Cannibal Corpse

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Cannibal Corpse is a Christian Country performance art ensemble who advocate non-violence, similar to Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers. The lyrical content of their music is not suitable for anyone over 12 or intelligent children.

In their long history they have only released one song, about 92 times, each time with a different title such as "Drugs are Bad" or "Puppy Love". Andrew Hansen is their biggest fan. They are banned from performing in all countries.

Lyrical Content[edit | edit source]

Genghis Khan subsequently.

Originally a cover band of far more famous Cannabis Corpse, Cannibal Corpse decided to rework such classics as "I Will Smoke You" with the rather unwitty new title of "I Will Kill You". Continuing in this fashion, Cannibal Corpse have to many ruined the well thought out intricacies of Cannabis Corpse's satire and orignality. After receiving deathreats, beatings and strap-on rape from the metal community's girl scout contingent, these days Cannibal Corpse tends to write about math equations. A good example of a math related song is "Divison" where they rap "I LOVE YOU YOUR HEART WITH MINE TOGETHER WE WILL SHINE WE WILL NEVER BE DIVIDED" That song is marked explicit and is very, VERY dirty, offensive, and sexual. We suggest you don't listen to Cannibal Corpse unless you are a 7 year old girl who loves Hello Kitty, Hannah Montana, and Gap or any other clothes. Cannibal corpse's lead singer, Mike Huckabee says "Our lyrics are mostly not radio friendly, we love to shock people."

Band Members[edit | edit source]

The band's members are all Hippies, and heavily promote such views as peace, love, and understanding in their music. The vocalist, George "Flower Grinder" Fisher, who happens to be a sadistic flower-philiac-nymfo, is the inventor of the dildo. His voice is said to be particularly soft and melodic. He also likes night elves and The Alliance. Then there is Alex Webster, the long haired flower girl who writes some of the lyrics and plays the bass (as in the fish). Many fans deem Alex Webster to be the best bass player in the genre of Pop Rock - but then their drug high wears off and they get angry and shoot people (also of note is the minor fact that Alex Webster is one of his alter egos). Little People. Like midgets. Other members include Rob "Bor" Barrett on guitars, Pat "Fat" O'Brien also on guitars (whom Cannibal Corpse stole from Nevermore, coincidentally being the only thing a group of white people has ever stolen from blacks), and Paul Mazurkiewicz on drums. Past members include former vocalist Chris "cookie monster" Barnes), guitarist Jack "OH MY GOD I'M BALD" Owen, and tap dancer Bob "I Teach Golf 5 days a week" Rusay.

Cannibal Corpse on their campaign to stop MJ trauma.

The true story behind Chris Barnes[edit | edit source]

Back in the day, Chris Barnes, the former singer of Cannibal Corpse, sang distinct and beautiful songs about pretty flowers and baked beans (don't ask me I didn't write them), and ending world hunger. However in 1987 one year before Cannibal Corpse was formed Barnes was diagnosed with ultra cough (a disease that made him unable to speak without coughing). However Barnes continued to sing and slowly Cannibal Corpse started to play around him as they believed that his voice sounded quite metal when in fact he was singing about the birds and the bees. Barnes became increasingly irritated at the fact that Cannibal Corpse followed him everywhere and in 1995 when his voice returned for 20 seconds he finally told them to 'fuck off and stop playing death metal over my ballads'.

Barnes, in his 20 second voice return.

The band realizing their stupidity covered up this embarrassment by telling the world that he had been kicked out because of musical differences. However Barnes was now followed by the band Six Feet Under that had been following him since 1993. Now the band is following around George "flower grinder" Fisher(who has also been diagnosed with ultra cough).

Releases[edit | edit source]

Cannibal Corpse are renowned for their forays in to the brutal, some might say camp, world of flower metal. However the story did not start there. It is a commonly forgotten fact that this band released four albums of electro pop in the early to mid 70's. Their final album in that style, before the cookie monster joined them on vocals, was the critically acclaimed "Technokill". Featuring electro classics like "Cars", made famous again in 2005 by Gary Numan, and "Relax (don't do it)", the only song to ever openly address homosexuality. Unfortunately, their original front man John Bonham, of Led Zeppelin fame, decided to leave to "concentrate more fully on me drinkin' innit".

The band returned with the album 'Eaten Back to Life.' The album name supposedly came from an experience the band had when they were camping out in the woods. As the story goes, they were hunting big game animals. They killed a few deer and were cooking them over the fire they made. When they were ready to be eaten, Chris Barnes started eating one of them and, for whatever reason, the deer came back to life and ran off into the woods. Being stunned by what happened, the band didn't know what else to do except name their first album after the incident.

A year later, the band decided to make another album, 'Seasoned at Birth.' This album was made as a reaction to the drink and drug fueled death of their original signer John "Techno Gofather" Bonham. On the cover of the album is a picture of a young deer, with Bonham's face tastefully superimposed into each eye. The album title refers to Bonham's penchant for feeding on aborted fetuses in bins.

It wasn't until the following year when Cannibal Corpse hit it big. They were out doing charity work, as they're known to do, for an elderly man who owned a very big graveyard. The band was cleaning a very big tomb, when suddenly, the doors to it shut and they were locked in for what ended up being 4 months. Luckily for them, they always carried their instruments where ever they go, so they passed the time by jamming to the creepy cries of the undead at night. Eventually, however, hunger overcame the band and they had to decide how they were going to get food. They ultimately decided to eat both of Bob Rusay's legs. Unfortunately, Chris Barnes and crew got a little carried away with the process and started eating his vocal chords, fingers, and the sides of his ribs (among other things.) This is part of the reason why Bob Rusay, to this day, can't talk, is in a wheelchair, and can't piss without having a tube in his urethra. George later said of the incident, 'Dammit, I messed that one up just like in 9th grade biology class.'

Despite the tragedy, the band did get three new things out of the incident. The name for their next album ('Tomb of the Marinaded'), a new band member to replace Rusay (Rob 'Rob' Barrett), and a nutritious diet of human flesh.

On their latest album, Grill, Cannibal Corpse is missing founding guitarist Jack "OH MY GOD I'M BALD" Owen, who had to be hospitalized after a tragic accident that turned his Skin to Liquid Paper. The departure of Owen forced the band to explore a new musical style characterized by sucking and/or blowing.

I'd have to say they have some of the most heart tugging tingling lyrical content ever captured in a recording, lyrical content that could easily be mistaken as delivered down by angels. For example the classic tune "Fucked with a knife" with lyrics like stick it in, Rip the skin, Carve and twist, Torn flesh, From behind i cut her crutch, in her ass i stuck my cock, Killing as i cum. How they missed the grammy with the musically masterpieced recording The Bleeding could be considered by some as a conspiracy no doubt. definately one album that should be in everyones essential collection. Other songs like Skull full of maggot's, and necrophiliac, This album was released after there appearence in the movie Ace Ventura Pet Detective. And in Australia it debut in the top 10 album chart. One of the true thrash metal bands around. Look out music world there's been rumour's brewing of a duet with slayer. Maybe it may happen when they are both inductede into the rock and roll hall of fame this year.

Album List (Incomplete)[edit | edit source]

Out of the 92 albums Cannibal Corpse released only 13 of them were actually recognized so far.

Oh Shit, Aberrational Just Opened! (1892)

 1. Ripped Jeans(5:30:11)
 2. An Ugly Tee-Shirt (4:30)
 3. Damn, I Miss McDonalds (1:48)
 4. Tangled (Pull yourself together!) (4:29)
 5. Scattered T-Shirts, Toilets rock (2:32)
 6. Born In a Pantry (3:18)
 7. Rotting Bread Is NOT Good (2:24)
 8. We Will all Ride Da Bus (2:47)
 9. Chunks of Meat That are NOT Bloody (1:51)
 10. A Toilet Full of Coke(2:06)
 11. Burying People In a Cemetary is a Smart Thing To Do (5:15)

Stiff Steve's Greatest Hits (1991)

 1. Meet Captain Cock Sucker (5:47)
 2. Slutted (Doh!) (3:15)
 3. Living off Dissection (3:59)
 4. Under Fresh Bread (5:03)
 5. Covered With Sauce (3:17)
 6. Eating too Much Can Make You Vomit (4:29)
 7. Butchered by Bjork (2:45)
 8. Rancid Breath (3:16)

Thumb Of the Marinaded (1326)

 1. Pillow Smashed Face(4:03)
 2. I Cum Fudge (3:42)
 3. Addicted To Sluts (0:11)
 4. The Door will Open (3:02)
 5. Deathrow,peeforawhile (4:05)
 6. The Cryptic Bench (3:57)
 7. Entrials roasted on Gas Mark 4 (4:15)
 8. Post Ejaculation (3:37)
 9. Beyond The Cemetary Lies a Gravy Boat (4:56)

Pedocoprophagia (1994)

 1. Staring at your Eyes while Giving Head (3:29)
 2. Fucked With a Penis (2:14)
 3. Stripped, Fire cooked and Smoked (3:27)
 4. I am the Cookie Monsters Step-Brother (live in Italy) (1:15)
 5. Reuturn to Eating (4:20)
 6. The Mystery of the Pick Axe Murders has been Solved (3:04)
 7. She was Asking for it, so naturally she got it (4:33)
 8. The Feeding (4:20)
 9. Force Fed Broken Cookies (5:03)
 10. An Experiment in Apple Cider (2:38)
 11. Fucked With a Penis (Pete Tong Remix) (12:24)

Kyle XY (1998)

 1. Deflowered by Vermin (3:13)
 2. Mummified in Stuff? (3:09)
 3. Perverted Eating (4:14)
 4. Disfigured (I'm sure this is a lot more fun than Mangled) (3:48)
 5. I Can't Find Cookie Land :( (4:20)
 6. Punctures in.. Something. (1:41)
 7. Relentless Eating (0:04)
 8. Hatred for Vegetables (3:05)
 9. Eating Inside (3:43)
 10. Orgasm Through Handjob (3:41)
 11. A large, Single, Upright Block of Stone (4:24)

Gallery Of Famous Lunches (1999)

 1. I will sit on your grans face (2.47)
 2. Disposal Of Rubbish (1:54)
 3. Sentenced To See Bring Me The Hiv Live :( (3:06)
 4. Meh Why Is Executing People So Messy (2:40)
 5. Gallery Of famous Lunches (3:55)
 6. I Torture And Kill Women Then Shove My Dick Into Their Wounds! :D(1:53)
 7. From Beetroot to Lemonade (5:30)
 8. Supereroes Unite (3:05)
 9. Do Not Stab your food (3:26)
 10. Chamber of Secrets® (4:11)
 11. Lunchless! (2:22)
 12. Every Ice Cream Gone (3:18)
 13. Centuries lying Dorment (4:04)
 14. Crushing the Pancakes (1:56)
 15. I love rainbows(but im not gay) (3:40)

Oh, Shit Satan Has released Bush (2000)

 1. Strong kitty cats (2:17)
 2. Shiny Cookie Collection (2:30)
 3. Pants Off Dance Off (12:59)
 4. The Spine Tingler (3:50)
 5. High on Ecstacy (3:12)
 6. Let's Eat Coffins (0:05)
 7. Blowtorch your Daughter (2:33)
 8. Condemned to Lollies (3:44)
 9. Helter Skelter (Beatles cover, Japan only) (2:57)

pretty flowers & cookies Plague (2009)

 1. Priests of Science (3:31)
 2. Holding Mail (1:46) 
 3. To Decompose a Toyset, Follow These Easy Steps (3:03) 
 4. A Cauldron of Spaghetti Bolognese (4:59) 
 5. Beheading Potatoes (2:15) 
 6. Evidence in the Holy Bible (2:48) 
 7. Keep Away From Fat Kids (3:36) 
 8. Everyone Feed The Plague (4:30) 
 9. Do Not Shatter Their Bones (Or you might end up in jail) (3:35) 
 10. Carrion Working Hard to Support your Family (2:33) 
 11. An Unnatural Selection of Flavored Crisps (2:22) 
 12. Nigger Hatin' Me (3:49)
 13. Mansons Trial (Cmon, He's Innocent!) (25:56)
 14: Love and hugs from a concentration camp (Wish you weren't here, rather dead) (4:51)

Cannibal Corpse's New Album (2010 BC)

 1. Generic Deathcore Introduction (0:44)
 2. Rusty 8-Inch Nail Hammered Into My Urethra (4:27)
 3. Deadly Poison-Biting Maggots Feeding On Rhubarbs and Custard (2:29)
 4. Funny Bunny Gets Anal Raped and His Throat Torn Out And Fucked (3:40)
 5. Micky Mouse Is Dead (Stop Fucking Crying) (1:11)
 6. Cannibal Corpse's New Album's New Title Track (4:59)
 7. Right, Now This Is The Track Where We Try Some Serious Musical Talent But It Doesnt Work (5:06)
 8. Ripping Your Intestines Out To Use As A Masturbation Tool (7:24)
 9. Stealing The Plot of Saw II (2:55)
 10. Track 10 Just To Fuck With Your Mind and iTunes (11:23)
 11. Guess What? This Track's About Death (3:45)
 12. Chopped Up and Hidden In a Frosties Box (2:48)
 13. Beaten To Death With Stale Bread (9:11)
 14. Prawn Cocktail Flavoured Condoms (6:54)
 15. Tug Your Hair And Pinch You To Death (168:86)
 16. A Skinned Baby In A Bag Of Salt (0:11)

Fucked With More Stuff Other Than Knives (2 Disc) (2013 - ?)

 Disc 1 (Songs previously unreleased)
 1. Pooping Your Guts and Eating Them(how does that taste?)(10:04)
 2. My Nuts Are Burning (23:22)
 3. Daddy Drills Devilish Danish Dancers Doing Dangerous Deeds (0:03) 
 4. The Day I Stepped On The Cat's Dick (15:09)
 5. The Meat Popsicle Experimentation Nation (4:20)
 6. Brain Biscuits For Breakfast (2:23:12)
 7. Fun With Feces (3:22)
 8. Infested With Teaspoons (2:12)
 9. Eight-Ball of Instant Coffee Fed Through Feeding Tubes (3:21)
 10. Mutilation Milk-Shake (9:12)
 11. Sucking Dick for Coffee (8:13)
 12. Try These Things At Home For Sure, Especially If We Say It Hurts (6:22) *Featuring Kermit The Frog and Big Bird
 Disc 2 (Fucked With Other Things)
 1. Fucked With a Lightbulb (2:45)
 2. Fucked With an Ipod (5:21)
 3. Fucked With a Hot-Air Balloon (2:22)
 4. Fucked With a Dick (how could this happen?) (4:32)
 5. Fucked With a Lightbulb, again (2:46)
 6. Fucked With a Knife Which Has Been Soaked in Mosquito Repellent (3:33)
 7. Fucked With a Mobile Taco Stands Extra Beef (5:50)
 8. Fucked With a Winning Lottery Ticket (1:04)
 9. Fucked With Dick Nixon's Nose (8:20)
 10. Fucked With a Baby's Rattle (longer than 2 minutes, less than 3 hours for sure)
 11. Fucked With a Orange Peel (4:00)
 12. Fucked With a Garden Hose(A Really Long Black One)Blues Jam (13:34) *Featuring Mick Mars from Motley Crue
 13. Fucked With a Goat(Not By A Goat) (3:13)
 14. Fucking The Goat with the Goat That Got Fucked With a Goat (1:01) *Featuring James(Yeah-ee-Yeahh)Hetfield from Metallica

300px-Cannibalcorpse_logo.svg.png isabellecaro100407.jpg
A typical Cannibal-Corpse Cover

Training regime of the Cannibal Corpse[edit | edit source]

Widely renowned for having one of the toughest training regimes of any military unit, the Cannibal Corpse recruitment course comprises 14 weeks of "Hell" in the Cotswold, during which raw recruits are honed into the perfect soldier, able to subsist on anything the natural environment provides and beat the shit out of any enemy.

  v · t · e  
Gay2.gif•••••Your Guide To Cannibalism•••••Gay2.gif

Alfred PackerBaby EatingBaby farmingBaby foodBaby meatCannibal CorpseCannibalismCannibalsCelebrity RoastCommunionCunnilingusDinner PartyFellatioFishing For ChildrenFlying Purple People EaterG-RexHannibal LecterHowTo Cook A HumanHowTo Cook ChildrenHowTo Cook A FetusHuman headI Can't Believe It's Not Soylent GreenMcDahmer'sMeaty AminMike TysonNazi EatingRecipesSupergirlSweeney ToddUncle John's Fetus Burgers and Abortion ClinicUnNews Cannibalism becoming increasingly popularUnNews Cannibals StoppedUnNews New TV TrendUnNews Soylent Green DefamationWhy? Don't Be A CannibalVoreWhy? Eat PeopleZombies