Worst 100 Things About the '00s
“It's over? THANK GOD!”
It's over, thank God (as Oscar Wilde just stated). The '00s, a decade of attention whores and god-awful music, is now nothing but a string of phantasmagoric memories that will run through the minds of historians late at night.
Feel free to expand on this Top 100 list, and add your own opinions on the worst things about that decade. True, it says a "Top 100" list, but is Rhode Island actually an island? Is the black box on an airplane actually black (it's orange, by the way)? Did "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" have anything to do with the eight kids? Then why does this need to only be a "Top 100" list?
Alberto Gonzales does not remember anything about the top ten worst things about the '00s. Therefore, we don't have a top ten. Just a number one.
- 1 180 through 171
- 2 170 through 161
- 3 160 through 151
- 4 150 through 141
- 5 140 through 131
- 6 130 through 121
- 7 120 through 111
- 8 110 through 101
- 9 100 through 91
- 10 90 through 81
- 11 80 through 71
- 12 70 through 61
- 13 60 through 51
- 14 50 through 41
- 15 40 through 31
- 16 30 through 21
- 17 20 through 11
- 18 10 to zero
180 through 171
- 178. The Kardashian Sisters
- Woman with a fat ass and a sex tape enables her sisters to marry a Laker not named Kobe and some guy we only know as "Scott the Dick". If Bruce Jenner had any feeling in his face right now, he'd be weeping.
- 177. Twitter
- y would u type like this? its stoooopid! lolololol!
- 176. Nostalgia for the 80's
- All right, you frickin college nerds who somehow think there's something to be nostalgic for in the 80's. Listen up...THERE ISN'T!!! Do you know why you don't hear anyone in their 30's, 40's, or 50's saying what a wonderful time the 80's were? Because we remember just how much they sucked. Everything going wrong today had its seed planted in the 80's. Knock it off!
- 175. Without a Trace
- Some show about murder produced by Jerry Bruckheimer from this decade. Right, because CBS doesn't have enough of those.
- 174. Million Dollar Baby
- I don't think Hillary Swank would make a good boxer. And yet this film won Best Picture in '04.
- 173. Keith Olbermann
- What a country. Some guy who was on SportsCenter gets his own political talk show. In that case, I want to see Bill O'Reilly try talking about the World Cup without commenting on how much better he thinks American sports are.
- 172. Zinedine Zidane
- A French footballer who headbutted some random guy in the '06 World Cup. Like every other battle France has ever fought in, they surrendered.
- 171. Barack Obama
“I want change. Change... from the crapload of money we borrow from China. and India.”
170 through 161
- 170. Robert Blake found Not Guilty
- He had the airtight alibi that (and I swear to God that I'm not making this up) he was inside the restaurant during the time of the murder because he forgot his gun in the booth. I kid you not.
- 169. 24
- I'm mentioning it on the list, and as a result, I'm afraid that Jack Bauer will come to my house and kick my ass.
- 168. 2004-2005 NHL Season Cancelled
- During the hiatus, Gary Bettman took up his favorite hobby: being a jackass.
- 167. Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
- Another dumb rip off to Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, only with some random hillbilly hosting.
- 166. David Beckham
- Screwed over the British to try to popularize soccer/football in the United States. Yeah, still waiting for that.
- 165. Condoleezza Rice
“No, of course he isn't determined to attack inside the United States. Whatever gave you that foolish idea?”
- 164. Every single celebrity you ever knew and/or loved dying in the summer of 2009
- Such as David Carradine (who died in some freak masturbation incident), Walter Cronkite, DJ AM, Billy Mays, Karl Malden, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson again, and that blonde woman from Charlie's Angels who isn't important because Michael Jackson just died. Also, did I mention Michael Jackson yet?
- 163. All American Rejects
- Appropriate name, because all of America rejected their crappy music.
- 162. Oprah Winfrey
- Some rich woman with a fat ass. You think she could use some of that money to get the fat removed out of her ass.
- 161. Rod Blagojevich
- No joke. I'm just happy that I spelled his name correctly.
160 through 151
- 160. David Letterman and Tiger Woods Screwing Around
- Clocking in in late 2009, late both in the decade and their careers, both Tiger and Dave prove it's never too late to cheat on your wife and dishonor yourself in the process.
- 159. The Digital Shorts on SNL
- So Andy Samberg is punching some guy while he's eating, and then a bunch of zombies dance behind him? Seriously, who finds this crap funny?
- 158. Madonna Is Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
- On that same day, Metallica was inducted into the Slutty Bubblegum Pop Hall of Fame.
- 156. Alex Rodriguez
- Has a good dating life. Until October. He can't even get to first base in October.
- 155. The Top 100 Terrorists of the New Millenium
- Read the article: UnNews:Al-Jazeera: Top 100 Terrorists Of The Millennium
- 154. Steve Irwin Dies
- Always wanted to see him get bit, but never to bite it.
- 152. Our Lady Peace
- Seriously guys, WTF?
- 151. Kentucky Grilled Chicken
- It's just fried chicken without the skin. And the skin is the best part.
150 through 141
- 150. Taylor Swift
- A hicked up version of Hilary Duff. Only instead of taking off her clothes off to sell albums, she just fucks douchebags like John Mayer.
- 149. The Black Eyed Peas
- A musical group featuring two black guys, a creepy white guy who dances (or is he Asian?), and some prostitute.
- 148. Kim Jong-Il
- Some crazy North Korean midget who thinks he is the next Joesph Stalin.
- 147. Judge Grue-dy
- Able to make rulings without seeing evidence or hearing testimony.
- 146. Governor Rick Perry
- He wanted to have Texas secede from the United States. If they secede, where are we going to get our right-wing religious nutjobs from?
- 145. CSI: Miami
- Where David Caruso takes his glasses off around fifty times each episode. Also, some random murder occurs.
- 144. Yemenia Flight 626
- French people on an crashing airplane. With fear that they were shot down by an enemy, they surrendered immediately.
- 143. The secession of Petoria from the United States
- The president was going to call it Peterland, but the gay bar down by the airport already took it.
- 142. The iPhone
- Why buy it? Another updated version will probably come out in another six months. In this economy, who can afford to do that?
- 141. Kelly Clarkson
- My life probably wouldn't suck without her.
140 through 131
- 140. The Hills
- A "reality" show that stars several retards who live in Beverly Hills in a mansion paid for by MTV. It stars two assholes named Heidi and Spencer. They're so evil, that "E! News" wanted to stop talking about them. And if "E! News" wants to stop rewarding you for being a nuissance to society, then you've really done something wrong.
- 139. VH1 Decade Nostalgia Shows
- Talks are occurring that VH1 will release another one: "I Love the 1980s", where they spend half an episode talking about Grover Cleveland.
- 138. Two and a Half Men
- Starring King Solomon. You know, the guy who said he would cut a baby in half? Of course not, nobody here reads the Bible.
- 136. Cold Case
- Where a group of 76ers fans you've never heard of (one of which looks like Cameron Diaz) solve crimes that occured while the victim was listening to "Frankie Goes to Hollywood". Here is a link to a typical episode of Cold Case:
- 135. The Life and Death of Billy Mays
- Tragically, we never knew how much we needed his unnecessarily loud voice until it was silenced. We barely knew ye.
- 134. The Snuggie
- Do I even need to make a joke on this one?
- 132. An Inconvenient Truth
- One inconvenient truth is that anyone takes Al Gore cereal, I mean serious.
- 131. The Deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
- This article should explain it all:
130 through 121
- 130. The Weakest Link
- Some game show starring some ugly British bitch named Anne Robinson. And the whole show revolved around how dumb she thought the contestants were. Somewhere in that, they were asked trivia questions. The grand prize was usually $3.95 and a coupon good for a free appetizer at TGI Friday's.
- 129. Ed MacMahon Dies
- Even Carnac the Great couldn't have predicted it.
- 128. The Cleveland Show
- Features a white supremacist who likes black people, some jerk from New Jersey, and a talking bear. Yes, in their dimension, bears can talk.
- 127. Pittsburgh Steelers Win Two Super Bowls
- Which is only bad if you're a Cincinnati Bengals fan. If Boomer Esiason couldn't win a Super Bowl, what makes you think they can win one with Carson Palmer?
- 126. NBC Releases Even More "Law and Order" Spinoffs
- Now stay tuned for Law and Order: Paper Company Unit, right after an all new Law and Order: Spinning Wheel with Dollar Amounts on It Unit and an all new Law and Order: Alex Trebek Unit. And you certainly don't want to miss Law and Order: Guy with a Huge Chin and a Late Night Talk Show Unit
- 125. Larry King
- The last king to get married that many times was probably Henry VIII. In fact, they went to high school together.
- 124. John McCain
“I may be old, but... what? Where am I? This isn't 1967 Vietnam!”
- 123. Riots in Iran Over Reelection of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- They need to recount tens of thousands of votes when Ahmadinejad won by what, 11 million votes? Can anyone in Iran count?
- 122. 300
“This is... A BLOCKBUSTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!”
- 121. Survivor
- There are apparently snakes and rats on that island. Maybe Samuel L. Jackson should have been on that island; you know how he feels about snakes.
120 through 111
- 120. The Office
- The show's actually quite good. It's NBC's need to recreate any show on the BBC that earns it a place on the list. Sorry Michael Scott. You got shafted.
“That's what she said. Or he said.”
“In Soviet Russia, ozone layer destroys YOU!”
- 117. Joe Biden Opens His Mouth, Yet Again
“Mark my words, Barack Obama will be tested within the first three months of taking office”
That test: getting Biden to shut up.
- 116. Jon and Kate Plus Eight
- Which was mercifully cancelled. The final episode ended dramatically: Kate taught the kids how to milk cows. Also, the following conversation may or may not have happened.
“Mommy, where's daddy?”
“Well, he's doing Jell-O shots off some slutty 21 year-old college student while I'm forced to raise EIGHT GOOD FOR NOTHING KIDS!”
- 115. American Dad
- Basically Family Guy, only in Virginia instead of Rhode Island, with a gay alien instead of a gay baby.
- 114. The Rick Roll
- A 2008 adaptation of something that happened in 1987. So is this really pertaining to the '00s?
- 113. Don Imus
- Look at the guy's hair. He looks like he just got out of bed, and therefore, he is the nappy-headed one. QED.
- 112. Tony Blair
- Some British musician. May or may not have entered politics.
- 111. Clay Aiken
- He recently admitted that he was gay.
“WHAT?!?!?! HE ISN'T GAY!”
110 through 101
- 110. Erin Brockovich
- A movie starring Julia Roberts and some other guy where Julia Roberts plays a hooker. How original, considering that "Pretty Woman" was released only ten years earlier.
- 109. Al Gore
- He did not invent the Internet. However, he did invent global warming, the electric blanket, the touchdown celebration, cherry pie, Seinfeld, Duck Duck Goose, the bar graph, paper football, the cowbell, Nutter Butters, and of course, ManBearPig.
- 108. Soulja Boy Tell 'Em
- He likes to Super Soak hos, whatever that means.
- 107. Michael Jackson Trial
- Where some crotch-grabbing musician who hasn't done anything in 20 years got off the hook for... well, you know.
- 106. Pink
- A musician, so she is here for my entertainment.
- 105. iCarly
- iDon't Care.
- 104. Jessica Simpson
- It's fish! Not chicken! But your rack is big (as shown on the left), so I'll forgive you.
- 103. Kanye West
- Everything's a race issue with this guy...
“YO EDITOR, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU, AND I'MMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT MR. WINKLER IS GAY WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST ARTICLES OF ALL TIME! OF ALL TIME!”
What was I saying again? I don't even remember. Maybe Beyonce can let me speak during her entry.
- 102. Avril Lavigne
- Some wannabe punk from Canada. In all actuality, she makes Hillary Duff look like a long-lost member of the Sex Pistols.
- 101. Lisa Nowak
- Remember? That astronaut who drove from Dallas to Florida in adult diapers to kill that other female astronaut? She single-handedly redefined the word
“Oh, you find that sexy? Good luck potty-training her.”
100 through 91
- 100. The discontinuance of Betamax by Sony in 2002
- Really, it took that long. More than five people outraged.
- 99. That blackout in 2003
- That's six hours of prime time TV viewing I'll never get back! Why, God? Why?
- 98. That time Steve stole my stapler in 2005
- I bet you thought I forgot. Oh no.
- 97. New Kids On The Block Reunites
- Apparently, they want more teenage girls to waste their money on a talentless boy band. No, wait, they're already doing that with the Jonas Brothers.
- 96. First ten years in Y2K bunker a complete success for the Jones family of Hamilton, Idaho.
- Lethal Weapon 4 still bearable after hundredth viewing on decaying VHS tape.
- 95. John Kerry
- Faced with a grinning idiot who couldn't pronounce "nuclear," this was the Democrats' secret weapon?
- 94. The Pontiac Aztek
- Let us never speak of this again.
- 93. Windows ME
- Consider upgrading yours to a doorstop
- 92. 21st Century Depression Now featuring breadlines with Wi-Fi
- New social networking site Dumpster lets friends tell each other where to find the alleys and trainyards with the most succulent leavings, table scraps and pigeons.
- 91. Wrigley's Doublemint Gum introduces "Improved Flavor" in 2008
- Also, "improved" color. We'll admit that the original Caucasian tint was kind of unpleasant, but the new white-with-green-spots thing isn't really working for us either. It's gum! This shouldn't be that hard!
90 through 81
- 90. Are We There Yet?
- Seriously, this decade is taking forever.
- 89. Webspeak on the rise
- Grammarians capture the last wild semicolons with hopes of breeding them in captivity.
- 88. Digital television conquers American airwaves
- You'll need to be ready by February 17th - no, June 12th... no, January 5th... no, 2010...
- 87. Retrospective documentaries on the Aughts undoubtedly already in production
- Man in editing studio trying to decide between clips from Napoleon Dynamite and Borat for 90-second montage sequence set to "My Humps."
- 85. Windows Vista
- Consider downgrading yours to Windows ME
- 84. The
three fourfive-blade razor
- 83. Season three of Lost in 2006 - 2007
- Episode 14 may have actually been a crime against humanity.
- 82. Global Warming
- Head for high ground!
- 81. The Simpsons
- Will somebody please just put this program out of its misery?
80 through 71
- 80. Sarah Palin
- Every so often she would look into the camera and you would know - and she would know that you knew - that she meant everything she said. Then she talked about how she can see Russia from her house while playing the flute.
- 79. Tab discontinued in... wait a minute...
- Good lord! They actually still make Tab!
- 78. George Lucas Sequel Bonanza
- Anyone else think George would take a hit in blackjack with 20 showing?
- 77. Geico officially wears out its welcome with 50th caveman commercial
- Good news! I just saved my sanity by switching to Comedy Central!
- 76. Vladimir Putin
- Like Goldfinger, but less menacing and more annoying.
- 75. Silvio Berlusconi
- Like Vladimir Putin, but less menacing and more annoying.
- 74. Family Guy
- This one is perhaps a little dicey. In the beginning, it might have been considered an outlet for topics too abstract or too bizarre for The Simpsons. And yet, its increasingly erratic pacing, mind-breaking cultural reference feedback loop and minimalist plots have slowly turned the show into a rickety parody of what it once was. Perhaps most saddening, however, is its inability to take any kind of criticism without resorting to childish tac...
“YOU WILL NOT CRITICIZE FAMILY GUY. FAMILY GUY IS FREAKIN' SWEET. OUR CHARACTERS HAVE WHAT REALLY COUNTS - GOOFY VOICES - AND EVERY ONE OF OUR TOPICAL JOKES IS GOING TO BE JUST AS FUNNY IN THIRTY YEARS AS IT IS TODAY. JUST LIKE THE CHEQUE BROTHERS ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE.”
- 73. The Large Hadron Collider
- Judging by the price tag, it's made out of solid gold. And as long as we're here, just saying "there is no realistic danger of black holes" isn't good enough. An explanation would be nice, is all I'm saying. And maybe results with practical applications. And a gift shop.
- 72. Hannah Montana
- Some Madonna wannabe. Her two biggest hits were "The Best of Both Worlds" and "Vanity Fair": May 2008. However, she is more talented than Bucky Kentucky and Jane Maine.
- 71. Any show other than "That 70's Show" on FOX in the past decade
- Oh, yeah. Nothing better than settling down on a Sunday night and watching The War At Home.
70 through 61
- 69. Katy Perry
- So you kissed a girl. We get it, you're a lesbian! And you're hot and you're cold. Have you ever considered that maybe you have swine flu? Which brings me to my next item...
- 68. Swine Flu
- No danger here. *Cough* No da- *Cough* danger at all.
- 67. Sudoku
- Wait, you have to fill in the numbers so there's one in each column, row, and box? All this time I was just trying to get phone numbers from women!
- 65. The Octomom
“No job? No husband? No problem!”
- 64. Larry Craig
- I don't go into airport bathrooms anyway. Do you know how filthy those things are?
- 63. The demotion of Pluto to non-planet
- What does it say about us as a species when we can't give a little sympathy to an empty rock three billion miles from the sun?
- 62. Angelina Jolie
- Some twenty dollar hooker that got work (if you can even call "Kung Fu Panda" work) by having sex with Jennifer Aniston's husband. Not to mention, her father is actor Jon Voight. Seriously.
- 61. Dick Cheney shooting that one guy
- RAH RAH RAH RAH waterboarding RAH RAH RAH!
60 through 51
- 60. The Jonas Brothers
- A group of
brothersbutt buddies with no talent whatsoever.
“THEY SUCK! IT'S NOT THAT THEY EVEN SUCK IN AN INTERESTING WAY!”
- 59. The Arizona Cardinals making it to the Super Bowl
- Next you're gonna tell me that the Devil Rays made it to the World Series! Wait, they did? HOLY CRAP!
- 58. The Devil Rays making it to the World Series
- Next you're gonna tell me that the Cardinals made it to the Super Bowl! Wait, they did? HOLY CRAP!
- 57. Dr. Phil
- Everyone's favorite fake psychiatrist who got to where he is today by kissing Oprah Winfrey's ass. In that matter, what exactly does Dr. Oz do?
- 55. Media Coverage of the Death of Anna Nicole Smith
- A lot of media coverage, considering that she was one of the worst actresses of all time, was a stripper who married an oil tycoon for his money, and was addicted to TrimSpa. But hey, that's Hollywood for you.
- 54. The Fabulous Patriots of Foxboro
- A popular sitcom about a pro football coach who videotapes his opponent's signals and therefore, kicks the crap out of the opponent in the second half. Ended with the now infamous episode "Super Bowl XLII", where the New York Giants humiliated the Patriots.
- Popular spinoffs included "Romeo Crennel Sucked At Coaching the Cleveland Browns", "Eric Mangini Sucked At Coaching the New York Jets", and "Charlie Weis Sucked At Coaching the Notre Dame Fighting Irish". All failed, because no cheating occurred (or so we think).
- 53. Rock of Love
- A reality show about fifteen London sophisticates who all vie for the love of a classy young bachelor.
- Just kidding. It's a reality show where VH1 picks fifteen girls out of dumpsters throughout El Segundo, California, and they all claim to have fallen in love with the lead singer of Poison. They get drunk, make out with each other all the time, cuss each other out, and collect their government welfare checks for their previous boyfriend (who they had two kids with and are still having sex with).
- 52. Flavor of Love
- Another reality show, this time about a bunch of welfare moms wanting Flavor Flav, that guy from Public Enemy who can only say three things, to be their baby daddy.
- 51. plate of Love
- Every single frickin' reality show VH1 ever did this decade.
50 through 41
- 50. Maury
- A bunch of women who don't know who the father of their children is, a bunch of teen prostitutes, and a bunch of transexuals parading around asking the audience to guess their birth gender. Won 27 Daytime Emmys in 2006 alone.
This video should explain it all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wbLdYeZvoc
And this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-rR3X2UiQU
- 49. Crazy Frog
- He came, and now every other animal, some of which are jelly, are making half-arsed realvidtones for 20 dollars. So explain something to me: why should I buy a crappy ringtone from Melvin the Hampster?
- 48. Alberto Gonzales
- He doesn't remember firing those lawyers. Coincidentally, I don't remember voting for George W. Bush.
- 47. 9/11
- True, all those innocent people died. But the main reason why it's on this list: it's become an excuse for Republicans to kick the crap out of Middle Easterners.
- 46. Hillary Clinton
- Hoped to follow in the "giant footsteps" (if you know what I mean) of her husband.
- 45. Howard Dean
- And we're gonna take Michigan, and we're gonna take Wisconsin, and we're gonna embarass ourselves and make sure I never get elected president... BYAH!
- 44. No Country For Old Men
- A 2008 movie starring John McCain, Larry King, and Senator Robert Byrd, where they are all kicked out of the United States due to excessive kitten huffing and are forced to live in Kentuckistan. They are kicked out of Kentuckistan because they are all over the age of 10,000, and there is no country for the old men, hence the name.
- 43. Brokeback Mountain
- A gay porn where that dead guy who played the Joker falls in love with that dude from "October Sky".
- 42. YouTube
- I'm just clicking on a link to topless Megan Fox pictures, and out of nowhere, here comes Rick Astley!
“Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...”
40 through 31
- 40. Beyonce
- If you like it, then you should've put a ring on it. If not, then welcome to my world.
- 39. Brett Favre Almost Retiring For The 500,000th Time
- Played for the Packers from 1992 to 2007, and promised to finally retire in early 2008, before changing his mind yet again. He was punished for his bad decision making by playing for the Jets in 2008 and going 8-8 while losing the division to the Miami Dolphins (who went 1-15 the previous year).
UPDATE: Brett Favre has signed a two-year, $25 million dollar deal with the Minnesota Vikings.
“Fuck Brett Favre.”
- 38. Madonna Is Still Alive
- She's 10,000 years old.
She should have been offered a role in "No Country for Old Men", but wasn't, probably due to the fact that she looks too much like a washed-up hooker. Therefore, she would be too perfect for the role.
- 37. Steroids
- Anyone actually think that Jose Canseco would ever become trustworthy? Anyway, the 2005 steroid hearings were kind of like the modern day version of the Salem witch trials, only everyone was lying.
- 36. That Episode of "Family Guy" Where Peter Keeps Singing "Surfin' Bird"
- Seriously, that was just annoying.
- 35. Lindsay Lohan
- Some pretend lesbian who worked for Disney once. No wonder she started drinking and doing ketamine in some club in West Hollywood.
- 34. Scientology
- A bunch of closeted homosexuals with mental problems (and Beck) who worship a bunch of animals who live in volcanoes or something.
- 33. Joe the Plumber
- One less person who could unclog your drain, and one more person who will do journalism in the Middle East. Seriously. I saw them say it on The Daily Show once.
- 32. Those Girls Who Live With Hugh Hefner Leaving the Playboy Mansion
- Now they can go out and get real jobs. Just kidding. They need to go back to Hooters or strip; that's all they're good for, really.
- 31. Tom Cruise
- Famous for saying: "I'M IN LOVE WITH KATIE HOLMES! I'M IN LOVE WITH KATIE HOLMES! I'M NOT GAY! GO SEE MY NEW MOVIE! I'M IN LOVE WITH KATIE HOLMES!", while thinking that Oprah's couch was a trampoline.
30 through 21
- 30. The 2008 Detroit Lions
- 0-16. Which means they are among the ranks of such elite teams as the 1976 Buccaneers and the 1980 Saints.
- 29. Drew Carey Becoming the Host of The Price Is Right
- Replaced Bob "Sex Machine" Barker and totally screwed up the show. Hey, it's still better than when Rosie O'Donnell wanted to be the host. Speaking of which...
- 28. The Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump Feud
- Needless to say, someone got fired. Hopefully both of them.
- 27. Ann Coulter
- The apparent "Queen of the Republicans".
- 26. MTV Stops Airing Music Videos
- They went from "Video Killed the Radio Star" to "Video of 'A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila' Killed the Music Video".
- 25. Chef Is Killed off of South Park
- However, he joined the Super Adventure Club, so it's justifiable.
- 23. Miley Cyrus
- She bears a shockingly similar resemblance to pop star and hooker Hannah Montana (number 72 on this countdown).
- 22. Borat
- Who like make sexytime with his mother-in-law [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much].
- 21. Vince with ShamWow.
- Apparently, he got arrested for punching a prostitute. She was from Germany, and you know the Germans make good stuff. Order a German prostitute for the low low price of $1,000, and we'll send you a home pregnancy test and a metal coat hanger, just in case things don't go right. A $7.99 value, yours free! What was I just saying? Oh yeah. ShamWow, you'll be saying wow every time.
20 through 11
The 2001 Winona Ryder Shoplifting Incident
That's what happens when you sleep with Johnny Depp.Honestly, who cares about this? Winona Ryder hasn't done a movie, or for that matter, anything in years. So...
“Actually, the Winona Ryder shoplifting incident was a pretty big deal back in 2001. Don't you remember all of those people wearing those "Free Winona" t-shirts? And this is a list on the worst things about the 2000s.”
Therefore, you, my reader, get a bonus number 20. Merry Christmas.
- 20. New York Politics
- Even those most will tell you New Jersey and California have more dysfunctional state governments, New York tops all. Governor Eliot Spitzer cheats on wife, no divorce papers are filed; successor David Paterson also admits to affair the moment he's sworn in, and pisses off everyone by doing nothing right. Can someone tell him to resign already?
- 19. Amy Winehouse
- Seriously, we don't care what your song says. GO TO REHAB!
- 18. Out of Jimmy's Head
- What the hell is this about??!?
- 17. The Passion of the Christ
- This film made Mel Gibson admit that he was a Nazi. And still, nobody knows or even cares who Jim Caviezel is.
- 16. Napster
- A music downloading website that forces celebrities to live lives of semi-luxury. Started the music download RIAA wars of the 2000s.
- 15. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
- Only one thing about this movie makes me curious: who the hell keeps giving Brad Pitt work?
- 13. Sex and the City
- Stars several prostitutes and their pimp: Mr. Big. Wonder where he got that name?
- 12. Slumdog Millionaire
- Yeah, that's exactly what I want from an Academy Award winner based on a true story: hundreds of people spontaneously breaking into a choreographed dance.
- 11. Rihanna
- Chris Brown probably hit her with an umbrella-ella-ella-eh.
10 to zero
- 10. Twilight
- Someone once asked me if I was on Team Edward or Team Jacob. I told them I was on Team Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner Have No Talent Whatsoever.
- 9. Justin Bieber
- Canadian singer who has a plot to brainwash all little girls and teenage girls with an IQ below 2 to destroy the world.
- 8. The iPad
- Just an over sized iPhone. Yeah, not much else can be said about this thing.
- 6. King of the Hill
- An unfunny show about a bunch of Texas rednecks. Was it supposed to be funny or something?
“Yep. Yep. Yep. Mmm-hmm.”
- 5. All About Steve
- Worst. Movie. EVAR.
- 4. Ke$ha
- Then again, don't we all brush our teeth with a bottle of whiskey or wake up in the morning feeling like some guy who changes his name all the time?
- 3. Anything Disney has done
- When it comes to art, Sonny with a Chance is definitely a long ways away from Steamboat Willie.
- 2. MySpace
- The abandoned playground of the internet. Something that is leftover from the 1990s especially the MySpace layout backgrounds that look as crappy as Geocites. The last of the .com bubble
- 1. One word
Did we mention him already? Yes? Doesn't matter.