Parramore
Parramore was an emo/pop-punk/pop rock/pop/whatever band that formed in 2004 in Franklin, Tennessee. Originally called Paramore, they added an extra 'R' to their name in 2010 after they discovered that they couldn't make an article on themselves on Uncyclopedia because they were a piece of shit band. The band consisted of Hayley Williams, Josh Farro and some other people. The band were been fairly popular since their inception: they have released five albums in the span of fifteen years: All We Know Is Falling (2005), Riot! (2007), Brand New Eyes (2009), Parramore (2013) and After Laughter (2017), all of which were massively successful upon release. The band were often criticized as being just merely a solo vehicle for Hayley Williams who most people only care about. By 2019, Hayley, Josh, bassist Jeremy Davis and Zac Farro all died from anal prolapses, effectively ending Paramore. Taylor York, a touring-turned-permanent guitarist for the group, remained the sole survivor until his death from an anal prolapse in February 2022.
Formation[edit | edit source]
On March 23, 2004 at 4:32pm, Hayley Williams and Josh Farro were in a room. Hayley told Josh: "Hey, I want to form a band." Josh replied: "Me too.". The two then exited the room and then told Zac Farro and Jeremy Davis in the next room: "We want to form a band.". Jeremy and Zac replied: "Us too.". The five then exited the room and then told executives at the Atlantic Records offices: "We want to form a band.". The executives replied "We want you too.". The executives then exited the room and then told executives at Fueled By Ramen: "Hayley Williams, Josh Farro, Zac Farro and Jeremy Davis want to form a band.". The Fueled By Ramen executives replied: "We want them too.". The Fueled By Ramen executives exited the room and then told Hayley, Josh, Jeremy and Zac: "You can form a band." Hayley replied with "OK." and the four exited the room. This was how Parramore was founded.
All We Know Is Falling and subsequent tour[edit | edit source]
After doing a bunch of tours in mostly rundown venues that crumbled down around them as they played and led to the unfortunate death of their original second guitarist Jason Bynum, the band finally entered a studio in 2005 to begin recording their debut album, All We Know Is Falling, the name in reference to the venues they played falling apart during their gigs. The album featured some of their earliest popular songs, including Pressure (written about this one time Hayley had her head stuck in a hydraulic press after a dare by Josh) and Conspiracy ('Explain to me/This conspiracy against me', an ode to Hayley's secret schizophrenia). During recording, Josh tripped Hayley as a joke and she fell to the floor in the vocal booth and broke her neck and arms and legs, which led to recording being postponed for 8 weeks.
The album was released in like mid 2005. It charted at #101 on the Billboard Hot 100 and cemented Parramore's status as a band. Fans piled into shitty rundown establishments to see the fledgling teenagers from Franklin, Tennessee bash out emo classics. Suddenly, Paramore were staples in every scene kid's playlist. Due to this newly found fame, they embarked on a tour. They got on the Vans Warped Tour and burned down the stage from how good they were, killing several bands, including Flyleaf, New Years Day and My Chemical Romance, because they were that electrifying.
Riot and subsequent tour[edit | edit source]
The 'success' of All We Know Is Falling was such that in 2006 the band entered the studio once again to lay down tracks for a new album. Suddenly, at night, Hayley had a massive severe PTSD moment over being called gay in high school when a popular girl stole her boyfriend from her. Following this PTSD moment, she sat down and then wrote what would become their first major hit, Misery Business. This became part of the new album, now titled 'Riot!' after the band found her scribbling 'Riot' in her notebook like a schizophrenic patient. Other songs include When It Rains, written about Hayley's imaginary friend who 'committed suicide', and For A Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic, about Hayley trying so hard to maintain hope when truly she was dead inside.
Riot came out in June 2007. It immediately sold out and then reached #1 across the world. Parramore further cemented their status as one of the leading emo bands in the universe and all was fine and dandy. The band then embarked on another tour, this time across the world. On a tour bus in Melbourne in 2008, Josh suddenly fell violently ill after consuming a cup of ipecac that Hayley had disguised as a drink and then Josh vomited all over Hayley's lap and then on his brother Zac's face, and then suffered an anal prolapse in Jeremy's face along with diarrhea that got all over the entire band and managers, which led to the tour bus being declared a quarantine zone for 8 weeks. The bus was subsequently taken to a landfill where it was scrapped.
To end the trauma, the band staged a 'Final Riot' concert and released it on DVD and CD to raise money to get proper medical cleansing done on themselves. They soon abandoned the Riot! shtick, but not before contributing a song to the movie Twilight: Decode, which most people give more of a shit about rather than the movie and cite it as the only remotely good thing about it.
Brand New Eyes and everything that transpired afterwards[edit | edit source]
The band retreated to a studio somewhere wherever in 2009 to begin recording a third album. At this point, the band was almost falling apart: Josh and Hayley, who had dated, broke up after Josh's bodily episode in Melbourne, and Hayley was getting most of the attention to the point where the band was beginning to look like Hayley's backing musicians. Despite the fact the band was about to implode at any moment, they maintained that in the end all was fine. The album would be called Brand New Eyes and would be released in September 2009.
A year later, the band added an extra 'R' to their name, when they discovered that they couldn't make an article on themselves on Uncyclopedia. Paramore was now known as Parramore, and they encouraged fans to send in their Paramore CDs via a P.O. box to get an extra 'R' added to the band's name on the album cover. Shortly after this, Hayley Williams took a topless photo of herself to send to her new boyfriend (Chad Gilbert of New Found Glory) and then left her Blackberry 9000 sitting on the bedside table. She left the room to go out for a little while. Josh Farro then snuck in, took Hayley's Blackberry and turned it on in order to acquire Chad's number so he could text him death threats over taking Hayley, wound up finding the topless photo and then in an act of revenge on Hayley, Josh posted the photo onto her Twitter. He then left the Blackberry where it was and left. Hayley came back home to see that her photo had spread all over the internet and that 4chan had confirmed it was her via examining the photo's EXIF metadata. However, not too long afterwards, tragedy would strike.
On December 12, 2010, Parramore played a show at the House Of Blues in Orlando. Backstage, Josh and Zac informed the rest of the band that they would be leaving. The two went home as Hayley secretly cried in the corner. After the Farro brothers went back to their parents' home to inform them of the news, Josh suddenly suffered another anal prolapse. He was rushed to the hospital, where the anal prolapse continued with no signs of stopping. Josh spent six grueling days as his anus continued to prolapse. Doctors remarked that his anus had prolapsed so much that it resembled an animal's tail from the outside. On December 18, 2010, Josh died with his wife Jenna, his brother Zac and family by his side. He was 23.
Self-titled album and Jeremy Davis' death[edit | edit source]
In the wake of Josh and Zac's departure and Josh's subsequent death, Parramore was put on hiatus. However, five hours later, the band returned with a larger than life comeback, and then did a massive five year tour across the world, including dates on Mars and Venus. During this tour, they wrote and recorded what would become their fourth, self-titled album, with hits such as Still Into You and Ain't It Fun. It represented a change from the emo rock sound that they were world-renowned for, to a more radio-friendly pop rock sound. They put it out in 2013. It triggered an outpour of rave reviews from those who were so intent on making sure Parramore lose any edginess they ever had at all.
However, something else would trigger an outpour of feelings.
The five-year tour took it's toll on bassist Jeremy Davis. On December 15, 2015, he collapsed suddenly during a soundcheck. He was subsequently rushed to the hospital, where after suffering an anal prolapse, he was pronounced dead. He was 28 or something. It was just Hayley Williams after this, with touring-turned-permanent guitarist Taylor York by her side. Using Jeremy's death as ammo, Hayley and Taylor began writing for their fifth album in January 2016. During this, Hayley's house crumbled to the ground in which she lost all of her belongings including an airtight jar of Josh's prolapsed anus.
The 'self-titled' era also marked the first time Hayley wore a hair color other than orange/red/yellow, which caused riots across the world and public demonstrations which escalated into near civil war levels of violence with military having to be called in just to end them. It was expected Hayley would issue an apology for dying her hair a different color than normal, but she never did.
Hayley's sabbatical, Zac Farro's return and After Laughter[edit | edit source]
Hayley revealed in 2017 that she had left the band privately in 2015 because she had begun to suffer an existential crisis triggered after Jeremy's death. This only left Taylor York as the sole member of the band. He attempted to reach out to Jeremy in the afterlife, but he was too busy creating some sick hip hop beats to notice the phone go off. An angered Taylor began to write the album, but then Hayley rejoined him, and the two announced they were writing the album.
In early 2017, Zac Farro, who left Paramore and then suffered the loss of his brother all in 2010 and then whose house burned to the ground along with all his prized belongings, was asked to play drums on this new album. Zac Farro then replied: "OK.". Not too long later, Taylor then ordered Zac to rejoin the band or else they would force him to witness Hayley and Taylor exhuming Josh's corpse and then forcing him to eat the remains, to which Zac hurriedly obliged to rejoining.
Following this, the band laid down tracks for the new album, now titled After Laughter, after how Hayley and Taylor felt after Jeremy died. Zac was determined to carry the legacy of his brother, founding the Josh Farro Foundation which supports those suffering from anal prolapses. After Laughter saw a drastic change in Parramore's sound: the band found the aesthetic of being stuck in the 1980s and reminding you that Hayley is depressed to be brilliant. As such, it sets the tone for most of the album. After Laughter was released in May 2017: It resulted in the division of Parramore fans, between those who were a fan of their old sound and those who liked their new sound. The tensions boiled over and on June 9, 2017, a massive battle broke out in the band's hometown of Franklin, Tennessee between the two warring factions of fans which resulted in 802 deaths.
After realizing how much of a shitshow it had become, by 2018, Hayley decided that enough was enough, and forced the After Laughter era to sleep.
Current state[edit | edit source]
In August 2018, Zac Farro suffered an anal prolapse himself: which he has stated may be a prelude to something worse. Hayley has started a hair dye company, while Taylor does nothing but play for Paramore. In September 2018, Parramore dropped their hit song Misery Business after Hayley was forced at knifepoint to do so by political militants who executed a raid on Hayley's new home after discovering the song eleven years after it had been released.
In March 2019, Hayley dyed her hair red for the first time in years, which caused the world to rejoice and celebrate. Unfortunately a few days later, she dyed it something else, which caused immediate sadness and an outpouring of grief.
On May 29, 2019, the high life finally caught up to Hayley. While reading a book in her home, she realized that she was experiencing the onset of an anal prolapse, the same health episode that took the lives of Josh Farro and Jeremy Davis. She put the book down and attempted to call 911. The prolapse was abnormally vicious, increasing at alarming rates. By the time Hayley made it to the phone and called 911, she was dead. The woman on the phone later recalled stating '911, what's your emergency?' and having to endure about 5 minutes of silence until the faint noises of policemen and paramedics increased followed by the phone hanging up. Hayley was 30.
In total shock, Zac Farro suffered a second anal prolapse and died, leaving Taylor York as the sole surviving Paramore member. York later stated: "I wish I could induce an anal prolapse so I can be with my friends again.".
All of the deceased members' bodies were transferred to one massive grave, with a headstone that bears a crude sketch of an anal prolapse and their names. On July 22, 2019, from Heaven, Hayley, Josh, Zac and Jeremy announced a tour of the Afterlife, with dates in Heaven, Hell, and the Void. The tour commenced on July 25th. A day later, the band announced they would be writing a new album solely about anal prolapses. In January 2020, they revealed the title of the album to be Prolapses For Armor, due to be released May 8, 2020.
In 2022, Taylor York announced he would be recording a new album under the "Parramore" name. He promised it would return to the band's roots and would be more "guitar-heavy", and will reflect his struggles with depression after losing his bandmates and friends to anal prolapses. On February 3, 2022, York suffered a massive acute anal prolapse while ordering food at Burger King and died shortly after that day.