Buckethead
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| Place of Birth | Bucketheadland | |
|---|---|---|
| Genre(s) | Who cares? He looks FUCKING AWESOME | ! |
| Label(s) | Kentucky Fried Chicken | |
| Notable Instruments | Pick of Accuracy +2, Anything with strings, Anything that makes noise, Anything that moves | |
| Achievements | 167% Dragonforce on Expert | |
“I chose him because I love KFC!”
“He wears a bucket on his head.”
“He's pretty good at playing guitar.”
“Buckethead is a better guitarist than me, Slash, and Jesus combined.”
“This guy fucking sucks!”
Buckethead is the leader, founding figure, and messiah of the religion of Bucketheadism. According to the religion, he has supernatural powers of guitar-based combat granted to him by the spirits of fallen chickens which he channels through a religious artifact known as a Kei-Eph-See Ch'kenn Buk'kaht (pronounced: KAE EHFF SEE chi-KEHN boo-KAHT). The only requirement for Bucketheadism is to never eat chicken (after all, you are what you eat). He has spent, is spending, and will continue to spend all of eternity defending the world and the heavenly realm of Bucketheadland from malicious and destructive robots built by the evil overlord RIAA, a Satan-esque figure. When Buckethead gets angry, he turns into a super mutant and destroys shitty bands.
Origin and Early Life[edit | edit source]
Buckethead was constructed as a human-sized android with the power to transform into a 50-foot-tall giant robot by Colonel Sanders, who was both desperate for companionship, as he had no friends, and a devout fan of anime. The Colonel taught him to love the taste of chicken meat, feeding him on nothing but it from a very early age, and gave Buckethead his first guitar, a soapbox the Colonel made himself, after he showed interest in the instrument at the age of seven. Buckethead began releasing at least 12 albums each year in 30-minute intervals. There is also a myth, that Buckethead really a guy named Adolf from E-Stonia.
Eventually, the Colonel died, and bequeathed Buckethead to a family of farmers, thinking they would treat him well. However, they had long held secret contempt for the Colonel due to his competition with them for chicken sales, and after his death they maltreated Buckethead severely. Despite his non-mecha height of seven feet, he was kept in a tiny chicken coop among chickens and fed only the skin of his dead chicken friends. It was here that he first developed his affinity for chickens, as they became his only friends, and though he continued to eat them he began protecting living chickens from harm at all costs. It was also here that he first discovered his mecha powers, which had previously lain dormant, after viewing a showing of Johnny Sokko and his Flying Robot at a next-door drive-in theatre through a hole in the wall of his coop.
Shortly after discovering these powers, he used them to raze the farm to the ground and escape. Confused, frightened, and full of rage, he fled to a graveyard he had snuck into a few times to play his soapbox guitar in peace. Upon arriving, he found the legendary Ch'kenn Buk'kaht lying in an open grave. Fascinated, he took it from the grave to find its bucket was filled with fried chicken, which he, exhausted from his recent rampage, consumed with vigor. Upon doing so, he was suddenly overtaken with an urge to place the artefact on his head, and immediately felt as if all the spirits of all the dead chickens killed unjustly and in vain were speaking to him through his fingers. He seized his guitar, and played until he fell into the grave, unconscious.
Rise to Power and Eventual Messiahood/Ascendancy[edit | edit source]
Just Kidding
Not really. Watch any live video of him playing and you shall be instantaneously converted, regardless of previous tastes in music.
Recent Events[edit | edit source]
In the 21st Century, Buckethead created a custom Les Paul by himself in this coop at Bucketheadland, Filled with the Deadly Sonic Arts, Gargantuan Robots, Disneyland, and Headcheese. Now he is quite Invincible.
In 2101, Jesus became aggravated with Buckethead for encroaching on what he saw as his personal messiah-based turf. He eventually sued Buckethead, resulting in the famous case Buckethead vs. Jesus. This case eventually went to the Supreme Court, who ruled that Jesus and Buckethead should engage in mortal kombat to decide the case's victor. After fighting for several weeks, both grew bored and left, though they continue to meet in Jerusalem once a year to do battle in the case that one has become powerful enough to defeat the other. Mohammed has also considered legal action against both Jesus and Buckethead, but has yet to file suit against either of them.
Though Bucketheadland staff denies it, the Bucketheadland ferris wheel recently went berserk and escaped the park, rolling into the Sea of Japan after being sighted by thousands of bystanders and several major news outlets.
Slipdisc's Protomechototobot was the most recent robot to be defeated by Buckethead, and was the first that required utilization of Bucketheadland's special ability to convert itself into a giant robot fifty times larger than Buckethead in his giant robot form.
No one really knows, but Buckethead is a hardcore fan of John Frusciante, who is lame enough to not have his own page on Uncyclopedia.
Buckethead recently defeated Mecha Godzilla in Tokyo. Unfortunately, he decided the victory was the perfect time for a wicked fast guitar solo containing as many notes as pregnancies Paris Hilton has aborted. As we all know, every time he plays a note, the sonic waves cause whole buildings to collapse, streets to buckle and split, and vehicles to fly around like toys. The result was disastrous, catastrophic, sexy, and devastating to the people of Japan. But nobody cares about them, and neither does Buckethead, so he left.
Many people think that Buckethead dose not have a face under his mask but it has been proven by the Children of the truth that Buckethead is indeed really......
Playing Style[edit | edit source]
First he starts slow kinda like a turtle sauntering slowly along a tried and true forest trail while birds and butterflies tweet and flutter nearby as mother deer graze in nearby fields while their fawns frolic amongst the wildflowers. Then he puts the pedal to the fucking metal and plays so fast, Speed Racer himself would shit bricks. Fuck Eddie Van Halen's three-finger tapping, this guy uses all eight fingers at once! Fuck you, Van Halen.
Shortly after listening to any musical pieces by Buckethead, you will experience one or more of the following symptoms:
1] Orgasm, followed by cumming out of your ears(also known as an Eargasm)
2] Head exploding due to the sheer awesomeness that is Buckethead
3] A sudden need to put a KFC bucket on your head, and march to a local KFC restaurant to set it ablaze
4] An instantaneous, uncontrollable bowel movement, that if not handled properly, can result in death.
Beware of Buckethead[edit | edit source]
Buckethead has become specially well known for the affects his insanely rapid fire funkadelic demonic songs, according to most reports, during the insanely rapid fire funkadelic demonic songs, most fans have had their noses explode instantly, then Herman Li goes into labour, Buckethead (the greatest guitar god/goddess of all time, yes he has both male and female sexual organs) has become famous for this skill.
Bands Buckethead Was In[edit | edit source]
- Col. Sanders and Cluck Buckets
- KFC Band(Kool Fucking Crazy Band)
- Guns and Roses(Ruining their sound)
- Slashes SnakePit Cover Band(To Prove He Can't Be Better At Being Slash Then Slash Can)
Discography[edit | edit source]
- Are You Going To Buy My First Album? (No one knows for sure when this album was made. Its been in existence ever since recorded history)
- I Can Play For 3 Days Straight, And I'll Prove It! (1992)
- KFC Soundtrack: Finger Licking Good Movie (1994)
- Eternal Sunshine Forever (A Tribute To William Hung) (1996)
- My Mom Has Colon Cancer Right Now So I Went To A Giant Cemetery For Inspiration On This Album (1998)
- Bootsy Collins Never Shuts Up (1999)
- I Recorded This Album In Someone's Kitchen And It Costs Over $80 Online Bitches! (2001)
- 49 Songs I Wrote On My Way To The Studio This Morning (2002)
- Mylasian Tetrahedron (I Just Made That Up) (2002)
- Some Fucking Calm Shit (2002)
- 30 More Songs I Wrote In 5 Minutes (2003)
- 13 Songs I Wrote In My Sleep Without Realizing It (2004)
- Buckethead Goes Back In Time And Invents Keyboard Shredding (2004)
- Hey Look, A Cuckoo Clock... I Will Write A Tribute To It Which Melts Faces (2004)
- I, Chicken (2005)
- How To Play Fart Noises With A Guitar (2005)
- In Bread Mountain (A Tribute To Wonderbread) (2005)
- Buckethead Plays The Alarm Clock (2006)
- Kentucky Fried Ass-Whoopins (2006)
- I Wrote This While I Was On The Toilet In Wendys One Time (AKA IWTWIWOTTIWOT, a 13 disc set individually numbered by Buckethead) (2007)
- I Or Someone I Know Had Carpal Tunnel So I Made A Song And Called It "Carpal Tunnel Slug" And Put It On This Album (2007)
- Colonel Sanders Nuked My Amp, So I Shattered My Acoustic Guitar And Wrote 15 Songs With The Pieces (2007)
- Decoding The Encoded Tomb With Encodings Decoded To Decode Encodings Of Bansheebotsheebot (2007)
- Quick! I Need To Release Something Else Before The Year Is Over! (2007)
- Songs From The Days When Buckethead Was In Solitary Confinement (2008)
- Wanna Know What A Slug Sounds Like When You Squish It With A Guitar? (2008)
- I Remembered To Release 'I, Chicken' Right? (2008)
- Buckethead Rapes Your Parents' Childhood (2009)
- Some More Fucking Calm Shit (2009)
- Uh... I Got Nothing... So Here's 13 Tracks Of Random Bullshit (2009)
- Still Got Nothing... Here's 13 More (2009)
- Even More Fucking Calm Shit (2010)
- 9 Songs I Wrote In The Hospital Using My Detached Spinal Chord (2010)
- I Was Michael Jackson's Biggest Fan, I Swear! (2010)
- Buckethead Plays The Bible (2012)
- I Haven't Made A Studio Album In 6 Years, So Here's A Pike Released As A Studio Album Full Of Random Bullshit (again) (2018)
- I've Tried To Tell Everyone That If You See My Face Again, We Will All Be Trapped In Purgatory Forever (Infinity)
Buckethead Pikes[edit | edit source]
"Buckethead Pikes" is the name for a series of musical failures, starting in 2011. The Pikes were released as issues of a series, similar to a comic book. This gimmick is used to attract buyers, despite the lack of musical quality that attributes to these albums.
- Issue 1 - It's Alive - After 5 months with no new album, it was clear that Buckethead was dead. Nope, he had to prove everyone wrong.
- Issue 2 - Empty Space - During spinal surgery, the surgeon accidentally removed Buckethead's brain. This album, being 30 minutes of silence, despite its 10 song tracklist, is all he could come up at the time.
- Issue 3 - 3 Foot Clearance - You must be less than 3 feet tall to listen to this Pike.
- Issue 4 - Underground Chamber - Buckethead recorded random noodling for 30 minutes and decided to sell it. This failure is masked with the concept of exploring an Underground Chamber.
- Issue 5 - Look Up There - Similar deal as Underground Chamber, but the concept makes no sense. Seriously, WTF?
- Issue 6 - Balloon Cement - Wow, he's really reaching for album names these days. In a recent interview, Buckethead stated that after releasing 17 albums every 2 seconds, for 20 years, he's run out of ideas. Nowadays, he just opens up a dictionary to 2 random words and goes with it.
- Issue 7 - The Shores of Molokai - So it looks like Buckethead tried while making this Pike. This is one of the better Pikes, but it's not even that good. It's really just the same ol' stuff with techno beats.
- Issue 8, 9, 10 - You'd think if Buckethead released 3 albums at once, they'd be complete shit... And you'd be absolutely right. 8 - Racks is a mix of boring slow songs and drug-influenced speed metal riffs. 9 - March of the Slunks follows the same style and 10 - The Silent Picture Book... If you think about it, these 3 albums are all the same. Something to do with all of the tracks being out-takes from previous Pikes...
- Issue 11 - Forgotten Library - The library is probably forgotten due to too much noise and literal jerking off of a guitar, the power of which is too immense. One of those good pikes too.
- Issue 12 - Propellar - Might as well steal the bamboozle idea and make you think that it's just some more fucking calm shit just like I did on Forgotten Library, the last song is a dissapointment though, remove it please. 100% sure that Buckethead made a typo in the pike name and meant to call it "Propeller", right?
- Issue 13 - Pike 13 - Buckethead's been really hitting a rock bottom with the pike names, hell, even the songs in this album don't have a name. To be honest, this album is just a My Mom Has Colon Cancer Right Now So I Went To A Giant Cemetery For Inspiration On This Album sequel.
- Issue 14 - The Mark of Davis - Who the fuck is Davis and why is his mark just Underground Chamber but less shitty?
- Issue 15 - View Master - Probably the calm shit you wouldn't hate that much, but still... Some more fucking calm shit, but this time with one different not calm song to mix it up... Haha no, get pranked, he has done this before.
Filmography[edit | edit source]
- Alice in Slaughterland (1992)
- KFC: The Motion Picture (1993)
- Giant Robot: The Movie (1994)
- Giant Robot: The Second Movie (1996)
- Giant Robot: I Really Like Giant Robot, Ok! (1997)
- Somewhere Over the Slaughterhouse (2001)
- The Wizard of Bucketheadland (2003)
- A Cuckoo Clockwork of Hell (2004)
- Korova Binge Bar: The Sequel To "A Cuckoo Clockwork of Hell" (2004)
- Buckethead Plays on the Moon (Live DVD) (2005)
- Cooking With Buckethead: The Recipe for Headcheese (2005)
- Life of Buckethead (Vol. 1) (2006)
- Life of Buckethead (Vol. 2) (2006)
- Life of Buckethead (Vol. 4) (2006) [Vol. 3 has been lost, but it probably doesn't exist. Buckethead likes to troll]
- A Real Slaughterhouse on the Rough Prairie (2009)
- My Michael Jackson Experience (2010)
- A Slunk is a Stillborn Calf People! (2014)