Worst 100 Toys of All Time
According to Dog's True Word, Tremaine has the right to change any of this, but he didn't.
- Dogs do not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticize canine numeration policy.
- 144. Eat poop The Game
Eat 5000000000000000000000000000000000000000 tons of poop the fastest and YOU WIN!
- 143. Eat God The Game
Eat God in 5 seconds or less and you win!
- 142. Rape Me Pikachu
Make Pikachu scream and cry and throw a tantrum as you throw dick after dick at him. Laughter guaranteed!
- 141. Dancing and Shocking Pikachu
When you push the button, he plays the Pokémon theme and swings his hips! Kicking it on the belly does the exact same shocking action as Electro-Shock Pikachu.
- 140. Hungry Hungry Gypos
Watch as they fight over small (in)edible pieces of plastic!
- 139. My First Dildo
For ages 3 and up!
- 138. SAW Trap playset
Witness the new craze of Dismembering Men and Women alike, Make them pay for years of ungratitude. Includes real pack of blood and bones for that crunching sound. Warning: Saw Trap Playset is not responsible for suicides/Pscyhopathic behavoir among children
- 137. Adolph Hitler action figure
With 15 phrases like "Kill die Juden" and "Nazi Regel wird der Welt", with real cyanide pill and interchangeable Nazi armbands, play with your friends and recreate the fall of Germany.
- 136. Runescape - The Board Game!
Now you can keep on playing in the epic adventure even after your family loses their all their money getting therapy. The object is to level up 20 skills, each requiring 14 000 000 experince points. Players take turns rolling two dice, when a player double sixes, they may add one experience point to any skill of their choice. If anyting other than double sixes is rolled, all the player's experince is reset to 0. If anyone rolls snake eyes, a random event occurs, in which case the recipient of the event rolls both dice again. If the player rolls under 13, he loses all his experince points.
This game is intellectually stimulating, and is guaranteed to keep your children away from developing bad habits, such as going outside, writing poetry, and kitten huffing.
Some side effects may include: becoming emo, refusal to eat,homosexuality, blindness, schizophrenia, pregnancy, ebola, a rift in the space time continuum, God's Wrath, a great conflagration of London, the death of the pope, or more likely all of the above. These side effects are not at all rare, and have not once failed to occur. zachs anul begener vibrater (must have big imagination)
- 135. My Gay Buddy
Experience all your touchy feely fantasies with this life size teddy man, with sensors in the ass and penis so when you touch it he goes "ooohhhh" and says phrases like "Fuck me", "Can we use a dildo already?!", "The size of a dildo is bigger than a buttplug", and "Fucking machines look nice!". Has 24" cock.
- 134. 9/11 Model Playset
Have hours of fun crashing the finely crafted replica 747's into break-apart towers! Comes with real firecrackers and jet fuel.
- 133. Auschwitz Action Figure Playset
Play Hitler as you relive the magic of the extermination of the Jews! Includes Nazi themed Easy Bake Oven!
- 132. Lead Fingerpaint
Fun for the whole family, and deliciously edible too! *Import from China*
- 131. Frisk
How fast can you find the bomb? If you can't find it 10 minutes the airplane goes BOOM! Comes with terrorist and explosive belt. Batteries not included.
- 130. You've got Tetanus!
A bag full of rusty nails with a huge hole in it. Play look for the nails!
- 129. IKEA Gallant Desk
Provides hours of fun for two to two-and-a-half year olds. Legs available in 'A' or 'T' form - sold separately. Also available in numerous sizes. Beware of sharp edges and be sure to wear a high-visibility jacket to avoid any accidents.
- 128. AIDS bawks
You instantly get AIDS when you open the box! Perfect for fun pranks! Also available: Grow-a-tumor instantly bawks and Addicted-to-crack bawks.
- 127. Shower Barbie Bloody Boy
When in the middle of a sexual act the barbie bleeds uncontrollably. Only available in Nonni, France. (Requires a big imagination/Alex)
- 126. The Traib Gun
Shoots out everything, and it can burn everything Requires 9 D Batteries
- 125. Hülye színes maci - The Stupid Colorful Teddy
As Bad As The No-Face Zombie
- 124. School of hell Tycoon
A Game that all kids can enjoy. Your friends will be jealous with all the pain and suffering your putting into the kids of the future. Comes with 7 abused kids and 18 poor (also includes those richy fags) 4 emo kids also kill themselves....but who cares? School uniforms, Turok, Dinosaurs and Campaigner not included.
- 123. Kill Your Sister With A Stick
Popular low-cost toy consists of a sharply pointed stick and basic instructions. Popular in China.
- 122. Make Your Own Jigsaw Kit
With this kit you will never run out of new jigsaws. This pack comes with all you need to make your own jigsaw puzzle. This pack includes 89% density cardboard, print press, 1 transfer sheet and die (2 faced). (Pieces not included) **WARNING** Not suitable for children over the ages of 4 **WARNING**
- 121. Newborn Natalie Lullaby set
Comes with 1000 sets of baby-toys Batteries not included
- 120. Electro-Shock Pikachu
A cuddly Pikachu toy with real shocking action! Squeeze too hard, and you get a few hundred volts of electricity coursing through your body. A fun surprise for your friends!
- 119. Sphincter!
Features a realistic anus. It poops, it farts, it stretches! What fun things can you do with a butthole?
- 118. Red Ryder BB Gun
A Red Ryder BB gun. The classic. Min ST: 3. It has 100/100 shots of BBs. It weighs 15 pounds. You'll shoot yer eye out, kid. Wait a minute, what's this one doing here. Go nuts, kids.
- 117. Macgyver-It
The game where you get to make lasers and A-bombs, learn to pick locks and hot-wire cars, and learn to become a real-world MacGyver.
- 116. Monopoly Dubya Edition
Playing this game will allow you to learn how not to take over the world.
- 115. My First Meth Lab
Complete with toilet bowl!
- 114. Kaba Kick
Is the russian roulette for kids The player holds the gun to his/her head and pulls the trigger Instead of bullets a pair of feet kick out from the barrel (which is shaped like a pink hippo) If the gun doesn’t fire, the player earns points. Requires 2 AA Batteries (Not included)
- 113. Hitler's machine gun
Sets of firing sounds, death sounds, also shoots out Nazis that starts to walk, and say out loud: FUHRER! FUHRER! Requires 4 AA Batteries. Nazis also not included
- 112. My first WMD
Warning- does not exist.
- 111. My First Plastic Pal Who's Fun to Be With
Comes with standard robot maintenance booklet, including a 50-page chapter on How to Drain Water from your Flooded Robot, a 100-page chapter on Robot Amnesia and a 600-page chapter on Surviving the Robopocalypse.
- 110. Make your own Airsub/Deathtrap
Make your very own working Airsub/Deathtrap to fly around the world in! You'll be the envy of every villager you come across as you crash your deathtrap into their homes and incinerate them in an ORGY OF VIOLENCE! For an extra 550 gil, you'll get the exclusive booklet Sarda's Guide to Summoning your own Deathtrap the Easy Way!
- 109. R. Kelly Aim Game
The exciting game which brings families and friends close by making both sexes work together. The male of the group has to aim his yellow liquid magic at the female until one throws up. Comes with 8 gallons of kool aid.
- 108. Procrastination Station
Help Fireman Freddy ignore his duties for the day and watch as he miraculously sits and reads the tiny newspaper provided as the fire alarm goes off. Procrastination station comes with 3 distinct sounds - "It's Monday morning", "Can't somebody else do it?" and "I brought the wrong type of underpants today, Sarge".
- 107. Holocaust Tycoon
A game your sure to enjoy and all of your friends as well. Play as Hitler and his best friends. Design how the stupid worthless Jews are gonna die this time, and any other type of people too (blacks). Comes with Hitler's suicide note and cyanide tablet, along with PC friendly program.
- 106. Spin the bottle
1 player... it explains it self.
- 105. Portable Pedophile
The ultimate chase and run adventure game, you can play anywhere, the park, the motel room, the corner, and outside of school. If you can outrun this maniac, then you win, if you don't outrun this maniac, your ass will hurt tomorrow.
- 104. Neanderthal Barbie
Play with Barbie in the caveman days, as she eats raw meat, cleans the cave, and mates with Ken to satisfy her primitive sexual instincts. Comes with miniature club, loincloth, and slack-jaw attachment. Ken sold separately.
- 103. Ebola
Fast-paced boardgame where players gets injected with the dreaded Ebola virus. Answer 30 answers correctly to receive the antidote. Who will fall first?
- 102. Scrotum Scramble
You wanna play Scrotum Scramble? Roll your testicle down the rails, up the bumps, through the maze and hit the bell at the end. If you lose, don’t worry, you can always try again (unless…)
- 101. Crucy the Cross
Teach kids about what our savior suffered at the hands of the "Romans." Comes with a hammer and three nails (or however many if you're not a triclavianist). First-Aid Kit and nail remover sold separately.
- 100. Grow your own Moustache Kit
Let little Larry know what it feels like to be the man of the house. Possible skin irritant.
- 99. Puppy in a Box
An animatronic toy or a real life puppy, in a box! The animatronic one has a Christmas present for the box. Push the button and he pops up and barks! After all, a puppy is for Christmas, and maybe for life! Breeds of puppy are pug and chihuahua. For our oriental readers, as we have said " a puppy is not only for Christmas". With a little bit of luck you may also have some animatronic and real life ones left over for Boxing day. WARNING FOR ANIMATRONIC: Contains small parts. Not intended for children under 3 years old.
- 98. Let's make... Cancer!
This fun piece of kit gives the young'uns full instructions on how to produce their very own version of everyone's favourite disease. Safety glasses not included.
- 97. Transsexuals
Plastic robots that change gender when wet. Comes with Megahyperblaster TM rocketlauncher and 5 dresses of assorted colours.
- 96. The No-Face Zombie
Play chase with this scary, realistic robot zombie until it busts, for no reason. Comes with repair kit, baban head, and batteries. Slammable door, Scooby Doo, and his friends are not included. Requires assembly.
- 95. Miniature Australian Pool
A fast flowing game of pool that's fun for all the kids. Let them learn all about the joys of American pool while strapped upside down to the ceiling. Comes complete with 2 authentic cues, table screws, and 16 balls with Velcro attachments.
- 94. Escape from Shoreditch - The Board Game
The Shoreditch riots of 1736 are in full swing! Can you make it to the city gates in time and onwards toward safety?
- 93. Tina Tampon
Fascinating memory game teaches young ladies the correct way to insert a tampon. Comes with 3 challenging levels of play.
- 92. Invisible Aliens
These invisible aliens are the real deal. Put them in direct sunlight and they disappear before your eyes! We dare you to find them again!
- 91. Thunderturds Assault Ship
Lifelike vinyl watercraft from the popular cartoon of the same name. Help Donny Diarrhea clean the poop deck! Flashing lights and semi-realistic toilet flushing sound. Batteries not included.
Yes - The game of cocaine addiction is back and even better than before. Can you out-huff your opponent? Not suitable for under 5s due to small parts.
- 89. Stink Beetle Farm
Cultivate your own stink beetles! Stink out your room! Gross out your parents! Get kicked out of your home for good!
- 88. Pammy Pissknickers doll
Pammy Pissknickers has a urine infection and she's not shy about it. Comes with refillable urine pouch.
- 87. Al Qaeda
Al Qaeda is the all-Iranian action hero who's always ready for a suicide mission. Comes with bomb belt and missile launching turban. May require some assembly.
- 86. The A-Team Plane
Based on the cult TV show. Comes complete with all your favourite characters and mini bottle of sedative.
- 85. Get Rich Or Die Tryin’
50 Cent endorsed outdoor fun for 4 players or more. One player takes the cash and the other three take the handguns and live ammunition supplied, before racing to get to the money first, through whatever means necessary. Hours of fun!
- 84. My First Brick
My First Brick is the first ever educational toy for children that does absolutely everything! Smash that window! Throw it off the overpass! Hit your best friend over the head with it! Teaches children the dangers of bricks. Comes in 4 fun colours.
- 83. Buggeroo!
The game of anal stuffing! Take an object, stuff it up the arse. But watch it kick! Not suitable for anyone.
- 82. Guess When?
The mystery time game. “Are you lunchtime?” “Am I up yet?” “Why am I here?” It’s never too late to play Guess When? The family fun game that will have you in clocks.
- 81. Adolf Hitler play costume
Let those little tykes show YOU who’s boss for a change. Comes with suicide pills and play revolver. Moustache sold separately.
- 80. Young Junkie playkit
Learn to hock your kidneys and sell your newborn for another fix. Comes with syringe and Fun Powder TM!
- 79. Ankle Biters’ Tattoo Machine
Create real and very permanent tattoos of absolutely anything, from the family pet to your favourite cartoon character. If you can imagine it, you can tattoo it on your body.
- 78. Shrinky Dicks TM
Fun for all the family! Simply apply two drops of the Shrinky Dicks TM formula to dad’s coffee and watch his member shrivel up completely. May cause infertility.
- 77. Batman and Robin bondage playset
Re-enact your favourite scene from the latest Batman caper. Tie Robin to the rack and experiment to your heart’s content. Naked Penguin not included.
- 76. Risk – T.W.A.T. edition
Play risk as you’ve never played it before – through the eyes of a G.I. unit. The War Against Terrorism is afoot… Can you successfully take over the Middle East? For 1 player.
- 75. That Goes in There
Educational toy that teaches children the act of copulation. Contains movable parts. Possible Choking hazard.
- 74. The Game of Dumb
A fun board game for all the family. Go to school, go to college, go to university, fail your degree and work in the NHS for 50 years before dying penniless in a nursing home in Clackton-on Sea.
- 73. The Big Red Bang Bus
Fun-filled action for 6-10 year olds. Pick up hitchhikers and force them into acts of a sexual nature for cash rewards. Comes with cameraman, participants and play lubricant.
- 72. Subbasseo
Experience all the thrills and excitement of bass fishing from the comfort of your own home. Contains play river and fishing rod. Fish not included.
- 71. Learn all about… Breastfeeding
Hours of fun for girls and boys alike. Fill the soft malleable breasts with milk, water or any other liquid and suck away to your heart’s content. May cause psychological problems.
- 70. Cardboard Box
Exact replica of a 1970s cardboard box, made from actual cardboard with “WARNING! RAT POISON” emblazoned on the side. Guaranteed to keep the little ones quiet.
- 69. The Man from Uncle weeble set
Watch all your heroes wobble around for hours and hours and hours. Hours of fun.
- 68. Omaha Beach playset
Re-enact all your favourite WW2 movie scenes. Features detachable limbs and bunker system with flashing lights and sound. Nazis not included.
- 67. Barbie Colonic
It’s time for Barbie’s bi-monthly visit to the health spa. Fill the supplied play pipe with water and turn on the motor for fun fun fun.
- 66. Osama’s Cave playset
Help Osama remain hidden from the infidel. Features trap door, missile silo and tanning booth.
- 65. Footcube
The fun sport that’s sweeping some of the nation. Kick the cube into the circular net to score a goal and become the envy of all your friends. Minutes of fun.
- 64. Fun foam lizards
These tiny foam lizards miraculously grow when placed under water and don’t stop. Can you find a way to stop them? We can’t.
- 63. Car Crash City
Drive the miniature cars through the busy streets of a bustling city, but watch out – there’s an oil spill up ahead. Comes with miniature jaws of life.
- 62. The wonderful world of Batteries
Teach your kids all about the wonders of batteries. Show them how batteries work with the light bulb kit and teach them about how electricity is conducted with the help of batteries. There's enough battery related fun here for everyone! Batteries not included.
- 61. Littlest Whore playkit
Become the youngest bit of meat on your street. Contains high heeled shoes, bright red lipstick and leopard skin wrap. Condoms not included.
- 60. Connect Two
Battle your opponent in a game of skill and wits. Who will be the first to connect two?
- 59. Star Wars Episode III – Lightshaver.
Learn to shave, the Jedi way. Don’t cut too close though or you’ll bleed to death!
- 58. The Amazing Game of Mustard
What mustard is that? French? English? Who knows?! It could be practically anything in the mustard related game all the kids are asking for this Christmas.
- 57. Sesame Street presents – Bert and Ernie’s Love Bug
Can you help Bert and Ernie score before the night is out? Features movable parts and mood lighting. Bert and Ernie are included. Requires 4 AAAA batteries to turn the mood lighting on. Take them out and they turn off! It's possible that you put the batteries in at night.
- 56. Operation
The hands-on toy all children will love. Cut up your friends and make enemies in the process! Comes complete with miniature hacksaw, scalpel and surgeon’s mask.
- 55. The Queen Victoria playset
Comes complete with Peggy Mitchell, miniature barrels and Dirty Den buried in the cellar. Hours of drunken fun for all your little slags.
- 54. Monogamy
The game of staying faithful. Go to bed early. Do not watch television. Go to IKEA on Sunday.
- 53. dick-Fight
The action-packed card game of dick to ass combat. Sure to drive you off the edge!
- 52. Sony Playstation 0.5 v4
Budget version of the popular classic featuring cassette tape drive and 3 button controller. Comes with 3 amazing games: Pac-Man, Pac-Man Plus, and dick-Fight. Extra cartridge is included that has all 3 games plus Super Mario Bros., Donkey Kong, Frogger, and Mario Bros.
- 51. Knight Rider Pez Dispenser.
Candy never tasted so much like David Hasselhoff.
- 50. American History X talking plush
Derek Vinyard plush. Features 4 adorable phrases – “Nigger, you just fucked with the wrong bull”, “My father gave me that truck, motherfucker”, “Put your fuckin' mouth on the curb” and “Now say goodnight”.
- 49. Let’s make... Feaces!
Anatomically correct reconstruction of the stomach, intestines and anus. Mix the ingredients in the stomach and watch the machine create edible excrement for the whole family.
- 48. Inflatable dildo
Life sized inflatable of everybody’s favourite underwear pervert with 2 working orifices. Adult supervision required.
- 47. Blister
The fun game of balancing with a hot new twist! Play against your friends and see who can remain standing the longest as you attempt to balance on burning hot cooking rings of 4 colours. Left foot red! Right foot red! All your feet will be red after playing Blister!
- 46. Danny DeVito singing cushion
Really sings! 10 children’s songs as performed by everybody’s favourite actor from the movie Twins.
- 45. Rape Me Elmo
Make Elmo cry as you throw dick after dick at him. Laughter guaranteed!
- 44. My First Pube
It’s fun and frolics all around in this puberty-based interactive play piece. Can you pull all the pubes out before they grow back? Addictive!
- 43. Hot Potato
The hilarious game of potato passing, featuring a real potato! Will you be holding the potato when the time runs out? Once the potato goes cold, put it in the microwave and away you go again!
- 42. “Oi, Ref!”
The fast paced football game that everyone’s raving about. Kick the ball into the goal using the special player tongues, and get bonus points for swearing, yelling and clapping in your opponent’s face.
- 41. Hungry Kidz electric toaster
- 40. The Dead Dog Playset
Help kids overcome the death of a beloved pooch by buying them this wonderful playset. Features diorama of a cozy living room complete with fireplace, stain on rug and one dead dog. Dog actually decomposes!
- 39. Remote controlled Hagz TM
Watch these RC Grandmothers battle each other to the death in the special handbag shaped arena. Each RC Hagz TM comes with special item and combable purple hair.
- 38. Pete Doherty LCD game
Play as the ex-Libertines and Babyshambles frontman in 10 frustrating levels on this handheld LCD game. Can you get out of rehab and back on top?
- 37. Suck It and See
Hilarious game for all the family. Put on the special blindfold and suck on the mystery object until the timer runs out, then see if you can guess what the object was.
- 36. David Duchovny’s Pleasure Yacht playset
Join David on his yacht as he sails the seven seas searching for booty! Includes fully automated rudder control, real floating action and 3 harlets.
- 35. The Dead Dog Playset refill pack
Refill pack for The Dead Dog Playset. It used to contain 5 dead dogs of assorted breeds. In 2015, 5 more dead dogs were added to the refill pack itself, meaning that the pack now contains 10 dead dogs of assorted breeds.
- 34. ClueD’oh!
Solve the murder of Ned Flanders and identify the mystery killer, all while playing as one of Springfield’s favourite family in this entertaining board game.
- 33. Cartman and Sean Penn Megaphone
Speak into the megaphone and select either the Eric Cartman or Sean Penn switch to sound just like Eric Cartman or Sean Penn. Uncanny. Requires 53 AA batteries.
- 32. Mr. Frosty
Mr. Frosty isn’t much fun! He shouts insults at everyone! Motion detector detects people coming into the room and Mr. Frosty yells one of 25 scathing remarks. Runs on 4 AAA batteries. You can also squeeze Mr. Frosty's right hand to start his yelling.
- 31. The Hernia Game
Take turns to lift the objects, but be careful – one of the objects is heavier than the others. Who’ll be the first to get a hernia? 2-4 players.
- 30. Thimbles!
The amazing game of Thimbles updated for a new generation. How many thimbles can you hide in your bodily orifices? The winner wins all the thimbles. Thimbles not included.
- 29. Hungry, Hungry Gypos
50 balls. 4 travellers. Who can eat the most? Laugh a minute fun for ages 8-18, 19-75.
- 28. The Swear Word Spellchecker
Teach your kids the joy of four letter swear words. Whether it’s “cunt”, “arse” or “fuck”, your little’uns will love every second they spend with the Swear Word Spellchecker. Features 3 game modes – “In the Pub”, “At home” and “Time Trial”.
- 27. Russian Roulette
A firm family favourite. Take turns placing the revolver to your head and pulling the trigger. Comes with mop and plastic sheets for covering furniture. 5-6 players (then 4-5 players, then 3-4 players etc).
- 26. Spin the Cat
Spin the cat and choose to spill the truth, or do a dare. Comes complete with actual stuffed cat and record player on which to spin it.
- 25. Das Boot engine room playset
Playset adapted from the film of the book. Features “angry” Chief figurine and oily rag. Not bath safe.
- 24. The Fabulous Chocolate Phallus Machine
Makes delicious chocolate phalluses for the whole family. Let grandma eat cock! Hilarious!
- 23. The Scissors Playset
Play with scissors and cut anything you can get your hands on! Contains 20 pairs of scissors of varying shapes, sizes and colours. Includes 20 bandages with “Don’t run with scissors” printed on them.
- 22. Arnold Schwarzenegger flashlight
Use the Arnie flashlight to cast the reassuringly friendly face of California’s favourite Governor over anything and everything. Comes with 3 magical phrases, “Who is your daddy, and what does he do?”, “My candidacy’s all about big change in Sacramento” and “Stop whining!”.
- 21. My First Sexual Encounter
The perfect gift for any child. This child size inflatable doll comes with both male and female parts. Blow up the doll, give it to your child, and away they go. Comes complete with pack of 20 child sized condoms.
- 20. The Vin Diesel tea set
Share elevenses with the Hollywood hard man of the moment. Comes with flashing lights and bald cap.
- 19. Scarface bathtub playset
All the fun of the 1980s cocaine trade comes alive in your very own living room. Features realistic chainsaw sound and blood effects. Assault and batteries not included.
- 18. Let’s Knit!
Let your children learn to love the art of knitting. Comes complete with guide on how to knit clothes, including sweaters, mittens and socks.
- 17. Lovable Monkey doll
Lovable Monkey has real soft strokeable fur and says one of 5 cute phrases every time you squeeze his foot. Includes shit-flinging arm action.
- 16. Mr. Mayhem’s Magical Ticket Printer
Prints tickets for 5 different events. Gain entry to P.T.A. meetings, school reunions, bah mitzvahs, camp sites and Bon Jovi concerts. The fun never ends with Mr. Mayhem’s Magical Ticket Printer!
- 15. My Little Pony
Miniature Ponies specifically bred for sale in toy shops. Comes with everything you need to get started – hay, water and miniature pony jar.
- 14. The Italian Job the boardgame
Play as Charlie Croker as you attempt to steal gold bullion from Italy’s largest bank. Be careful though – or you may end up blowing the bloody doors off!
- 13. Let’s make...Viagra!
Let your children experience the simple pleasure of mixing their own viagra with the equipment provided. Sure to keep them up all night.
- 12.47 Clean-o-man
He pretends to clean stuff..... but really, he's not.
- 12. Harry Potter and the Crossing of the Line playset
Recreate the famous scene where Hermione finally slaps Harry in the face. Ron figure comes with light-up cheeks and 6 equally disturbing sounds.
- 11. Incest!
Incest truly is a game for all the family! Show your loved ones just how much you love them by buying them this fantastic game and they’ll finally see just how playful you can be!
- 10. Scalextric – Munsters Vs The Dukes of Hazard
There’s minutes of fun to be had in this original twist on the classic racing simulation. Comes complete with official Daisy Duke starter gun. Surprisingly erotic.
- 9. Baby Gravy
You’ll love Baby Gravy! At the touch of a button, Baby Gravy will spurt out gravy from her eyes, ears and nostrils, just like a real baby! That's what babies do, right?
- 8. The Great Escape
Players are each given a secret destination and have to escape there as quickly as is humanly possible. One player acts as the guard and is allowed to shoot any escapees on site. Includes tranquilliser gun and German passports.
- 7. Little Mozart electronic piano
Plays the theme from “The Good Life” in increasingly annoying tones.
- 6. Columbo play costume
Dress up your children as America’s most-loved detective. Comes complete with brown coat and lazy eye.
- 5. Newborn Natalie
Newborn Natalie cries all night. Motion sensor detects when you aren’t there and sets off the sound of blubbering. Carries on crying until you return. Can’t be switched off and runs off seemingly nothing. Fucking annoying. Thank God Newborn Natalie got discontinued in 2015. Thank frickin' God. She also ain't sold on any online store anymore.
- 4. Easy-folding Tykes Trampoline
The only trampoline that will be sure to keep the kids entertained. By pressing the "fold" button on its remote, it will instantly fold itself up into storage position. Ideal for sibling rivalries.
- 3. The Bunker
WW2 boardgame fun for everyone! Move round the board as everyone’s favourite dictator, invading countries and slaughtering thousands before rolling a 6 to get into the bunker. Will you marry Eva Braun or Joseph Goebbels? The choice is yours!
- 2. Alistair McGowan’s Big Scotch Egg Maker
Make scotch eggs! Mountains of them! The children won’t be able to get enough of scotch eggs. Comes with three child sized gas masks, and 2 oxygen canisters.
- 1. Celebrity Deathmatch
- Home Edition
Why would anybody want to rip their parents apart? Why not?
- .5.My demon pony
- my demon pony,my demon pony,tried to kill me in my sleep.
- 0. My First Ouija Board
Get possessed just like the girl in The Exorcist! Comes in 3 colors! Blood Red, Classic White, and Gothic Black. Parental supervision required. Comes with phone numbers for exorcists.
- -1. Uncyclopedia - Home Edition
Dear god no. Just... no.
- -2. Squabble
Take turns to put words down on the board, but beware! If you should place a disputed word on the board then it’s no holds barred in this violent take on a popular classic. No dictionaries here - hair pulling and eye gouging are the norm in this fast and furious spelling game. Misspelling words has never been so vylant…
- -7. Tickle me Village People
You can tickle all the members from Village People. If you squeeze their testicles enough, they sing YMCA. There's G. Jeff Olsen, Eric Anzalone, Ray Simpson, Felipe Rose, Alex Briley and David "Scar" Hodo. Collect them all.
- -42. Pharmacy toys
Oh dear god, not those crappy pharmacy toys, hastily bought on the way to a children's birthday party.
- -69. pHr33 S3X playset for childrens (stuff included)
Barack Obama doll and condoms. Have fun for 3 WEEKS WITH OBAMA! OMGZ LOL ROXORZ BOXORZ!
- -1337. Official ROFLCOPTER Playset
Comes with 2 replica roflcopters, LOL soldiers not included. (Not suitable for Aligaytors)