Revolution 9
Revolution 9 is a song by the Beatles which you should hate with a fucking passion. Like all music that sucks, Revolution 393 is considered an experimental song. It appeared on the 1968 album entitled The Whitest Album of All. It is 393 minutes long and occupies all 6 CDs/8 records of said album.
Background[edit | edit source]
The purpose of this song was to make a song as quickly as possible, make as much money as possible, and score as many mad bitches as possible by using a flute up your ass to make music. The result, however, was terribly flawed and it accidentally revealed the truth about the Paul McCartney.
Lyrics[edit | edit source]
This song barely has any kind of lyrics, as it is mostly instrumental (and by, instrumental, we mean "full of ear-piercing noice"). The few lyrics this song has, however, are really incomprehensible or totally stupid, depending on how you look at them.
- (inaudible gibberish from what seems to be an American)
- *Piano starts to play*
- "Guy smashes Piano"
- Guy saying: "YOUR PIANO PLAYING SUCKS!"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 9"
- "Number 10"
- "Number 11"
- "Number 12"
- "Number 13"
- "Number 14"
- Let's skip a whole lot of the song here-
- "Number 42"
- *Sound effects* (actually Frank Zappa played backwards)
- *A portion of sounds that I can't describe to you, but it sounds just like when I take a shit*
- Some dude saying: "No, Ringo! I'm not going to sing this stupid song for you!"
- [What?]
- "I'm not gonna sing this stupid shit."
- [Why not?]
- "Why NOT?! Because this completely makes me out to look like a dick!"
- [But, you don't under--]
- "No, let me finish. I'm not here for your pathetic little debt, you know, I'm here in the first place to score mad bitches, and you know that, Ringo! Now, get outta my way!"
- *Shitty sounds*
- A crowd screams: "GET ON WITH IT!!!"
- Yoko Ono saying: "Sucky, sucky, five darra!"
- John Lennon shouting: "FUCKING HELL!!!"
- Yoko Ono saying: "I ruin your life John"."
- John Lennon saying: "Well, i'm not really sure if i want that-"
- Yoko Ono shouting: "NO! I RUIN YOUR LIFE!"
- John Lennon saying: "Argh, fine."
- *Some more shitty sounds*
- George Harrison saying: "IS THIS THE ONLY LINE I GET IN THIS "SONG"?"
- *Door opens*
- *Footsteps*
- [Mr. McCartney!]
- "Oh shit!"
- *Tire squeals*
- *Gun fires*
- *Crashing noise*
- [WTF?!]
- John Lennon shouting: "Holy shit!"
- The song ends when Ringo Starr cries: "AAAAAAAAA!"
Lyrics, backwards[edit | edit source]
Well, you asked for it.
- Ringo Starr saying: "Well, assholes, you did it, you found our secret message. Now go tell the world that I indeed shot Paul."
- "Why, you might ask, did I do it? Well, the answer to that one is fairly simple: he refused that little ballad John wrote and stormed out of the studio, so I followed him and shot him as he was driving away."
- "Goo-goo g'joob."
- (Frank Zappa played forwards)
- "Shut up, John! I'm trying to explain something here, dickhead..."
- "Fuck you, Richieboy! You can suck my bespectacled dick!"
- "You're an asshole, John. Anyway, that's it. What are you still doing here? Go and report me to the police, you little assholes!"
- "The walrus was Paul."
- "I told you to shut up already!"
- *raises his voice*: "I BURIED PAUL!"
- "Are you done already?"
- "Yeah, I'm done, Lassie-boy."
- "Shut up, asshole."
- "Fuck you."
- "No, fuck YOU."
- (Gun fires)
- "AAAAAAAAA!"
- "OH NO! HE'S DE-"
- (Gun fires again)
- "Turn me on dead man" (x9)
In a surprising twist, the lyrics end with a guy getting shot regardless of whether the song is played forwards or backwards. Also, it is belived that playing this song backwards five times in a row will result in summoning the spirit of Paul McCartney. This song is currently being investigated by government scientists.
Reception[edit | edit source]
See, I told you it sucked.
See also[edit | edit source]
