Bukkake
“Uummph!”
“Come together, right now, over me...”
Bukkake is the term used to describe the phenomenon when a Mommy, and a Daddy, and a Daddy, and a Daddy... (n+1), get together to see how much of the daddies' special pudding mommy can either eat or wear (or both) at once. It is a popular term, coined originally from the nickname for the platter of cheese fries that Dick Butkus used to eat before football games.
Bukkake is the national sport of Japan.
Origins of Bukkake[edit | edit source]
While some believe that bukkake was invented around the same time that mankind invented sex, most Christians believe that it was created by Jesus Christ himself. "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you [word redacted]." (Matthew 17:28-20)
Whatever its origins, the activity has become identified with Japan. Historian AJP Taylor notes: "Many cultures can lay claim to have invented bukkake, but the Japanese certainly formalized it." The modern word bukkake derives from the ancient Japanese form of "Good morning".
Modern Applications of Bukkake[edit | edit source]
Bukkake was declared the official national pastime of Japan in 1945, replacing Losing Wars and Seppuku. Today, bukkake overdose is one of the leading causes of death in Japan and Amsterdam, placing second to kitten overdose.
Bukkake in Professional Sports[edit | edit source]
Many pro sports franchises are known to practice Bukkake regularly during practices, although this practice occasionally takes place during regular season games. In the MLB, whenever a 6-4-3 double play is completed, the umpires are required to perform Bukkake on the home team's general manager. It is also a little known fact that if an NHL game goes into quadruple overtime, the winning team has to Bukkake the losing team's goalie. This has only happened once in NHL history, when the Boston Bruins defeated the Colorado Avalanche during a 2003 game. Bukkake is most common in Japanese sports, occurring up to 3,000 times a day. There is even a Japanese rugby team called the "Tokyo Bukkake".
A recent American cultural phenomenon is the 'Coulter cumfest', in which groups of young men ejaculate on television screens whenever Ann Coulter is appearing.
Bukkake is also used in many beauty salons, as a facial skin treatment. It is known to be an excellent skin nutrient, associated with longevity and shiny looks. It is said the Queen Elizabeth enjoys one such treatment every morning for the past 200 years.
The League[edit | edit source]
Major League Bukkake, or more commonly referred to as MLB or "The League" was founded on August 8th, 88 AD by a young Roman orator, Curticus Maximus. His Roman chums described this revolutionary as "young, dumb, and fulla' cum." Presently, "The League" has several teams and a set of very intricate rules, however, the primary goal is this: for a team of 8 men to jizz respectively on the recipient female in the shortest amount of time.
Roster: The standard "League" roster consists of a maximum of thirteen members. Eight males and one female in the starting lineup while as two guys and one female remain on the bench.
Bonus Points: Bonus Points can be rewarded in several different ways.
1. Aim/Accuracy- Certain parts of the recipient's body are more valuable than others. The aim/accuracy portion is scored as follows:
Neck - 10pts
Forehead - 15pts
Eyes - 30pts
Hair - 20 pts
Ears/Nostrils- 26 pts
Mouth - 50pts ("the big fitty" or "Gukkon")
2. Distance - On a regulation MLB court, three rings are individually set up around the female recipient. The First Ring is two feet back and is worth 5 extra points per shot. The Second Ring is four feet back and worth 10 points per skeet. Finally, the Third Ring, reserved for those extremely skilled in the art of projectile bukkake, is eight feet back from the recipient. Accurate ejaculations from this ring are worth an additional 88 points. Any participant able of making a shot from the Third Ring is automatically be inducted into the MLB Hall of Fame. So far, in "League" history, only one man has accomplished this feat, Jawn "Deep Skeet" McLongcock.
2 feet- 5pts
4 feet - 10pts
8 feet - 88 pts
3. Style Pointz - Style pointz are achieveable in several ways:
Behind the Back-5pts
Between the Legs- 10pts
One Leg Lift- 10 pts
Jump and Squirt- 15pts
Over the head- 20pts
Over the head reverse-88pts.
Therefore, according to the bonus point scoring, one individual skeeter can score a possible 226 points on single skeet and subsequently become an inductee to the MLB Hall of Fame.
Hall of Fame[edit | edit source]
The Major League Bukkake Hall of Fame is located in Okinawa, Japan. The first class, consisting of eight members, was inducted in the year 1888. A new class is inducted every 8 years and can consist of a maximum of eight members. All Bukkakathletes are eligible for induction 8 years after their retirement.
The Inaugural MLB Hall of Fame Class of '88
1. Jawn "Deep Skeet" McLongcock
2. Joe "Joe K." "The Joker" "The Rod" "The Disc" "The Wingspan"
Christiniack - Bukkake Master of the Highest Order
3. Samuel L. "Big Mothafuckin' Dick" Jackson - Mother Fucker
4. 'Khaki'- no formal name needed
5. Steve "Big Balls" McLain
6. R. Kelly
7. OJ "Glove" Simpson
8. Curticus Maximus - Founder
9. Garrett "Footlong" Thompson
Commisionershipness of MLB[edit | edit source]
The Commissioner of the MLB is Curtus Mikole, the only living blood relative of the founder Curticus Maximus. He resides in the Major League Bukkake headquarters, also known as the "Jizz Fortress", in an undisclosed location deep in the heart of the Appalachian Mountains.
Miscellaneous Facts of "The League[edit | edit source]
There are currently 8 active MLB teams, the most widely followed being the Southside Skeeters. The First Annual World Bukkake Classic will begin on National Bukkake Day, 8-8-08. There are several nations entering, including the overall favorite, Team Chad of Africa.
In recent years, tentacle monsters and marine life bearing pseudopods have shown an increased interest in bukkake. Sociologists theorize that the root of this can be found in the increased popularity of bukkake in schoolgirls, the root of which in turn can be found in global warming.
- Atomic Fisting
- Fart-sex
- Scat Babe
- Japan
- Bukkake Wars
- Bukkake noodles (Wikipedia)
- fist fuck
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