Portal:Television

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The Television Portal

Television is the end product of a signal produced by a stream of electrons impacting on the phosphors of a cathode ray tube. This relatively simple device also happens to be the worst thing to have ever happened to the human race's intelligence. Well, until the Internet that is.

Television also makes you think the images are moving. Television sets contain high levels of drugs which wirelessly and invisibly enter your body orally. The "picture" on a television screen is actually simply black with nothing. This has been considered by scientists as to why many children and teenagers are addicted to watching television; there are many bright colours in children's programmes, and bright colours can cause double levels of the "teledrug" (the top secret mixture of drugs in a TV set) to feed into the children's brains, so as they are mesmerised by the drugs, more feeds into their tiny little brains. This is said to be why the number of children with autism is increasing. (Full article...)

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Highlighted Article

A typical scene from People Pointing Guns at Each Other.

People Pointing Guns at Each Other, known in its first season as Prison Break, is an American serial drama television series on Fox. The series revolves around two brothers who run around the Western Hemisphere pointing guns at people and having guns pointed at them. First, however, they break out of prison.

The series was originally pitched to Fox in 2003 as a story exclusively about people breaking out of prison, but studio execs pointed out that either those people would eventually succeed in breaking out of prison, in which case the series would be over, or else the plot would never go anywhere, in which case the series would be Lost.

In 2004, creator Paul Scheuring re-pitched the series...

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Article credit: Hyperbole

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Highlighted News

What the hell is wrong with this damn thing!?

Lancaster, PA -- My name is Wilford Pissbritches and I'm 74 years old. I've got a bone to pick with you long-haired hippy kids. I've had this TV for as long as I can remember, and now, the goddamned thing won't work worth shit! All I get is some snowy crap, these little white dots and speckles all over this black background. The hell's wrong with this thing?

I am a widowed retired 'Nam veteran and McDonald's cashier, and the shit I go through ain't nothing compared to this hippy-happy nonsense. I tried bringing in my TV to Uncle Charlie's Salvage Emporium, only to find out that old Charlie had been dead for eight years and his grandson owns the store now.

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Article credit: PF4Eva

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Did You Know...

… Neil Patrick Harris hates watching television, unless it's Grey's Anatomy or House MD?

… every time you turn on your television, your high school P.E. teacher cries?

… David Attenborough and Steve Irwin used to be very close friends?

… Tony Danza is actually the boss, but it depends on which witch from Charmed is your favorite?

… if you watch The Facts of Life backwards episode by episode, it unlocks the secrets of the universe?

… Bob Saget auditioned for the role of MacGuyver?

… William Shatner and Henry Winkler often share girlfriends?

… if your mom hadn't let you watch so much television, you'd find Wikipedia more entertaining than Uncyclopedia?

… Wade Wells isn't really a pixie, it's just her haircut?

… this portal needs more did you knows?

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What are you watching, Grandma??? This looks like some juvenile shit, can we watch Matlock?

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Image credit: Nightmare2123

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Highlighted Biography

John Tesh in his early years.

John Frank "E.T." Tesh (born July 9, 1952) has explored and conquered many facets of the entertainment and broadcasting industries. In a surprisingly successful career that now spans more than 25 years, Tesh has become known as a respected leader in Television, Radio, Film, Music, and Space Exploration, rivalled only in popularity by Howard Stern. People worldwide have enjoyed John Tesh; both his music, and his witty quips on “The John Tesh Radio Show,” but what most people don't know is that John Tesh is in fact an alien. That's right. The "E.T." in his name stands for Extra Terrestrial, and has nothing to do with his ten year stint as host of Entertainment Tonight.

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Article credit: Zana Dark

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Things You Can Do

Shut up and watch TV, kids!!

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Things You Should Know

Inventors and pioneers: Alan Archibald Campbell-Swinton • Alan Blumlein • Allen B. DuMont • Boris Grabovsky • Boris Rosing • Charles Francis Jenkins • Constantin Perskyi • David Sarnoff • John Logie Baird • Kálmán Tihanyi • Paul Gottlieb Nipkow • Philo Taylor Farnsworth • Vladimir Zworykin

Terms: Composite monitor • HDTV • Liquid crystal display television • PAL • NTSC • TVL • Television licence

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What's On?

HowTo:Find the Remote Control • HowTo:Turn Your Television On • My damn TV won't work • Why?:Is there a hashtag on my TV screen • Why?:Won't this stupid TV work?!? • Indian Head Test Pattern: The Complete First Season • Mystery Science Theater 3000

The A-Team • American Dad • Armenia's Next Top Model • Baldrick • Blackadder • Das Love Boot • Detective Bukkake of the 187th Precinct • Dexter • Ed, Edd n Eddy • Father Knows Best • Frasier • Full House • H.R. Pufnstuf • House M.D. • I Dream of Jeannie • I Love Lucy • Jihad My Ride • Law and Order • Leave it to Beaver • Lost • Mad TV • My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic • My Name Is Earl • Opeth • Oscar the Grouch • Paradise Lost • Pimp My Ride • Pinky and the Brain • Prison Break • Robot Chicken • Saturday Night Live • Scooby Doo • Sex and the City • South Park • Star Trek • The Adventures of Stan Lee's Toupee • The Biggest Loser • The Daily Show • The French Prince of Bel Air • The Larry Sanders Show • The Office (US Version) • The Simpsons • The Sopranos • The West Wing • The X-Files • Torchwood • Touched by an Uncle • Wilde On