~ Simon Cowell on William Hung“Fawow yoww dweems. Speak fwom da haat”
~ William Hung on William Hung
A 30 time Grammy Winning Pop Singer, best known in for his jacked-up grill and taking American television into further awe-inspiring heights of stupidity, William Richard Martin Hung moved to California from Hong Kong in hopes of graduating high school. After seven years in the eleventh grade, Hung was awarded a completion of high school certificate, which from a few feet away, looks very much like a high school diploma. Hung proceeded to attend classes at UC Berkeley, until security escorted him off campus because he was too Asian.
Stardom[edit | edit source]
Slyly using his name to gain an advantage, William Hung pursued a future in front of cameras by trying out as talent for adult movies, causing him to be responsible for giving the people of Hong Kong a stereotypically negative image. However, casting had issues with Hung's rampant unfamiliarity with sex and ridiculously tiny package. Hung ended up as a cameraman on adult movies, but eventually ruined every shot he worked on, as he would break into "She Bangs" every time a scene would start shooting.
His luck changed after winning a local singing talent contest, held in a living room within his house where he was the only contestant and also served as judge. Inspired, Hung ended up singing at local town meetings and events. Although Hung has always claimed he was asked to perform at these functions, the grand majority of the time he was actually asked, by the Mayor, to "Stop, stop...please fucking stop".
The tide finally turned when the third season of American Idol set up in San Francisco, September of 2003. Although the audition was naturally atrocious, much of what happened next never aired on television. Insiders close to the show reveal that judge Simon Cowell vomited while Hung sang and danced like a little idiot. Then, to the surprise of many, Cowell lunged at Hung, physically attacking him while still vomiting. Hung continued to sing while the crew, Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul pried Cowell off. After calming down and cleaning up, the judges sat down and gave their thoughts. Cowell called Hung a "dick" and a "little fucking retard". Jackson and Abdul were slightly less abrasive. "You have a great attitude", chirped Abdul, "but you're all fucked up". "Good luck to you, you need to be locked up somewhere", said Jackson.
Success[edit | edit source]
Upon the growing Cult of Hung, William Hung's dreams materialized when he cut his first album. Titled "Inspiration", the disc featured various cover songs, most notably Ricky Martin's "She Bangs", "Shake Your Bon Bon" and "I'm Totally Gay". And an amazingly mind-blowing cover of "I Believe I Can Fly". In addition, the following songs were also covered:
- "YMCA" (o.a.: Village People)
- "Rocket Man" (o.a.: Elton John)
- "I Believe I Can Fly" (o.a.: R. Kelly)
- "WAH WAH WAH" (o.a.: Unknown)
- "I Cum Blood" (o.a.: Cannibal Corpse)
- "Circle of Life" (o.a.: Elton John)
- "Wu Tang Clan Ain't Nuttin' to Fuck Wid'" (o.a.: Wu Tang Clan)
- "She Bangs" (Elvis)
- "Some Song No One Cares About" (Nirvana)
- "Tong Hua" (Guang Liangster)
- "Just One Fix" (The Turtles)
Debuting on the Billboard Top 200 charts at #34, the disc sold over 35,000 units during its first week. This then prompted modern biblical scholars to possibly including this as an additional sign of the Apocalypse.
But recently Will.i.am Hung has released some more covers and has co-written many songs with Bob Dylan and many others.
- "I'm Too Sexy" (a Right Said Fred cover which has been on the Billboard 100 for 3 months due to the fact that nobody buys CDs anymore.) Most copies of the single were bought by him and his mother.
- "Fuck The Police" (N.W.A cover)
- "I Wanna Sex You Up" (Color Me Badd cover)
And some of the songs he has co-written:
- "Bitch Ain't Got Nothin' On Me" co-written by Oprah Winfrey
- "If Paper Beats Rock, What Beats Paper?" co-written with Bjork
- "Periodic (Now That The Tables Are Turned)" co-written with Eminem
- " Bus da nut eehn ha mouwth." co-written with Pope John Paul II.
Failure[edit | edit source]
The last of the Hung series of albums stirred controversy and eventually marked the end to Hung's storied career. Walmart refused to carry "Hung Like a Horse" due to cover art which revealed a naked Hung wearing a giant prosthetic penis between his legs. The record label tried to appease the retail giant by changing the cover art to an image Hung initially selected. However, the new cover art, depicting Hung with the giant prosthetic penis in his mouth, was deemed "even more vulgar", according to a Walmart spokesperson.
In hopes to revive his career, Hung has finished participation on a new celebrity reality VH1 show called "Freaks & 'Tards", where a reportedly diaper-clad and drunken Hung curses at other house guests and wields a shank. The show is set to air next summer.
Hung announced in April 2007 that he was recently diagnosed with Numb Nuts, and is receiving treatment at the Neverland Ranch. However, three days after his admittance, Michael Jackson molested him, causing Hung to burst into a rage, and was said to have shouted "YOU'VE UNLEASHED THA FOKKING FURY!!!!", before kicking Jackson in the cunt and fleeing into the night.
Sex Life[edit | edit source]
Due to the large amount of sexy pictures Hung has posted on the internet each night, many women seek him to give them thrills that are normally given to women by erotic asians, since they have large penises. His favorite sex position is the missionary, followed by a firm handshake. He also enjoys "de kama sutra" and has stated that if he ever met Tina Turner, he would "Doo bahh tings tu haw"
Awards And Nominations[edit | edit source]
- (1999) Best New Artist-Nominated (lost to Hanson)
- (2000) Album of the Year-Won
- (2001) Album of the Year-Won
- (2002) Single of the Year-Won
- (2003) Best Collaboration (with Mike Patton and Buckethead)-Won
- (2003) Album of the Year-Won
- (2004) Album of the
YearPast Four Decades-Won
- ( 2001, 2003, 2004, 2006) Best Sex Scene in a Movie Award, with Nicole Richie.
Discography[edit | edit source]
- Inspiration (2000)
- Hung for the Horidays (2001)
- Wir'riam Hung (with Ricky Martin) (2002)
- 'Hung'ry (2003)
- Hung Over (2004)
- Hung Rike a Horse (2005)
- ARRR ARRR OH (2006)
- Hung for Christmas (Tight Noose Edition)(2007)
- Hung Lo (2008) (#100 - US Top 20 Albums)
- Well Hung (2009) (The best of Wlliam Hung)
Adam West - Anna Nicole Smith - Aunt Jemima - Billy Mays - Blue Beetle - Bob Knight - Bob Saget - Bruce Campbell - Bruce Lee - Burger King - Charles Bronson - Cheese Jesus - Chow Yun-fat - Christopher Walken - Chuck Norris - Clint Eastwood - Count Chocula - Dirty Harry - Dolemite - Dr. Phil - Mr. Garrison - George Carlin - The Green Hornet - Hanson - Jabba the Hutt - Jackie Chan - Jet Li - Joe Camel - Jack Dempsey - James Bevel - Jimmy Blackman - Jimmy Mozzarella - Juggernaut - Knight Rider - Kool-Aid Man - MacGyver - Mad Dog - Manny Pacquiao - Martin Luther King, Jr. - Michael Biehn - Mike Tyson - The Milwaukee Cheese Bandit - Mohandas Gandhi - Mona Lisa - Mr Pelican Shit - Mr. T - Napoleon Dynamite - Notorious B.I.G. - Pedobear - Pillsbury Dough Boy - Popeye the Sailor Man - Powerpuff Girls - Qin Shi Huang - Rambo - Red Forman - Rick Astley - Ronald McDonald - Sean Connery - Samuel L. Vacuum - Sarah Palin - Shaft - Scott Aukerman - Sloth - Steven Seagal - Tony Jaa - Trix Rabbit - Uncle Ben - Vanilla Ice - Wesley Snipes - William Hung - Willy Wonka - Wonder Woman - Yogi Bear - Your Mom