Skinny Puppy

Skinny Puppy is an industrial-strength pop band that was sent to Earth directly from the depths of hell. It was created by Nivek Ogre, the love child of Bruce Campbell and Robert Smith, and some other guy named Kevin with a C. They're well known for their anti-vivisection satanic rituals and imagery, also known as live shows, which make PETA look like loving, peaceful hippies. They're also well known for popularizing blood as a nice refreshing drink.

Formation

The band started when Kevin (who didn't have the C in his name yet), unsatisfied with how gay his previous band was, decided to create an even gayer band. At some point in life, while looking to adopt a dog at a shelter, he met a very gothic looking man, also named Kevin, who had rescued thousands of beagles being used as test subjects from science labs. Both Kevins fell in love with each other and had gay sex later that day. Kevin, having wanted to create the gayest band to ever grace this godforsaken Earth for years at that point, asked his lover if he could join his gay band. He agreed, and the duo conceived and gave birth to the name "Skinny Puppy", a reference to the starving beagles the goth Kevin rescued. The Kevins decided to legally change their names to "Nivek Ogre" and "Kevin with a C", respectively, so that differentiating them both would be easier.

Their first EP, Back and Forth, was recorded while Ogre was getting an exorcism after being possessed by a thousand demons, which ended up being unsuccessful. The possession permanently altered his voice, which made him sound like hell incarnate whenever he sang, only rivaling Diamanda Galas in terms of unsettlingness.

They started touring soon thereafter. Their audience was made up of goth kids who couldn't afford concert tickets for The Cure, disgusted passersby, and a random austrian man. The man found the concert extremely entertaining and offered to join the band as a keyboard specialist. Excited with the new addition to the band, Kevin with a C shouted out: "I can't believe it's not butter!", which the Austrian man heard as "I can't Bill Leeb it, 'snot but her!". He found it so funny he adopted the first half of it as his stage name.

Their next two albums, Remission and Bites and Remission and Bites II, were released on 1984 and 1985, respectively. Bites's hit single "Assimilate" became extremely popular in goth and gay nightclubs. Upon hearing the albums, Kevin with a C was satisfied with how gay they sounded, despite Depeche Mode being far gayer than their entire discography combined. Both albums were badly received by the general public, being only loved by goth kids and of course, gays.

Bill Leeb's departure and music style change

The band used to performed multiple satanic rituals on Leeb, often draining his blood for their live shows, which consequentially made him quit. Legend says Bill Leeb went on to date Cher, who wrote the song "Believe" after they broke up because she wouldn't stop pronouncing his name wrong. Without a keyboard specialist, the band was at the point of breaking up, until God sent an angel directly from heaven, also known as Dwayne Goettel, to keep the band going. Mesmerized by his golden blond hair, heavily androgynous appearance and his wonderful keyboard skills, the band offered to take him in. This proved to be the best choice for the band, since their music greatly improved shortly after due to the homosexuality and edginess in their earlier work being replaced with drugs and """heavenly""" sounds. Ogre and Kevin with a C broke up as a couple in 1986, however they remained good friends. Ogre also abandoned the gothic look, but switched it out with the ugliest hairstyle to ever grace this Earth: the dreaded rattail. That same year, the album Mind: The Perpetual Intercourse was released, which made all of their gay fans stop caring about the band, mainly because the cover displayed a distorted image of a nude woman, which confused them greatly.

In 1987, the band released Wash, Rinse and Repeat, which was produced by the Beezelbub. The album became popular among cultists and satanists alike. The band performed a satanic ritual went on a world tour shortly after.

In 1988, the album ViVisect VI was released. The album tackled issues such as vivisection, something Ogre was not very fond of, and basically the reason why the goddamn band was started in the first place. It's considered the best album of all time. Unfortunately, it also came out the same time Nine Inch Nails was created. The tour following this album was not well received as Ogre and Kevin with a C were arrested for vivisecting a fake totally real dog. Goettel was left unharmed as the officers were enthralled by his holiness and refused to arrest such a heavenly creature. During their short time in jail, Nivek and Kevin with a C put their differences aside, got back together, and had gay sex.

Later years and Breakup

In 1989, Ogre was infected with rabies after trying to rescue a rabid monkey from an unknown place, presumably a science lab or zoo or something. Fortunately, he was immune to the virus. Unfortunately, however the disease drastically changed his personality and intelligence, shown by the fact he willingly worked with Al Jourgensen of Ministry. The 1989 album Rabies came out shortly after, and was influenced by Ogre's experiences with, well, rabies. Despite Jourgensen's involvement with the album, it ended up being pretty good, according to critics and the rest of the band.

While recording the album, Kevin with a C and Goettel got bored of Ogre and Jourgensen's frequent "male bonding" rituals and decided to form a thousand side projects to escape it. Their most notable side projects were The Tear Garden, Download, Doubting Thomas, Hilt and Nickelback.

In the 90's, the band drastically changed its sound, releasing the terrifying Too Dark to Park in 1990. They also released the album Last Rights in 1992 in 1992. A satanic ritual tour followed these albums, and they're considered the best live shows ever performed. Unfortunately there is little to no trace of these shows due to their record label, Nettwerk, being sued by the Vatican. Nettwerk later dropped Skinny Puppy altogether.

In 1993, the band signed itself to a new label and was supposed to release a new album, however there were a lot of difficulties during its recording, which lasted three whole years. The bickering between the band got so bad that God decided to take away Dwayne Goettel from the band and this Earth in 1995 out of spite. Without Goettel's holy contributions to the band, their 1996 album The Processed ended up sounding like pure shit being incomplete and was negatively received by critics and the band alike.

Reunion and Recent Releases

Unfortunately, Ogre and Kevin with a C didn't understand that the band couldn't carry on without Goettel. They made the terrible idea of reuniting in the year 2000, and went on a tour that was very well received. Well, they gave some fans a chance to see them live once. At least they broke up shortly after and didn't release any music! Wait a minute...

In 2004, the album Two Wrongs Make a Right, featuring terrible song titles and album covers, was released. This warded off most of their loyal fans and attracted annoying rivetheads. The albums Mythmaker and Hangover, which happened to be even worse than TWMAR, were released in 2007 and 2011, respectively. These albums are considered to be the worst albums of all time, mainly because of the drastic change in band's sound, attempts to fit into the mainstream EBM music, and Ogre's successful exorcism, which got rid of his iconic hellish voice, and his conversion to Christianity.

In 2013, it was revealed that the CIA was using Skinny Puppy's music as a torture method, most notably the song "Assimilate". This proved to be a terrible idea, as the band decided to sue the US federal government and released an album, titled Weaponization, in 2013, based on the ill fated lawsuit. Thankfully, Ogre and Kevin with a C realized the band turned into pure shit after Goettel's ascension, and this proved to be their last post-reunion album.