Worst 100 Songs To Have Sex To

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Worst 100 Songs To Have Sex To
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Contents:  120-111  110-101  100-91  90-81  80-71  70-61  60-51  50-41  40-31  30-21  20-11  10-1
See Unified Law of Subsequent Albums for more information on the scientific causes relating to music.

According to Madonna's True Word, the following are the worst 100* songs to get jiggy to. Readers are required to bring their own condoms.

* Madonna does not care to count this list too closely, as she is too busy stealing African children.

126."In the Navy" - Village People
125."Last Resort" - Papa Roach
124."Rappin' for Jesus" - Pastor Jim
123."Sex Offender Shuffle" - Scott Gaidner
122."Jaws Theme" - John Williams

121-111[edit | edit source]

Hand-kissing 5.jpg
121."Sugar Walls"- Sheena Easton
120."Trololo" - Eduard Khil
119."O'Children" - Nick Cave
118."Think I'd Better Leave Right Now" - Will Young
117."I Love You, You Love Me" - Barney
116."Stairway to Heaven" - Led Zeppelin
115."Jizz in My Pants" - The Lonely Island
114."Keep it on Wax" - Alexisonfire
113."Bite the Pain" - Death
112."Tell Slater Not to Wash His Dick" – Bring Me The Horizon
111."Already Over" - Red

110-101[edit | edit source]

110."The Morning After" - Faith No More
109."Best of Both Worlds" - Hannah Montana
108."Smack My Bitch Up" - The Prodigy
107."Creep" - Radiohead
106."Family Guy Theme Song" - Barney
105."Maneater" - Hall & Oates
104."How Do You Like Me Now?" - Toby Keith
103."We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart
102."Pretty Fly" - The Offspring (Give it to me baby..uh-huh, uh-huh.) I think you get the idea.
101."We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel

100-91[edit | edit source]

100."Four Sticks" - Led Zeppelin
99."You Suffer" - Napalm Death: You'd have to be bloody quick to have sex to this!
98."The Final Contdown" - Europe
97."Revolution #9" - The Beatles
Kissing Prairie dog edit 3.jpg
96."Bleed it Out" - Linkin Park
I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, just to throw it away, just to throw it away, I bleed it out
95."A Bitch is a Bitch" - NWA
94."Take Me Down To Funky Town" - Lipps Inc.
93."Raining Blood" - Slayer
92."A Boy Named Sue" - Johnny Cash
91."Cotton Eye Joe" - Rednex

90-81[edit | edit source]

90."Come On Eileen" - Dexys Midnight Runners
89."Can You Feel It" - The Jacksons
88."To Rid the Disease" - Opeth
87."I'll Be There For You" (The Theme Song from Friends) - The Rembrandts
86."Ring Of Fire" - Johnny Cash
85."Bone Broke" - The White Stripes
84."The Hampster Dance" - Hampton the Hamster
83."Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats
82."I Want To Break Free" - Queen
81."Dude Looks Like a Lady" - Aerosmith

80-71[edit | edit source]

80."I Hate Everything About You" - Three Days Grace
79."Surfing Bird" - The Trashmen
78."The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" - Cliff Friend and Dave Franklin
77."Fake It" - Seether
76."Folsom Prison Blues" - Johnny Cash
75."I Am The Walrus" - The Beatles
74."Silent Night"
73."She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain"
72."Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry
71."It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls

70-61[edit | edit source]

70."Doin' The Mess Around" - Ray Charles
69."Blue (Da Ba Dee)" - Eiffel 65
68."Rape Me" - Nirvana
67."How Could This Happen To Me" - Simple Plan
67."Who's Your Daddy?" - Toby Keith
66."I Think I'm Going Bald" - Rush
65."Dead Bodies Everywhere" - Korn
64."Who Are You" - The Who
63."Oh Yeah" - Yello (From Ferris Bueller's Day Off)
62."Macho Man" - Village People

60-51[edit | edit source]

60."Heaven Is One Step Away" - Eric Clapton
59."Impossible Brutality" - Kreator
57."Excitable Boy" - Warren Zevon
56."Sex, Murder, Art." - Slayer
55."Phoenix (Basement Jaxx Remix)" - Daft Punk
54."Who Wants To Live Forever" - Queen
53."Pain" - Three Days Grace
52."She's Got Balls" - AC/DC
51."Only The Young" - Journey

50-41[edit | edit source]

50."Strange Brew" - Cream
49."It Don't Come Easy" - Ringo Starr
48."Rock You Like a Hurricane" - The Scorpions
47."I Ain't The One" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
46."Cold As Ice" - Foreigner
45."So Into You" - Atlanta Rhythm Section
44."Party Boy Theme Song" from Jackass
43."Remember Tomorrow" - Iron Maiden
42."I Cum Blood" - Cannibal Corpse
41."The Camera Eye" - Rush

40-31[edit | edit source]

40."They're Gonna Taste Great" - Kellogs Frosties
Kissing Couple detail.jpg
39."Old Man" - Neil Young
38."Touch Me" - The Doors
37."Fucked to Death" - Devourment
36."For My Father" - Andy Mckee
35."Pull the Plug" - Death
34."The Bad Touch" - The Bloodhound Gang
33."Chainsaw Gutsfuck" - Mayhem
32."U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer
31."Virus Alert" - Weird Al Yankovic

30-21[edit | edit source]

30."Bitch I'll Kill Ya" - Yung Dum Basturd
29.""Land Down Under"" - Men At Work
28."Abducted" - Hypocrisy
27."Strangers Like Me" - Phil Collins
26."Monochromatic Stains" - Dark Tranquillity
25."Taste My…" - Chimaira
24."Die By the Sword" - Slayer
23."Raped By The Light Of Christ" - At The Gates
22."Coerced Coexistence" - In Flames
21."Fuck Her Gently" - Tenacious D

20-11[edit | edit source]

20."Don't Stand So Close To Me" - The Police
19."Breaking Up Is Hard Do Do" - Neil Sedaka
18."Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell
17."I Get Around" - The Beach Boys
16."April Come She Will" - Simon & Garfunkel
(especially if it's February)
15."She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd
14."Why Don't We Do It In The Road" - The Beatles
13."Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood
12."Satisfaction" - (The Residents cover. The original Rolling Stones version is fine.)
11."Peanut Butter Jelly Time"

10-1[edit | edit source]

10."Violent Pornography" - System of a Down
(Unless you're into that sort of thing.)
9."Stop" - Pink Floyd
8."Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
7."Loser" - Beck
6."I Touch Myself" - Divinyls
5."Doing Alright With The Boys" - Gary Glitter
4."Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song" - Weird Al Yankovic
3."Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
2."Distant Early Warning" - Rush
1."Bette Davis Eyes" - Kim Carnes


Special Edition: All Time Songs You're Never Supposed to Have Sex To:

0."I'm Coming Out" - Diana Ross
-1."You Keep Me Hangin' On!" - Diana Ross and the Supremes
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100 Animals
99 April Fools Jokes
98 Cartman Wannabes
97 Colors
96 Creatures to have sex with
95 Firefox extensions
94 Foods
93 Gifts to give a friend
92 Harry Potter Spin-offs
91 Inventions
90 Locations
89 LOL Cats
88 Make Out Songs
87 Moments to get a Boner
86 Moments to Laugh
85 Money Making Schemes
84 Movies
83 Nonexistent Words
82 Not In The Least Bit Sexual Things To Do With No Pants On
81 Nutty Conspiracy Theories
80 Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
79 Pokemon Cash-Ins
78 Porn Stars
77 Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
76 Weapons
75 Reflections on 2005
74 Reflections on 2006
73 Reflections on 2007
72 Reflections on 2008
71 Reflections on 2009
70 Reflections on 2010
69 Reflections on 2011
68 Reflections on 2012
67 Reflections on 2013
66 Reflections on 2018
65 Reflections on 2022
64 Rejected Harry Potter Novels
63 Remakes
62 Restaurants
61 Self Help Books
60 Sexual Perversions
59 Short Poems
58 Sitcom Catchphrases
57 Songs
56 Songs about Seagulling
55 Songs To Have Sex To
54 Songs To Play At A Funeral
53 Spinoffs
52 Superheroes
51 Things About the '00s
50 Things to do during Christmas
49 Things to Put In An IV
48 Things To Say In Court
47 Things to Say in the Workplace
46 Things to say on a First Date
45 Toys
44 TV Programs
43 Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
42 Video Games of all time‎
41 Video Game Movies
40 Video Game Systems
39 Ways of Being a Dick
38 Ways To Be Castrated
37 Ways to be Circumcized
36 Ways to Deliver Bad News
35 Ways to Die
34 Ways to Kill Sarah Connor
33 Ways to Start a Novel
32 Ways to Win an Argument
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