HowTo:Cook A Fetus

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Sam Neil says: fetus's we were meant to eat them..

“Something Smells Goooooddd........oh.. OH GOD!!!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Fetus Stew

"tasty" ~Bob on Fetus Stew


~ Charles Manson on this page

“I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Fetus

Ever walked passed the next door neighbors apartment a catch a wiff of the most delightful scent? Would you like to know their secret ingredient?... fetus. That's right fetus, fresh from the womb of a pregnant teenager. There's nothing more natural for humans to consume.

So, you want to know this sacred recipe passed down from the gods of olympus to us humble men? Well, you've come to the right place!

Finding a Good Fetus[edit | edit source]

An example of a really really really really high quality fetus.
To remove Fetus punch downward on belly

Its always important to know the source of your fetus, I recommend any shifty back alley dealer the prices are low and the quality is high!

Identifying a Fetus: For beginers, identifying a good fetus may be difficult but just follow these simple steps and you will be tasting yummy fetus in no time at all!

  • To identify if a fetus is too old simply squeeze it, if it shows signs of consciousness throw it away.

If the fetus is still a mushy pinkish jelly in some places it is too young and needs to be thrown away.

  • If the baby is inedible, throw it at a random stranger, preferably the lady you took it from.

Preparing your Fetus[edit | edit source]

Before cooking a fetus must be properly prepared this means cutting and disposing of any unwanted parts. To cut, stick a knife behind the joint and wedge outward till the limb pops off. Some people like to remove the arms and legs, I generally remove the arms but leave most of the thighs.

Peeling: Some cooks prefer to peel the fetus and serve the skin as a cracker, to peel a fetus gently push a knife under the skin and pull away skin, do this gently so no innards are punctured.

Recipes[edit | edit source]

Below you will find some yummy fetus recipes for you to enjoy:

Tasty Fetus Stew[edit | edit source]

one word: yum.

Ingredients[edit | edit source]

Serves up to 2 people.

  • One properly prepared fetus
  • 2 cups flour
  • 1/2 litre of liquidized MDMA
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 2 teaspoons of curry powder
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons of ground ginger
  • 2 tablespoons butter or oil
  • 3 tablespoons of Bill Cosby's semen
  • 1 large onion (sliced)
  • 2 tblspoons brown vinegar
  • 4 tablspoons Worcestershire sauce
  • 4 tablspoons tomato sauce
  • 2 tablspoons brown sugar
  • 1 cup stock
  • 500g pumpkin

Method[edit | edit source]

Trim Fetus. mix flour with salt, pepper, curry powder and ginger and coat fetus with mixture. Heat half the butter or oil in a heavy pan and brown fetus on both sides.Remove to plate. Add remaining butter to pan with onion and cook gently until soft. Return fetus to pan. mix vinegar, sauces, sugar and stock and pour over fetus. cover, bring to a simmer, reduce heat to a low and simmer gently for 1 hour. skim any fat off the surface and add pumkin, which has been peeled and cut into large pieces. cover and cook for a further 30 minutes or until fetus and pumpkin are tender. Drizzle semen over the top and serve with celery.

Wonderful Fetus Rissoles[edit | edit source]

Its mouth watering good!!

Ingredients[edit | edit source]

  • 500g diced or minced Fetus
  • 250g diced or minced bacon
  • 1 cup[mashed potatoes
  • 1 egg
  • 2 teaspns Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 tomato

Method[edit | edit source]

mix all ingredients well together. shape into rissoles and place in a baking dish with a little oil or dripping. place a slice of tomato on each rissole and put extra potatoes, cut small, around the rissoles. bake near the bottom of a very hot oven for about 30 minutes or until potatoes are soft.

Crunchy Fetus with Camembert sauce[edit | edit source]

A Properly Prepared Fetus.

Ingredients[edit | edit source]

  • 250g-300g Fresh Fetus
  • 1 cup SR flour
  • 1/4 teaspn Dry mustard
  • salt to taste
  • 2 teaspns
  • 1 beaten egg
  • milk

Desired Amount of Cranberry Sauce

Method[edit | edit source]

wash fetus well in two or three lots of water. drain well. sift dry ingredients into a bowl, add fetus, lemon juice and beaten egg. mix well and add milk if needed. Drop spoonfuls into preheated oil. fry until golden brown. drain on absorbent paper. Serve with cranberry or a variety of flavoursome sauces.

See Also[edit | edit source]

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