Worst 100 Toys of All Time

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According to Dog's True Word, Tremaine has the right to change any of this, but he didn't.

  • Dogs do not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticize canine numeration policy.
144. Eat poop The Game

Eat 5000000000000000000000000000000000000000 tons of poop the fastest and YOU WIN!

143. Eat God The Game

Eat God in 5 seconds or less and you win!

142. Rape Me Pikachu

Make Pikachu scream and cry and throw a tantrum as you throw dick after dick at him. Laughter guaranteed!

141. Dancing and Shocking Pikachu

When you push the button, he plays the Pokémon theme and swings his hips! Kicking it on the belly does the exact same shocking action as Electro-Shock Pikachu.

140. Hungry Hungry Gypos

Watch as they fight over small (in)edible pieces of plastic!

139. My First Dildo

For ages 3 and up!

138. SAW Trap playset

Witness the new craze of Dismembering Men and Women alike, Make them pay for years of ungratitude. Includes real pack of blood and bones for that crunching sound. Warning: Saw Trap Playset is not responsible for suicides/Pscyhopathic behavoir among children

137. Adolph Hitler action figure

With 15 phrases like "Kill die Juden" and "Nazi Regel wird der Welt", with real cyanide pill and interchangeable Nazi armbands, play with your friends and recreate the fall of Germany.

136. Runescape - The Board Game!

Now you can keep on playing in the epic adventure even after your family loses their all their money getting therapy. The object is to level up 20 skills, each requiring 14 000 000 experince points. Players take turns rolling two dice, when a player double sixes, they may add one experience point to any skill of their choice. If anyting other than double sixes is rolled, all the player's experince is reset to 0. If anyone rolls snake eyes, a random event occurs, in which case the recipient of the event rolls both dice again. If the player rolls under 13, he loses all his experince points.

This game is intellectually stimulating, and is guaranteed to keep your children away from developing bad habits, such as going outside, writing poetry, and kitten huffing.

Some side effects may include: becoming emo, refusal to eat,homosexuality, blindness, schizophrenia, pregnancy, ebola, a rift in the space time continuum, God's Wrath, a great conflagration of London, the death of the pope, or more likely all of the above. These side effects are not at all rare, and have not once failed to occur. zachs anul begener vibrater (must have big imagination)

135. My Gay Buddy

Experience all your touchy feely fantasies with this life size teddy man, with sensors in the ass and penis so when you touch it he goes "ooohhhh" and says phrases like "Fuck me", "Can we use a dildo already?!", "The size of a dildo is bigger than a buttplug", and "Fucking machines look nice!". Has 24" cock.

134. 9/11 Model Playset

Have hours of fun crashing the finely crafted replica 747's into break-apart towers! Comes with real firecrackers and jet fuel.

133. Auschwitz Action Figure Playset

Play Hitler as you relive the magic of the extermination of the Jews! Includes Nazi themed Easy Bake Oven!

132. Lead Fingerpaint

Fun for the whole family, and deliciously edible too! *Import from China*

131. Frisk

How fast can you find the bomb? If you can't find it 10 minutes the airplane goes BOOM! Comes with terrorist and explosive belt. Batteries not included.

130. You've got Tetanus!

A bag full of rusty nails with a huge hole in it. Play look for the nails!

129. IKEA Gallant Desk

Provides hours of fun for two to two-and-a-half year olds. Legs available in 'A' or 'T' form - sold separately. Also available in numerous sizes. Beware of sharp edges and be sure to wear a high-visibility jacket to avoid any accidents.

128. AIDS bawks

You instantly get AIDS when you open the box! Perfect for fun pranks! Also available: Grow-a-tumor instantly bawks and Addicted-to-crack bawks.

127. Shower Barbie Bloody Boy

When in the middle of a sexual act the barbie bleeds uncontrollably. Only available in Nonni, France. (Requires a big imagination/Alex)

126. The Traib Gun

Shoots out everything, and it can burn everything Requires 9 D Batteries

125. Hülye színes maci - The Stupid Colorful Teddy

As Bad As The No-Face Zombie

124. School of hell Tycoon

A Game that all kids can enjoy. Your friends will be jealous with all the pain and suffering your putting into the kids of the future. Comes with 7 abused kids and 18 poor (also includes those richy fags) 4 emo kids also kill themselves....but who cares? School uniforms, Turok, Dinosaurs and Campaigner not included.

123. Kill Your Sister With A Stick

Popular low-cost toy consists of a sharply pointed stick and basic instructions. Popular in China.

122. Make Your Own Jigsaw Kit

With this kit you will never run out of new jigsaws. This pack comes with all you need to make your own jigsaw puzzle. This pack includes 89% density cardboard, print press, 1 transfer sheet and die (2 faced). (Pieces not included) **WARNING** Not suitable for children over the ages of 4 **WARNING**

121. Newborn Natalie Lullaby set

Comes with 1000 sets of baby-toys Batteries not included

120. Electro-Shock Pikachu

A cuddly Pikachu toy with real shocking action! Squeeze too hard, and you get a few hundred volts of electricity coursing through your body. A fun surprise for your friends!

119. Sphincter!

Features a realistic anus. It poops, it farts, it stretches! What fun things can you do with a butthole?

118. Red Ryder BB Gun

A Red Ryder BB gun. The classic. Min ST: 3. It has 100/100 shots of BBs. It weighs 15 pounds. You'll shoot yer eye out, kid. Wait a minute, what's this one doing here. Go nuts, kids.

117. Macgyver-It

The game where you get to make lasers and A-bombs, learn to pick locks and hot-wire cars, and learn to become a real-world MacGyver.

116. Monopoly Dubya Edition

Playing this game will allow you to learn how not to take over the world.

115. My First Meth Lab

Complete with toilet bowl!

114. Kaba Kick

Is the russian roulette for kids The player holds the gun to his/her head and pulls the trigger Instead of bullets a pair of feet kick out from the barrel (which is shaped like a pink hippo) If the gun doesn’t fire, the player earns points. Requires 2 AA Batteries (Not included)

113. Hitler's machine gun

Sets of firing sounds, death sounds, also shoots out Nazis that starts to walk, and say out loud: FUHRER! FUHRER! Requires 4 AA Batteries. Nazis also not included

112. My first WMD

Warning- does not exist.

111. My First Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With

Comes with standard robot maintenance booklet, including a 50-page chapter on How to Drain Water from your Flooded Robot, a 100-page chapter on Robot Amnesia and a 600-page chapter on Surviving the Robopocalypse.

110. Make your own Airsub/Deathtrap

Make your very own working Airsub/Deathtrap to fly around the world in! You'll be the envy of every villager you come across as you crash your deathtrap into their homes and incinerate them in an ORGY OF VIOLENCE! For an extra 550 gil, you'll get the exclusive booklet Sarda's Guide to Summoning your own Deathtrap the Easy Way!

109. R. Kelly Aim Game

The exciting game which brings families and friends close by making both sexes work together. The male of the group has to aim his yellow liquid magic at the female until one throws up. Comes with 8 gallons of kool aid.

108. Procrastination Station

Help Fireman Freddy ignore his duties for the day and watch as he miraculously sits and reads the tiny newspaper provided as the fire alarm goes off. Procrastination station comes with 3 distinct sounds - "It's Monday morning", "Can't somebody else do it?" and "I brought the wrong type of underpants today, Sarge".

107. Holocaust Tycoon

A game your sure to enjoy and all of your friends as well. Play as Hitler and his best friends. Design how the stupid worthless Jews are gonna die this time, and any other type of people too (blacks). Comes with Hitler's suicide note and cyanide tablet, along with PC friendly program.

106. Spin the bottle

1 player... it explains it self.

Girls love Neanderthal Barbie's accessories, boys love her apparent lack of estrogen.
105. Portable Pedophile

The ultimate chase and run adventure game, you can play anywhere, the park, the motel room, the corner, and outside of school. If you can outrun this maniac, then you win, if you don't outrun this maniac, your ass will hurt tomorrow.

104. Neanderthal Barbie

Play with Barbie in the caveman days, as she eats raw meat, cleans the cave, and mates with Ken to satisfy her primitive sexual instincts. Comes with miniature club, loincloth, and slack-jaw attachment. Ken sold separately.

103. Ebola

Fast-paced boardgame where players gets injected with the dreaded Ebola virus. Answer 30 answers correctly to receive the antidote. Who will fall first?

102. Scrotum Scramble

You wanna play Scrotum Scramble? Roll your testicle down the rails, up the bumps, through the maze and hit the bell at the end. If you lose, don’t worry, you can always try again (unless…)

101. Crucy the Cross

Teach kids about what our savior suffered at the hands of the "Romans." Comes with a hammer and three nails (or however many if you're not a triclavianist). First-Aid Kit and nail remover sold separately.

100. Grow your own Moustache Kit

Let little Larry know what it feels like to be the man of the house. Possible skin irritant.

99. Puppy in a Box

An animatronic toy or a real life puppy, in a box! The animatronic one has a Christmas present for the box. Push the button and he pops up and barks! After all, a puppy is for Christmas, and maybe for life! Breeds of puppy are pug and chihuahua. For our oriental readers, as we have said " a puppy is not only for Christmas". With a little bit of luck you may also have some animatronic and real life ones left over for Boxing day. WARNING FOR ANIMATRONIC: Contains small parts. Not intended for children under 3 years old.

98. Let's make... Cancer!

This fun piece of kit gives the young'uns full instructions on how to produce their very own version of everyone's favourite disease. Safety glasses not included.

97. Transsexuals

Plastic robots that change gender when wet. Comes with Megahyperblaster TM rocketlauncher and 5 dresses of assorted colours.

96. The No-Face Zombie

Play chase with this scary, realistic robot zombie until it busts, for no reason. Comes with repair kit, baban head, and batteries. Slammable door, Scooby Doo, and his friends are not included. Requires assembly.

95. Miniature Australian Pool

A fast flowing game of pool that's fun for all the kids. Let them learn all about the joys of American pool while strapped upside down to the ceiling. Comes complete with 2 authentic cues, table screws, and 16 balls with Velcro attachments.

94. Escape from Shoreditch - The Board Game

The Shoreditch riots of 1736 are in full swing! Can you make it to the city gates in time and onwards toward safety?

93. Tina Tampon

Fascinating memory game teaches young ladies the correct way to insert a tampon. Comes with 3 challenging levels of play.

92. Invisible Aliens

These invisible aliens are the real deal. Put them in direct sunlight and they disappear before your eyes! We dare you to find them again!

91. Thunderturds Assault Ship

Lifelike vinyl watercraft from the popular cartoon of the same name. Help Donny Diarrhea clean the poop deck! Flashing lights and semi-realistic toilet flushing sound. Batteries not included.

90. Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Whose Line Is It Anyway? is extremely popular with children with pudding-bowl haircuts.

Yes - The game of cocaine addiction is back and even better than before. Can you out-huff your opponent? Not suitable for under 5s due to small parts.

89. Stink Beetle Farm

Cultivate your own stink beetles! Stink out your room! Gross out your parents! Get kicked out of your home for good!

88. Pammy Pissknickers doll

Pammy Pissknickers has a urine infection and she's not shy about it. Comes with refillable urine pouch.

87. Al Qaeda

Al Qaeda is the all-Iranian action hero who's always ready for a suicide mission. Comes with bomb belt and missile launching turban. May require some assembly.

86. The A-Team Plane

Based on the cult TV show. Comes complete with all your favourite characters and mini bottle of sedative.

Have Uncle Akmed send your Al Qaeda set today !
85. Get Rich Or Die Tryin’

50 Cent endorsed outdoor fun for 4 players or more. One player takes the cash and the other three take the handguns and live ammunition supplied, before racing to get to the money first, through whatever means necessary. Hours of fun!

84. My First Brick

My First Brick is the first ever educational toy for children that does absolutely everything! Smash that window! Throw it off the overpass! Hit your best friend over the head with it! Teaches children the dangers of bricks. Comes in 4 fun colours.

83. Buggeroo!

The game of anal stuffing! Take an object, stuff it up the arse. But watch it kick! Not suitable for anyone.

82. Guess When?

The mystery time game. “Are you lunchtime?” “Am I up yet?” “Why am I here?” It’s never too late to play Guess When? The family fun game that will have you in clocks.

81. Adolf Hitler play costume

Let those little tykes show YOU who’s boss for a change. Comes with suicide pills and play revolver. Moustache sold separately.

80. Young Junkie playkit

Learn to hock your kidneys and sell your newborn for another fix. Comes with syringe and Fun Powder TM!

79. Ankle Biters’ Tattoo Machine

Create real and very permanent tattoos of absolutely anything, from the family pet to your favourite cartoon character. If you can imagine it, you can tattoo it on your body.

78. Shrinky Dicks TM

Fun for all the family! Simply apply two drops of the Shrinky Dicks TM formula to dad’s coffee and watch his member shrivel up completely. May cause infertility.

77. Batman and Robin bondage playset

Re-enact your favourite scene from the latest Batman caper. Tie Robin to the rack and experiment to your heart’s content. Naked Penguin not included.

76. Risk – T.W.A.T. edition

Play risk as you’ve never played it before – through the eyes of a G.I. unit. The War Against Terrorism is afoot… Can you successfully take over the Middle East? For 1 player.

75. That Goes in There

Educational toy that teaches children the act of copulation. Contains movable parts. Possible Choking hazard.

74. The Game of Dumb

A fun board game for all the family. Go to school, go to college, go to university, fail your degree and work in the NHS for 50 years before dying penniless in a nursing home in Clackton-on Sea.

73. The Big Red Bang Bus

Fun-filled action for 6-10 year olds. Pick up hitchhikers and force them into acts of a sexual nature for cash rewards. Comes with cameraman, participants and play lubricant.

72. Subbasseo
If you've never played Subbasseo then you probably don't deserve to exist.

Experience all the thrills and excitement of bass fishing from the comfort of your own home. Contains play river and fishing rod. Fish not included.

71. Learn all about… Breastfeeding

Hours of fun for girls and boys alike. Fill the soft malleable breasts with milk, water or any other liquid and suck away to your heart’s content. May cause psychological problems.

70. Cardboard Box

Exact replica of a 1970s cardboard box, made from actual cardboard with “WARNING! RAT POISON” emblazoned on the side. Guaranteed to keep the little ones quiet.

69. The Man from Uncle weeble set

Watch all your heroes wobble around for hours and hours and hours. Hours of fun.

68. Omaha Beach playset

Re-enact all your favourite WW2 movie scenes. Features detachable limbs and bunker system with flashing lights and sound. Nazis not included.

67. Barbie Colonic

It’s time for Barbie’s bi-monthly visit to the health spa. Fill the supplied play pipe with water and turn on the motor for fun fun fun.

66. Osama’s Cave playset

Help Osama remain hidden from the infidel. Features trap door, missile silo and tanning booth.

65. Footcube

The fun sport that’s sweeping some of the nation. Kick the cube into the circular net to score a goal and become the envy of all your friends. Minutes of fun.

64. Fun foam lizards

These tiny foam lizards miraculously grow when placed under water and don’t stop. Can you find a way to stop them? We can’t.

63. Car Crash City

Drive the miniature cars through the busy streets of a bustling city, but watch out – there’s an oil spill up ahead. Comes with miniature jaws of life.

62. The wonderful world of Batteries

Teach your kids all about the wonders of batteries. Show them how batteries work with the light bulb kit and teach them about how electricity is conducted with the help of batteries. There's enough battery related fun here for everyone! Batteries not included.

61. Littlest Whore playkit

Become the youngest bit of meat on your street. Contains high heeled shoes, bright red lipstick and leopard skin wrap. Condoms not included.

60. Connect Two

Battle your opponent in a game of skill and wits. Who will be the first to connect two?

59. Star Wars Episode III – Lightshaver.

Learn to shave, the Jedi way. Don’t cut too close though or you’ll bleed to death!

58. The Amazing Game of Mustard

What mustard is that? French? English? Who knows?! It could be practically anything in the mustard related game all the kids are asking for this Christmas.

57. Sesame Street presents – Bert and Ernie’s Love Bug

Can you help Bert and Ernie score before the night is out? Features movable parts and mood lighting. Bert and Ernie are included. Requires 4 AAAA batteries to turn the mood lighting on. Take them out and they turn off! It's possible that you put the batteries in at night.

56. Operation
The amazing game of mustard is without a doubt the best condiment-based game ever released.

The hands-on toy all children will love. Cut up your friends and make enemies in the process! Comes complete with miniature hacksaw, scalpel and surgeon’s mask.

55. The Queen Victoria playset

Comes complete with Peggy Mitchell, miniature barrels and Dirty Den buried in the cellar. Hours of drunken fun for all your little slags.

54. Monogamy

The game of staying faithful. Go to bed early. Do not watch television. Go to IKEA on Sunday.

53. dick-Fight

The action-packed card game of dick to ass combat. Sure to drive you off the edge!

52. Sony Playstation 0.5 v4

Budget version of the popular classic featuring cassette tape drive and 3 button controller. Comes with 3 amazing games: Pac-Man, Pac-Man Plus, and dick-Fight. Extra cartridge is included that has all 3 games plus Super Mario Bros., Donkey Kong, Frogger, and Mario Bros.

51. Knight Rider Pez Dispenser.

Candy never tasted so much like David Hasselhoff.

50. American History X talking plush

Derek Vinyard plush. Features 4 adorable phrases – “Nigger, you just fucked with the wrong bull”, “My father gave me that truck, motherfucker”, “Put your fuckin' mouth on the curb” and “Now say goodnight”.

49. Let’s make... Feaces!

Anatomically correct reconstruction of the stomach, intestines and anus. Mix the ingredients in the stomach and watch the machine create edible excrement for the whole family.

48. Inflatable dildo

Life sized inflatable of everybody’s favourite underwear pervert with 2 working orifices. Adult supervision required.

47. Blister

The fun game of balancing with a hot new twist! Play against your friends and see who can remain standing the longest as you attempt to balance on burning hot cooking rings of 4 colours. Left foot red! Right foot red! All your feet will be red after playing Blister!

46. Danny DeVito singing cushion

Really sings! 10 children’s songs as performed by everybody’s favourite actor from the movie Twins.

45. Rape Me Elmo

Make Elmo cry as you throw dick after dick at him. Laughter guaranteed!

44. My First Pube

It’s fun and frolics all around in this puberty-based interactive play piece. Can you pull all the pubes out before they grow back? Addictive!

43. Hot Potato

The hilarious game of potato passing, featuring a real potato! Will you be holding the potato when the time runs out? Once the potato goes cold, put it in the microwave and away you go again!

42. “Oi, Ref!”

The fast paced football game that everyone’s raving about. Kick the ball into the goal using the special player tongues, and get bonus points for swearing, yelling and clapping in your opponent’s face.

41. Hungry Kidz electric toaster

Make toast anywhere! Make toast in the closet, in the car or in the bath. With the Hungry Kidz electric toaster you’ll never be short for toast again! Bread sold separately.

40. The Dead Dog Playset

Help kids overcome the death of a beloved pooch by buying them this wonderful playset. Features diorama of a cozy living room complete with fireplace, stain on rug and one dead dog. Dog actually decomposes!

39. Remote controlled Hagz TM

Watch these RC Grandmothers battle each other to the death in the special handbag shaped arena. Each RC Hagz TM comes with special item and combable purple hair.

38. Pete Doherty LCD game

Play as the ex-Libertines and Babyshambles frontman in 10 frustrating levels on this handheld LCD game. Can you get out of rehab and back on top?

37. Suck It and See

Hilarious game for all the family. Put on the special blindfold and suck on the mystery object until the timer runs out, then see if you can guess what the object was.

36. David Duchovny’s Pleasure Yacht playset

Join David on his yacht as he sails the seven seas searching for booty! Includes fully automated rudder control, real floating action and 3 harlets.

35. The Dead Dog Playset refill pack

Refill pack for The Dead Dog Playset. It used to contain 5 dead dogs of assorted breeds. In 2015, 5 more dead dogs were added to the refill pack itself, meaning that the pack now contains 10 dead dogs of assorted breeds.

34. ClueD’oh!

Solve the murder of Ned Flanders and identify the mystery killer, all while playing as one of Springfield’s favourite family in this entertaining board game.

33. Cartman and Sean Penn Megaphone

Speak into the megaphone and select either the Eric Cartman or Sean Penn switch to sound just like Eric Cartman or Sean Penn. Uncanny. Requires 53 AA batteries.

32. Mr. Frosty

Mr. Frosty isn’t much fun! He shouts insults at everyone! Motion detector detects people coming into the room and Mr. Frosty yells one of 25 scathing remarks. Runs on 4 AAA batteries. You can also squeeze Mr. Frosty's right hand to start his yelling.

31. The Hernia Game

Take turns to lift the objects, but be careful – one of the objects is heavier than the others. Who’ll be the first to get a hernia? 2-4 players.

30. Thimbles!

The amazing game of Thimbles updated for a new generation. How many thimbles can you hide in your bodily orifices? The winner wins all the thimbles. Thimbles not included.

29. Hungry, Hungry Gypos

50 balls. 4 travellers. Who can eat the most? Laugh a minute fun for ages 8-18, 19-75.

28. The Swear Word Spellchecker

Teach your kids the joy of four letter swear words. Whether it’s “cunt”, “arse” or “fuck”, your little’uns will love every second they spend with the Swear Word Spellchecker. Features 3 game modes – “In the Pub”, “At home” and “Time Trial”.

27. Russian Roulette

A firm family favourite. Take turns placing the revolver to your head and pulling the trigger. Comes with mop and plastic sheets for covering furniture. 5-6 players (then 4-5 players, then 3-4 players etc).

26. Spin the Cat

Spin the cat and choose to spill the truth, or do a dare. Comes complete with actual stuffed cat and record player on which to spin it.

25. Das Boot engine room playset

Playset adapted from the film of the book. Features “angry” Chief figurine and oily rag. Not bath safe.

24. The Fabulous Chocolate Phallus Machine

Makes delicious chocolate phalluses for the whole family. Let grandma eat cock! Hilarious!

23. The Scissors Playset

Play with scissors and cut anything you can get your hands on! Contains 20 pairs of scissors of varying shapes, sizes and colours. Includes 20 bandages with “Don’t run with scissors” printed on them.

22. Arnold Schwarzenegger flashlight

Use the Arnie flashlight to cast the reassuringly friendly face of California’s favourite Governor over anything and everything. Comes with 3 magical phrases, “Who is your daddy, and what does he do?”, “My candidacy’s all about big change in Sacramento” and “Stop whining!”.

21. My First Sexual Encounter
The Fabulous Chocolate Phallus Machine lets you make chocolate phalluses for all your family and friends. May contain nuts.

The perfect gift for any child. This child size inflatable doll comes with both male and female parts. Blow up the doll, give it to your child, and away they go. Comes complete with pack of 20 child sized condoms.

20. The Vin Diesel tea set

Share elevenses with the Hollywood hard man of the moment. Comes with flashing lights and bald cap.

19. Scarface bathtub playset

All the fun of the 1980s cocaine trade comes alive in your very own living room. Features realistic chainsaw sound and blood effects. Assault and batteries not included.

18. Let’s Knit!

Let your children learn to love the art of knitting. Comes complete with guide on how to knit clothes, including sweaters, mittens and socks.

17. Lovable Monkey doll

Lovable Monkey has real soft strokeable fur and says one of 5 cute phrases every time you squeeze his foot. Includes shit-flinging arm action.

16. Mr. Mayhem’s Magical Ticket Printer

Prints tickets for 5 different events. Gain entry to P.T.A. meetings, school reunions, bah mitzvahs, camp sites and Bon Jovi concerts. The fun never ends with Mr. Mayhem’s Magical Ticket Printer!

15. My Little Pony

Miniature Ponies specifically bred for sale in toy shops. Comes with everything you need to get started – hay, water and miniature pony jar.

14. The Italian Job the boardgame

Play as Charlie Croker as you attempt to steal gold bullion from Italy’s largest bank. Be careful though – or you may end up blowing the bloody doors off!

13. Let’s make...Viagra!

Let your children experience the simple pleasure of mixing their own viagra with the equipment provided. Sure to keep them up all night.

12.47 Clean-o-man

He pretends to clean stuff..... but really, he's not.

12. Harry Potter and the Crossing of the Line playset

Recreate the famous scene where Hermione finally slaps Harry in the face. Ron figure comes with light-up cheeks and 6 equally disturbing sounds.

11. Incest!

Incest truly is a game for all the family! Show your loved ones just how much you love them by buying them this fantastic game and they’ll finally see just how playful you can be!

10. Scalextric – Munsters Vs The Dukes of Hazard

There’s minutes of fun to be had in this original twist on the classic racing simulation. Comes complete with official Daisy Duke starter gun. Surprisingly erotic.

9. Baby Gravy

You’ll love Baby Gravy! At the touch of a button, Baby Gravy will spurt out gravy from her eyes, ears and nostrils, just like a real baby! That's what babies do, right?

8. The Great Escape

Players are each given a secret destination and have to escape there as quickly as is humanly possible. One player acts as the guard and is allowed to shoot any escapees on site. Includes tranquilliser gun and German passports.

7. Little Mozart electronic piano

Plays the theme from “The Good Life” in increasingly annoying tones.

6. Columbo play costume

Dress up your children as America’s most-loved detective. Comes complete with brown coat and lazy eye.

5. Newborn Natalie

Newborn Natalie cries all night. Motion sensor detects when you aren’t there and sets off the sound of blubbering. Carries on crying until you return. Can’t be switched off and runs off seemingly nothing. Fucking annoying. Thank God Newborn Natalie got discontinued in 2015. Thank frickin' God. She also ain't sold on any online store anymore.

4. Easy-folding Tykes Trampoline

The only trampoline that will be sure to keep the kids entertained. By pressing the "fold" button on its remote, it will instantly fold itself up into storage position. Ideal for sibling rivalries.

3. The Bunker

WW2 boardgame fun for everyone! Move round the board as everyone’s favourite dictator, invading countries and slaughtering thousands before rolling a 6 to get into the bunker. Will you marry Eva Braun or Joseph Goebbels? The choice is yours!

2. Alistair McGowan’s Big Scotch Egg Maker

Make scotch eggs! Mountains of them! The children won’t be able to get enough of scotch eggs. Comes with three child sized gas masks, and 2 oxygen canisters.

1. Celebrity Deathmatch
Home Edition

Why would anybody want to rip their parents apart? Why not?

.5.My demon pony
my demon pony,my demon pony,tried to kill me in my sleep.
0. My First Ouija Board

Get possessed just like the girl in The Exorcist! Comes in 3 colors! Blood Red, Classic White, and Gothic Black. Parental supervision required. Comes with phone numbers for exorcists.

-1. Uncyclopedia - Home Edition

Dear god no. Just... no.

-2. Squabble

Take turns to put words down on the board, but beware! If you should place a disputed word on the board then it’s no holds barred in this violent take on a popular classic. No dictionaries here - hair pulling and eye gouging are the norm in this fast and furious spelling game. Misspelling words has never been so vylant…

-7. Tickle me Village People

You can tickle all the members from Village People. If you squeeze their testicles enough, they sing YMCA. There's G. Jeff Olsen, Eric Anzalone, Ray Simpson, Felipe Rose, Alex Briley and David "Scar" Hodo. Collect them all.

-42. Pharmacy toys

Oh dear god, not those crappy pharmacy toys, hastily bought on the way to a children's birthday party.

-69. pHr33 S3X playset for childrens (stuff included)

Barack Obama doll and condoms. Have fun for 3 WEEKS WITH OBAMA! OMGZ LOL ROXORZ BOXORZ!

-1337. Official ROFLCOPTER Playset

Comes with 2 replica roflcopters, LOL soldiers not included. (Not suitable for Aligaytors)

100 Animals
99 April Fools Jokes
98 Cartman Wannabes
97 Colors
96 Creatures to have sex with
95 Firefox extensions
94 Foods
93 Gifts to give a friend
92 Harry Potter Spin-offs
91 Inventions
90 Locations
89 LOL Cats
88 Make Out Songs
87 Moments to get a Boner
86 Moments to Laugh
85 Money Making Schemes
84 Movies
83 Nonexistent Words
82 Not In The Least Bit Sexual Things To Do With No Pants On
81 Nutty Conspiracy Theories
80 Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
79 Pokemon Cash-Ins
78 Porn Stars
77 Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
76 Weapons
75 Reflections on 2005
74 Reflections on 2006
73 Reflections on 2007
72 Reflections on 2008
71 Reflections on 2009
70 Reflections on 2010
69 Reflections on 2011
68 Reflections on 2012
67 Reflections on 2013
66 Reflections on 2018
65 Reflections on 2022
64 Rejected Harry Potter Novels
63 Remakes
62 Restaurants
61 Self Help Books
60 Sexual Perversions
59 Short Poems
58 Sitcom Catchphrases
57 Songs
56 Songs about Seagulling
55 Songs To Have Sex To
54 Songs To Play At A Funeral
53 Spinoffs
52 Superheroes
51 Things About the '00s
50 Things to do during Christmas
49 Things to Put In An IV
48 Things To Say In Court
47 Things to Say in the Workplace
46 Things to say on a First Date
45 Toys
44 TV Programs
43 Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
42 Video Games of all time‎
41 Video Game Movies
40 Video Game Systems
39 Ways of Being a Dick
38 Ways To Be Castrated
37 Ways to be Circumcized
36 Ways to Deliver Bad News
35 Ways to Die
34 Ways to Kill Sarah Connor
33 Ways to Start a Novel
32 Ways to Win an Argument
31 Religions