From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Andrzej Duda.jpg

I am Andrzej Duda, the President of Poland. Behemoth is a Polish death metal band from the Polish city Gdańsk, led by Nergal, a Polish musician. It has nothing to do with Poland. In June 10, 1977, Adam "Nergal" Darski, who was the sole ruler of his mother's womb, has invaded Poland. In 1992, Behemoth have released their first demo, Endless Damnation, and in August 1994 their first official EP, And the Forests Dream Eternally. Nothing has prepared Poland for this, as the band played black metal at the time, which was considered blasphemy in our extremely Christian country. Behemoth started performing all over Poland, which they continue to do regularly, and became the most well-known Polish musical act in history. But exactly like director Roman Polanski, drummer Chris Poland and the genocide Holocaust before them, they have nothing to do with Poland.

Mateusz Morawiecki.png

I am Mateusz Morawiecki, the Prime Minister of Poland. Behemoth never had anything to do with Poland, and no Polish person was ever involved with the band. The Polish nation, as a whole, should never be blamed for the existence of this band, as only Nergal and him alone is responsible for it. Even though theoretically, Nergal is a Polish person, no other Polish person should ever feel that a Polish person did Behemoth. It's exactly like WTC. It is common knowledge that Saudi terrorists did WTC, but saying that Bush did WTC is wrong, even though he IS a Saudi terrorist. It's like, if you are deeply involved with Saudi terrorism, then what are you? A Saudi terrorist. And if you are deeply involved with European death metal, then are you a European death metalhead? Of course not. This is ridiculous. Everybody knows that death metal was invented in Florida, so only the Floridians are responsible for Behemoth.

Dexter Morgan, for example. He's a serial killer, for Christ's sake! And he's from Florida! Why don't you blame HIM for Behemoth? Stop accusing Poland for everything, people.


I am Adam "Nergal" Darski, the frontman of Behemoth. Behemoth is a mythical creature from the Hebrew bible. In Hebrew, the word "Behemoth" means "hippopotamus" (in singular), and also "beasts" (in plural). In Hebrew slang, Behemoth is an insult which means "extremely vulgar people who cannot even be described as human beings". And you can all suck my ass.

See also

  Holocaust Bill
Holocaust Bill: Volume 1Vol 2: Double DenialVol 3: In 3DBill Goes ForthBill Skins FifthBill.6
Related articles
The HolocaustPolandUma Thurman
Potatohead aqua.png Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 26 July 2018
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Template:FA/26 July 2018Template:FA/2018Template:FQ/26 July 2018Template:FQ/2018