Mark David Chapman

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As you can see, Chappers was a fatass.

Mark David "Chappers" Chapman (born April 20, 1955) is an American murderer, superfan, deep-fried pork chip connoisseur, and wearer of aviator glasses. He is best-known for murdering John Lennon and being a former member of The Beatles, in 1980. He is despised by pretty much everyone, and was named Time magazine's "Sick Son of a Bitch" in 1980 and 1981.

Biography[edit | edit source]

Mark David Chapman tried to kill himself with carbon monoxide in 1977, but failed, due to him being a fat fuck. He married his travel agent, Gloria Abe Lincoln in 1979. He also looks a lot like Bill Hicks I think.

Assassination of John Lennon[edit | edit source]

On December 8, 1980, John was outside his home in New York when Chapman asked for his autograph; Lennon complied, then asked for Chapman's autograph in return. This kept up for several minutes as the two men exchanged signed books, sketches, and album covers. Then, later that day, Lennon returned from the tanning salon and exited his limo with his wife, Yoko Ono. Chapman then called out, "Give peace a chance, Mr. Lennon?", and John turned around, saw Chapman, and got ready to sign things again.

Chapman surprised the peacenik, took out his small handgun, and fired tons of shots at Lennon. Lennon dodged the bullets,and after getting rid rid of Chapman's gun, Lennon grabbed the bullets with one hand and threw the bullets at Chapman, however, the bullets were unable to go through Chapman's thick fat layer, as result, the bullets bounced back, wounding several bystanders. The gun battle, ranging over a half-block radius, drew a crowd of onlookers who took side-bets on the action and cheered for the participants. At one point Chapman climbed a tree, Lennon climbed up after him, and a furious fistfight took place. Then, John came to his senses, and was all like, "What the fuck you ass wipe?!", and went for his shotgun. Chapman then proceeded to pull out his own shotgun, however, Chapman accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, taking Lennon with him, as result Chapman crushed Lennon with his weight, before dying, John Lennon said "WE'LL FINISH THIS IN hell, you piece of s h i t e", and peacefully died.

Other assassination attempts[edit | edit source]

After escaping from the police, Chapman decided to kill Paul McCartney, but discovered that Paul had died a few years ago (see "A Day in The Life"), then, Chapman tried to kill George Harrison, but George Harrison was able to beat the hell out of Chapman despite the fact that Harrison was known for being the most "quiet" of the Beatles. Since Chapman was a fat piece of shit, he decided to sit on the sidewalk outside of George's house, read his favourite book and wait for the police to arrest him. Unfortunately, no one cared. After leaving and deciding not to kill Ringo Starr (because this was a waste of ammo),Chapman decided to surrender and was captured by Batman.

Arrest and imprisonment[edit | edit source]

Chapman is currently serving a life sentence at Arkham Asylum, being tortured by the Joker (who was a fan of John Lennon), Chapman asked for parole over 9000 times, but was always denied, because Lennon was a famous person, while Chapman was just an envious moron who wanted to become famous.

The lesson[edit | edit source]

Never walk without security guards!