The Weakest Link
“I'm the weakest link!? YOU"RE THE WEAKEST LINK!”
“I thoroughly enjoyed it”
Created in Britain, The Weakest Link was the result of the BBC, asking members of the public for ideas on new television shows. It is generally agreed upon by South London that the concept of the show was the brainchild of Ernesto Smith and Dr. Frederick Kiber. Unfortunately for Ernesto, Kiber, and television in general, this brainchild was stillborn. Still, lacking anything else to fill the 2pm slot, the BBC ran with it.
At the beginning of each show, there are 9 contestants. In each round, the contestants must answer general knowledge questions to create a chain of money. This money must be "banked" for it to part of the prize money at the end of the show. This is known as Leprechaun television, as the pot of money at the end of the proverbial "rainbow" that is each show is just enough for the cab fare home.
After each round, the contestants must vote off one of their own. This is mainly based on the contestant's ability to answer questions correctly. The voted off contestant must take the walk of shame. The walk of shame is the ex-contestants (or munter) exit from the stage, whilst being pelted with rotten tomatoes and faeces by other contestants. Then, ashamed and covered in poo, the munter is sacrificed to Thor, who is the shows lighting and sound guy.
The final two contestants enter a head-to-head to win the prize money. When the first episode was aired, many viewers were disappointed at the fact that a head-to-head isn't sexual at all. Instead, it is an intense game of Halo 2, and first person to 5 head shots with a sniper rifle wins.
It is due to this that The Master Chief has always been, and will always remain the grand champion
The BBC advertised this position on the show in the netherworlds. The Black Panther was initially considered for the position of host but was forced to decline due to restrictions placed on him by the Superhero Registration Act. After months of interviewing the shapeshifting witch Anshmala in different forms, the shows host was found. The role was filled by Medusa under the screen name of Anne Robinson. Although the make-up department has done wonders with the snake hair and fangs, they were unable to prevent Anne from coming across as a total bitch. As a result, she became known across the UK as "the one with the rod up her arse."
This is an excuse used by many munters. They often say they "strategised" to get a few questions wrong so as not to appear a threat to other contestants.
Well that backfired.
Another often excuse used is: "It's a lot harder than playing at home.This raises the question as to whether the scum of society that appear on the show actually have a home.
Spreading the Evil
The show has had variations produced all over the globe. The only reason as to why is no one likes the British version. The contestants are too old, and can be smelt from here.
To capture the shows essence, Medusa has hosted every one of the shows variations, under different names (once again, massively thanks to her make-up). This is physically possible because the BBC had Santa's sleigh, which they had had in storage since th 1996 Christmas special. This is why Santa never visits you anymore. Also, he thinks you're too fat.
This is the typical lineup of contestants in any one episode of the Weakest Link (at least one of the following is featured in every episode):
- Tall bloke on the end - Stands at one of the ends, and is about two feet taller than the other players. A variant in recent episodes is "Disabled bloke on the end".
- Guy with foreign name - A man with an elaborately foreign name, such as "Warpedro" or something similar. Always voted off first for this reason.
- Unbelievably stupid woman - Thick woman who inexplicably lasts a few rounds.
- Horrible bitch everyone hates - Only participant hated more than the host, kept purely for her intelligence. Usually gets to the final by ganging up on the men.
- Old person - Token pensioner, usually voted off early.
- Student - Regularly picked on for being a student. Usual excuse is "Well, they have their whole life ahead of them, and I'm sure they'll make a lot of money in the future". This roughly translates as "Fuck off and get a job, you lazy charver".
- Person with amusing anecdotes - Guaranteed to be on for a few rounds while the host chats about their experiences. Usually either a gay man or someone in emergency services.
- Man named Paul - Occurs almost every game, but to this day a Paul has yet to win the Weakest Link.
- Woman named Claire - Female equivalent of "Paul", except she usually gets to the final by joining forces with the bitch.
- "Josh" and "Gill" are less common equivalents of Paul and Claire, but share more or less the same typical progression.
- Property Surveyor or other mundane profession, such as "civil servant", who is ordered by the host, at gunpoint, to sing something between rounds whether they are capable or not.
- Black man in light blue shirt - Usually makes the latter stages of the game. Never wins though. An occasional variant on this is "Black man in pink shirt".
- Jesus Christ
- Alexander The Great
- Spongebob Squarepants
- Patrick Star
- Will Smith
- Triple H
- Mankind, Dude Love, Cactus Jack, Mick Foley, whatever you call that guy
- Jeff Stelling