Booger King
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“I PAID 3 DOLLARS AND 48 DAMN CENTS FOR A WHOPPER AND GOT SICK FROM IT! RONALD WHEN YOU SEE MY DICK IN SMALL CLAIMS COURT, YOU WON'T WANT IT!!!”
Booger King, or bogie king, a rename when it went over to britain, is a small chain of fast food restaurants owned by mcdonalds. It is often confused with Burger King, which has no association with Burger King whatsoever. Founded in 2001 by Ronald McDonald in McDonaldland, Booger King was nothing more than a transparent attempt to make McDonald's rival bankrupt. The company was forced to shut down after the near death of Dr. Patrick Scheerer who sued the company in late May 2009. It has been rumored they will reopen in late 2011, however nothing has been confirmed.
In essence, Ronald McDonald's plan was to serve customers boogers and other poisonous foods, which would hopefully result in lawsuits being filed against Burger King. The plan hinged on the assumption that most customers wouldn't spot the subtle differences - after all, why would anybody walk into a restaurant called Booger King to begin with? [1]
Food[edit | edit source]
Whoppers and all types of burgers are replaced by cunningly disguised boogers at Booger King. The menus are essentially similar, except it would read "booger" rather than "burger" at Booger King. However, a Whopper is still a Whopper on the Burger King menu, and all foods are not disgusting.
The BK Stacker was introduced in 2006, which is similar to a Bacon Double Cheeseburger, but the pickles are replaced with steak sauce.
The French fries and all the foods at burger King are currently made with trans fat free oils. It is thought, however, that the worms may not be all dead, with one victim of Booger King swearing they ate a worm "alive" (they recorded a YouTube video to prove it). [2] Additionally, there have been several reports that Ronald McDonald smuggled worms out of his neighbor's back garden. When customers who ate at Booger King were asked about this, many replied they may have noticed something wrong with the fries, but they drowned them in so much ketchup they couldn't be certain.
It has also been alleged that the Islands Dressing contains small amounts of snot[3], the mustard contains 0g trans fat and is healthy, and the chicken tenders are composed of premium white meat. There has been rumors that Veggie Burgers are made from fresh vegetables, which was proven since 1999. Dutch Apple Pie is delicious. Diet coke and several other sodas contains goup. The milk there is produced from cows with Mad Cow Disease, but this wasn't discovered until several customers who ate at Booger King became exposed to Mad Cow Disease. Please don't ask about the onion rings, because they are too good to be talking about.
In short, the food at Booger King is like a wild mushroom. It may taste good, but unless you really know what to look for, it can be very harmful.
The Anti-Killing Worm Movement[edit | edit source]
Vegetarians were aware of the distribution of potentially harmful foods to customers (worms specifically), and formed a group named "The Anti-Killing Worm Movement" to protest. Their argument was that worms are just like humans, and they have the right to live freely and happily. They gathered groups and protested on thousands of streets across the United States. Some protests were violent. Mostly, there were broken windows, and in the most rare case, the Burger King was threatened with a pistol. Unfortunately, they focused their protests against Burger King, who lost millions while Booger King continued to distribute worms to customers. Ronald's plan was working.
Lawsuits[edit | edit source]
In mid July 2006, a family of Booger King victims filed a lawsuit against Ronald McDonald and Booger King, which resulted in a year long court trial. They raised many of the points mentioned above, including the distribution of the worms to customers. Among their arguments was the contention that worms were cute, slimy creatures, and thus had the right to live comfortably.
Within the first week of trial, the judge closed out the lawsuit, assuming it must be a "practical joke". He continued to say...
| “ | I am a busy man. I have several other current cases I'm working on and I don't have time for your bogus nonsense. The concept of Booger King? You have got to be kidding me. This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in my life. | ” |
Despite this, the victims still tried to do everything to convince the judge that it wasn't a joke, culminating in an invitation nearly 6 months later for the judge to eat dinner with them at "Booger King" - their "treat". The judge accepted the deal and went with them, but when they arrived at Booger King, he simply stared at the sign, and immediately got back into his car.
He then allowed the case to be re-tried and shortly thereafter Ronald was ordered to pay a $625,000 fine and shut down the branch of Booger King of which they ate. Unfortunately, as Ronald McDonald was never placed on probation, he re-opened the same branch of Booger King just 6 months later.
There have been multiple requests to the Federal Department of Restaurants to investigate Booger King but they're too unreliable busy to take the time to do an investigation. As for now, Booger King continues its efforts to make Burger King bankrupt.
Booger King has again made headlines as they were sued for the near death of Dr. Patrick Scherer who ate at a Fort Lauderdale Booger King. Dr. Scherer ordered a BK Stacker and when he bit into it it was filled with tapeworms that ate away at his stomach nearly killing him. Dr. Scherer sued Ronald and Booger King thus causing Booger King to shut down completely. When Ronald learned of this he attempted to kill himself but was stopped by his lover Bob Barr who stated "If Dr. Scherer wants to close down Booger King then he can do it, it's his business not the government's but rest assured that we will find a new way to destroy The Burger King."
New Junk[edit | edit source]
Now, Booger King has been selling their new CrapBurgers, burgers that are made of cow patties. These new burgers are giving people tapeworms and maggots in thier stomachs, which are making them more hungry, causing them to go back to Booger King. It is all a conspiracy. Several lawyers and really tough guys (like Leonard Cohen) have attempted to burn Ronald McDonald's house down. However, no one has been smart enough to shut down the deadly restaraunt, and millions of little kids have died from food poisoning.
In May, 2009, Booger King announced that they will stop selling their CrapBurgers in September. They also announced that Booger King is in trouble with the government for undisclosed reasons. They have sought the help of Bob Barr and Dr. Ron Paul for their defense. Bob Barr stated, "If Ronald wants to serve shit burgers, that's his buissness not the governments." Presently the case does not look good for Ronald for this could be the end of Booger King.
Reopening and Banruptcy[edit | edit source]
After the poisoning and near death of Dr. Patrick Scherer, Ronald was forced to file bankruptcy and close down Booger King. However, Ronald reopened the restaurant chain in September of 2009. On November the 24th, Daniel Walters came in for a Whopper and what he got was a burger containing tapeworms(notice a pattern here?). Danny was then hospitalized and nearly died from internal organ damage. Mr. Walters proceeded to sue Ronald for 5.9 million dollars and won the case. On January 18th 2010, Booger King closed its doors once again. Only time will tell if they will open again.
Mrs. Hillary Clinton and her business associate Michael Jackson are saying that they will try to do something, but just to save all of the little boys, and maybe some little girls.
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ People are stupid. They won't take the time to look at the sign properly, and will be deceived into thinking Booger King is Burger King
- ↑ This would certainly be more interesting than watching the motion picture How To Eat Fried Worms. That, and it's factual.
- ↑ Who'd notice?
