Butthole King
Butthole King is a brand new fast food chain, with most of their items being inspired by bowel movements or bodily fluids. They are infamous for serving raw beef that causes food poisoning while also including cyanide in their other products. The name is inspired by the things occurring in the Burger King bathrooms, specifically with "friends".
History[edit | edit source]
The restaurant was founded during 9-11, inspiring a movement called "Poisonous Food is Dangerous". Its founder, Pooh Pee Pants, was saddened by the current situation of American cuisine, which was only vomit-inducing, and felt that it could be worsened much, much more. So, he proposed to open a new restaurant where the food was so, so disgusting; it's a miracle it hasn't been closed by the FDA yet.
On December 19, 2005, 8-year old Kenny McCormick ate there and proceeded to vomit all his organs out of disgust. Local news reports say that "The burger was so bad that he rejected all his organs, just to remove a single trace of that burger." This caused the restaurant's owners to cry with happiness, as they had finally completed their goal.
After the scandal, Butthole King began an ad campaign which used the slogans "So Bad That You'll Wish You Were Dead!" and "Way, WAY, Worse than Katrina", which was highly successful. This caused them to introduce their beverage aisle, which was capable with giving a perfectly healthy person Malaria. Ironically, the Chinese would unintentionally mix the drinks in that aisle with a new virus they were experimenting with, causing COVID-19.
Products[edit | edit source]
The things they serve at Butthole King include:
- Rawpper (includes traces of ass yellow cheese)
- Sudan Burger
- Bidenburger (by Sleepy Joe)
- COVID-Coke (gives you COVID)
- Tigerburger (discontinued, used to give you rabies)
- Water Free COVID-Coke (discontinued, made for customers with rabies)
- Maggot Delight (by Norrisation People)
- "Free Will" Burger (by the U.S. Government)
Public reception[edit | edit source]
JFK titled it "Mind-blowingly delicious"
2Pac described the flavor as "A shooting sensation."
Osama Bin Laden described the flavor as "A flying feeling."
Partnerships[edit | edit source]
Uwe Bowls partnership[edit | edit source]
Butthole King partnered with Uwe Bowls, selling the repulsive cereal in their restaurant from 2008 to 2014. This was to convince Uwe Bowls to introduce a new flavor, aptly named "You Now Have Cancer". The partnership helped Use Bowl go bankrupt, as the FDA froze the company's assets as it was so disgusting. However, a former employee (Chef Pii) made her own brand, now known as Pink Sauce.
PBS Kids partnership[edit | edit source]
Another partnership was with PBS Kids, made to celebrate Daniel Tiger's reign. The Tigerburger, made out of the victims of Daniel Tiger, was a limited time burger that was discontinued due to a Butthole King employee being stabbed by the Tiger for not making the burger correctly. The burger was known for giving customers rabies, so they sold "Water free Covid-Coke" so the customers with rabies could drink it.
Floorball partnership[edit | edit source]
The company also partnered with Floorball, the most popular sport in the religion Norrisation. The partnership showed Floorball athletes eating Rawppers while playing shortly before throwing up uncontrollably and passing out, the ads had the tagline "Rawdogging a Rawpper". The partnership was a success and increased sales by 0.03%, most consumers who bought it got the wrong impression that it was instant death when biting into it, either that or to pleasure themselves with their front pocket.
People also started munching on the Rawpper during Norrisite Mass as it was considered "cool as shit" and "will not give you HIV", the first claim is false as the burger was hot and ready and the other claim is wrong because Norrisitation people are born with HIV.
The sale increase from Norrisation people added a new menu item the MAGGOT DELIGHT hitch-hiking off of a popular Norrisation cheese in which maggots are in the cheese.
The Butthole King hierarchy and control over Orlando[edit | edit source]
Butthole King opened its first location in the 2nd stall to the left of worlds biggest McDonalds in Orlando, Florida. the current control over Orlando had not yet been established as Buddy Dyer was not yet mayor of Orlando the hundreds of constituencies and unincorporated territories were not yet split under the mouse (Disney) and the rat (Buddy Dyer) so disney had less control yet as Orlando was not much developed. Butthole King was a very easy to fund restaurant as the seating was built into the walls of the bathroom and they never had to pay rent and they chose not to pay taxes.
They were kicked out of the bathroom when Buddy Dyer became mayor and established his "Evil" and "Anti Capitalist" rules enforcing the FDA in the area forcing them to leave the bathroom of the worlds biggest McDonalds, but this was already far too late as they had established other Butthole King's in other restaurants such as: Wendys, Burger King, And most of all Long John Silvers. They had been establishing them in other cities such as: Cheyyene Wyoming, San Francisco, and Seattle.
Butthole King bought a tremendous amount of land in Northwestern Orlando by 2008 during the financial crisis creating the districts of Pine Hills and Silver Star, famous ghettoes in North Orlando funding education in the area with Vietnamese Dong.
Butthole King was famous among local principals for subsidizing school lunches providing schools with those amazing healthy foods.
Kids eventually got tired of the same food every day, so Butthole King made a new food: Sudan Burger famous for being extremely dry and devoid of water.
Butthole King would eventually lose their ownership of Pine Hills and Silver Star by 2014 after the stock market got back on its feet, as it was too much money for Butthole King to keep up with they would sell these properties back to Buddy Dyer and restore the delicate balance of power between Buddy Dyer of North Orlando and Disney in South Orlando.
