Worst 100 Things About the '00s

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“It's over? THANK GOD!”

~ Oscar Wilde on the '00s
100 Animals
99 April Fools Jokes
98 Cartman Wannabes
97 Colors
96 Creatures to have sex with
95 Firefox extensions
94 Foods
93 Gifts to give a friend
92 Harry Potter Spin-offs
91 Inventions
90 Locations
89 LOL Cats
88 Make Out Songs
87 Moments to get a Boner
86 Moments to Laugh
85 Money Making Schemes
84 Movies
83 Nonexistent Words
82 Not In The Least Bit Sexual Things To Do With No Pants On
81 Nutty Conspiracy Theories
80 Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
79 Pokemon Cash-Ins
78 Porn Stars
77 Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
76 Weapons
75 Reflections on 2005
74 Reflections on 2006
73 Reflections on 2007
72 Reflections on 2008
71 Reflections on 2009
70 Reflections on 2010
69 Reflections on 2011
68 Reflections on 2012
67 Reflections on 2013
66 Reflections on 2018
65 Reflections on 2022
64 Rejected Harry Potter Novels
63 Remakes
62 Restaurants
61 Self Help Books
60 Sexual Perversions
59 Short Poems
58 Sitcom Catchphrases
57 Songs
56 Songs about Seagulling
55 Songs To Have Sex To
54 Songs To Play At A Funeral
53 Spinoffs
52 Superheroes
51 Things About the '00s
50 Things to do during Christmas
49 Things to Put In An IV
48 Things To Say In Court
47 Things to Say in the Workplace
46 Things to say on a First Date
45 Toys
44 TV Programs
43 Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
42 Video Games of all time‎
41 Video Game Movies
40 Video Game Systems
39 Ways of Being a Dick
38 Ways To Be Castrated
37 Ways to be Circumcized
36 Ways to Deliver Bad News
35 Ways to Die
34 Ways to Kill Sarah Connor
33 Ways to Start a Novel
32 Ways to Win an Argument
31 Religions

It's over, thank God (as Oscar Wilde just stated). The '00s, a decade of attention whores and god-awful music, is now nothing but a string of phantasmagoric memories that will run through the minds of historians late at night.

Feel free to expand on this Top 100 list, and add your own opinions on the worst things about that decade. True, it says a "Top 100" list, but is Rhode Island actually an island? Is the black box on an airplane actually black (it's orange, by the way)? Did "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" have anything to do with the eight kids? Then why does this need to only be a "Top 100" list?

Alberto Gonzales does not remember anything about the top ten worst things about the '00s. Therefore, we don't have a top ten. Just a number one.

It was non-sequitirs like this that made that decade's comedies so bad.

180 through 171[edit | edit source]

178. The Kardashian Sisters
Woman with a fat ass and a sex tape enables her sisters to marry a Laker not named Kobe and some guy we only know as "Scott the Dick". If Bruce Jenner had any feeling in his face right now, he'd be weeping.
177. Twitter
y would u type like this? its stoooopid! lolololol!
176. Nostalgia for the 80's
All right, you frickin college nerds who somehow think there's something to be nostalgic for in the 80's. Listen up...THERE ISN'T!!! Do you know why you don't hear anyone in their 30's, 40's, or 50's saying what a wonderful time the 80's were? Because we remember just how much they sucked. Everything going wrong today had its seed planted in the 80's. Knock it off!
175. Without a Trace
Some show about murder produced by Jerry Bruckheimer from this decade. Right, because CBS doesn't have enough of those.
174. Million Dollar Baby
I don't think Hillary Swank would make a good boxer. And yet this film won Best Picture in '04.
173. Keith Olbermann
What a country. Some guy who was on SportsCenter gets his own political talk show. In that case, I want to see Bill O'Reilly try talking about the World Cup without commenting on how much better he thinks American sports are.
172. Zinedine Zidane
A French footballer who headbutted some random guy in the '06 World Cup. Like every other battle France has ever fought in, they surrendered.
171. Barack Obama

“I want change. Change... from the crapload of money we borrow from China. and India.”

~ Barack Obama on change we can believe in

170 through 161[edit | edit source]

170. Robert Blake found Not Guilty
He had the airtight alibi that (and I swear to God that I'm not making this up) he was inside the restaurant during the time of the murder because he forgot his gun in the booth. I kid you not.
169. 24
I'm mentioning it on the list, and as a result, I'm afraid that Jack Bauer will come to my house and kick my ass.
168. 2004-2005 NHL Season Cancelled
During the hiatus, Gary Bettman took up his favorite hobby: being a jackass.
167. Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?
Another dumb rip off to Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, only with some random hillbilly hosting.
166. David Beckham
Screwed over the British to try to popularize soccer/football in the United States. Yeah, still waiting for that.
165. Condoleezza Rice

“No, of course he isn't determined to attack inside the United States. Whatever gave you that foolish idea?”

~ Captain Sarcasm on the "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Within the United States" report
164. Every single celebrity you ever knew and/or loved dying in the summer of 2009
Such as David Carradine (who died in some freak masturbation incident), Walter Cronkite, DJ AM, Billy Mays, Karl Malden, Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson again, and that blonde woman from Charlie's Angels who isn't important because Michael Jackson just died. Also, did I mention Michael Jackson yet?
163. All American Rejects
Appropriate name, because all of America rejected their crappy music.
162. Oprah Winfrey
Some rich woman with a fat ass. You think she could use some of that money to get the fat removed out of her ass.
161. Rod Blagojevich
No joke. I'm just happy that I spelled his name correctly.

160 through 151[edit | edit source]

160. David Letterman and Tiger Woods Screwing Around
Clocking in in late 2009, late both in the decade and their careers, both Tiger and Dave prove it's never too late to cheat on your wife and dishonor yourself in the process.
We might have doctored this photo of Alex Rodriguez returning a stolen purse to an old lady.
159. The Digital Shorts on SNL
So Andy Samberg is punching some guy while he's eating, and then a bunch of zombies dance behind him? Seriously, who finds this crap funny?
158. Madonna Is Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
On that same day, Metallica was inducted into the Slutty Bubblegum Pop Hall of Fame.
157. John Edwards Cheating on His Wife (who has Cancer)
What a dick. In more than one way.
156. Alex Rodriguez
Has a good dating life. Until October. He can't even get to first base in October.
155. The Top 100 Terrorists of the New Millenium
Read the article: UnNews:Al-Jazeera: Top 100 Terrorists Of The Millennium
154. Steve Irwin Dies
Always wanted to see him get bit, but never to bite it.
153. Madden NFL 2004
Which involved the very first use of ultimate extreme three-way football.
152. Our Lady Peace
Seriously guys, WTF?
151. Kentucky Grilled Chicken
It's just fried chicken without the skin. And the skin is the best part.

150 through 141[edit | edit source]

150. Taylor Swift
A hicked up version of Hilary Duff. Only instead of taking off her clothes off to sell albums, she just fucks douchebags like John Mayer.
149. The Black Eyed Peas
A musical group featuring two black guys, a creepy white guy who dances (or is he Asian?), and some prostitute.
148. Kim Jong-Il
Some crazy North Korean midget who thinks he is the next Joesph Stalin.
147. Judge Grue-dy
Able to make rulings without seeing evidence or hearing testimony.
146. Governor Rick Perry
He wanted to have Texas secede from the United States. If they secede, where are we going to get our right-wing religious nutjobs from?
145. CSI: Miami
Where David Caruso takes his glasses off around fifty times each episode. Also, some random murder occurs.
144. Yemenia Flight 626
French people on an crashing airplane. With fear that they were shot down by an enemy, they surrendered immediately.
143. The secession of Petoria from the United States
The president was going to call it Peterland, but the gay bar down by the airport already took it.
142. The iPhone
Why buy it? Another updated version will probably come out in another six months. In this economy, who can afford to do that?
141. Kelly Clarkson
My life probably wouldn't suck without her.

140 through 131[edit | edit source]

140. The Hills
A "reality" show that stars several retards who live in Beverly Hills in a mansion paid for by MTV. It stars two assholes named Heidi and Spencer. They're so evil, that "E! News" wanted to stop talking about them. And if "E! News" wants to stop rewarding you for being a nuissance to society, then you've really done something wrong.
139. VH1 Decade Nostalgia Shows
Talks are occurring that VH1 will release another one: "I Love the 1980s", where they spend half an episode talking about Grover Cleveland.
138. Two and a Half Men
Starring King Solomon. You know, the guy who said he would cut a baby in half? Of course not, nobody here reads the Bible.
137. Lady Gaga
We still do not know what a "disco stick" is, but I have a theory.
136. Cold Case
Where a group of 76ers fans you've never heard of (one of which looks like Cameron Diaz) solve crimes that occured while the victim was listening to "Frankie Goes to Hollywood". Here is a link to a typical episode of Cold Case:


135. The Life and Death of Billy Mays
Tragically, we never knew how much we needed his unnecessarily loud voice until it was silenced. We barely knew ye.
134. The Snuggie
Do I even need to make a joke on this one?
133. Ken Jennings
Worst thing to happen to "Jeopardy!" since Sean Connery. You're the man now, dog!
132. An Inconvenient Truth
One inconvenient truth is that anyone takes Al Gore cereal, I mean serious.
131. The Deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett
This article should explain it all:

UnNews:Michael Jackson dies! Also Farrah Fawcett

130 through 121[edit | edit source]

Another pointless non-sequitir. But it's okay, you can laugh. He's probably drunk out of his mind.
130. The Weakest Link
Some game show starring some ugly British bitch named Anne Robinson. And the whole show revolved around how dumb she thought the contestants were. Somewhere in that, they were asked trivia questions. The grand prize was usually $3.95 and a coupon good for a free appetizer at TGI Friday's.
129. Ed MacMahon Dies
Even Carnac the Great couldn't have predicted it.
128. The Cleveland Show
Features a white supremacist who likes black people, some jerk from New Jersey, and a talking bear. Yes, in their dimension, bears can talk.
127. Pittsburgh Steelers Win Two Super Bowls
Which is only bad if you're a Cincinnati Bengals fan. If Boomer Esiason couldn't win a Super Bowl, what makes you think they can win one with Carson Palmer?
126. NBC Releases Even More "Law and Order" Spinoffs
Now stay tuned for Law and Order: Paper Company Unit, right after an all new Law and Order: Spinning Wheel with Dollar Amounts on It Unit and an all new Law and Order: Alex Trebek Unit. And you certainly don't want to miss Law and Order: Guy with a Huge Chin and a Late Night Talk Show Unit
125. Larry King
The last king to get married that many times was probably Henry VIII. In fact, they went to high school together.
124. John McCain

“I may be old, but... what? Where am I? This isn't 1967 Vietnam!”

~ John McCain on Alzheimer's
123. Riots in Iran Over Reelection of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
They need to recount tens of thousands of votes when Ahmadinejad won by what, 11 million votes? Can anyone in Iran count?
122. 300


~ Leonidas on selling out
121. Survivor
There are apparently snakes and rats on that island. Maybe Samuel L. Jackson should have been on that island; you know how he feels about snakes.

120 through 111[edit | edit source]

No. You're the nappy headed one.
A pie chart (mmm... pie) on the least common things that Rick Astley would ever do to you. Which, ironically, was also the most insightful piece of research compiled during the '00s.
120. The Office
The show's actually quite good. It's NBC's need to recreate any show on the BBC that earns it a place on the list. Sorry Michael Scott. You got shafted.

“That's what she said. Or he said.”

~ Michael Scott on the previous sentence
119. Uncyclopedia
How did Yakov Smirnoff suddenly become an expert on global warming?

“In Soviet Russia, ozone layer destroys YOU!”

~ Russian Reversal on something
118. Wikipedia
An encyclopedia that anybody can edit? What a world. What's next, a black president?
117. Joe Biden Opens His Mouth, Yet Again

“Mark my words, Barack Obama will be tested within the first three months of taking office”

~ Joe Biden on Barack Obama

That test: getting Biden to shut up.

116. Jon and Kate Plus Eight
Which was mercifully cancelled. The final episode ended dramatically: Kate taught the kids how to milk cows. Also, the following conversation may or may not have happened.

“Mommy, where's daddy?”

~ "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" kid on having no father

“Well, he's doing Jell-O shots off some slutty 21 year-old college student while I'm forced to raise EIGHT GOOD FOR NOTHING KIDS!”

~ Kate of "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" on having eight kids
115. American Dad
Basically Family Guy, only in Virginia instead of Rhode Island, with a gay alien instead of a gay baby.
114. The Rick Roll
A 2008 adaptation of something that happened in 1987. So is this really pertaining to the '00s?
113. Don Imus
Look at the guy's hair. He looks like he just got out of bed, and therefore, he is the nappy-headed one. QED.
112. Tony Blair
Some British musician. May or may not have entered politics.
111. Clay Aiken
He recently admitted that he was gay.

“WHAT?!?!?! HE ISN'T GAY!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Clay Aiken

110 through 101[edit | edit source]

Jessica Simpson, shown here with her huge rack. You definitely want a piece of that. I can tell.
In this picture, Al Gore speaks to Congress about the episode of South Park where Cartman learned how to crap out of his mouth.
110. Erin Brockovich
A movie starring Julia Roberts and some other guy where Julia Roberts plays a hooker. How original, considering that "Pretty Woman" was released only ten years earlier.
109. Al Gore
He did not invent the Internet. However, he did invent global warming, the electric blanket, the touchdown celebration, cherry pie, Seinfeld, Duck Duck Goose, the bar graph, paper football, the cowbell, Nutter Butters, and of course, ManBearPig.
108. Soulja Boy Tell 'Em
He likes to Super Soak hos, whatever that means.
107. Michael Jackson Trial
Where some crotch-grabbing musician who hasn't done anything in 20 years got off the hook for... well, you know.
106. Pink
A musician, so she is here for my entertainment.
105. iCarly
iDon't Care.
104. Jessica Simpson
It's fish! Not chicken! But your rack is big (as shown on the left), so I'll forgive you.
103. Kanye West
Everything's a race issue with this guy...


~ Kanye West on interrupting

What was I saying again? I don't even remember. Maybe Beyonce can let me speak during her entry.

102. Avril Lavigne
Some wannabe punk from Canada. In all actuality, she makes Hillary Duff look like a long-lost member of the Sex Pistols.
101. Lisa Nowak
Remember? That astronaut who drove from Dallas to Florida in adult diapers to kill that other female astronaut? She single-handedly redefined the word "crazy" "sexy".

“Oh, you find that sexy? Good luck potty-training her.”

~ Me on the guy who edited the last entry to say "sexy" instead of "crazy"

100 through 91[edit | edit source]

Here, Osama bin Laden offers his ever-so-important endorsement in the 2004 election to John Kerry.
100. The discontinuance of Betamax by Sony in 2002
Really, it took that long. More than five people outraged.
99. That blackout in 2003
That's six hours of prime time TV viewing I'll never get back! Why, God? Why?
98. That time Steve stole my stapler in 2005
I bet you thought I forgot. Oh no.
97. New Kids On The Block Reunites
Apparently, they want more teenage girls to waste their money on a talentless boy band. No, wait, they're already doing that with the Jonas Brothers.
96. First ten years in Y2K bunker a complete success for the Jones family of Hamilton, Idaho.
Lethal Weapon 4 still bearable after hundredth viewing on decaying VHS tape.
95. John Kerry
Faced with a grinning idiot who couldn't pronounce "nuclear," this was the Democrats' secret weapon?
94. The Pontiac Aztek
Let us never speak of this again.
93. Windows ME
Consider upgrading yours to a doorstop
92. 21st Century Depression Now featuring breadlines with Wi-Fi
New social networking site Dumpster lets friends tell each other where to find the alleys and trainyards with the most succulent leavings, table scraps and pigeons.
91. Wrigley's Doublemint Gum introduces "Improved Flavor" in 2008
Also, "improved" color. We'll admit that the original Caucasian tint was kind of unpleasant, but the new white-with-green-spots thing isn't really working for us either. It's gum! This shouldn't be that hard!

90 through 81[edit | edit source]

The title card for "The Simpsons". It absolutely killed in the ratings.
90. Are We There Yet?
Seriously, this decade is taking forever.
89. Webspeak on the rise
Grammarians capture the last wild semicolons with hopes of breeding them in captivity.
88. Digital television conquers American airwaves
You'll need to be ready by February 17th - no, June 12th... no, January 5th... no, 2010...
87. Retrospective documentaries on the Aughts undoubtedly already in production
Man in editing studio trying to decide between clips from Napoleon Dynamite and Borat for 90-second montage sequence set to "My Humps."
86. Polaroid stops making Polaroid film in 2008
More than four people outraged
85. Windows Vista
Consider downgrading yours to Windows ME
84. The three four five-blade razor
83. Season three of Lost in 2006 - 2007
Episode 14 may have actually been a crime against humanity.
82. Global Warming
Head for high ground!
81. The Simpsons
Will somebody please just put this program out of its misery?

80 through 71[edit | edit source]

Vladimir Putin loves his job.
The GEICO cavemen. They like Star Wars. And being naked. Which explains why they're all still virgins.
80. Sarah Palin
Every so often she would look into the camera and you would know - and she would know that you knew - that she meant everything she said. Then she talked about how she can see Russia from her house while playing the flute.
79. Tab discontinued in... wait a minute...
Good lord! They actually still make Tab!
78. George Lucas Sequel Bonanza
Anyone else think George would take a hit in blackjack with 20 showing?
77. Geico officially wears out its welcome with 50th caveman commercial
Good news! I just saved my sanity by switching to Comedy Central!
76. Vladimir Putin
Like Goldfinger, but less menacing and more annoying.
75. Silvio Berlusconi
Like Vladimir Putin, but less menacing and more annoying.
74. Family Guy
This one is perhaps a little dicey. In the beginning, it might have been considered an outlet for topics too abstract or too bizarre for The Simpsons. And yet, its increasingly erratic pacing, mind-breaking cultural reference feedback loop and minimalist plots have slowly turned the show into a rickety parody of what it once was. Perhaps most saddening, however, is its inability to take any kind of criticism without resorting to childish tac...


~ Seth MacFarlane on Family Guy
73. The Large Hadron Collider
Judging by the price tag, it's made out of solid gold. And as long as we're here, just saying "there is no realistic danger of black holes" isn't good enough. An explanation would be nice, is all I'm saying. And maybe results with practical applications. And a gift shop.
72. Hannah Montana
Some Madonna wannabe. Her two biggest hits were "The Best of Both Worlds" and "Vanity Fair": May 2008. However, she is more talented than Bucky Kentucky and Jane Maine.
71. Any show other than "That 70's Show" on FOX in the past decade
Oh, yeah. Nothing better than settling down on a Sunday night and watching The War At Home.

70 through 61[edit | edit source]

I've seen Vanessa Hudgens selling some vibrating face cleaner on commercials. Something tells me that she's used to using vibrators.
A picture of William Hung of American Idol. As if Ricky Martin's version of "She Bangs" wasn't bad enough.
70. High School Musical 2
A Disney movie starring a photo slut and her gay boyfriend.
69. Katy Perry
So you kissed a girl. We get it, you're a lesbian! And you're hot and you're cold. Have you ever considered that maybe you have swine flu? Which brings me to my next item...
68. Swine Flu
No danger here. *Cough* No da- *Cough* danger at all.
67. Sudoku
Wait, you have to fill in the numbers so there's one in each column, row, and box? All this time I was just trying to get phone numbers from women!
66. American Idol
Making gay men and mentally unstable women think they're talented since 2002!
65. The Octomom

“No job? No husband? No problem!”

~ The Octomom on having 14 kids
64. Larry Craig
I don't go into airport bathrooms anyway. Do you know how filthy those things are?
63. The demotion of Pluto to non-planet
What does it say about us as a species when we can't give a little sympathy to an empty rock three billion miles from the sun?
62. Angelina Jolie
Some twenty dollar hooker that got work (if you can even call "Kung Fu Panda" work) by having sex with Jennifer Aniston's husband. Not to mention, her father is actor Jon Voight. Seriously.
61. Dick Cheney shooting that one guy
RAH RAH RAH RAH waterboarding RAH RAH RAH!

60 through 51[edit | edit source]

The apocalypse is nigh.
This man once had hair. Now he's interviewing Britney Spears after she shaves her head and attacks the paparazzi with an umbrella.
60. The Jonas Brothers
A group of brothers butt buddies with no talent whatsoever.


~ Craig Ferguson on the Jonas Brothers. And no, this Scottish guy is not talking about fellatio.
59. The Arizona Cardinals making it to the Super Bowl
Next you're gonna tell me that the Devil Rays made it to the World Series! Wait, they did? HOLY CRAP!
58. The Devil Rays making it to the World Series
Next you're gonna tell me that the Cardinals made it to the Super Bowl! Wait, they did? HOLY CRAP!
57. Dr. Phil
Everyone's favorite fake psychiatrist who got to where he is today by kissing Oprah Winfrey's ass. In that matter, what exactly does Dr. Oz do?
56. Paris Hilton
Yet another attention whore from this decade.
55. Media Coverage of the Death of Anna Nicole Smith
A lot of media coverage, considering that she was one of the worst actresses of all time, was a stripper who married an oil tycoon for his money, and was addicted to TrimSpa. But hey, that's Hollywood for you.
54. The Fabulous Patriots of Foxboro
A popular sitcom about a pro football coach who videotapes his opponent's signals and therefore, kicks the crap out of the opponent in the second half. Ended with the now infamous episode "Super Bowl XLII", where the New York Giants humiliated the Patriots.
Popular spinoffs included "Romeo Crennel Sucked At Coaching the Cleveland Browns", "Eric Mangini Sucked At Coaching the New York Jets", and "Charlie Weis Sucked At Coaching the Notre Dame Fighting Irish". All failed, because no cheating occurred (or so we think).
53. Rock of Love
A reality show about fifteen London sophisticates who all vie for the love of a classy young bachelor.
Just kidding. It's a reality show where VH1 picks fifteen girls out of dumpsters throughout El Segundo, California, and they all claim to have fallen in love with the lead singer of Poison. They get drunk, make out with each other all the time, cuss each other out, and collect their government welfare checks for their previous boyfriend (who they had two kids with and are still having sex with).
52. Flavor of Love
Another reality show, this time about a bunch of welfare moms wanting Flavor Flav, that guy from Public Enemy who can only say three things, to be their baby daddy.
51. plate of Love
Every single frickin' reality show VH1 ever did this decade.

50 through 41[edit | edit source]

Here, Howard Dean demonstrates how to commit political hara kiri with a fish.
50. Maury
A bunch of women who don't know who the father of their children is, a bunch of teen prostitutes, and a bunch of transexuals parading around asking the audience to guess their birth gender. Won 27 Daytime Emmys in 2006 alone.

This video should explain it all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wbLdYeZvoc

And this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-rR3X2UiQU

49. Crazy Frog
He came, and now every other animal, some of which are jelly, are making half-arsed realvidtones for 20 dollars. So explain something to me: why should I buy a crappy ringtone from Melvin the Hampster?
48. Alberto Gonzales
He doesn't remember firing those lawyers. Coincidentally, I don't remember voting for George W. Bush.
47. 9/11
True, all those innocent people died. But the main reason why it's on this list: it's become an excuse for Republicans to kick the crap out of Middle Easterners.
46. Hillary Clinton
Hoped to follow in the "giant footsteps" (if you know what I mean) of her husband.
45. Howard Dean
And we're gonna take Michigan, and we're gonna take Wisconsin, and we're gonna embarass ourselves and make sure I never get elected president... BYAH!
44. No Country For Old Men
A 2008 movie starring John McCain, Larry King, and Senator Robert Byrd, where they are all kicked out of the United States due to excessive kitten huffing and are forced to live in Kentuckistan. They are kicked out of Kentuckistan because they are all over the age of 10,000, and there is no country for the old men, hence the name.
43. Brokeback Mountain
A gay porn where that dead guy who played the Joker falls in love with that dude from "October Sky".
42. YouTube
I'm just clicking on a link to topless Megan Fox pictures, and out of nowhere, here comes Rick Astley!

“Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...”

~ Rick Astley on topless pictures of Megan Fox
41. Francis Winkler
He gave me an F because I didn't read some gay book. I hope he get some sick.

40 through 31[edit | edit source]

To anyone living in the state of Wisconsin, this man is wanted for treason, dead or alive.
This is your body.
This is your body on steroids. Any questions?
40. Beyonce
If you like it, then you should've put a ring on it. If not, then welcome to my world.
39. Brett Favre Almost Retiring For The 500,000th Time
Played for the Packers from 1992 to 2007, and promised to finally retire in early 2008, before changing his mind yet again. He was punished for his bad decision making by playing for the Jets in 2008 and going 8-8 while losing the division to the Miami Dolphins (who went 1-15 the previous year).

UPDATE: Brett Favre has signed a two-year, $25 million dollar deal with the Minnesota Vikings.

“Fuck Brett Favre.”

~ Green Bay Packers fan on Favre's contract with their division rival
38. Madonna Is Still Alive
She's 10,000 years old.

She should have been offered a role in "No Country for Old Men", but wasn't, probably due to the fact that she looks too much like a washed-up hooker. Therefore, she would be too perfect for the role.

37. Steroids
Anyone actually think that Jose Canseco would ever become trustworthy? Anyway, the 2005 steroid hearings were kind of like the modern day version of the Salem witch trials, only everyone was lying.
36. That Episode of "Family Guy" Where Peter Keeps Singing "Surfin' Bird"
Seriously, that was just annoying.
35. Lindsay Lohan
Some pretend lesbian who worked for Disney once. No wonder she started drinking and doing ketamine in some club in West Hollywood.
34. Scientology
A bunch of closeted homosexuals with mental problems (and Beck) who worship a bunch of animals who live in volcanoes or something.
33. Joe the Plumber
One less person who could unclog your drain, and one more person who will do journalism in the Middle East. Seriously. I saw them say it on The Daily Show once.
32. Those Girls Who Live With Hugh Hefner Leaving the Playboy Mansion
Now they can go out and get real jobs. Just kidding. They need to go back to Hooters or strip; that's all they're good for, really.
31. Tom Cruise
Famous for saying: "I'M IN LOVE WITH KATIE HOLMES! I'M IN LOVE WITH KATIE HOLMES! I'M NOT GAY! GO SEE MY NEW MOVIE! I'M IN LOVE WITH KATIE HOLMES!", while thinking that Oprah's couch was a trampoline.

30 through 21[edit | edit source]

Pictured here is Borat Sagdiyev, hero of feminists and Jewish people everywhere.
Pictured here is Fire Millen, the president of the 2008 Detroit Lions.
30. The 2008 Detroit Lions
0-16. Which means they are among the ranks of such elite teams as the 1976 Buccaneers and the 1980 Saints.
29. Drew Carey Becoming the Host of The Price Is Right
Replaced Bob "Sex Machine" Barker and totally screwed up the show. Hey, it's still better than when Rosie O'Donnell wanted to be the host. Speaking of which...
28. The Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump Feud
Needless to say, someone got fired. Hopefully both of them.
27. Ann Coulter
The apparent "Queen of the Republicans".
26. MTV Stops Airing Music Videos
They went from "Video Killed the Radio Star" to "Video of 'A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila' Killed the Music Video".
25. Chef Is Killed off of South Park
However, he joined the Super Adventure Club, so it's justifiable.
24. Stephen Colbert
And that's The Word.
23. Miley Cyrus
She bears a shockingly similar resemblance to pop star and hooker Hannah Montana (number 72 on this countdown).
22. Borat
Who like make sexytime with his mother-in-law [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much].
21. Vince with ShamWow.
Apparently, he got arrested for punching a prostitute. She was from Germany, and you know the Germans make good stuff. Order a German prostitute for the low low price of $1,000, and we'll send you a home pregnancy test and a metal coat hanger, just in case things don't go right. A $7.99 value, yours free! What was I just saying? Oh yeah. ShamWow, you'll be saying wow every time.

20 through 11[edit | edit source]

And you thought Mel Gibson was a Nazi. He is, but that's beyond the point.
Apparently, Bill O'Reilly doesn't like this article. Too damn bad.
This man allegedly tried to kill Bill O'Reilly in 2006, while yelling something about freeing Ira Einhorn. He is currently serving eleventy billion years in a federal penitentary located somewhere in New Jersey.

The 2001 Winona Ryder Shoplifting Incident

That's what happens when you sleep with Johnny Depp.Honestly, who cares about this? Winona Ryder hasn't done a movie, or for that matter, anything in years. So...

“Actually, the Winona Ryder shoplifting incident was a pretty big deal back in 2001. Don't you remember all of those people wearing those "Free Winona" t-shirts? And this is a list on the worst things about the 2000s.”

~ Me, the original writer of this article, on the previous statement

Therefore, you, my reader, get a bonus number 20. Merry Christmas.

20. New York Politics
Even those most will tell you New Jersey and California have more dysfunctional state governments, New York tops all. Governor Eliot Spitzer cheats on wife, no divorce papers are filed; successor David Paterson also admits to affair the moment he's sworn in, and pisses off everyone by doing nothing right. Can someone tell him to resign already?
19. Amy Winehouse
Seriously, we don't care what your song says. GO TO REHAB!
18. Out of Jimmy's Head
What the hell is this about??!?
17. The Passion of the Christ
This film made Mel Gibson admit that he was a Nazi. And still, nobody knows or even cares who Jim Caviezel is.
16. Napster
A music downloading website that forces celebrities to live lives of semi-luxury. Started the music download RIAA wars of the 2000s.
15. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Only one thing about this movie makes me curious: who the hell keeps giving Brad Pitt work?
14. Bill O'Reilly
His show is far and balanced... if you're a Republican.
13. Sex and the City
Stars several prostitutes and their pimp: Mr. Big. Wonder where he got that name?
12. Slumdog Millionaire
Yeah, that's exactly what I want from an Academy Award winner based on a true story: hundreds of people spontaneously breaking into a choreographed dance.
11. Rihanna
Chris Brown probably hit her with an umbrella-ella-ella-eh.

10 to zero[edit | edit source]

10. Twilight
Someone once asked me if I was on Team Edward or Team Jacob. I told them I was on Team Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner Have No Talent Whatsoever.
9. Justin Bieber
Canadian singer who has a plot to brainwash all little girls and teenage girls with an IQ below 2 to destroy the world.
8. The iPad
Just an over sized iPhone. Yeah, not much else can be said about this thing.
7. Glenn Beck
Who killed a girl in 1990.
6. King of the Hill
An unfunny show about a bunch of Texas rednecks. Was it supposed to be funny or something?

“Yep. Yep. Yep. Mmm-hmm.”

~ King of the Hill on whether their show is supposed to be funny
5. All About Steve
Worst. Movie. EVAR.
4. Ke$ha
Then again, don't we all brush our teeth with a bottle of whiskey or wake up in the morning feeling like some guy who changes his name all the time?
3. Anything Disney has done
When it comes to art, Sonny with a Chance is definitely a long ways away from Steamboat Willie.
2. MySpace
The abandoned playground of the internet. Something that is leftover from the 1990s especially the MySpace layout backgrounds that look as crappy as Geocites. The last of the .com bubble
1. One word
0. Justin Bieber

Did we mention him already? Yes? Doesn't matter.