with varying degrees of success, but they finally came up with the best way to scan their penises with their own secret code you can find here.
What they did after[edit | edit source]
After the making of the first lock, they launched a campaign on many different types of crowd funding websites, where they made over $100,000 dollars and, with their success, they made the first PIL systems which didn’t include many things that the basic modules include, with the most notable thing of state of the art dual razor blades. After becoming a commercially available product, their profits skyrocketed and so did the quality of their locks. Now some people may swear that the old modules are better, but we can assure you that the new products are better.
Where are they now[edit | edit source]
After their initial success, they kept working on the PIL, making it more reliable and discreet for the office hours. And, after 2 years of the first release, the PIL was the most effective method of keeping your stuff nice and safe. And being fully constructed in the United States of America, China. It will protect everything you want, any time you want. Very well known people such as your Uncle Steve are supporting the unique company that the Two Brothers established.
The lore[edit | edit source]
Back in the year of 2 B.C the first people thought of a way to keep their stuff safe. Then, after about 2003 years of trying to design locks; the first ever penis lock was made. It was very inefficient compared to even the most basic PIL design. When the Two Brothers drew up the first design, and tested it. They have been improving it since then, mostly adding razor blades and harpoons to the lock. After this their popularity exploded as so did the newer models of Penis ID Lock but that was soon fixed after about 10,000 complaints of exploding locks, luckily no penises were hurt in the explosions (that you know of).