Worst 100 Ways of Being a Dick

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Worstlist.png
100 Animals
99 April Fools Jokes
98 Cartman Wannabes
97 Colors
96 Creatures to have sex with
95 Firefox extensions
94 Foods
93 Gifts to give a friend
92 Harry Potter Spin-offs
91 Inventions
90 Locations
89 LOL Cats
88 Make Out Songs
87 Moments to get a Boner
86 Moments to Laugh
85 Money Making Schemes
84 Movies
83 Nonexistent Words
82 Not In The Least Bit Sexual Things To Do With No Pants On
81 Nutty Conspiracy Theories
80 Overused Star Trek Episode Plots
79 Pokemon Cash-Ins
78 Porn Stars
77 Quick Detections that an Uncyclopedia page sucks
76 Weapons
75 Reflections on 2005
74 Reflections on 2006
73 Reflections on 2007
72 Reflections on 2008
71 Reflections on 2009
70 Reflections on 2010
69 Reflections on 2011
68 Reflections on 2012
67 Reflections on 2013
66 Reflections on 2018
65 Rejected Harry Potter Novels
64 Remakes
63 Restaurants
62 Self Help Books
61 Sexual Perversions
60 Short Poems
59 Sitcom Catchphrases
58 Songs
57 Songs about Seagulling
56 Songs To Have Sex To
55 Songs To Play At A Funeral
54 Spinoffs
53 Superheroes
52 Things About the '00s
51 Things to do during Christmas
50 Things to Put In An IV
49 Things To Say In Court
48 Things to Say in the Workplace
47 Things to say on a First Date
46 Toys
45 TV Programs
44 Uncyclopedia In-Jokes
43 Video Games of all time‎
42 Video Game Movies
41 Video Game Systems
40 Ways of Being a Dick
39 Ways To Be Castrated
38 Ways to be Circumcized
37 Ways to Deliver Bad News
36 Ways to Die
35 Ways to Kill Sarah Connor
34 Ways to Start a Novel
33 Ways to Win an Argument
Among these two ways of being a dick, the left one is generally considered the worse.

Among the many ways of being a dick, the following have been found the closest to that of Superman after saving a child from drowning in the north pole:

The list[edit]

100. Inserting yourself into a vagina.

99. Being Zac Luckey

43. Being a social smoker

42. Liking Tweed

41. Thinking your such a trend setter

40. thinking your cool when everyone knows your not

39. Staining your trousers

38. Wearing gay clothes like knitted jumpers

37. Pretending you're gay, and posting a photo of a really gorgeous guy on the M4M dating board on Craigslist in your hometown, with an ad for nasty-ass gay sex, then not showing up where you promise to meet with some desperate gay guy who thinks your ad's for real (I do this all the time).

36. When a beggar asks you for a dollar, ask him if he has change for a $100 bill (this is a lose/lose situation for the beggar)

35.someone asks you for a pencil and you say "I have a pen"

34. WriTinG RanDDom CapItal LetterZZz anD Unecissary ZZZZ's

33. Wear a Justin Bieber T-shirt.

32. Asking a co-worker if he would like a lift home, and as soon as hes in the car, Turn to him and say " i should tell you about the brakes"

31. You are a Scientologist and won't shut the fuck up

30. Your Nickname is associated with genitals eg. Numnuts, Balsak ,Nutsak or Balz

29. Being the Jonas Brothers.

28. Your favorite book happens to be Moby Dick.

27-25. Reading this list to see how you can get yourself higher on the dick leaderboard. Congratulations, you've reached rank one! You are now a complete dick.

24. Realising that you are the worlds biggest dick. (The horror!)

24.5 OMG you Killed Spongebob

23. Discover that the only dictionary search result for your name is "Gay". [1]

22. You're Mr. Garrison's first dick.

21. You're Mr. Garrison's second dick.

20. You're Dubya's first dick.

19. You're Dubya's second dick.

18. You're Hillary's first lady.

17. You're Dick's second lady.

16. Have a Revolting Cock write a song about how much of a dick you are. [2]

15. Make people actually wish you were Al Gore.

14-12. Be white, bald and cocky.

11. Never get the right quail. [3]

10. Have the truest sentence in the Wikipedia article about you get written by mistake. [4]

9. Have an autograph which could be modified to look like this: Dick Cheney signature.JPG

8. Have the name Dick and still get a job for someone called Bush.

7. Polka in public.

6. Polish sausages in public.

5. Let a guy called Scooter be your Chief of Staff.

4. Get involved in a freak quail-accident while being George Bush's vice president, yet at the same time still not be Dan Quayle.

3. Shoot a really old guy in the face.

2. Be the target of a suicide attack in which over twenty other people have died, almost exactly a year after you shot a person in the face after mistaking him for a quail.

1. Make a really old guy publicly apologize to you for the fact that you shot him in the face.

0.

References[edit]

  1. Wiktionary "Dick" entry
  2. Cock Song
  3. A quailing tip
  4. "As Vice President, Cheney is also the President of the United States"
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Worst 100 Ways of Being a Dick.