Thrice
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Thrice are a hardcore/ alternative/ rock/ electronic/ experimental/ folk/ acoustic/ screamo/ emo/ jive/ groove/ blues/ jazz/ punk band from Orange County, California who formed for the sole purpose of releasing music under every single music genre that ever existed. Thrice have successfully released music under about 18 different genres so far, and aim to complete their mission by 2020.
Thrice formed when singer Dustin Beard Kensrue met Teppei Great Ninja of the 3rd Reich temple Teranishi and decided to create a band whose sole purpose was to accumulate a sizable fanbase, then gradually isolate and enrage as many of them as possible.
First Impressions & Identity Crisis (1998 - 2001)[edit | edit source]
“I can relate to this album and it's title, because I am suffering from an identity crisis too. Wahhhh!”
“These albums sucked. What were we thinking? How did we even get popular?”
Knowing well that first impressions count, Thrice released their first EP, titled First Impressions in 1998. It is widely considered to be the worst material the band has released to the public. Thrice to this date states that the horrible production, laughable lyrics, and atrocious songwriting were a direct product of too much Frogger and Red Bull and that they "deliberately" wanted their first impression to be horrible.
But unbeknown to the ever-sedated emo crybaby fans, Thrice were already writing and creating their first scene-kid-recruiting LP, titled Identity Crisis. In 2001, Thrice released Identity Crisis to all 19 of their fans. The album was well-received, with most purportedly rating the album with five out of five slash marks down the wrist.
Soon after its release, the fans told all of their friends how understood and accepted the album made them felt. Resultantly, Thrice's popularity boomed, and they soon found themselves pulling crowds of up to thirty scenesters at one gig. This would signal the start of a very long and profitable career in the future.
The Illusion of Safety (2002 – 2003)[edit | edit source]
Soon after discovering that they had a talent for channeling the angst of their emo fanbase, Thrice immediately went into the studio in 2002 to record follow-up album The Illusion of Safety, of which would haunt them for the rest of their career. The track Deadbolt would be one of their most popular too date. The emo kids could be heard whining the chorus of Deadbolt at the top of their lungs every five minutes or so as they slashed their wrists and took photos of themselves in their bathroom mirrors for their MySpace defaults.
The Artist in the Ambulance (2003 – 2004)[edit | edit source]
“it's so... beautiful. Masterpiece. :'((( ”
“sadfhfwf'sg; BEST ALBUM EVER <333 ”
“"DEADBOLT" ”
Utilizing the attention from major labels received from their previous album, Thrice quickly signed on to Island Records to be exploited for their scene kid-amassing super powers with the 2003 release of The Artist In The Ambulance. The title track quickly attracted even casual listeners to to the band. In the future, it would be a staple of every single live show ever, otherwise the emo faggots would be thrown into a rage for at least two weeks.
Vheissu (2005 – 2006)[edit | edit source]
“Is it just me or am I the only one who's not impressed? ”
“What. The. FUCK. ”
“"DEADBOLT... oh wait :( :( :(" ”
The pretentiously named Vheissu is known as being the first album that Thrice “completely and utterly fucked up”, as described on their website. The album features grown men hitting extremely expensive keyboards, guitars, and drum sets at increasingly pointless times throughout its course. Dustin cited influences such as “Fall Out Boy”, “Green Day”, and “Generic Sell #51002”. It hurt the Emo Kid’s feelings greatly as it was a “departure from the normal emo” sound. Luckily, they could still happily sit with their Alienware as Red Sky played on repeat all day. However, this did not make up for the glaring lack of the traditional emo songs. Little did the emo kids know that things were about to get much, much worse.
The Alchemy Index (2006 – 2008)[edit | edit source]
“Still no emo :'(, I guess I may as well go and slit my wrists again”
“I don't know. It's all about branching out or something. You know, expanding”
A major turning point in the band's career, The Alchemy Index combined elements of experimental and art rock to created four EP's, each representing a different element. Each EP was allocated an element, but the truth is that the only similarity to it was the song titles. But seriously, the whole Index was considered by everyone to be complete and utter bullshit. Interestingly, the closing track Child of Dust contains a clip of lead guitarist and producer Teppei Teranishi being buried alive volunteering to do so as it would "probably sound cool" to record from inside a coffin. As a joke, the band actually arranged to have him buried, and the taps at the end of the song can be heard as he desperately tries to escape.
Beggars (2009)[edit | edit source]
“This will be back to our hardcore emo roots”
“This is sort of emo. I don't understand, I'll just go and slit my wrists”
“"We don't bullshit our fans.. LOL jk We are Thrice"”
“DEADBOLT!!!”
Beggars was Thrice's "back to basics and their roots" album, with fans expecting heavy riffs with lyrics about getting dumped, bleeding from wrists, and other emo-related topics. In place of this, we got the depressing lyrics, with depressing music to accompany it. The average naps taken during the first listen to the album was 2.67 (2dp), with yawns having an average of 31. The last words heard on the album are "We are Beggars (all)". This is significant that they are on the decline, and are now being forced onto the street, doing activities such asbusking, selling The Big Issue and even prostitution